A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.First time here and I have a big problem I could use your advice on.Here's the story. We're both married and attracted to each other. We have been friends for a year now and over that year our attraction has grown and we have become closer. We both have spouses and children. We have shared a lot with each other. We ask each other very personal questions. We know things about each other's lives. I have told him I am unhappy in my marriage. We do and say things that have crossed the line and they are things we would never have said or done with our spouses right beside us. We have not taken the relationship to the physical level so I am not sure if we are really cheating at all.The sexual tension is increasing between us. We both know it when we are together. But we can't seem to stop wanting to be around each other and continuing to keep this feeling and this spark alive. I have tried walking away and he pulls me back in. I am afraid of where this will lead. But we both cannot seem to stop and I don't know why. Could it be love? Is it just infatuation? Are we missing something in our marriages?Please help me. I am not sure what to do. Are we cheating? Nothing physical has happened. Is this an affair waiting to happen?Thanks...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): you need to find out WHY first. That is, why are you doing this? Your best (only?) hope to do that is see a therapist. From there you can work out if you still have a marriage or not. You already are cheating but it can still get worse. You must stop that right away. Work on yourself first. Then, the next steps will be clearer.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-people-cheat-why-be-unfaithful-whats.html
check this out.
are u prepared for 2 marriages to end?
kids lives to be destroyed?
shame, pain, humiliation and devastation?
the continue as u are - u are playing with fire and you WILL get burnt!
what will u do if your own hb does this f@cking around?
no one is holding a gun to your head. yes it is exciting. u feel "priviledged" to be with this married man BUT AT WHAT EXPENSE?
this married man tried the sexual flirting with u bec he knows u are easy. he knows u will recipricate. it also shows that he has absolutely no respect for you and your hb. yes he wants to get between your legs but surely u should open them only to your hb?
u seem to be game to having sex with your married man. so decide whther the fleeting momments of sex is worth the aftermath of your affair.
LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Yes you are already cheating on your spouses. You are unhappy in your marriage but nothing says this man will make you happy. What is it that attracts you to him surely its something your husband doesn't posses or display. I am not advising or judging you here because I seem to be stuck in a similar situation like yours only thing 'helping' mine is he is far away from me don't know how I will have coped if he was close by. The question of getting him out of your system is your biggest problem if you believe in the marriage institution like I do then living your husband is out of it. Take a vacation for a while you need to be away from him to regain yourself I think. What am I saying? You are not alone in this kind of situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): The affair has already started; "not sleeping together yet" is just a technicality.
There's no TRYING to walk away from someone and there's no being "pulled back in". He didn't hold a gun to your head; you chose not to walk away, and you allowed YOUR feelings to pull you back to him. Be honest with yourself.
You cannot be in love with your husband or you couldn't have fallen for this other man.
Be fair to your husband and end your marriage soon before he finds out the hard way.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Yes. You agree you have already crossed lines. Just because you havent had a physical affair, doesnt mean you havent started an emotional one.
You are out of bounds. If you would not do or say something that you wouldnt not be embarrassed if your spouse was there...STOP.
If you are unhappy with your marriage, you are not going to find a fix with cheating.
Put effort into your marriage or get out. Cheating is never the answer.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (12 August 2011):
 The short answer to your question, is yes to just about everything you asked.
The question is why did you feel the need to come here and ask a question you probably already knew the answer to, but were to afraid to answer for yourself?
Let's face it, the only thing you aren't doing is sleeping with the man and the longer you associate with him, the harder it is to resist it when that moment comes.
At this point, you are committing emotional adultery and the more personal stuff you share with him, the harder it is going to be to resist it when it turns to being physical. He is pulling you back because on many levels, he is enjoying it too. Perhaps he is unhappy in his marriage or he enjoys sharing about himself to you too. Let's face it, guys can be a little indiscriminate when it comes to bed mates.
I think at this point, you have to ask yourself, are you that unhappy in your marriage that you are willing to take a chance on another married man? This is where it is going, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. Are you sure you want to subject yourself, his family and your family to that old storyline?
If not, then I think you need to do whatever you can to distance yourself from this man. Whether that means finding a new job (if you share a job together) or just not sharing personal information with him (or even tell him how you and your husband are getting along now and that you are happy). At this point, you are on standing on a very fine line.
The longer you play games with his family's life and yours, however, the more painful it is going to be for both parties and the more painful it is going to be in the long run.
Good luck.
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