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anonymous
writes:So heres just a general question to see what everyones point of view is. How long is a unreasonable amount of time to expect a guy to wait for sex? What I mean is, say a girl isnt ready to have sex with her bf (whether she be a virgin or not) but the bf is ready...how long would a decent guy wait? And how long is too long to expect a guy to wait?Ive talked about this with a couple of people I know. My mum says that a guy should be able to wait at least a year. One of my male friends says that a decent guy will wait 3-4 months, and if you expect him to wait any longer thats unfair. He says that despite how much a guy could love his gf, anymore then 4 months without sex would be hard. Then I asked a closer male frined of mine and he agreeed with the 12 month frame, saying that thats a ok amount of time to wait if you really love the girl.I dont understand why people have to say there is a limit as to how long you should wait. What about waiting till marriage if thats how long it takes?? Are there many people out there these days who would be prepared to wait till marriage, who arent necessarily overly religous? What are your views? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Catalor  +, writes (6 April 2019):
My gf has been married twice, me once, she's 51 and I'm 48. That being said, we've been dating for 4 months and she's making me wait 6 months and I'm convinced she received this milestone and condition as a recommendation from her friend. When we're together it's extremely transparent we're both ready. In life we sometimes feel we've been robbed from 'true' joy and happiness as 1/2 of my life has passed without this feeling of love. Took this long to meet this terrific women. What's another 2 months? I'm a retired Naval Officer, she was enlisted and now a federal employee. She's has a busy schedule and for me, I feel as though the 1st encounter of being intimate is a scheduled event. Why can't it just be spontaneous? Wouldn't that more romantic? How would another 60 days benefit were we're at today. I'm respecting her decision. My ex-wife used sex as a power-play and this is another reason I don't agree waiting. I appreciate the fact she wants to wait until she's sure I'm the right guy, where there already but it's now her milestone and that's unfair.
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reader, ACES1237 +, writes (31 March 2012):
If you love someone, you'll wait for the rest of your life. Ultimately love has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with friendship. It has nothing to do with gratification, and everything to do with sacrifice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): I absolutely want to wait until marriage,..(been married twice, widowed and divorced)and feel it is something extra special about waiting until then. I've been involved with someone for 6 months who with all my heart I truly adore. But I have been holding off for as long as I can. I don't know what will happen between us, and I don't know how long I can hold off, but I do know that we have an opportunity to really get to know each other in ways that will be beneficial to our relationship. And will build a foundation in our relationship that's not build on sex. So when it does happen, whelter we are married are not, I know it will be FANTASTIC!!
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reader, abellofgrace +, writes (12 August 2008):
I just got out of relationship with someone (who I had great chemistry with), because I did not have sex with him after dating him for three months. I wanted us to get to know each other better and I certainly wanted to really know his intentions. Honestly I don't think 3 months is a long time to wait. Well, after not giving myself to him completely, he showed me a side of him that made me glad that I didn't have sex with him. I knew in my heart that it would be just a matter of time that I did give in, because I really was attracted to him in a lot of ways. but his frustration and him not having enough patience made me realize that he really was not the man to invest any more time with. He really revealed to me that he was an immature and selfish jerk. I'm not going to go into details but take my word for it. I AM GLAD I WAITED! I've moved on.
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reader, lena1 +, writes (12 August 2008):
 i don"t think that man can wait a life time because that cause many health problems,it has been 2years now and my fiance waiting me to have sex but now he is fed up because his health is damaging !!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): I love a wonderful amn who has saved my life by believing in me. He is so good to me. Encourages me in every way. He has just come out of a long relationship. He loves me. But he is not ready. I will wait for as long as I have to. He trusts me. We have only held hands and kissed on the cheek. We are over 40. I have known him 9 months. So anyone can wait for sex. If you love each other. One partner should understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Honestly, If the guy really likes you.. he would be willing to wait for anything. That's the way I feel personally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I would say that it depends on the two people.
I am a happily married man and I have been with my wife fifteen years. We had sex on our first date. We were both secure with our own sexuality, and were both aware we have both had many previous partners.
I found that while I was dating, I would drop women that would make me wait. I figured if they held out on sex during dating, they would most likely hold out on sex during marrige.
I could understand men who are sexually inadequate wanting an inexperienced woman. But I was a confident young buck, and I really valued the opiniions of a worldly woman.
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reader, TURKISH DELIGHT  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 i had the same problem with my bf he waited 8 months than things started to change because he was horny he used to jump on me all the time but we did not go any furter because i was not ready. I realised that how much we love each other sex matters to him as well than i unwillingly broke up with him. I dont know why he still calls me still wants to see me.
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reader, daletom +, writes (24 December 2007):
I probably fall into your "overly religious" category, but I waited until marriage - which, coincidentally, was a little over a year.
I'd like to say I could wait longer than that if necessary, but I don't know if that is true. As the relationship and love between my fiance and I progressed, the desire for a physical (sexual) expression of what I felt became more compelling. I promised her that I would wait, and she helped me keep that promise by providing non-coital outlets. It started with suggestions like "I'll step out for a few minutes.", and by the time we exchanged virginities on our wedding night we had done "everything but intercourse".
And BTW - it wasn't just me (the guy) who had the problem of being horny. Our code-phrase was "I need some help", meaning "You're making it hard for me to keep our promise." and both of us used it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): I think you need to be honest with whomever you're seeing that you don't want to have sex. Simple as that.
For the girl who said boys need to orgasm more, that's ridiculous. I know plenty of females who have high sex drives and need to come just as often as men. By saying that they need to orgasm more, you're basically giving him a free window to do whatever he wants. Ugh.
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reader, hmm...  +, writes (29 November 2007):
my experience is I can have sex with anybody oposite sex looking normal any time any place.
But, to make love I need at least two months of liking somebody intensivly. This doesn't mean casual sex can't turn into love making but it's less likely to happen, and usually just makes both paties feeling more lonely!
Take this fact into account: If there is intimacy and understanding but sex is not happening the relationship will break 100 %
That's why waiting until you get intimate with somebody is extremely important!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): The whole question sounds to me like this is what you're really asking:
"I'm a virgin, I kinda want to wait until marriage, but I don't think I have a right to demand this from a BF these days. What's realistic?"
You wanna wait? Then I say you should wait as long as you please, even if it's until marriage. It's not gonna rot his penis not to have sexual intercourse with you for a few years. If this is your morality, then don't deny it just to keep a BF around. Because a BF that demands the sex quickly does not even share your morals in the first place anyway.
I would probably feel differently if you're speaking in terms of a woman who has already had sex with others in the past. In this situation I'm not interested in waiting a whole long longer than any of the previous guys ever waited. A lot of girls wanna have their promiscuous "stage" and then later decide they've got morals and wanna make everyone wait. I personally don't have much patience for being in that position. If she spent years humping other guys after the third day, then I'm not very interested in waiting for year just so she can try to "balance out" her lifetime average a little better to herself.
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reader, Emzy1591  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 In reply to ur follow up question i asked my boyfriend that question the other night and the simple answer i got is that men need to orgasm on a regular basis whereas women can go longer without needing an orgasm. Im still a virgin and tend to "Pleasure" myself with what i like to call "me time", my boyfriend has me time on a regular basis but i havent had "me time" since i met him which left the burning question, why can i go so long yet he needs a wank? And as he said- men need to orgasm.
As for how long will a guy will wait for sex, depends on the guy. You've got a mixture of answers here some saying they will wait "forever" and some will not. If your not ready then ur boyfriend should understand that and respect ur decision and wait until u are ready. By waiting it will make when u do first have sex a more pleasureable experience (thats how i see it). Sex to me is about connecting with ur partner intimatly by going further than kissing and cuddles and i want to wait to make my first time special to me. You're first time with ur BF should be speical and romantic and i think by waiting it will make it more special. if you do it when ur not ready it can harm you emotionally and could put strain on your relationship. I had a friend who had sex to early and her boyfriend dumped her the next day because they both werent ready so dont do anything u might regret.
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reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Oh my God! Your follow-up question I can write a whole book about. But I will try to give you my short answer. We are talking about the age old differences between men and women here. Only God himself who made us can explain why were made so differently.
But here it is in a nutshell…strictly my POV here. Men and women are different. Get that and let that sink in. Not only are we different on the outside, we are amazingly so very different on the inside…how we think.
I answered a recent question about why men look at porn and women generally don’t, and I think I will echo what I said there here. Men and women just look at, perceive and even experience sex differently…period. Men like looking at women, just looking…and because we like to look (not touch, look) we are gravitated to looking at porn more than women are. I’m not going to say that men have a higher sex drive than women, because many women can be equal and more so than many men, as far as sex drive and desire for it. But with men sex comes from a different part of the brain than women. We tend to think more visually and viscerally about it than women do. With women the emotions attached to the act of sex is a strong part of the experience, and so fewer women can just have sex with a guy they are not in love with.
With men…sex is sex. Sex is great. For men having sex with a woman they are deeply in love with is the greatest, as it is with women. But men generally also have the ability to separate sex from love. That’s just the way we are. Yes, we men are pigs, girls. But that’s how we are. To accept this is to know us.
So to answer your question directly, the reason we have trouble waiting for sex compared to females, is that’s just the way we are. Is it our hormones? If you want to look at it clinically, yes, that’s big part of it. I believe its called testosterone. But I think it’s more than testosterone, really. Testosterone doesn’t explain why men like sports and action movies, and women like fashion and romance novels and things that are pink. We are different. We think different.
Personally I like it that way. Vive la differance!
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 I believe that everyone has part of the truth. I have it easier than you guys because I came last and can reflect on what you said. Dr. Pete is right: it's best if the two people have similar experiences and expectations. But, this is not the case here. Dazzerg is also right in saying this doesn't have a "right" or "wrong" answer. Midge is in the same line when she says time frames mean nothing. Yes, you won't have sex at any given moment just because other people think it's about time you do. And then, SamuraiRick is also right: "forever" is not the answer here, and that is because we're not talking about ideal situations, but about real life.
However, that doesn't give the poster a clue about what she should do. Perhaps the answer is that she needs to understand that no man will wait forever to have sex. Maybe he will wait a long time, until marriage, to have sex with YOU; but a grown up man aware of his needs WON'T wait forever. You need to keep an eye on your relationship, poster. Don't just have sex because he wants it; but, recognize that he won't wait forever. How long you should wait, is, unfortunately, up to you two only.
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reader, Dazzerg +, writes (28 November 2007):
 I think Rick is right except im 26 and would be prepared to wait for a couple of years...like I said it depends on the individual. In response to the next question, i think IN GENERAL girls prefer to establish a certain level of emotional intimacy before they 'take the plunge' where as GENERALLY, guys are less fussed about that so tend to want to wait less time.
I think the hardness of waiting depends not on gender but on the individual (how high their sex drive is) and can even vary from day to day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for EVERYONE'S point of views, I really enjoyed reading them all.
Heres another question I have...
Do you think guys have more trouble waiting for sex as compared to females? If so, why is this? It seems to me that guys rate sex much more then females and they have a harder time waiting and most of the time seem to be ready before the girl. Why is this?
In response to SamuraiRick's 'non sugar coated' (lol) answer:-
I have to thankyou for being honest...Realistically, I dont think the people who said they could wait forever would think forever could mean possibily never or even say 80 years. Cause I know that if I was to say 'I would wait forever', I would of never thought of it like that.
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reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (28 November 2007):
Okay, here I am being the Bull in the China shop again. You want a guy’s answer you’ll get it from me without the sugar coating.
First of all, no guy is going to wait forever to get sex. Any guy who says that either is not born with a penis or is asexual. It’s an ideal and actually quite romantic to think of it that way, but lets be realistic, please people. So what is forever…would you “forever guys” be willing to wait 50 years? (That’s not forever, but in a human lifetime it could be) In fifty years your dick could fall off waiting. What if you met her at twenty, she says she doesn’t want to have sex until she’s married, and then tells you she doesn’t want to get married until she’s thirty! Are you going to wait ten years to marry her to have sex with her? Seriously, no. Show me that guy and we can make a lifetime movie about him, he would be that rare case women can cry about in their popcorn.
So how long can a guy wait for sex seriously? Depends on how old he is, how much experience he has, where he’s at in life, and of course his code of morality. For a younger man it’s realistic and ok for him to wait longer. Sex is too complicated for teens anyway and waiting is a good thing. If a guy is sixteen and his girlfriend wants to wait even a few years, that’s perfectly fine. Let’s fast forward that same guy to make him 26. You can’t make him wait a few years…maybe one year max. If he’s 36, the body is starting to wear down, and waiting around for sex is not the luxury it once was. SO, to make a long story short…the younger the guy, the more you can make him wait. The older he is, the smaller the time frame.
Has anybody has seen the movie Forty year old virgin, a great movie by the way, you know that what makes the story so funny and appealing is that this guy’s story is not the norm. He’s the fish out of water...the one guy who waited until 40 to have sex. I do not doubt there are 40 year old virgins out there. But even with this guy, he didn’t wait because he found a girlfriend that made him wait forever. He just didn’t meet the right girl for all those years. If he had met her sooner, his “waiting time” would have been the same as all of us.
Now there was an interesting side part to this question that should be addressed. If you never get married in your life how long do you wait to have sex with anybody period. Well again that answer is strictly an individual choice. For some people morality would be in play here; and yes, some people would never ever have sex if they had to wait to get married. That’s just sad. I am a Christian, and even I would never tell a person to wait forever to have the experience of sex. Sex is a wonderful, fulfilling experience inside of marriage. But if you are unfortunate not to find a mate that will make a good spouse, don’t wait in a corner forever and rot away. Yes, sex should be a part of your life you should not deny, and it should be experienced especially when you are young and vibrant with life….please don’t wait until you are forty! I’m not saying go out there and act like a slut. Be reasonable in your choices, as everything in life.
I wrote this answer straight from the heart. I am a guy of experience, and no woman was looking over my shoulder when I wrote this. I think the guys who said “forever” had a chick staring down at them. LOL.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): My opinion is he should be able to wait forever - if he loves her then he will. While sex is important, to me its only something that enhances a relationship, not something upon which a relationship is built. So if the foundations and love is there should sex ever matter if one of the couple is not ready?
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reader, Dazzerg +, writes (28 November 2007):
How long is a piece of string?? Seriously, its one of those questions that doesnt have a 'right' or 'wrong' answer its all a question of personal preference. It's not so much how long will a decent guy will wait as there is nothing wrong with being sexually active and having sexual desire as of respecting the others feelings. A decent guy will respect and try and accomodate his significant other as much as he can but like everything in a relationship there has to be give and take and compromise.
Sex is an important part of a relationship and sexual desire is a basic human drive and to a certain extent a biological requirement of existence. I wouldnt wait forever but I would be prepared to wait an awful long time, even a span of years in the right conditions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): You wait as long as you want to. If that is on the first date, then fine. If that is until marriage, then that is fine also. I do, however, see one potential problem with waiting for very long. Sex is an important part of any relationship. You and your partner may discover that you don't really connect during sex. I know, if you really love each other, then this will probably not happen. However, if you don't enjoy sex together then your marriage may not be what you had expected. For me, I would think that anywhere from the second date up to 6 months would be a good range if you feel that you can love the other person. However, that is just my opinion. It would also depend on your age. My wife and I didn't have sex for our first times until our early 20s, and I don't think that I missed anything by waiting. I think that younger people should wait longer before they jump into bed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): My view is that it is probably better for people to date those who have a similar view towards sex and have about the same experience as each other.
If one person in a relationship isn't ready to have sex for months, or even years, but the other person is ready to be sexually active then that is quite a fundamental different between the two people.
I'm not saying differences in relationships don't work, but they are the exception rather than the normal, especially when it is about something so intimate as sex.
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reader, Midge +, writes (28 November 2007):
 I would wait as long as it takes to make sure that that person is the right one for me. If he wasnt ready and I was, then I would respect his wishes!
Sex is a part of a relationship, but it is most certainly not the most important part of having a relationship. Trust, Respect and most of Love is what makes a relationship special.
Dont listen to people when they talk about time frames. Time frames mean NOTHING!!!
You wait until you are ready! Dont let anyone pressurise you into doing something you will regret! If they try and pressurise you, they dont respect your wishes. And them telling you that you dont respect theirs by doing what they want, is totally unreasonable. If you love someone you would do anything for them, and wait for them until they are ready to do the one thing that you will have forever!
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reader, clh91 +, writes (28 November 2007):
 well i've been going out with my bf for over 15 months now with no sex.so i think if he loves you then he should wait until you are happy and ready.if he doesn't he's not worth having.my bf is ready but im not and i told him if he can't wait for him then he can't have me.hope i helped :)feel free to mail message me if you wanna chat about anythingxxx
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reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Wow! That's one of the best questions I have seen on this website. Well done.
My answer: Forever - but I have some conditions. The love was total and mutual and we were both convinced we wanted to be with each other forever.
Richard
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reader, TomWilkinson +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Personally, I could wait a lifetime, as long as that is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Alternatively, sex is a big part of a relationship, and it is one of the factors of whether or not a relationship works out. x
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