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... Send *ountry Woman a private message | | | *ountry Woman's profile:OK, I wanted to just let everyone know that for now I will not be on the site as I have realised that I need to take some time out for both my own sake and also for my family. I will not delete myself from this site as I totally believe in it whole heartedly as the thanks over the years that I have received from people I have tried to advise has been amazing and given me so much in return. This site helped me get through the loss of my dad in 2007 and I think I hid my grief a lot then but now I need to find my place in my life and need to dedicate all my energy on that goal and also supporting my family as well. Don't ever be afraid to talk to the wonderful aunts and uncles on this site and remember that if Andrew had never started this site so many people would have never had the fantastic advice and help that they needed so much. I will return you can bank on it OK.
A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 44 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.
I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.
Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2010 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol
I think that at 44 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.
My motivation in life is seeing my daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.
I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.
I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer in 2000 your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.
I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.
I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.
I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
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Baby & Marriage..not sure if I can handle it all
Q. alright, so. i know i posted a question before about the baby daddy and my boyfriend issues, but incase you didnt read that one here is my position: i had a boyfriend (cris) -- not real name i got pregnant (now 7 months) when my bf found ou...
A. 12 January 2009: Well at least legally you have a choice but personally I think that given your hormones are all over the place, you need to give yourself time and have your baby first, it is up to you whose surname you put on the birth certificate.
In the UK i... (read in full...)
He says he loves me and yet he's always seeing other women
Q. i met my boyfriend two years ago, i met him on a dating website and we lived two hours drive from each other. we met up and decided to give the long distance thing ago as we liked each other. as i dont drive he did all the traveling, usually ...
A. 11 January 2009: Oh sweetheart, you have been clinging to a man who is NO GOOD.
Once a liar, always a liar I am afraid, a leopard never changes it's spots.
So he has done the travelling and unfortunately a long distance relationship always has lots more hurdle... (read in full...)
Baby & Marriage..not sure if I can handle it all
Q. alright, so. i know i posted a question before about the baby daddy and my boyfriend issues, but incase you didnt read that one here is my position: i had a boyfriend (cris) -- not real name i got pregnant (now 7 months) when my bf found ou...
A. 11 January 2009: Hi thanks for coming back to us on the whole situation right now, you didn't mention how old Donny or Cris are right now and OK rhythmandblues2 does have some very valid points that I hadn't raised at all.
I am not up on the age of consent ... (read in full...)
Baby & Marriage..not sure if I can handle it all
Q. alright, so. i know i posted a question before about the baby daddy and my boyfriend issues, but incase you didnt read that one here is my position: i had a boyfriend (cris) -- not real name i got pregnant (now 7 months) when my bf found ou...
A. 10 January 2009: Personally sweetheart I think you need to explain that all of your hormones are raging right now and you need time to get your head round everything.
Your biggest concern right now is the baby growing instead your womb and I think if you explain ... (read in full...)
I feel I live with a real psycho...
Q. It's going to be a bit complicated psychological question, but I thought I would give it a try. I don't know if you ever heard about "self-deception"? Because I just realized, I might be dealing with it in my life. My husband seems to be in this st...
A. 9 January 2009: OK here's my thoughts on what is going on in your marriage.
I was never married but was with a man for almost 20 years and it was never a straight forward relationship so I do relate to what you are saying, I will come back to that later.
... (read in full...)
I love him very much but he's a compulsive thief!
Q. I'm a 40 year old female so I perhaps should already know the answer to the question however I just wondered if any other readers have experience they can perhaps pass on. My current partner and I have known each other for 21 years, we have an 18 ...
A. 8 January 2009: Hi
Well I can't say that I have ever been in a relationship like yours but can appreciate where you are coming from.
I think you have already answered your own question in so far as to say that you mention it is like an illness. The com... (read in full...)
Most of our relationship is good, except for his friends!
Q. I am 27 years old and I've been married now for 17 months. We have a son whose a year. We've known each other over 10 years nad ad several attempts at a relationship before. I guess he was my first love and when we were dating in 2007 I got pregnant ...
A. 7 January 2009: Well personally I think the rushing into marriage because you were pregnant triggered a sense of responsibility for him and whilst there is still love in the marriage and a child involved there is still a level of hope.
You may be talking to him b... (read in full...)
I'm feeling left out
Q. My previously not very sociable close freind has in the past week met this new guy and it seems that they are dating. We used to spend a fair bit of time together, as neither of us have a big circle of freinds and relied on each other a bit, she ...
A. 6 January 2009: This is a very hard one to deal with really.
Your friend is in the first throws of a new relationship and you are bound to feel the odd one out right now. She is not purposely forgetting about you but she is just getting to grips with being pa... (read in full...)
I'm tired of feeling like he doesn't want to be with me...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year. We are both in high school as of now and we have always planned to finish off together and then continue to be in this relationship for the rest of our lives. We constantly talk about ...
A. 6 January 2009: Sweetheart you don't live in a controlled household like his so it is hard for you to understand.
If his parents are very restrictive then he just doesn't want to upset them and you don't know what sort of consequences he faces if they don't ag... (read in full...)
Should I go on the pill? I don't know whether it is right for me...
Q. Me and my boyfriends have currently been going out for 6 months, we first had sex about 2 months ago (both virgins) and i really do love him. I made the mistake of telling my mum that we'd had sex and she said that condoms werent safe and i'd need...
A. 7 December 2008: Sweetheart I think you need to go and talk to a female doctor if possible.
Your mum is just trying to keep you safe from becoming pregnant as condoms are not ultimately 100% certain.
Knowing all of your options is better than just going with ... (read in full...)
With my partner, I get nervous with any contact...
Q. i am in love with my partner n have very strong sexy feelings towards her, i become nervous with any contact....what should i do? ...
A. 7 December 2008: Well personally I think if you love your partner as much as you say you do then start off in a gentle way. Hold hands when you are out as this shows you are not afraid to show public signs of affection.
I think when we feel so much for someone ... (read in full...)
Stuck on his ex girlfriend... but he says he wants to date me?
Q. There is this guy (21 years old he is, and i am 19) and he says he likes me alot, and wants to be in a relationship with me. I like him too but there is one thing which is keeping me from saying yes to him. He seems to be still stuck on his ex ...
A. 6 December 2008: I think you need to spell it out to him, tell him that you like him a lot but you cannot be a the consolation prize, you are worthy of some much more.
You want him to be your bf without having the regular contact with his ex. I am assuming... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want sex but this other woman does...
Q. Hey guys i need your advice. I am married since last 7 years. I am tall and with good physique. My wife has become overweight. Her belly has become very fat. She remain frustrated all the tiem. Has no charm in life. Go to job , come home , eat and ...
A. 6 December 2008: In a word NO!!
I think you should try and work things out with your wife and tell her the truth, I am trying to work things out here, do you have children with your wife?
If so, weight can be piled on after childbirth or can be related to depre... (read in full...)
I believe in fighting for the one I love, but how do I do that in this situation? Any Advice?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for approx 18 mos, we had a slow, deliberate start for a few reasons. We both had been burned in prior relationships (not recent though, I felt we were both pretty far moved on by the time we both got officially going, ...
A. 27 November 2008: Unfortunately it seems to me like there has been no clear reasons for the break up apart from her own problems and she hasn't exactly clearly defined those to you.
Growing out of love, well was it silly habits of yours or was it the way you were... (read in full...)
He wants to know my every move, he's a bully and I can't take it any more...
Q. I realy need somebody's opinion. I'am was engaged with this man for 16 years. We have a 4 year old son and I have 2 teenage girls from a prevouis marrage. I broke my engagement 6 months ago I asked him repeatedly when are we going to get married and ...
A. 25 November 2008: Personally sweetheart is there any way you can move right away from this man as he sounds quite unhinged in more ways than one.
When he is threatening you and your children you need to watch out for your safety and theirs, get as far away fro... (read in full...)
He keeps referencing being single and a bachelor while at the same time he wants to be with me?
Q. Hello ladies and gents both of your answers are very appreciated. Heres my story. I met a man back in 2001 I was 19 he was 21. Our relationship then was strictly sexual. I liked him alot and if I could choose who I wanted to be with/marry/have ...
A. 25 November 2008: Glad my advice helped in some way, I am banking on hearing from you again, you know you can always contact me direct at any time OK.
Keep up the good girl it is obviously working, stay happy eh!!
BFN
Country Woman
x
... (read in full...)
She says she's unhappy because I am too needy - what can I do to save our marriage?
Q. ok here it goes I was looking through my wifes cell phone bill and noticed that the same number was popping up not to much just long,so i asked my wife and she told me everything, she told me it was someone she was attracted to.She let me know that ...
A. 20 November 2008: Hi
I have to say that when I read Smiles response to you I would have said the exact same advice.
I went through a long term relationship for almost 20 years and our relationship changed after 15 years as we then had our daughter.
I ... (read in full...)
He keeps referencing being single and a bachelor while at the same time he wants to be with me?
Q. Hello ladies and gents both of your answers are very appreciated. Heres my story. I met a man back in 2001 I was 19 he was 21. Our relationship then was strictly sexual. I liked him alot and if I could choose who I wanted to be with/marry/have ...
A. 20 November 2008: I get where you are coming from now, sorry for the misunderstanding.
Well unfortunately he wants guarantees and there are none when you enter into relationships.
You have to go with the flow and see where it takes you. If he as decent as you... (read in full...)
He's telling me I'm hopeless in the bedroom!!!!
Q. My boyfriend has a very high sex drive, and is now saying I have to improve our sex life or he will end the relationship. (basically he told me he doesn't enjoy having sex with me.. I need to get into it more and seem like I'm enjoying it) I would ...
A. 19 November 2008: I personally couldn't agree more with the other aunts and their comments.
Sex is a two way street and it takes two to make it pleasurable. If he is the more experienced one then he knows what makes him tick or not. Perhaps he is all talk and no a... (read in full...)
He keeps referencing being single and a bachelor while at the same time he wants to be with me?
Q. Hello ladies and gents both of your answers are very appreciated. Heres my story. I met a man back in 2001 I was 19 he was 21. Our relationship then was strictly sexual. I liked him alot and if I could choose who I wanted to be with/marry/have ...
A. 19 November 2008: I think that basically I am very confused over all of this.
Your ex mentioned that he contacted you after no contact for 3 years to let you know he heard you were married.
Are you married or not?
The whole thing of what he is doing with hi... (read in full...)
My two best friends are a gay couple and I have fallen for one of them! Help!
Q. My two best friends are a gay couple that have been together for 4 years. I know how crazy what im about to say sounds but I have completly fallen for one of them. We have the closest relationship and at times I truelly believe he feels the same ...
A. 17 November 2008: Well if he is a true friend in every sense of the word perhaps talking to him openly about how you feel or even say that you are attracted to a gay man and leave him to work out who it is.
Tell him you don't want to feel this way as this man is a... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with him or me?
Q. i AM 23 YEARS OLD. Ive been dating the same guy for three years now. I love him very much, and we have a lot of fun together. He was a virgin when we first started dating. But now we hardly have sex, maybe once a month if im lucky, and when we do ...
A. 17 November 2008: Hello sweetheart
Well in my personal opinion I think this is definitely his problem and I think he needs to address it properly as you are getting bored with the same position all the time and if like you say he only cums whilst doing it in this ... (read in full...)
Ashamed of my appearance
Q. Please help - due to a irrational fear of dentist when I was younger, I did not get the neccessary dential work I needed to correct the over crowding with my teeth which has resulted in vampire looking teeth. I am now ready to correct the problem ...
A. 16 November 2008: Personally I think your inner demons are making you act irrationally and that needs to be dealt with before any expensive dental work, after all of that it may not resolve the lack of confidence you feel.
Perhaps what you need to do is some for... (read in full...)
How can I get my mum's jewellery back?
Q. After my Mother past away 8 years ago, my Dad had put away all of her jewellery so I could have it when he felt I was responsible for it. At the time my Grandmother (dad's side of the family) stole that jewellery and did something else with it. She ...
A. 12 November 2008: The main things that no one can take away from you are the memories of your mum's hugs and kisses and what you feel in your heart for the love she gave to you and you to her.
If you have pictures of her then you will always have her nearby. ... (read in full...)
How can I get my mum's jewellery back?
Q. After my Mother past away 8 years ago, my Dad had put away all of her jewellery so I could have it when he felt I was responsible for it. At the time my Grandmother (dad's side of the family) stole that jewellery and did something else with it. She ...
A. 10 November 2008: Personally sweetheart when you are a legal age to know what you are doing with your life then maybe she may say that you are old enough to know your own mind and she may well give it back to you then.
In all honesty the fact that she has taken th... (read in full...)
How can I get my mum's jewellery back?
Q. After my Mother past away 8 years ago, my Dad had put away all of her jewellery so I could have it when he felt I was responsible for it. At the time my Grandmother (dad's side of the family) stole that jewellery and did something else with it. She ...
A. 9 November 2008: I'm sorry sweetheart that you have no contact with your mum's family, this whole sorry mess has escalated into something that is obviously upsetting you right now and I didn't know that you cannot even go to that side of your family for additional ... (read in full...)
How can I get my mum's jewellery back?
Q. After my Mother past away 8 years ago, my Dad had put away all of her jewellery so I could have it when he felt I was responsible for it. At the time my Grandmother (dad's side of the family) stole that jewellery and did something else with it. She ...
A. 9 November 2008: Sweetheart this is far from easy unfortunately, your dad has tried the legal route and that has not proven successful for him as he has tried to regain what was rightfully yours. I don't truly understand how she won that case but there you go.
... (read in full...)
Why do women rationalise their cheating?
Q. Why do women Rationalise their cheating? Men cheat a lot more than women but at the very least they know what they're doing is wrong. When a man is generally caught cheating, whether he cares or not, he's not going to argue about what he's done, but ...
A. 1 November 2008: OK well I have experience of a man cheating on me and believe me when yes he got found out he held his hands up to a degree but then he again tried to rationalise his behaviour.
Yes men and women cheat and there are always reasons behind cheating... (read in full...)
I'm growing increasingly resentful about my boyfriend's daughter!
Q. When me and my boyfriend met his baby was 2 months old but because things had turned ugly with the ex he had no contact with his daughter and had only ever seen her twice. One night he broke down to me telling me he cried everynight over it and he ...
A. 1 November 2008: Your doing all the right things now so just take it one step at a time OK.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex, using their child as an excuse or does she want him back?
Q. I need some advice! I'm finding it really really hard to deal with my partners ex! He just cannot see her for what she is, a malicious controlling bitch! She's now taken to texting him daily, he claims that it is about his daughter but surely ...
A. 1 November 2008: I know it isn't easy but rise above this woman pushing all your buttons, make sure your bf wants to be around you by doing all the little nice things she never did for him, what's his favourite food or film to watch etc.
When you are with him then... (read in full...)
I'm growing increasingly resentful about my boyfriend's daughter!
Q. When me and my boyfriend met his baby was 2 months old but because things had turned ugly with the ex he had no contact with his daughter and had only ever seen her twice. One night he broke down to me telling me he cried everynight over it and he ...
A. 29 October 2008: Thanks to deejuliet and yes she had some other very valid points.
Good for you to take some time out for you and give your bf the one on one time he may need with his daughter, this is a good compromise as you are not deserting him but you are ... (read in full...)
Daughter kicked out!
Q. My husband kicked out our 17 year old daughter for dating a 25 year for the last 6 months. This was his decision. I have 4 other kids, he says it is her or him, either he will leave or she can come back. What should I do? ...
A. 28 October 2008: I totally agree with Emilysanswers on this one.
Yes men react in such extreme ways as he no longer sees your daughter as his little girl. She is now a woman who has been seeing a guy who is older than her and more experienced so his percepti... (read in full...)
I'm growing increasingly resentful about my boyfriend's daughter!
Q. When me and my boyfriend met his baby was 2 months old but because things had turned ugly with the ex he had no contact with his daughter and had only ever seen her twice. One night he broke down to me telling me he cried everynight over it and he ...
A. 28 October 2008: Sweetheart you are 18 and unfortunately your bf came with a package but this package was not around at the beginning.
You can't naturally bond with this baby when it didn't come from you so it is going to take time.
You need to consider whet... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants sex but I'm only 12!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for three months but his sister says he says he wants sex. The problem is i'm only 12! I just turned 12 this month and he's turning 13 in April we love each other so much that i don't know what to do, so i ...
A. 28 October 2008: Sweetheart you have had so many different answers and a lot from people your own age. You have also had answers from people who don't even leave their names.
You are 12 and it is not legal in this country to have sex until you are 16. Yes this boy... (read in full...)
Am I pushing him too hard to get married?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years and i complain to him allthe time'when we going to get married' and he complains that he wants to give me the perfect wedding so he wants to basically wait till we have money well we are moving ...
A. 28 October 2008: Personally I think you are pushing way too hard on this poor guy. I am surprised he hasn't already run for the hills from the constant demands for marriage.
Now I am not trying to be mean or harsh but just because you started in a relation... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been trying to do things with me sexually while I am asleep.
Q. My boyfriend has been trying to do things with me sexually while I am asleep. When I wake up he laughs and says he's just joking around and I tell him to stop, but this is the second time it's happend. What should I do?...
A. 27 October 2008: I can only say that I totally agree with all the others who have already advised you.
He has done stuff once and you said "cut it out", he then did it again and he thinks by laughing it off you are not going to be bothered about it.
You can... (read in full...)
Do you think this will end up in me being hurt again by him?
Q. Hi just want opinions here so i know im not letting myself in for trouble. This will be long! Was seeing a guy for five months, we never went out but i wanted to as was crazy about him. Reasons we didnt go out are because he didnt want to at the t...
A. 27 October 2008: OK now I understand a little more about where you are coming from.
If the move out of home is for your work and the fact that your relationship with your parents is extremely strained then make the move for YOU and only YOU right now. Do it when ... (read in full...)
Do you think this will end up in me being hurt again by him?
Q. Hi just want opinions here so i know im not letting myself in for trouble. This will be long! Was seeing a guy for five months, we never went out but i wanted to as was crazy about him. Reasons we didnt go out are because he didnt want to at the t...
A. 27 October 2008: This is a really hard one to judge I must admit as you haven't had any real experience of dating him properly and you have only seen one another as friends.
Now you have been a little more intimate there is the fact of you moving out of home and... (read in full...)
Should my man be spending Christmas with his ex (for the sake of his kids)?
Q. Hi guys - I'd be very grateful for your advice on something that's bothering me, but I'll just set the scene first. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I'm 30 and he's 40. We don't live together yet, but we spend about 3 nights a week to...
A. 27 October 2008: No unfortunately old habits die hard and the fact that he may enjoy doing the odd jobs around the place means that he may not end up having to fork out extra money to the ex to get some jack the lad who comes in the do the little jobs around the ... (read in full...)
Should my man be spending Christmas with his ex (for the sake of his kids)?
Q. Hi guys - I'd be very grateful for your advice on something that's bothering me, but I'll just set the scene first. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I'm 30 and he's 40. We don't live together yet, but we spend about 3 nights a week to...
A. 26 October 2008: Well believe me if the kids are aware and you go out openly then he certainly isn't trying to hide things but he is also not trying to rub her face in it either.
Yes just try suggesting some time on Christmas Day even if it is evening time and... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex, using their child as an excuse or does she want him back?
Q. I need some advice! I'm finding it really really hard to deal with my partners ex! He just cannot see her for what she is, a malicious controlling bitch! She's now taken to texting him daily, he claims that it is about his daughter but surely ...
A. 26 October 2008: Well the amount he pays her each month sounds about normal I must admit but with the changes in the CSA now and them changing to some other name in the news recently perhaps things may change on the amount he pays but I doubt it.
Does any of this ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's ex, using their child as an excuse or does she want him back?
Q. I need some advice! I'm finding it really really hard to deal with my partners ex! He just cannot see her for what she is, a malicious controlling bitch! She's now taken to texting him daily, he claims that it is about his daughter but surely ...
A. 25 October 2008: This one is never easy to answer but talking to him openly about how his daughter is getting on maybe a place to start.
Ask him if he likes to hear how she is or if he gets bothered by the constant texting, does he voice himself to you about th... (read in full...)
Should my man be spending Christmas with his ex (for the sake of his kids)?
Q. Hi guys - I'd be very grateful for your advice on something that's bothering me, but I'll just set the scene first. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I'm 30 and he's 40. We don't live together yet, but we spend about 3 nights a week to...
A. 25 October 2008: I have to agree with Ask oldersister in the same way really that you say you see the kids quite often - in what capacity, as dad's work colleague or more?
If the children knew the truth then the ex wife would know by now as children are far from... (read in full...)
He wants to know my every move, he's a bully and I can't take it any more...
Q. I realy need somebody's opinion. I'am was engaged with this man for 16 years. We have a 4 year old son and I have 2 teenage girls from a prevouis marrage. I broke my engagement 6 months ago I asked him repeatedly when are we going to get married and ...
A. 9 October 2008: Unfortunately sweetheart your ex is so controlling and so insecure about himself that things will never change and personally I think you have had a lucky escape by not marrying him.
I would say though that you would probably be better off movi... (read in full...)
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