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... Send *ountry Woman a private message | | | *ountry Woman's profile:OK, I wanted to just let everyone know that for now I will not be on the site as I have realised that I need to take some time out for both my own sake and also for my family. I will not delete myself from this site as I totally believe in it whole heartedly as the thanks over the years that I have received from people I have tried to advise has been amazing and given me so much in return. This site helped me get through the loss of my dad in 2007 and I think I hid my grief a lot then but now I need to find my place in my life and need to dedicate all my energy on that goal and also supporting my family as well. Don't ever be afraid to talk to the wonderful aunts and uncles on this site and remember that if Andrew had never started this site so many people would have never had the fantastic advice and help that they needed so much. I will return you can bank on it OK.
A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 44 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.
I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.
Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2010 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol
I think that at 44 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.
My motivation in life is seeing my daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.
I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.
I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer in 2000 your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.
I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.
I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.
I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
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My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 2 September 2009: You have been hanging on with this relationship by a thread and it just makes me feel like you have tried to do everything to save this relationship and in all honesty the amount of time you have been in this relationship i.e. 10 years is not the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 25 July 2009: Good for you, you have been straight talking with her and told her in no uncertain terms that she either needs to buck up her ideas or she knows where the door is.
She is the one now wondering what YOUR next move is.
If she knows you are de... (read in full...)
Married again but realized now I'm not happy now what?
Q. I have been in agony over my situation for a while now and it is tearing me up inside. I am currently in my second marriage, after my first marriage ending poorly due to being a victim of domestic violence (yes, men can be victims). Over time...
A. 25 July 2009: My word what I have to say is that you have one damn good counsellor as although I thought it I had not expressed it in the way you have now explained it. I went through exactly the same scenario myself with my ex (him having the other person in the ... (read in full...)
Married again but realized now I'm not happy now what?
Q. I have been in agony over my situation for a while now and it is tearing me up inside. I am currently in my second marriage, after my first marriage ending poorly due to being a victim of domestic violence (yes, men can be victims). Over time...
A. 24 July 2009: Hi
I wish you every bit of luck for the future and I am so pleased that you are getting some ME time for yourself before considering your next step with the counselling.
I had no idea you were in the forces, it is a very different world ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 23 July 2009: OK the only way forward right now is asking her to consider counselling together and to make a total commitment towards that, no strange late nights or secret meetings etc.
If you haven't told her about the fact that you saw the message, then don... (read in full...)
Married again but realized now I'm not happy now what?
Q. I have been in agony over my situation for a while now and it is tearing me up inside. I am currently in my second marriage, after my first marriage ending poorly due to being a victim of domestic violence (yes, men can be victims). Over time...
A. 23 July 2009: I think that after reading your comments re the age of your son, I think some counselling is worth a shot if not for anything else but for the fact that you have given it a go for both yourself and for your future relationship with your son when he ... (read in full...)
Everything was going great until we had sex! What do I do now?
Q. ok i met this guy at work and he was into me and i was too. he was real nice and sweet. until we had sex thats when everything went wrong. he started to treat me bad. until one night he called me when he was drunk. he was telling me he liked me and ...
A. 23 July 2009: Back right off sweetheart, he loved the chase and when he got you he turned into Mister Jekyl.
This is not your fault. If you truly like him then let him work harder at trying to win you over.
It may never be the sort of relationship you... (read in full...)
Married again but realized now I'm not happy now what?
Q. I have been in agony over my situation for a while now and it is tearing me up inside. I am currently in my second marriage, after my first marriage ending poorly due to being a victim of domestic violence (yes, men can be victims). Over time...
A. 23 July 2009: I think it is time for honesty don't you.
Have you ever talked to your current wife about the feelings that you have been having? I think she deserves the right to know that you are not happy inside and that due to the problems from your first ma... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 23 July 2009: I have to say that you have had such other sound advice from both female and male perspectives and this must make you realise that you CANNOT continue to blame yourself for the way your relationship is now.
It take two, that is 50% each - if thing... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 22 July 2009: So you have made mistakes in the past, don't you think that can be immaturity after your daughter was born, how old is she now?
Does your daughter pick up on the atmosphere in the home between you and your gf?
Can I also ask why you have nev... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 22 July 2009: I think the fact is that you need to be open and honest with her and tell her that in a way you were testing her feelings of love for you when you mentioned going for it with her boss.
You are right having 3 people in a relationship is just wro... (read in full...)
Would it be very selfish if I leave, and let them figure things out?
Q. I have very hard time live in my own dysfunctional family. I know usually teenagers would feel like that , but really ,I' m so upset. Me and my husband can't get along for many reasons. He is working all the time, and never does anything with...
A. 21 July 2009: You say your husband is no longer interested in the family life or intimacy but it sounds like this is not a family life at all.
When you say your kids, what age are they?
How has drugs been allowed to get into the house in the first place ... (read in full...)
Am I heartless for even thinking about this?
Q. I'm engaged to a lovely girl. We've been together for over 5 years, but ever since we bought a house together she's become very distant. She still chooses to live with her mother rather than at our house, and openly admits that she doesn't know if ...
A. 21 July 2009: I have to say I couldn't agree more with Ask oldersister.
Lies and deceit have NEVER ever worked out very well for anyone I have ever known and the truth always comes out at the end of the day.
So your fiance is fragile, so are millions of ... (read in full...)
How can I leave this awful relationship?
Q. I have been in a bad relationship for three of the longest years of my life. I am only 20 years old and i have a two year old daughter. this relationship as been so bad till i cry myself to sleep sometimes. Now we live together everythings in my ...
A. 21 July 2009: Sweetheart there is NEVER a right time.
You say the relationship is killing you so to speak, what has changed?
Did you love one another before or have you stayed with one another for the sake of your daughter?
Did your relationship change... (read in full...)
I'm consumed by jealousy that my old boyfriend has married! Help me!
Q. really need some help i have tried to get help for this and my friends have been great listening to me but i still am in despair. i have recently finished a relationship with a guy which lasted 5 years. the last 4 were awful-i shudder no when i...
A. 21 July 2009: My word you certainly wear your heart on your sleeve don't you, you give so much that it becomes all too consuming and that can be suffocating. I am not trying to proportion blame but you give so much of yourself that basically both of these guys ... (read in full...)
We've been arguing non stop and I don't know what to do!
Q. Hi everyone! I've been with my fiance for 6 1/2 years and we have a 4 1/2 month old baby. As of late we've been arguing non stop and I just don't know what to do anymore. We are both stressed since we barely get enough sleep. Any little thing will ...
A. 20 July 2009: I am so pleased that things are starting to resolve themselves, talking is always the key and most definitely the listening skill, that is the hardest one as we tend to talk over one another and not actually listen to the what the other person is ... (read in full...)
I called my Girlfriend a slut and a whore and she won't forgive me
Q. Ok, so I get a call form this guy I used to go to school with, claiming that he had sex with her about 2 months ago. So I called her a whore, slut, just about every mean thing u can fit in a 5 minute conversation, while she just kinda took it, then ...
A. 20 July 2009: Oh my god, you are now turning this back on your gf to say that because she was upset with you she sent this guy some dirty texts, well was that before you called her a whore and a slut or after?
This is not a mature relationship at all, this is ... (read in full...)
His family really doesn't make an effort to talk to me and I'm shy!
Q. Im scared my bf is going to break up with me. Ive met his family twice and I am pretty shy around them. I dont really say much, I'll say hi how are you and smile etc, and Ill talk to them if they ask me a question etc. However I am not good at ...
A. 19 July 2009: Talking to your bf about what you have put in your message is the way forward here.
Why not put it down on paper to him if you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it. How does your family treat him? Do you spend any time around your fam... (read in full...)
Is she playin me or what?
Q. hi, I met this girl online...we exchanged numbers and started talking on the phone almost everyday for about a year and a half!we had intimate conversations.. she told me everything of her past relatioships..(she still talks to a lot of guys whom...
A. 19 July 2009: Think about yourself right now and YOUR needs, you need to have your head screwed on or this move to this university is going to be a major flop.
You must consider your future no matter what as girls come and go but your education is importan... (read in full...)
I called my Girlfriend a slut and a whore and she won't forgive me
Q. Ok, so I get a call form this guy I used to go to school with, claiming that he had sex with her about 2 months ago. So I called her a whore, slut, just about every mean thing u can fit in a 5 minute conversation, while she just kinda took it, then ...
A. 19 July 2009: My god how would you like it if someone said similar things to you. I am amazed this girl forgave you at all.
Never, ever believe an outsider over the person you are in a relationship with. He obviously fancies your gf and wanted you to break up... (read in full...)
We've been arguing non stop and I don't know what to do!
Q. Hi everyone! I've been with my fiance for 6 1/2 years and we have a 4 1/2 month old baby. As of late we've been arguing non stop and I just don't know what to do anymore. We are both stressed since we barely get enough sleep. Any little thing will ...
A. 19 July 2009: Sweetheart sounds to me that the pressure of being new parents is getting to both of you.
You need to get some help to try and resolve things.
I know that after my daughter was born I was in tears a lot of the time and this can sometimes be... (read in full...)
New baby, young mom and he gets to look single in our home!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together on and off for two years living together for about a year and a half more or less, we just had a son together in may and that brought new stress to our relationship. but in the meantime even after our son was ...
A. 19 July 2009: First of all, get some professional advice.
You are the one with the baby and why should you be the one to move out, you have to put yourself and most definitely your child first. You say if you move out you will be on your own, do you have any... (read in full...)
Is she playin me or what?
Q. hi, I met this girl online...we exchanged numbers and started talking on the phone almost everyday for about a year and a half!we had intimate conversations.. she told me everything of her past relatioships..(she still talks to a lot of guys whom...
A. 19 July 2009: I think you need to put your own needs first.
Someone who you have met online and who confesses to you that she is in touch with several other guys is not someone I would rate as anyone who would want a long lasting relationship.
Is there any ... (read in full...)
I love him but I said hurtful things ...
Q. Me and my boyfriend of 6 months broke up. We got back together for a little bit but he said I pull him into my drama too much and that I always need him to feel sorry for him. I told him I would work on that if he would stay with me. But when he ...
A. 1 July 2009: They say that things said in anger always has an element of truth in them so deep down somewhere inside you may not have been honest with yourself.
Do you honestly feel any of the things that you said to him or see him in that way etc?
If you ... (read in full...)
I want a boyfriend, he wants a partnership - how can we find a happy medium?
Q. I'm in a position now where I am stuck. I really need some help with my situation, so those who can offer some, don't hold back. I am currently dating the most wonderful man I've ever known. We've been talking for more than a year, dating for...
A. 10 June 2009: Well sweetheart with all this secrecy and his legal issues going on you are dealing with a heck of a lot right now.
Yes you have two more months together but in my opinion - you are not actually together, you can't BE together and react like any... (read in full...)
My curiosity has created a huge mess!
Q. Ive got a pretty interesting question, and id love some feedback. So i started seeing this cop about 5months ago, hes got a good seven years on me. I wouldnt say we were dating, it was more of fun and games, but we developed feelings for each other, ...
A. 6 June 2009: Unfortunately your jealousy did rule on this one I am afraid and your immaturity as well.
You tried to play undercover cops/private detectives and it turned into a game, when it became very real and you were basically popped that's when the prev... (read in full...)
I cant let go of my younger lover
Q. How do I let go of my lover? I am in an unhappy marriage. I have asked my husband to leave so many times but he refuses to because according to him, he wants our family to be complete. We have one son.We talk only when absolutely necessary, mo...
A. 28 May 2009: OK I can see where you are coming from now. Drugs is not a situation I have ever had to deal with but is your husband under any type of counselling for that to keep him off of it and also do you think that trying the couple/relationship counselling ... (read in full...)
Is this cheating? Should I tell him? Please help!
Q. I met someone and we spent about two-three weeks hanging out and eventually being intimate, then that person left to travel for a few months. During that time we spoke on the phone every day, and at one point sort of verified a commitment to one ...
A. 28 May 2009: OK, first of all did you have sex with this stranger in the bar or not?
If not, then you had a drunken fumble or slightly more. I am not someone who would ever condone lying to someone but your long distance guy has been travelling and you real... (read in full...)
I cant let go of my younger lover
Q. How do I let go of my lover? I am in an unhappy marriage. I have asked my husband to leave so many times but he refuses to because according to him, he wants our family to be complete. We have one son.We talk only when absolutely necessary, mo...
A. 27 May 2009: I have to say that the advice Honeygirl has given to you is very true.
You are living a lie and it has been going on for 13 years, i.e. you are not happy and your husband knows this and you only talk about business and nothing more.
It is u... (read in full...)
Pregnancy tests keep coming back negative...will only a blood test work for me?
Q. Hi, i missed a period three weeks ago and a week i went to a clinic for a urine test, it came back negative. A few days later i took a HPT, negative again and a week later i took another HPT negative again. I went into hospital today and they too...
A. 27 May 2009: Sweetheart it could be something else that is giving you the symptons of pregnancy i.e. bloating of the stomach or change in breasts etc.
I would definitely go and see my GP and ask about an ultrasound, I was 15 and I ballooned up to about 6 ... (read in full...)
Should I change for my old fashioned husband or dare to push for a job of my own?
Q. My husband believes that the women should raise children. We were both unemployed and I was expected to do all the housework and make dinner and never talk back to him. He would not bathe our daughter or change any of her diapers or feed her or ...
A. 26 May 2009: Sweetheart I am not trying to start an argument here but for god's sake you are what only between 18 - 21 and you sound like you are a 40 year old.
You are a woman at the end of the day and a mother and it is good to retain some level of exercise... (read in full...)
Addicted to porn
Q. About a month ago my boyfriend and I talked about how much his watching porn bothered me, he said he would stop because of how much it bothered me. After several weeks of assuring me he had not watched any porn, yesterday I found out he was lying...
A. 26 May 2009: Men have been into porn in some form or another for so many years, it started with page 3 girls in the newspapers and progressed to movies - videos or DVD's and the explosion of the internet now means that instead of men going into seedy little ... (read in full...)
Her friend was killed and I'm unsure how to support her
Q. hello. umm... i was wondering if you could give me some advice, i'm in a relationship with this woman i met online and love her so much, she lives in another country and is the same age as me and we've met up quite a lot. her friend was killed today ...
A. 25 May 2009: You don't sound selfish at all, you feel her pain no matter whether you knew this friend of hers or not.
You love her and you know her and so you want to take her pain away.
Show her how much you care, let her know you are there for her, g... (read in full...)
When Your Boyfriend and Your Best Friend Betray You, All Trust is Lost!
Q. how will i gain my trust back from my boyfriend he cheated on me with my best friend who stayed the night and i wanted a bath so i did and there was a spider i there so i called him and he had an hard-on so i just told him too get out and that!!!! ...
A. 25 May 2009: I must admit I agree with the others regarding the advice they have given you.
You have asked for help, but if you chose to ignore that advice then sweetheart I am sorry to say you are being a doormat and this guy will continue and continue... (read in full...)
Women who have left their husbands..how did you finally make the choice?
Q. I know,it is a very hard question.. But I wonder, how those, who decided to leave their husband were making their choice? When is it really enough, even if it is, painful, and risky? And very unsure ,how it will be after.. Cheating ? Abuse ? What i...
A. 25 May 2009: Hi
Well I didn't leave a husband as such, I had a long term relationship with my ex and it the straw that broke the camels back (so to speak), was a rare day out and our three year old daughter looking gorgeous in a lovely little dress and hair... (read in full...)
Mindgames? Is he keeping me hanging on?
Q. My boyfriend said he wanted to just be friends a few days ago, i was really upset and he knew i was, but he still wanted to be friends, but now im done with all the crying, and i still love him but i know i need to move on. Hes text me to see h...
A. 25 May 2009: I think you need to stop the contact with your ex, he has hurt you and then thinks he can pick you up and drop you whenever he wants as he knows you love him.
Don't play his game, do change your Facebook as he is not your boyfriend any more and... (read in full...)
Abusive ex wants us back in his life after four years
Q. The father of my baby humiliated me when I was pregnant, he said the baby is not his I suffered my pregnancy.I forgave him after I gave birth I accommodated him clothe and fed him.He turned to be abusive I left him for good.He called me names that I ...
A. 25 May 2009: No, you are totally right to let him know where to go as he has treated you like dirt and denied his child. You don't go around and disrespect the mother of your child and then think a little further down the line, oh she will take me back.
You h... (read in full...)
Supprise sex! Should I talk to him about this?
Q. So I've been out with this guy a couple of times. The other night we went back to his place and started hooking up. He pulled out a condom, and I said no, I'm not ready to have sex. He said he understood, and we just went back to fooling around. All ...
A. 25 May 2009: I think you made your intentions very clear when he wiped out the condom and then he still intended having sex no matter what you said, he was full of lust and just wouldn't take NO for an answer.
You say you hooked up again after that first ni... (read in full...)
He's gone home to his wife and isn't talking to me. Why?
Q. I have a boyfriend right now that I live with him already for 8 months, at the beginning he already told me that he had a cold-heart, he don't give a dump to the feeling of others, but I love this guy so I did my best to have a good relationship ...
A. 25 May 2009: Sweetheart you say he has a wife back home, where is he from and why is he not with you?
I personally think he is getting what he wants from you and his wife, he obviously doesn't want contact from you when he is at home with his wife as I am not... (read in full...)
I'm tired of people asking me if I'm pregnant!
Q. Ever since I was in middle school, people have constantly asked me if I was pregnant. It gets on my nerves. In church when I was middle school age, this woman came up to me, put her hand on my stomach, looked at me and said, "Are we having a little ...
A. 24 May 2009: Unfortunately sweetheart there are some dumb people out there and they think it is OK to say this to you. More fools them, but everyone has a happy face thinking oh is that woman pregnant, how sweet.
They don't realise how awful it can be.
... (read in full...)
Man I'm involved with is becoming rather cocky
Q. How should i address this please,I am begining to think the man i am involved with is becoming kinda cocky with me and i'm not sure what to do.Today when i said to him my days would not be the same without the kisses am hugs you send me everyday ,he ...
A. 23 May 2009: He could mean that he knows that you are a needy kind of woman or he could just mean that he knows you quite well and knows what makes you tick.
It is a little vague as it is just one comment so right now don't blow it out of proporti... (read in full...)
Her mom says "Don't have a boyfriend right now"
Q. Hi. I am 17, this girl i like is 18, she is one of my closest freinds. i recently told her i think i am in love with her, and after about a week she started to feel the same. we started going on walks and just doing things like ringing each other ...
A. 23 May 2009: I think the only thing you can do is to be patient but it also comes down to your mentality as far as having relationships and your sexual preferences.
Please don't think for one second I am saying you must go and try loads of girls or anything... (read in full...)
Am I making a big mess of my life or do I just need to let fate decide for me?
Q. My life is going through a pretty turbulent patch at the moment and I would like to get some opinions on what direction I should be going in and whether I am making a big mess of things at the moment! Basically I have just found out I am losing ...
A. 20 May 2009: Hi there,
Sorry for not replying sooner, had my sister around yesterday so time ran away from me.
OK so you are having safe sex which is great. I know you say it is not that often, but I would say that whilst you give it to your ex it will ... (read in full...)
Am I making a big mess of my life or do I just need to let fate decide for me?
Q. My life is going through a pretty turbulent patch at the moment and I would like to get some opinions on what direction I should be going in and whether I am making a big mess of things at the moment! Basically I have just found out I am losing ...
A. 18 May 2009: OK, you want some advice and yes I will give you what I personally feel right now.
OK so you say you are sticking around until your contract is up on your apartment, can understand that.
However, what I don't understand is what the hell are you... (read in full...)
Help me please
Q. help I am so unhappy in my marriage i no longer trust my husband and cannot get over his cheating he wont talk about what he has done and gets violent and throws things and he crabs me hits me i know i should leave but have no where to go an...
A. 18 May 2009: Sweetheart I hate to say this but you need to get out of this violent relationship and the sooner the better.
You can't always work things out when you are in the middle of it all. You are depressed and rightly so.
A lot of people can't alw... (read in full...)
Can a man love a woman, when's he's been emotionally abused by a woman in the past ?
Q. can a man love a woman, when's he's been emotionally abused by a woman in the past ? i found out through his friends, he had a girlfriend 10 years ago. he really loved this woman, and he's bitter about it. and i think he was really emotionally a...
A. 18 May 2009: Sweetheart there is NOTHING you can do right now, you have tried to contact him and he has completely over reacted, yes he has a past and yes he may have had an abusive relationship with his ex but this is the FIRST argument you guys have had and ... (read in full...)
He's bipolar..won't take his meds...I'm really afraid of what might happen.
Q. I realize that there are probably no 2 bipolar individuals with the same symptoms. But When my husband leaves me, sometimes for weeks at a time, what is going through his mind? When asked, he says "not much of anything". He even says he doesnt ...
A. 17 May 2009: Britt has given you advice and she knows better than most what living with a bi-polar sufferer is like.
My sister's fiance is also bi-polar and yes all the same traits seem to shine through as they all seem to go down the same route once they sto... (read in full...)
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