A
female
age
10-12,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been going out for three months but his sister says he says he wants sex. The problem is i'm only 12! I just turned 12 this month and he's turning 13 in April we love each other so much that i don't know what to do, so i took sum advice from sum of my friends that have and haven't they didn't haelp at all! so plz i need sum advice. help! Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): Hi You Should Say To Him Im Not Ready Yet and if he understands you got a nice boy freind if he dont you desivfe someone better.
Craig (12)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2008): hi my name is skas.im 14 and my advice is that your to young.your virginity is one of gods most precious gifts. if i was you i would wait until marriage.it would make your wedding night more special if you waited. i know you probably dont want to here this cause i didnt want to but chances are you and him are not in love at all it is just puppy love. my aunt says that some high school and middle school flings will probabaly never last.so dont have SEX.thats my advice i sure hope it helps. also i he ever says you dont have to but i would love you a lot more if you did DONT believe it.my boyfriend isnt to worried about it but yes iv beeen in the exact situation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): i'm not going to get all relgious or anything because that's just stupid. but bieng a couple of years older then you i can pretty much garnatee you two aren't in love. i'm sorry to burst your bubble but i'm 16 and have a steady and i don't think we are in love yet. i mean if you want to get busy then do it. but if your boyfreidn really cared about you and you didn't want to screw him then he wold understand. it's your choice just don't regret it later. thsi si gonna sound really cheesy but when i was nervous about my steady and i having sex he said "life is short why not have fun for awhile you never knpw when your gonna die". that really hit me. but if you do have sex use condoms and maybe not go all the way. hope this helps
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): Do not have sex at that age. Sex is actually only to have a child and give birth. I think its a law, but its more of a property. You should only have sex once your married. Dont be ashamed either. Just because your friends arent married and are not virgin dont mean you should not be a virgin either. Sex is JUST sex. But still if your not ready for a child DONT DO IT. Stay a virgin for as long as you can wait, or until you KNOW your ready to give birth to a life and PROPERLY raise it. Fact: Girls who give birth under age of 28, their childern are more close of the percentage to becoming theifs, roobers,muggers,rapiest, ECT. Women over age 28 have much less risks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): The last answer covered everything except the biggest reasons not to have sex at this age: Some people are VERY much more emotionally affected by it than others, and not quite everyone is ready to support a family at this age.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): meh ignore all these old religious or just plain boring and probably religious fogies, sex is fun but its just sex, theres nothing that incredible about waiting for it, unless you invent a reason in your head, and that can be applied to well anything, it can be fun or not or so so but its just plain sex, if you enjoy it do it, basically your only young once, I was ready and willing by 11, and what all the naysayers forget to mention is that every year ye get older, is another year ye regret not doing crazy fun stuff when your younger.
I sure as hell regret not having more fun at that age, just remember sex has nothing to do with love or how long you've been together, whole generation of nutters who'll tell you it is, but well they have other motivations, though it is part and parcel of any serious long term relationship on the basis, your not really in a relationship if ye dont ye just friends who kiss, sex is just sex, its when folks begin mistaking it for love or anything else that problems begin, sex can be for allot of different reasons, and can be expressed for allot of different reasons everything from love to disdain can be expressed by sex, and all this willing to wait crud is a big blackmail, in essense folks say right I realise your at the type of person who wants sex, but i'm not and so in order for you to "prove" you love me I expect you to not have sex and still stay with me until I finally decide to get off me high horse and grow some human feelings and I dont care if your throwing your life away in the meantime.
Truth is if ye encounter anyone like that, get rid of them, they're to selfish to be in a relationship, and you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone so obviously not into what your into, in a real relationship that lasts both sides want the same thing, and enjoy it, no one who wants to wait should be with anyone who doesnt want to wait and visa versa, if you don't want sex with your bf, make up your mind and if your in anyway not selfish break up with him, that way he's free to try to find someone more suitable for his desires without feeling guilty and your not emotionally blackmailing him into not exploring what he wants to and draining precious time away, and he'll resent in later on, i guarantee.
If you fall in love later on and feel the need for them to show it then your not in real love, when someones really in love with you, you dont need cruddy proof you can see it in their eyes, and you'll only see it when they are, bear in mind having sex is no guarantee you'll stay together the guy like your last one may not even want a relationship, or he might, frankly how be ye just ask him or better yet ask his friends and folks who know him what type of person he is.
But if your not ready for a serious relationship that's fine but dont be in one at least dont be in one with anyone who wants more then your willing to give, its best for both sides, its not fair on you OR him.
Most females always seems to forget that guy's have a right to their desires and feelings to, meh throughout human history folks got married let alone had sex at 11-12, only in the last couple of centuries when parents increasingly lost the right to decide who their kids married, were sex laws introduced as an institutionalised revenge against the new found freedom of their offspring.
And as soon as you think about and want sex your ready to have it, you dont have to be "fully developed", I certainly wasnt at 11, but doesnt mean I didnt want or have a right to deserve to have it, as our societies falls further and further into the oldey concept of sin, children were suddenly put on a high horse and pedestal as the one remaining sacred thing a kind of sacrificial pawn to the alter of an innocence, lost by the rest of society, without a thought to the fact humans are not nearly so mechanical as to be judged by age and frankly that anyone has to right to decide what folks do with their own bodies is laughable, and frankly as soon as folks want things is when their ready, and not government or prudish fogey no matter what they might think has the right to tell you what to do or not to do with your own body, but that means no boyfriend/girlfriend does either.
Its important ye make ye decisions on such things entirely without outside pressure and not just from ye partner but from the rest of the worlds prudishness, but base it entirely on what you want yes, be entirely selfish when making your decision, the bit where i advise you stop being selfish is after you tell them, ye cant make ze proverbial cake and eat it and you shouldnt force others to do, much as you shouldnt be forced yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): Don't have sex. People should not have sex until they are ready for the responsibilites and concequences that come along with it and I think at 12 and 13, you would not be ready for a baby. So maybe if you explain that to him he will understand.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): you don't need to have sex with anyone if you do't want to. if you feel that you are to young ar you don't feel comfortable having sex than don't do it.you've only been with him for 3 months i mean, don't ou you need more time to get to know him? I'm a follower of GOD and Jesus but I have also thought of having sex with my boyfriend.don't be afraid to say no. REMEMBER, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CONTROLS YOU'RE BODY, NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.
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female
reader, Aunty Em  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Alongside the advice of the other Aunts and Uncles over how you are very young, stay with your gut instinct etc. You never actually heard this from his mouth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): Dont do it yet, or it will be a mistake.. I am 13 and when I was 12 I had sex for my first time with a guy that I was with for 5 months. Then after we had sex he didnt want to be together anymore, a month after that I found out I was pregnant and that is probably the worst thing you could hear as a 12 year old girl. I have a baby and she means that the world to me but sometimes I wish I could go back and not have had sex so early. Hold on to your virginity as long as you can cause like they say its one of gods most precious gifts!
Please take my advise :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): You should do it. you can always use protection or a glove ! its time by your age that you should see each other like nude.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): DON'T DO IT!! :(
I was 16 when I first had sex. I was in a relationship with a boy, who I thought loved me. We were together for 8 months before we did anything, and to this day I REGRET it! I am 21 now, and I'm in a relationship with a different guy who pressures me to have sex with him sometimes, and its all because i let it go the first time with him too. Learn SELF-CONTROL and SELF-RESPECT. be strong, girl. Hold on to your virginity for as long as you can, because when you meet the man who is willing to wait for you, you will know that you've met the right one.
:) i hope that helped.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): Okay, listen to me. I am the same age as you and my boyfriend and I have been together for 1 month. I can't even imagine having sex now. It is not something that I want to try and I don't think you should either. Not right now. I know someone that got pregnant at 15 and she regrets it very much. Now if she is 3 years older than you and regrets having sex can you imagine how horrible you would feel. I think I'm in love too but I want to make sure that the relationship will last forever. What would you do if your boyfriend moved. You would have lost your virginity to someone you will never see again. There is so many things wrong with sex at a young age. Please pay attention to what people here have been telling you and just say no. If he keeps pressuring you, you should tell your parents or someone you can trust and can help you act upon this to make him stop. Don't ever be afraid of saying no or dumping him. If he is pressuring you, he probably isn't worth it. Good luck and stay true to yourself. But most of all, stay pure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): hi am 12 too. tell him that if he really loves you he will wait for marriage or at less in tell your 17 or 18
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): hi am 12 too. tell him that if he really loves you he will wait for marriage or at less in tell your 17 or 18
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): dont do it!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): Hun, your too young. and thats the bottom line. you just turned 12. your onnly what a 6th grader? and you may think your in love after being together for only 3 months. but 3 months isn't that long. ive been with my boyfriend for 5 months and im 15 and we still haven't had sex. and i plan on waiting at least a couple more months until i even think about having sex. i suggest you wait. if you get a std or get pregnate your future can be destroyed.
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A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Please see this reply I copied from another question...this girl is 5 yrs older than you...
"well i did think about it..and i wasnt ready....to be honest i have just recently started coming on here again and come across this question i had posted in and i was thinking hard as i cant remember what bf i was talking about losing my virginity to lmao...so it cant have been special or anything...well just as an update i had a few relationships since then and i am now in a steady relationship and have been with him for over 7 months now...i lost my virginity to him 2 weeks ago and i had no problems getting it in...i was totaly relaxed and it didnt hurt at all...im glad a waited a little longer. every one that answered my question thanks a lot for your advice, it helped me make the right decision xxx"
Take your time.....theres plenty
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A
female
reader, lamh23 +, writes (5 April 2008):
Also, sex at your age can (and i know it sounds crazy) damage you physically and ruin that part of you for life.
everyone else is totally right, DONT DO IT!!
If he doesn't understand that you're too young then leave him, regardless of how good you think you've got it now.
My little sister was 16 when her boyfriend tried to pressure her. she said no, kept her dignity and dumped him,. she is now nearly 18 and dating a member of royalty which would never of happened if she has allowed her self to be used. she will do what she wants when she is ready and the best of guys will respect that most of all. the one's who don't are scum.
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female
reader, xxbaybeegal +, writes (4 April 2008):
 DO NOT DO IT!
i am 13 and i know how youngstas feel, but are you gonna let this guy just take your precious virginity awayy from you like that?this guy might not have a care in the world about you but just want you not to be a virgin anymore.
if your family found out what could happen you wouldnt even wanna think of it would you?
you got a whole life ahead of it. dont be those girls who like to *experiment* too much. i mean like it you were over 16-18 years old then it wouldnt matter that much but you only 12.
think about it
S4F3
x
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A
female
reader, R092 + ♥, writes (4 April 2008):
 First of all, you say it was his sister who told you he wants sex not your boyfriend himself so before you start worrying this make sure that this is true.
Secondly, is it is, everyone who has commented on your question is right, you're only 12, way too young to be worrying about something like sex. Also you mentioned that that some of your friends have already had sex, they too are too young for this and you cant be sure that they are telling the truth - how do you know they are not just saying this to show off?
Anyway think about yourself, are you really ready to take this step? By coming on here you're showing that you're not sure yourself whether you're ready or not, and please listen to all of us - you're not. Im 16 and im not even ready to take that step yet, and let me tell you, yes some of my friends have lost their virginity at the ages of 14 and 15 but now they all say that they regret it and wish they had waited.
I really hope that this helps in some way.
Good Luck and keep us informed on how you're getting on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): DONT DO IT!!!
dont do it!! take care of your reputation. no one wil take you seriously after having sex at 12!!! you will brake up with this kid one day and belive me! there will be other guys and once they heard you gave your self up at 12 they will think you are easy and wont respect you or love you the same. give your self to your husband.give your self respect. i know it sounds old fashion comming from a eighteen year old guy (me) but its true. and a thirteen year old boy is very Inexperienced and WILL not know what he is doing and the sorry part is that at that age its probly three to four inches. you will be dissapointed, angry and bleeding and naa
def not worth the tears no matter how much you say you love him SO DONT DO IT! TAKE IT FROM A GUY
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Don't do it - you are underage so it is illegal. Also you aren't sure about it...which is a definite sign that you aren't ready for it. Don't get pressurised into doing stuff you don't want to and if he loves you he will wait.
x x x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): girl im 12 too. listen to a girl that is your same age and who knows a lot about this kind of stuff. dont do it. please dont have sex. first of all you could get pregnant even with a condom, second of all you dont know who your boyfriends been around with and you could get a sexually transmitted disease, and it's gonna hurt. i've heard of a lot of bad experiences before and at your age i dont think your ready. ive thought about it too and i know my past boyfriends have also but im way too young and so are you. i know all about having sex, all about it. wait at least 4 years until you are sure that you are passionate about this guy. trust me dude if you do decide to do it you better watch out for rumors because that shit will spread around your whole dam school. you better make sure that you are positive, i mean 100% positive that you trust this guy. you know how guy are, they have to brag. just dont do it, not yet. i don't think you are ready for that pain emotionally and physically. i hope you make the right decision. and remember don't let anyone put pressure on you to do something you don't want to do. so you tell that bitch i ain't gonna do it and if he doesn't accept that then you dump his ass to the curb because if he doesn't accept it then he's just another common guy who's looking for a piece of meat.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Woow.
I was Just Learning About sex at that age, I wouldunt even have thought of doing it (: .
Anyway,
Your Only 12 Years old, you have plenty of time to be sexually active when your older. As Aunts have said you don't want to tell your future boyfriends that you lost your virginity when you was 12 years old.
But;;
You COuld be worrying about nothing, his sister could be winding you up. If the topic of you both having sex comes up just explain to him that you are not ready, and that you should just wait untill your older.
I Mean Come on;;
Kissing and huggin are enough for now (:
Good Luck Babe ..
Yoou COuld Be worrying over nothing.
Keep Us Posted?
LOVEEE YOOOOU
x3
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I'd say not to do it, I have seen to many nice girls end up in broken homes because of early sex.
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male
reader, ChrisG4669 +, writes (2 April 2008):
This might seem like an unusual answer to the question, but I'm going to sidestep the issue of your age for a moment... You said in your question that his sister is the one that told you he wants to have sex, not him.
If he asked her to say this to you, then yeah, I'd listen to the other answers here and wait. If she's just telling you without him asking her to, then I wouldn't worry about it too much at the moment. He might not be serious, he might not be bothered yet, and he might just be acting it up for his sister.
You shouldn't have to worry too much about anything at 12, especially not sex. If he hasn't said anything about it himself, you might be worrying for no reason.
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female
reader, bubbloo24  + ♥, writes (2 April 2008):
 I know how annoying and patronising I sound but you gotta listen to what we all have said.
You don't want to turn on this when you're older with complete regret because you lost your virginity at 12. You will regret who you did it with, and you'll regret that you didn't control yourself.
I know it's difficult, but tell him no, that you're not ready and he should wait.
If he tells you that he doesn't want to be with you because you don't want to have sex with him, then he's really REALLY not worth your time.
But in all honesty, your relationship with this guy will probably end and you don't want to tell your future boyfriends that you lost your virginity at 12 do you?
Don't think of him this time, make the decision to say no for your own sake.
Take care xx
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male
reader, Smiffy +, writes (2 April 2008):
Hi, I agree...dont do it...your far too young and all your life ahead of you. Sorry but at 12 yrs old you both dont understand what it means to be "In Love".....wait...enjoy being a 12 yr old without the pressure of sex....
Lastly...its against the law....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I can just tell you don't want to do it and it is outside pressure making you think you should. 12 years old is not ok for sex. Tell him "no way" and if he doesn't like the answer just tell him "too bad". The fact you are around friends this young who have had sex and won't say "don't do it!" tells me you are in area with bad parent skills. So be your own hero and say "no way" to sex for a very long time. It's ridiculous for a 12 year old to have sex so if nobody is telling you that, you should listen to all the good advice here. They are 100% correct.
It is also illegal for the both of you. It sounds crazy, but if his parents found out and got mad at you they could get you in trouble with the police. And your parents can get him in trouble with the police.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 + ♥, writes (2 April 2008):
 Hi, I'm glad that you're looking for some help with this question, I think that you've already had some good advice from some of the aunties here. I'd like to suggest that you read some of the previous questions and answers posted by people who were in similar situations.
Let me start off with this one:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-told-my-mates-wed-had-sex-now.html
At your age, there are very good reasons for not having sex... but you'd have to be mature enough to hear them. And if you think you're mature enough for sex, I think that you wouldn't be here asking, right?
Please wait until you're older to think about having sex; it can cause so many problems if you're not really ready. I don't care what other people in your school are doing and you shouldn't make such an important step just because other people are messing around.
All the best, and I would like to hear what you think about the link I gave you.
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (2 April 2008):
 I think you should give him all that he wants. But so he doesn't get swept up in any criminal prosecutions it would be best if he gets a consent/waiver singed by your dad just for his protection. Just as a formality. Tell him you will sit right where you are and wait there until he gets back.
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female
reader, Cindy303 +, writes (2 April 2008):
 My dear, I see your age and I am telling you as much as you dont want to hear this answer, I am telling you not to do it. You will regret it. You are so young. Just 2 years younger then my daughter. I cant imagine her having to make this choice at such a young age. Having sex for the first time is such a special and wonderful part of a womans life. At your age, even as young as you are, you can get pregnant. Please take the advice of all those telling you to not do this. Dont let him pressure you into anything. Best Wishes. Cindy
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): You should definately say NO...You don't need this pressure in your life..your to young.One day, when your older, you will thank yourself for not doing this action..of his request which has been made on you..please say No.Take care.
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female
reader, saxybyrd +, writes (1 April 2008):
You are going to hate this answer!!!Dont do it! You are 12 you have at least 80 years of life left in you- there is no rush! I regretted the first time I did it. I thouht I loved him. But a few years later I loved someone else and wished I'd waited.Also, I was incredibly careful with birth control. I was on the pill and been with my boyfriend for months. Guess what I fell pregnant! You can sit there any say- I'll be more careful, Im not that stupid but it doesn't always work out that way. Instead of learning to drive and getting drunk at parties I was buyng nappies. And your friends dont say around if that happens either!Please, please, please tell him no. If he loves you he'll wait. Plus there is so many other ways to enjoy yourselves. Trust me! when your a 26 seperated single parent- Making out on the couch seems like bliss!Just wait you have years of life left.
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female
reader, citris +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Please please please listen to everything i have to say.
You are 12 years old.
if you can answer yes to all of the following questions, then it is fully your own decision, but know that your being on here questioning it is you giving yourself the answer of NO, do not have sex you are not ready yet.
so...
Are you ready for the consequences and the emotions that come with this kind of step?
Are you capable of having a conversation with your parent(s) or guardian should you need to, regarding birth control, stds, medical issues and pregnancy?
Are you mentally, emotionally and physically ready to have sex?
Are you mentally, emotionally and physically ready to deal with an unexpected pregnancy?
Are you mentally, emotionally and physically ready to lose your virginity and face the possability that this boy is NOT the one you'll love for the rest of your life?
now if you answered yes to those, maybe you are ready. However, consider this...
Are you prepared to feel regret after you do have sex with him?
if not, then don't do it.
Also keep in mind, that because you are only 12, even though this boy is about the same age as you, there are legal issues here. You are, in the USA considered a minor child and your parent(s)/guardian are responsible for you legally. That means that if they were to find out and be very angry, they could take legal action, either against this boy, or against his own parent(s)/guardian.
Overall, I would say do not have sex. You are not in a position at this age to make that leap into adulthood. Enjoy being a kid/teenager. Enjoy the simple things that 'young love' has to offer and can teach you.
Best wishes to you!
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x + ♥, writes (1 April 2008):
 You are aware of how completely illegal that is, aren't you? You just turned 12?!?! That's way too young! I wouldn't do it. I don't think you're ready for it yet. Your body still hasn't stopped growing fully and I doubt you'll be ready. Twelve is very illegal. He could be charged for that. Big trouble with the police.
Wishing you the best
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): You should definately wait. One, you are still very young; you have alot of time to decide when you want to have sex. Two, you haven't been together very long. I'm 15 and I've been with my bf for about a year and a half, and we still haven't had sex!
One of the biggest way to show someone you love them is to wait for them. If he truly loves you, then he'll be willing to wait until you're comfortable
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