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*ountry Woman agony aunt

*ountry Woman

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*ountry Woman's profile:

OK, I wanted to just let everyone know that for now I will not be on the site as I have realised that I need to take some time out for both my own sake and also for my family. I will not delete myself from this site as I totally believe in it whole heartedly as the thanks over the years that I have received from people I have tried to advise has been amazing and given me so much in return. This site helped me get through the loss of my dad in 2007 and I think I hid my grief a lot then but now I need to find my place in my life and need to dedicate all my energy on that goal and also supporting my family as well. Don't ever be afraid to talk to the wonderful aunts and uncles on this site and remember that if Andrew had never started this site so many people would have never had the fantastic advice and help that they needed so much. I will return you can bank on it OK.

A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 44 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.

I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.

Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2010 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol

I think that at 44 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.

My motivation in life is seeing my daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.

I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.

I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer in 2000 your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.

I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.

I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.

I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.

Take care and bfn.

Country Woman

x

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I need advice on my cheating girlfriend!

Q.   Hey guys im rather upset about this but just wanted some constructive feedback and others opinions on it. last night my girlfriend of 4 years went to her male friends house and just them two were drinking until they were completely wasted and he...

A.   29 December 2009: Hi I am glad at the end of the day, you were strong enough to finally call it quits. The fact that she was begging you to set HER the boundaries, means that she has no comprehension of right and wrong and you are not her parents or her t... (read in full...)

Although we've made up now my boyfriend is having a party and the girl he cheated with might be there!

Q.   My boyfriend cheated on me 2 months ago - slept with someone else at a party. Completely unexpected and completely against my morals. More detail in previous q's of mine! But to the point of this one... Rightly, or probably wrongly, i gave ...

A.   16 December 2009: Personally it sounds to me like he is fed up with being GOOD in his eyes and he wants to party on New Year's Eve, maybe his mates are saying things like, "the missus keeping a tight reign on you since you were a naughty boy"? Perhaps he now feel... (read in full...)

Why won't he spend his money on me?

Q.   My boyfriend recently lost his job, and is now on unemployment, so we don't go out as much as we used to. If we do go out, I usually pay for myself, and he pays for himself. It is just expected for me to pay for myself now, and that's fine,but I ...

A.   16 December 2009: Maybe what you need to do is to let him know that you are low on cash at the moment as you have had a lot of stuff to pay out lately. If he is bored perhaps he sees the skateboard as a form of escapism. I realise it is hard for everyone rig... (read in full...)

I cut off contact and did the right thing, so what now?

Q.   Well, I did it. I thought of my girlfriend of ten years and her feelings first, like everyone always says, and I cut off contact with my best friend (who is a woman) who I was getting too close to. She understood, of course, because she's awesome. ...

A.   15 December 2009: Oh wow, so sorry just re read my answer to you and meant to say gf not bf (I meant girlfriend so big apologies). Country Woman ... (read in full...)

I cut off contact and did the right thing, so what now?

Q.   Well, I did it. I thought of my girlfriend of ten years and her feelings first, like everyone always says, and I cut off contact with my best friend (who is a woman) who I was getting too close to. She understood, of course, because she's awesome. ...

A.   15 December 2009: Well you basically chose to give your relationship your full attention but at the moment that really isn't what is happening is it? So you are aged between 26 - 29 and your gf has been with you for 10 years, sounds to me like you have basicall... (read in full...)

I need advice on my cheating girlfriend!

Q.   Hey guys im rather upset about this but just wanted some constructive feedback and others opinions on it. last night my girlfriend of 4 years went to her male friends house and just them two were drinking until they were completely wasted and he...

A.   15 December 2009: After reading everyone else's comments and yours as well, you have to ask yourself this "what am I getting out of this so called relationship", if it is occasional sex and not amazing sex, plus she is spending time with this other guy, cut your ... (read in full...)

Although we've made up now my boyfriend is having a party and the girl he cheated with might be there!

Q.   My boyfriend cheated on me 2 months ago - slept with someone else at a party. Completely unexpected and completely against my morals. More detail in previous q's of mine! But to the point of this one... Rightly, or probably wrongly, i gave ...

A.   8 December 2009: Yes well if this girl does seek you out on the night and asks to talk then tell her you would rather do that on another day and just exchange telephone numbers instead. OK she could lie through her teeth if she is actually after him but you can ... (read in full...)

I don't know whether to be with him or move on after this happening... help!

Q.   A couple of months ago my boyfriend slept with someone else out of the blue... complete surprise and never thought he would ever do anything like that. Have been trying to move on - with him - trying couples counselling. Feel some issues are ...

A.   8 December 2009: To a certain degree I have to actually agree with Ask oldersister in regard to the fact that this is a bf and not a husband so there is no actual commitment between the two of you and I didn't realise the level of contact/seeing one another. ... (read in full...)

My bf wants us to move in together....but I'm not ready =[

Q.   Hello everyone. Thanks to whoever reads this and can give me some advice. Well ive just started University and have been in the City for about 2 months. My boyfriend recently moved down also and has his own house share. Well he wants us to move...

A.   8 December 2009: I think you need to be honest with him and let him know that your feelings for him haven't changed but you love sharing with other girls right now and loving that whole experience. If he is sharing with guys maybe HE is the one that is missing ... (read in full...)

Although we've made up now my boyfriend is having a party and the girl he cheated with might be there!

Q.   My boyfriend cheated on me 2 months ago - slept with someone else at a party. Completely unexpected and completely against my morals. More detail in previous q's of mine! But to the point of this one... Rightly, or probably wrongly, i gave ...

A.   8 December 2009: Sweetheart I don't think there is any magic words or advice that is going to make you feel better about this situation. I think your bf is damn lucky you decided to give him a second chance but does he know that you are not likely to make that exc... (read in full...)

I love my fiancé, but I feel like I'm just getting what's left of him after his past marriages.

Q.   My fiance has been married twice before. He's a great guy and I love him to pieces. But, I feel sometimes that I kinda am getting what ever is left of him and his relationships. Maybe thats not such a bad thing, but in somethings it is because he ...

A.   8 December 2009: OK personally I feel that having gone back to your original question about your wedding and this new question, your fiance is detaching himself and maybe he is feeling history repeating itself and that is just not being honest with you. I think yo... (read in full...)

I don't know whether to be with him or move on after this happening... help!

Q.   A couple of months ago my boyfriend slept with someone else out of the blue... complete surprise and never thought he would ever do anything like that. Have been trying to move on - with him - trying couples counselling. Feel some issues are ...

A.   8 December 2009: OK well I think you need to continue with the couple counselling if my personal opinion and what I think is also important is the fact that you both seem to have your own issues as well. Most certainly your boyfriend it seems and I think the trust ... (read in full...)

Trouble breaking up... I want to text him back but shouldn't...

Q.   Hi all, I hope someone can help me with this. Again its another break up question. Me and my bf have dated for about 4 years now off and on. We split up for a year and both had relationships however, soon after they both ended we got back togethe...

A.   7 December 2009: Personally I feel that both texts and emails can sometimes feel very cold and not actually convey the true feeling you want to get across in a conversation. He made an effort to make you feel special by cooking you a meal as you went home for... (read in full...)

I am dating the local newspaper!

Q.   i've recently got my first ever girlfriend of my life and i am damn happy 'bout it. but the thing is, whatever we talk about, romantic or private, just ANYTHINNG.... she goes on and shares it with her roommates. its not that they spread gossi...

A.   6 December 2009: There is always a certain level of excitement when you are with someone and if you have a best friend, you might let them know what the other person has said to you, however, you don't go into private/personal information like how things are on an ... (read in full...)

He is married but still comes looking for me!

Q.   Hello and thank you so much for taking the time to read this because I really need some advice - me and my ex boyfriend (also my best friend) dated for 2 years and for the first time, I fell madly in love.. However our relationship was not perfect ...

A.   5 December 2009: Sweetheart I think he is playing you and that just isn't fair. Don't be his second best, if he married this woman then he needs to concentrate on his marriage and not think he can pick you up and drop you at the merest drop of his finger. ... (read in full...)

He wants to wait but I want him now!

Q.   Im 15 and a 26 year old likes me and i like him he say he'll wait till im 18 i want him now tho what should i do?...

A.   5 December 2009: Sweetheart the fact that a 26 year old is showing interest in you, that is not great, he is an adult and you are not. It could be seen to be that an older man is preying on a younger girl and there are words for that type of person. You say... (read in full...)

How do I emotionally detach myself from an unloving husband?

Q.   How do i emotionally detach myself from an unloving husband? when i say unlove it means he is never mentally or emotionally attached to me... i have tried to please him in all way but he prefers to be left alone most of the times. the only way i r...

A.   3 December 2009: If you are emotional then that is a wonderful thing, it is not something to be embarrassed about or PUT down for. Has your husband told you why he feels this way? Sounds to me like he has no love left in him and NO ONE should stay in a marria... (read in full...)

How do I continue seeing my girlfriend when she has feelings for this other man?

Q.   im in a bit of a predicament. my current girlfriend and i have been going out for almost 5 months now. i stayed with her for a month, and things were going great, really great. i found out about this guy that she was talking to her before me, he ...

A.   3 December 2009: I think there has to be a certain level of honesty here. OK, this may sound brutal but it needs to be said, at the end of the day you are not dating her family or her children for that matter, you are dating her and she is the important one in a... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's past trouble me..am I overreacting?

Q.   Hi there, I'm looking for some advice about my partner. I've been with my partner for 4 years now and we don't live together but do see each other 3 times a week, either he stays at mine or i stay at his. The problem is that I have always known ...

A.   2 December 2009: Hmm this is a hard question to answer in all honesty as I have read your question and porn can ALWAYS been something that causes rifts in a relationship, I should know it was very much involved in my long term relationship. Porn has evolved ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend of 5 years foresees our relationship ending in a year

Q.   My bf and I have been together for 5 years, since he was 19 and I was 20. We've lived together for approximately 3.5 of those years. 6 months ago, when our previous lease was about to expire, he said he wanted to move out on his own. I was shock...

A.   1 December 2009: I do think a lot of relationships go through a sort of stagnant stage and they often need an injection of fun factor. We can all be guilty of falling into the mundane routine of life and NEVER see beyond that. I think you also have to loo... (read in full...)

Will she ever get over her divorce and show that she loves me?

Q.   I am not sure what actually should i put here...I am so sad, confused and depressed that it is all mixed up. I am in a relationship with a woman 2 years older to me. I love her a lot. She is divorced and I have never been married. She has this ...

A.   1 December 2009: I still personally feel that this isn't a relationship based on equal amounts of love from both parties. The word 'willing' means that you will do whatever it takes and that really isn't a loving sentiment so you are very right to feel this way... (read in full...)

Will she ever get over her divorce and show that she loves me?

Q.   I am not sure what actually should i put here...I am so sad, confused and depressed that it is all mixed up. I am in a relationship with a woman 2 years older to me. I love her a lot. She is divorced and I have never been married. She has this ...

A.   30 November 2009: I think unfortunately you ended up being rebound guy and that is NEVER good. It isn't fair on you or in truth being fair to herself either. She wasn't truly finished in her marriage before she started seeing you. There seems to be a lot of h... (read in full...)

Anything can start a fight with us now. How do I sort this?

Q.   Alright, my girlfriend and I have been dating for around four years now. Things have been pretty awesome until recently. It seems that lately everything, from going grocery shopping to our puppy can start a fight. She always accuses me of ...

A.   25 November 2009: Well the final straw that broke the camel's back eh! I think we all have a certain threshold that we can tolerate from anyone, especially those we are closest to and then there is always something that tips us over the edge. I think your inner... (read in full...)

He slept with me even though he had an STD but I still like him!

Q.   ok so here goes... i met this man who says he really likes me. we did oral sex but nothing else he texted me and rang all the time and i met up with him again and had unprotected sex. he continued to tell me he really liked me ect and we arranged ro ...

A.   24 November 2009: Well done sweetheart, you have been sensible and let's be fair you were just looking for some love and affection. You were out of the dating game and you were probably feeling very vunerable so don't be too hard on yourself. It was a hars... (read in full...)

Anything can start a fight with us now. How do I sort this?

Q.   Alright, my girlfriend and I have been dating for around four years now. Things have been pretty awesome until recently. It seems that lately everything, from going grocery shopping to our puppy can start a fight. She always accuses me of ...

A.   22 November 2009: I know they say love is blind but let's be honest here, you were once this guy who needed help with your anger issues and now you have gone into complete reverse and she must know how hard it must be for you after having had counselling to help with ... (read in full...)

Anything can start a fight with us now. How do I sort this?

Q.   Alright, my girlfriend and I have been dating for around four years now. Things have been pretty awesome until recently. It seems that lately everything, from going grocery shopping to our puppy can start a fight. She always accuses me of ...

A.   22 November 2009: OK so you say your life with your gf has been pretty awesome until recently, why do you think things have changed recently? Could it be the introduction of the puppy? How old is it btw? Sometimes when we factor in a new element to a rel... (read in full...)

He slept with me even though he had an STD but I still like him!

Q.   ok so here goes... i met this man who says he really likes me. we did oral sex but nothing else he texted me and rang all the time and i met up with him again and had unprotected sex. he continued to tell me he really liked me ect and we arranged ro ...

A.   20 November 2009: So you think it is big of him to tell you after the event that he has an STD than just walking away? Hmm in my opinion if you have just met a guy then both of you should be having SAFE sex all the time, never mind the pregnancy element of all of t... (read in full...)

I need advice on my cheating girlfriend!

Q.   Hey guys im rather upset about this but just wanted some constructive feedback and others opinions on it. last night my girlfriend of 4 years went to her male friends house and just them two were drinking until they were completely wasted and he...

A.   20 November 2009: OK so basically you have no proof that anything other than a kiss and a cuddle has happened? Is that right? If you don't feel you can trust your gf, especially when she is around drink and especially when she is around this guy, you need to confr... (read in full...)

Should I tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his child?

Q.   Just yesterday, I found out I was pregnant and it was confirmed by a doctor. My boyfriend and I recently split and he refused to give me a reason. Then only thing he told me was that he loved me but couldnt be with me anymore. But the night before, ...

A.   15 November 2009: How far along are you right now? I think you need to think clearly in your own head about what the future will hold for you and have you told your parents yet? Have they been supportive? I think you need to have close friend's and fam... (read in full...)

Lost my girlfriend.... but should I keep her as a friend?

Q.   18 months ago I fell in love. I'm 31 now. The sad thing is, this is my first real relationship. She was the first person who ever saw past my weight, etc, and gave me a chance. This is probably because I got to know her, and she got to know me, for ...

A.   15 November 2009: Well it seems as though you have already gone through the financial's and made it clear to Kate what you think is fair, i.e. paying for the phone for her daughter but not hers and also as far as the insurance side of things is concerned, again her ... (read in full...)

Lost my girlfriend.... but should I keep her as a friend?

Q.   18 months ago I fell in love. I'm 31 now. The sad thing is, this is my first real relationship. She was the first person who ever saw past my weight, etc, and gave me a chance. This is probably because I got to know her, and she got to know me, for ...

A.   14 November 2009: OK first things first, I think you need to put your own feelings in first place, you are the important one here and you have been kind and very generous with your love, affection and also financially. However, that cannot continue as then it ... (read in full...)

How can I learn to trust again...?

Q.   I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...

A.   11 November 2009: I'm no expert on dating as I am still to get back into that side of things but you don't say how old you are? I think the actual allure of the chase is great for anyone as if they are finding attention from the opposite sex they know they are... (read in full...)

Should I be a friend while he goes through a divorce or cease contact until it's sorted?

Q.   I'm a divorced single mother of 2 little boys, 6 and 8. I recently started seeing a man who is separated with 3 children but his divorce won't go through until he and his ex have agreed on custody and support issues. I was cautious about dating h...

A.   8 November 2009: I personally think when there is a messy divorce going on he needs to concentrate on just being a good dad to his children and getting through this the best way he knows how. Also the fact that his ex is obviously one of these women, who although... (read in full...)

I think I might've been raped... or did I consent?

Q.   ok sooo im 16. my boyfriend, well ex, was 18 and we jus broke up. we got together 5 months ago. before i got with him, i never rly had the urge to drink alcohol or smoke anything. but in these last 5 months i have jus been wanting it more and more. ...

A.   8 November 2009: Hi sweetheart, I kept on checking on the site yesterday and because I was watching silly stuff on the TV last night didn't end up going to bed till 2am this morning but I was worried, I can't help it. I think it is any parents nightmare to find ... (read in full...)

Why is my ex playing games with me?

Q.   So, my ex and I broke up in dec. 2007. We talked on and off from that point until the end of feb. hooking up once. I had a lot of issues going on then and I went away for a year to sort through them. During that time we had no contact ...

A.   7 November 2009: I think he feels like he wants the contact with you and when he gets the response, he has achieved what he set out to achieve and then withdraws. It is like a horse and carrot situation, by dangling it in front of your nose, you aim for it and j... (read in full...)

I think I might've been raped... or did I consent?

Q.   ok sooo im 16. my boyfriend, well ex, was 18 and we jus broke up. we got together 5 months ago. before i got with him, i never rly had the urge to drink alcohol or smoke anything. but in these last 5 months i have jus been wanting it more and more. ...

A.   7 November 2009: First things first, you need to go to a clinic or doctor and get the morning after pill. If you are already taking the pill then maybe you are safe on the pregnancy side of things but I do think you need to go and get some tests as it is not just... (read in full...)

Should I meet an Online Friend?

Q.   Advice on Meeting this guy... I met a guy pretty randomly online about 3 months ago. He IMed me, and we just sort of introduced ourselves and we started talking. We kept talking acouple times a week, we would get on webcam and talk, but the so...

A.   7 November 2009: I think it is right to be cautious and his cheek is saying you can pay for him to see you is not right. I am pleased you put him straight on that one. OK so if you are both in college I am guessing funds for both of you are difficult. H... (read in full...)

Just wondering...for those of you who were cheated on...how did you find out.

Q.   To those of you in long standing relationships who have been cheated on by your better half, HOW did you find out?...

A.   2 November 2009: I personally stumbled across emails on my NOW ex's computer. I had never gone on his computer in the past as we both used to work from home and we had a child together at the time. I always believed what he said about him going onto sites th... (read in full...)

I'm pretty much in uncharted waters with no paddle...what should I do?

Q.   dear cupid, I work for a hardware store. while I was with my ex and a girl my age was hired. at first we where just friends. I found out she has a boyfriend. I treated her like a friend, basic bullshiting. we became close friends. her boyfriend also ...

A.   2 November 2009: Don't s**t on your own doorstep though. If you like her as a friend then keep it just as that and nothing more, especially as you are so close to her boyfriend. If he is too sensitive for her and she is not getting out of the relationship wha... (read in full...)

Do I date him? I don't want to be hurt like he's hurt others.

Q.   i posted a question a couple of days ago because i was unsure of whether the guy i liked liked me back. i now know that he does like me back but he has made out with two girls recently and is not dating either of them. he has told them this and they ...

A.   2 November 2009: Sweetheart at your age I think he is trying to rack up as many females as he can. How old is he btw? Have you already lost your virginity or are you still a virgin? He may be out to be the one boy around who can keep a track of how many fem... (read in full...)

Is this relationship one-sided?

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend since June and even from the begining she told me she still had feelings for her ex. But she and I pushed foward and wanted to give our relationship a try so we did. What happened was she accidently got pregenant and ...

A.   2 November 2009: You need to tell her what you have just said and that is that you feel her love for you is not as strong as the love you feel for her. Of course her and her ex shared something which was the fact that they conceived a child together, but at the s... (read in full...)

How can I learn to trust again...?

Q.   I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...

A.   2 November 2009: Trying to replicate the feelings that your ex made you feel is not the right thing to do as it was all a farce, he didn't love you he used you sweetheart. It felt good at the time but he let you down big time. It is your self confidence that ... (read in full...)

How can I learn to trust again...?

Q.   I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...

A.   30 October 2009: Well I know exactly how you feel as I was in a relationship for almost 20 years and my ex cheated on me. The difference was though that we went to Relate and then individual counsellors and eventually couple counsellors. During all of that tim... (read in full...)

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