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... Send *ountry Woman a private message | | | *ountry Woman's profile:OK, I wanted to just let everyone know that for now I will not be on the site as I have realised that I need to take some time out for both my own sake and also for my family. I will not delete myself from this site as I totally believe in it whole heartedly as the thanks over the years that I have received from people I have tried to advise has been amazing and given me so much in return. This site helped me get through the loss of my dad in 2007 and I think I hid my grief a lot then but now I need to find my place in my life and need to dedicate all my energy on that goal and also supporting my family as well. Don't ever be afraid to talk to the wonderful aunts and uncles on this site and remember that if Andrew had never started this site so many people would have never had the fantastic advice and help that they needed so much. I will return you can bank on it OK.
A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 44 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.
I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.
Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2010 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol
I think that at 44 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.
My motivation in life is seeing my daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.
I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.
I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer in 2000 your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.
I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.
I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.
I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
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He's bipolar..won't take his meds...I'm really afraid of what might happen.
Q. I realize that there are probably no 2 bipolar individuals with the same symptoms. But When my husband leaves me, sometimes for weeks at a time, what is going through his mind? When asked, he says "not much of anything". He even says he doesnt ...
A. 17 May 2009: Britt has given you advice and she knows better than most what living with a bi-polar sufferer is like.
My sister's fiance is also bi-polar and yes all the same traits seem to shine through as they all seem to go down the same route once they sto... (read in full...)
How do I fix my relationship?
Q. I have never asked advice online before so here I go. I have been dating a girl for a year and a half now. I hav lied to her on countless occasions on stupid stuff. I am 31 and she is 40. She has 2 teenagers that live with us. We have always worked ...
A. 17 May 2009: Whilst everyone has pointed out the issues with drink on your part and that of your partner's you don't actually say how often YOU drink and how often your partner drinks?
If it is on a daily basis that neither one of you can get through the day ... (read in full...)
Starved of Affection and Lonley ......
Q. I have been married for 9 years. I am a doctoral student and work full-time. My husband goes to school part-time. I have been thinking about this for a while and just need some advice. I love my husband, but he says he is not an affectionate person. ...
A. 17 May 2009: OK I think the advice you have already been given has a lot of merit.
You say you are a full time doctoral student and your husband goes to school part time. What else does he do with the rest of his time, does he work?
I think the fact i... (read in full...)
The meaning of love - please help - I am confused?
Q. OK is what i would like to know what is the difference between in love with you and I love you? The reason that i ask that is that some times my husband will tell me that he loves me but he is not in love with me so what does that mean??...
A. 15 May 2009: Right I will give you my thoughts on this subject but everyone does have different ideas at the end of the day and so you may receive varying explanations.
To say you are 'in love' with someone I have always interpreted as the exciting, fresh re... (read in full...)
Using breast milk, but not breast feeding
Q. I know this isn't really a relationship question, but since there is a topic section involving pregnancy I thought I would try to ask my question here. I was wondering if there is any one out there who has/is breastfeeding, but by only using a ...
A. 12 May 2009: Hi sweetheart
Well if you can get on with a breast pump then there is no reason why you shouldn't use one, your breast milk has such fantastic qualities in it that it will give your baby such a good start, I was only able to feed my daughter... (read in full...)
How do I know if I am bipolar?
Q. How do i know if i am bipolar? (Mod note: if you Google this, you will find 375000 entries on it.)...
A. 12 May 2009: Sweetheart your message is so short it is hard to know what symptons you are suffering.
I think bipolar can manifest itself in people in different ways so no two people are the same, there are similarities of course and mood adjustments and all ... (read in full...)
My ex is playing mind games and I don't know if any of it is really. Please help!!!
Q. hey every1 ..my ex broke up with me 7 months ago during the duration of the breakup weve slept togther on a few occasions... to him it was a friends with benifits situation but to me it always felt like more ..im still madly in love with him and ...
A. 10 May 2009: Listen after reading your message to us I feel that he wants the best of both worlds and he is a PLAYER, pure and simple.
Don't lower yourself to his level - at the end of the day cheating is cheating and even though he says you are not the one ... (read in full...)
Our relationship seems to be going backwards!
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a nearly 4 years now and whilst he still makes me happy we seem to be in reverse - we moved in together almost immediately and since then we've taken steps back. Living together turned into living alone which now ...
A. 8 May 2009: Hi there, well in all honesty it sounds to me like you have fallen into the same old trap that most long term relationship find, you get into the mundane routine aspect of a relationship rather than the first flourish of a new relationship.
You a... (read in full...)
I told her the cold truth - and she hates me for it!
Q. Hey, My friend (not me at all) just told me she is pregnant, with this guy that left her right after she told him. He was never a real relationship, which all her friends kept telling her, but she didnt listen. He had her just for the weekend fun, ...
A. 7 May 2009: Your stuck between a rock and a hard place really.
You have tried to help your friend and as she is adamant she wants to keep the baby then I can understand that. However, if she is going to struggle financially and could ultimately lose her job ... (read in full...)
I'm being blackmailed by an ex who has gotten me in debt!
Q. im being blackmailed by an ex, he has got me 20k in debt and has got cars on finance in my name, now im being threatened by solicitors and courts with legal action as the payments havent been made, when i ask him whats going on he says he will sort ...
A. 5 May 2009: Personally I think all the advice you have been given is so right. There is no burying your head in the sand and hoping this will go away.
You say you are not sleeping or eating, believe me I know what it is like when you are in debt and it is he... (read in full...)
I told her the cold truth - and she hates me for it!
Q. Hey, My friend (not me at all) just told me she is pregnant, with this guy that left her right after she told him. He was never a real relationship, which all her friends kept telling her, but she didnt listen. He had her just for the weekend fun, ...
A. 5 May 2009: Well I realise everything you are saying is completely true but she has obviously resigned herself to the fact that she does not want an abortion. I know you weren't telling her to but in her eyes that is all she can think about.
Have you tried to... (read in full...)
How can I get my wife to reconcile?
Q. Recently my wife rang me on my way home from work to tell me that it was over and that she didnt love me any more and that she means it for good. 2 months have past by and i have had to get legal advice to get contact with our two kids. Once I h...
A. 4 May 2009: Hi, I don't think the way your wife decided to end your relationship allowed you to know where on earth things went wrong and you still have an awful lot of unanswered questions.
Is there anyone else in her life to your knowledge?
Some so... (read in full...)
Some days he loves me, some days I think he wants me out the door
Q. Hi, i wrote to you regarding my issue and you said you couldnt list it why i dont know. well i thought i would give it a try one more time i have been engaged to a man feb.2008 alot has happened since than he has when throw a horrible divorce in ...
A. 30 April 2009: Well it really does depend on whether your name was involved in the divorce, had you been seeing him while the whole divorce went through and did she name you as a third party or the cause of the breakup?
I think the fact is that he has lost eve... (read in full...)
I don't want my fiance to have a stripper!
Q. I'm engaged to my partner (we have been together several years), and he said the only reason he won't be having a stripper on his stag night is because i'm really paranoid (I have a mental illness). So, I said that I thought he was doing it to ...
A. 29 April 2009: Wow this whole question has now started to get into a battle of words and beliefs it seems.
Look I didn't realise what your beliefs are but like you say they are your beliefs, I would however just take one element of the anonymous writer and say ... (read in full...)
I don't want my fiance to have a stripper!
Q. I'm engaged to my partner (we have been together several years), and he said the only reason he won't be having a stripper on his stag night is because i'm really paranoid (I have a mental illness). So, I said that I thought he was doing it to ...
A. 28 April 2009: OK well others have said what they feel and after reading your follow up I think that there is still a long time before your actual ceremony so don't keep on putting yourself through hell right now.
Calm yourself right down and just concentr... (read in full...)
I don't want my fiance to have a stripper!
Q. I'm engaged to my partner (we have been together several years), and he said the only reason he won't be having a stripper on his stag night is because i'm really paranoid (I have a mental illness). So, I said that I thought he was doing it to ...
A. 27 April 2009: You say you have a mental illness and obviously this does cloud your judgement.
You don't mention when you are due to get married so I am wondering whether you are getting yourself worked up over something that is in the distance or if you are ... (read in full...)
Do you think counselling will get us through this?
Q. My Husband of 15 years and 3 children has told me 6 months ago he had a short fling with a very good friend of mine who has since left to live many miles away and has never been in touch with either of us and now I know why? He is been treated for ...
A. 27 April 2009: Sweetheart, what have you got to lose eh!
I went through a very similar situation but my ex didn't have depression, I had though and I pushed him further and further away. I couldn't bear him anywhere near me and it wasn't anything he had done. I ... (read in full...)
Why is my husband stingy with me?
Q. I am married in about a year already. I am in a totaly new place and have known only a couple of friends. I had a job before but I quit when I got married and relocate to my husbands place. I had no jog for almost 8 mos, and now I just started a ...
A. 20 April 2009: I totally agree with what Ginalolabridga has said.
I have 3 nieces, 2 who will be 20 in July and one who will be 17 in May, all of them are working - even the almost 17 year old has a part time job whilst at college so they try not to sponge o... (read in full...)
It seems like she can't make up her mind
Q. This feels like a roller coaster ride. The girl of my dreams, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me about 6 months ago. Both at different colleges and she decided she did not want a boyfriend. I was crushed. I was, and still am, truly in ...
A. 20 April 2009: The thing is that when you are together you are great and both of you keep thinking about each other when you are apart. When you don't talk you are both miserable.
I can understand both sides here, you want something more than just getting ... (read in full...)
Is this fixable? Should I give it another try? Should I let it go?
Q. I am 23 years old with a 10 month old son. Abit of a long story//sorry! Please Help ME!! I met this guy who was 13 yrs older than me when I was 17 years old. He convinced me to go out with him, keeping it secret from both our families, until I ...
A. 19 April 2009: Personally I am a greater believer that it is better to cut ties when your children are younger as they do not grow up in an environment surrounded by unhappiness and they are so adjustable, believe me I have seen it with my own daughter and also ... (read in full...)
I need your help and advice! How can I get out of this situation and resolve it peacefully?
Q. When I was at the supermarket in the queue a few days ago, an elderly lady pulled me up and said "We need to go somewhere to talk. It's some news about your son" I thought this was odd, but went anyway when I'd done my shopping. The woman told m...
A. 19 April 2009: Yes, I think your in a very awkward position and if the woman in the supermarket had NEVER pulled you to one side you may have stayed in the dark forever, this didn't happen.
You now have confirmation from your son that this has been going on... (read in full...)
Married 24 years, no affection left
Q. Please let me know how do you feel about this? Married for 24 years,3 kids together.. -kids ,are grown up but needy -husband totally cold,but says he loves me -we have no sex life -we fight a lot,on working too much,and lack of affection ...
A. 19 April 2009: If I hadn't see the words TRIED counselling and have tried to talk, write to him, I would have suggested all of them.
However, if he is as closed to everything as you say then there is something else that is underlying here.
Do you think there ... (read in full...)
Money, Mother in-law and Me!
Q. I have a problem, my partner who I have only been with a short time now, have joined our finances. It was going well until we had a spat, and I told him I wanted my own account again. He hasnt been honest with me in the past, especially about mo...
A. 19 April 2009: Well I think you need to ask him WHY he wanted to have a joint account in the first place.
You know the truth from his mother so there is NO denying it now. The cat is out of the bag so to speak.
You say he is funny about money but at the end o... (read in full...)
Is this fixable? Should I give it another try? Should I let it go?
Q. I am 23 years old with a 10 month old son. Abit of a long story//sorry! Please Help ME!! I met this guy who was 13 yrs older than me when I was 17 years old. He convinced me to go out with him, keeping it secret from both our families, until I ...
A. 17 April 2009: Personally I think you were scared of this guy and you protected your child from coming to any harm.
The way he spoke to you was controlling and as he is older than you he will always think he is right and you are not as you are younger than he ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, but only texts and calls me when I contact him
Q. i have a problem with the father of my kid.we been together for 4 years now but he says he loves me but the problem is he doesn call or sms me,he only cals wen i sms him first or give a miscal.we don't stay together, this is actualy a distance rela...
A. 17 April 2009: At the end of the day men and women will always think differently and what we as women need and the needs of a man we will NEVER see eye to eye.
I just think it is worth a shot, what have you got to lose. The other post from the anonymou... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed and disgusted by my wife's actions
Q. My marriage is suffering due to some recent goings on... My wife has been working on a massage course for a while now and I totally understood what the course entailed when she started it. One day, after going to a massage open day, where ...
A. 17 April 2009: I have obviously been regarded as a one sided person on this but personally your wife taking your daughter out of a hostile environment where no talking is going on between the two of you is the most sensible thing here.
Do you think it is right... (read in full...)
My parents hate my b/f, they think he's terrible..how to sway them?
Q. Hey. I'm 15 and MY boyfriend is 18. He's sweet, kind, caring, and I feel really.. protected when I'm around him. Adressing the age gap, I forget about it all the time. I'm free to be myself around him, and vice versa. I'm also very mature for my ...
A. 16 April 2009: Has your parents met your bf's parents at all?
All parents will automatically dislike any bf as they want to protect their own child and it wouldn't matter if it was Prince William who walked through the door or someone famous and very boy next... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed and disgusted by my wife's actions
Q. My marriage is suffering due to some recent goings on... My wife has been working on a massage course for a while now and I totally understood what the course entailed when she started it. One day, after going to a massage open day, where ...
A. 16 April 2009: Sorry to say that I don't actually agree with you, this is a male ego/ownership of wife situation and not a husband understanding what his wife's new profession entailed, even though you said you did.
I can understand why she reacted the way she ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, but only texts and calls me when I contact him
Q. i have a problem with the father of my kid.we been together for 4 years now but he says he loves me but the problem is he doesn call or sms me,he only cals wen i sms him first or give a miscal.we don't stay together, this is actualy a distance rela...
A. 16 April 2009: Unfortunately sweetheart it is like the old saying 'out of sight out of mind'. This man is not putting any effort in and only shows love, care and attention when you are with him as he knows that he is possibly going to get the attention when you ... (read in full...)
17 years of marriage, and now my husband has moved on. How do I pick up the pieces?
Q. My husband of 17 yrs (together 24 yrs - we were very young!) has just told me he has met someone else and has moved out to his mum's. I am devastated and my world has turned upside down, i like everyone who knew us thought we were for keeps. We have ...
A. 15 April 2009: Unfortunately sweetheart picking up the pieces is extremely hard.
I was with my ex (not married) for almost 20 years so I know what you are going through. You need to get a little angry inside as this will keep you strong. It is not a normal s... (read in full...)
First pregnancy anxieties.
Q. I'm 19 and last night I found out I was pregnant. I took a pregnancy test after having cramps and sore breasts pretty much constantly for around a fortnight. My periods have been slightly irregular for around the last four months so I'm not entirely ...
A. 15 April 2009: Sweetheart, it seems like you are your partner have accepted the fact that you are pregnant and like you say 'you are definitely going to keep the baby'.
It has happened despite the pill so it isn't like you have deliberately gone out to get preg... (read in full...)
Our first pregnancy..unplanned! How does a guy take the news?
Q. I really need some advice PLEASE! How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm pregnant..unplanned. This is 1st baby and I was thinking of doing it in a special way. Just because you know..Think back at how he found out. But I'm not sure how a guy takes ...
A. 15 April 2009: OK, seems to me like you have already decided you want to keep this baby, am I right?
You both knew what you were doing re the time you should have waited before having sex, you could have used something extra such as a condom but you didn't, ... (read in full...)
After 4 years together, stay in or get out?
Q. Hi everyone, My fiance and I have been together nearly 4years now and i think the spark has gone. We argue a lot of the time, we have no money, huge debts, we hardly make love and if we do I don't enjoy it, I just do it for him because he has a...
A. 14 April 2009: I have to say that what Emilyanswers has said is very good advice and well worth thinking about.
The fact that you say you are not happy and there is constant arguing, I realise it can be like that when you are worried about debt but you need to ... (read in full...)
Used & Confused
Q. ok so there's this guy that im crazy about that i've dated for a while in the past but we somehow stopped seeing each other with no formal break-up or anything. we started back talking about 5 months ago and ended up having sex for the first time...
A. 14 April 2009: The fact that you are on this site asking the question means that what is going on between you and this guy is not sitting well with you.
Yes we all like sex in our lives at different times in our lives but we don't just want sex buddies most of ... (read in full...)
Thoroughly confused! Help!
Q. This is thoroughly confused again more to my question and in regards to the answer we did have a big problem that made my ex distant and that was that I was listening to very bad advice from a very insecure friend of mine and I started being very ...
A. 10 April 2009: I think you should just enjoy your time together and don't put too much pressure onto this guy.
You have gone through a transition here with the ex friend of yours making you feel so insecure and probably too clingy (can't say I know what you... (read in full...)
I hate my life right now and all I want to do is cry...
Q. I currently hate my life. First my boyfriend of four years breaks up with me and I have to move back home, where my parents who are retired now and are always around. Then the transmission on my car breaks. I can't afford to fix it because my ...
A. 10 April 2009: Stay positive and maybe consider widening your search for a new job, I am sure you have a bus service you could take until you can afford transport.
You sound SO negative and down and whilst you remain in that mind set you will always see the ... (read in full...)
I hate my life right now and all I want to do is cry...
Q. I currently hate my life. First my boyfriend of four years breaks up with me and I have to move back home, where my parents who are retired now and are always around. Then the transmission on my car breaks. I can't afford to fix it because my ...
A. 10 April 2009: Sweetheart life can be shit sometimes and we all feel like curling up in a ball and pulling the covers over us.
I have in the last 2 years, lost my dad who I was very close to lost 3 of my pets, been made bankrupt and in February my house wa... (read in full...)
Her past FWB, it's killing me...
Q. Hello. I'll cut right to the chase. I am falling in love with this girl i've been dating for 5 months. She told me she is falling for me. She is everything I'm looking for in a woman...elegant, smart, driven, charming, sexy, successful. One nigh...
A. 9 April 2009: I personally think that this woman has been open and honest with you about her sexual past and it is just that the PAST, she is with you because she wants to be and your relationship has been growing intensely and she is everything that you are ... (read in full...)
Am I being that bad to my ex GF?
Q. I posted on here before and came back to get some more advice. I dumped my GF last year and we were on and off since then. I told her i would consider getting back with her if she lost weight she is a size 14-16 but good looking i must say, I prefer ...
A. 9 April 2009: Oh my word I could say a lot I really could but what would be the point, you have already been told your a p***k so how constructive is that.
Right first off I will tell you my opinion on this whole situation and I will shoot from the hip OK. You ... (read in full...)
My mum is so overprotective of me because of all these feelings I'm having...
Q. I am 14 years old, and am really protected by my parents. As I am 14 I feel as I am growing up as a person and feel that I could handle teenage stuff like getting a boyfriend. I currently have got feelings for this boy but as hard as I try to ignore ...
A. 30 January 2009: Unfortunately you are in a very difficult position right now and with both of your parents slightly dependent on your due to their disabilities it really isn't an easy time for you. You are having a heck of a lot of responsibility being put on your ... (read in full...)
I have found out that my wife of 6 months kissed another man when on a night out with friends.
Q. Hi there, I have found out that my wife of 6 months kissed another man when on a night out with friends. I only found out as my 18 month old son was playing with her phone. I took the phone off him as I didn't want him to break it and found tha...
A. 30 January 2009: I think you have had some fantastic advice from the other aunts but I am still trying to get my head round the fact that this kiss that happened on a night out with the girls has lead to her giving our her mobile number.
Was this kiss with som... (read in full...)
My mum is so overprotective of me because of all these feelings I'm having...
Q. I am 14 years old, and am really protected by my parents. As I am 14 I feel as I am growing up as a person and feel that I could handle teenage stuff like getting a boyfriend. I currently have got feelings for this boy but as hard as I try to ignore ...
A. 29 January 2009: Unfortunately sweetheart you cannot just make these feelings go away it is part of growing up.
Your mum is possibly very frightened for you with so much awful things you hear on the news and I think parents have become so much more protecti... (read in full...)
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