Like what
she writes?
... Add *ountry Woman to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ountry Woman a private message | | | *ountry Woman's profile:OK, I wanted to just let everyone know that for now I will not be on the site as I have realised that I need to take some time out for both my own sake and also for my family. I will not delete myself from this site as I totally believe in it whole heartedly as the thanks over the years that I have received from people I have tried to advise has been amazing and given me so much in return. This site helped me get through the loss of my dad in 2007 and I think I hid my grief a lot then but now I need to find my place in my life and need to dedicate all my energy on that goal and also supporting my family as well. Don't ever be afraid to talk to the wonderful aunts and uncles on this site and remember that if Andrew had never started this site so many people would have never had the fantastic advice and help that they needed so much. I will return you can bank on it OK.
A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 44 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.
I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.
Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2010 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol
I think that at 44 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.
My motivation in life is seeing my daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.
I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.
I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer in 2000 your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.
I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.
I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.
I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
x |
|
How can I learn to trust again...?
Q. I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...
A. 11 November 2009: I'm no expert on dating as I am still to get back into that side of things but you don't say how old you are?
I think the actual allure of the chase is great for anyone as if they are finding attention from the opposite sex they know they are... (read in full...)
How can I learn to trust again...?
Q. I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...
A. 2 November 2009: Trying to replicate the feelings that your ex made you feel is not the right thing to do as it was all a farce, he didn't love you he used you sweetheart.
It felt good at the time but he let you down big time.
It is your self confidence that ... (read in full...)
Should I be able to discuss difficult issues with my gf without the fear of massive arguments?
Q. I would be greatful of your advice. My gf and I have been together for nearly 4 years and have known each other well as close friends for 8 years. I am a communicator and value talking about problems and then negotiating a resolution or agreeing ...
A. 2 November 2009: Oh my word she really has got you by the short and curlies hasn't she.
She doesn't work unless it is on her terms, she works adhoc and doesn't pay for the space she rents, (well she doesn't rent because she doesn't pay for it). Anyway, YOU are ... (read in full...)
Should I be able to discuss difficult issues with my gf without the fear of massive arguments?
Q. I would be greatful of your advice. My gf and I have been together for nearly 4 years and have known each other well as close friends for 8 years. I am a communicator and value talking about problems and then negotiating a resolution or agreeing ...
A. 30 October 2009: Personally I wouldn't go into marriage on this basis at all and I certainly wouldn't sign any paperwork on a new house until these issues have been dealt with. It seems to me that she is treating you with a certain level of standoffish beha... (read in full...)
How can I learn to trust again...?
Q. I find it really hard getting back into relationships with men and i find that i cannot trust anyone. You see i was going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years and he cheated on me, i was completely devastated however that was 4 years ago. ...
A. 30 October 2009: Well I know exactly how you feel as I was in a relationship for almost 20 years and my ex cheated on me. The difference was though that we went to Relate and then individual counsellors and eventually couple counsellors.
During all of that tim... (read in full...)
How do I overcome the bullying? I feel so ugly compared to her.
Q. I'm sat here in tears thinking over the events of yesterday and I really just need someone to listen and I would welcome any sort of advice on how to move on... By way of a brief introduction I'm 27, single mother, working part-time with m...
A. 28 October 2009: Wow that is brilliant that your ex put the plebs straight and the fact that Clara wants to invite you out for dinner with the girls is a lovely gesture.
If you really don't feel up to it, then send a note with a few flowers and say thanks b... (read in full...)
Not being able to help my husband in his time of need is killing me. What should I do?
Q. I am in love with this wonderful person who i just found out is a very sick man, he has a few mental issues, anger managment has helped him get over his anger but worst of all the doctors think he may have testicular cancer. I love this man very ...
A. 27 October 2009: Sweetheart your parents are obviously overly protective towards you and it really does depend on what has happened in the past for them to react in such a strong and adamant way.
If your husband has harmed you or threatened you or your children... (read in full...)
How do I overcome the bullying? I feel so ugly compared to her.
Q. I'm sat here in tears thinking over the events of yesterday and I really just need someone to listen and I would welcome any sort of advice on how to move on... By way of a brief introduction I'm 27, single mother, working part-time with m...
A. 27 October 2009: Oh sweetheart you have totally had your confidence knocked and believe me I know how that feels.
I am overweight and not feeling my best anymore so I must admit this Clara sounds to me like she is a decent woman under the surface and you have bee... (read in full...)
Desperatly wanting the love of my husband back
Q. My husband wanted to talk to me the other night about us. The other night he told me he loves me but is not in love with me anymore but I am his best friend the thing is i felt the same way but i do love him and want our marriage to work. Since our ...
A. 26 October 2009: I have to say that you have had some very sound advice from Ginalolabridga and Marriedlady.
Every relationship tends to go through the stale mate time and that is no one's fault we get set in our ways and sometimes we do need to reignite the flam... (read in full...)
How to tell my pregnant mother that I might be pregnant too?
Q. My mom is 4 months pregnant, and I think I might be pregnant also.. I'm 18 and live on my own but she still supports me a lot! I dont know how to tell her that I am pregnant, or that I think I might be. Help, please?...
A. 26 October 2009: First of all I think you need to make sure that you are pregnant first of all and then address the issue of telling your mum.
Have you done a test yet or not? If so, have you had confirmation from your doctor or clinic?
Have you told the fat... (read in full...)
I think he should have married me despite his mother's objections!
Q. I have been in a relationship for 20+ years with my boyfriend. He is my best friend as well. It is positive in many ways, and that has been a strong glue for keeping us together. We laugh, talk, finish each others sentences. Time flies. We just ...
A. 26 October 2009: Well personally sweetheart I was in a very similar situation for almost 20 years as well. The only difference being that it was my now ex who was against marriage and the fact that his parents had divorced that meant he had this very jaded opinion ... (read in full...)
I've never fallen out of love so what now?
Q. i am 43 yrs old married for 18 yrs and have a son 16 and a daughter 9 but here is the situation. it was love at first sight at the age of 16 instantly i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl, still a virgin (both of us) i didn't...
A. 26 October 2009: Well in all honesty have you asked your first love if she is happy in her marriage? I am assuming she is still with this older guy? Does she have children with him?
You made a committment to your wife and you also have children as well so don't... (read in full...)
I'm finally content after our breakup and don't want to be heartbroken again...but I'm pregnant with his baby and don't know what to do
Q. Me and my Fiance of 3 years broke up 7 months ago. However, I am pregnant with his baby. We have remained friends and our friendship has gotten much better since January. Our relationship ended because I cheated on him over a year ago and he never ...
A. 25 October 2009: Personally sweetheart if you are in a good place right now and you are getting good support from friend's and family together with his moral support, why leave all of that to just play house with him and happy families. The biggest strain t... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he is 26. Is this bad?
Q. right well im 15 .. and ive been going out with this lad who is 26 ... but ive been with him for nearly a year .. and where so happy .. he treats me like a princess and buys me what i want and loves me loads ... and evryone says im a very mature 15 ...
A. 25 October 2009: OK I may be slated by others for bringing up the whole conversation about paedophiles but if I don't who will it seems. Everyone else is saying 'oh it's OK, enjoy life and everything is fine and as you are not having sex, everything is OK... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he is 26. Is this bad?
Q. right well im 15 .. and ive been going out with this lad who is 26 ... but ive been with him for nearly a year .. and where so happy .. he treats me like a princess and buys me what i want and loves me loads ... and evryone says im a very mature 15 ...
A. 23 October 2009: OK you have had numerous responses to your question and at the end of the day I can only comment from my own opinion on this. I was extremely mature at the age of 10, but in all honesty yes girls do mature faster than boys and an older man can ac... (read in full...)
He thinks giving me a home and living comfortably should satisfy me enough and that my life isn't that hard.
Q. I don't understand my boyfriend. Im not even sure I can handle his lifestyle anymore. He works away and when he comes home he drinks not heavily but over a long period. Spends alot of money and is out late. In the 4-5 days he is home he could drink ...
A. 22 October 2009: Anyone who is left holding the baby so to speak even when they are in a relationship and the other person is in the house but very distant like the way my old relationship went doesn't see the damage they are doing.
They become blind to the fact... (read in full...)
Am I not leaving my marriage due to fear and stability?
Q. I don't know what to do. I feel everyday, almost obsessively, that I want to leave my husband, after 25 years of marriage. But I have serious doubts to really do that. He is not fulfilling me emotionally at all. But I almost blame myself for...
A. 22 October 2009: In all honesty no one can walk in your shoes so to speak when it comes to your relationship as no one knows your relationship as well as you.
I look at different couples I know and have been close to and every single one of them has a certain ... (read in full...)
I think the age difference is immoral. Is my intution right?
Q. i am a 20 year old college junior and i have no problem with getting men's attention. however, i like a 17 year old high school senior. is this wrong? we met through mutual friends, which are all 19-21 years old except for him. at the time, we had...
A. 20 October 2009: Just out of curiosity, when does he turn 18? I think the fact that your relationship was never sexual seems to me that there is nothing that you have done wrong. OK so he bluffed but he knew that someone who is older and at college wouldn't... (read in full...)
I feel used all the time, how can I fix this?
Q. I am dating a man whom i love. He says he feels the same way for me. We have been dating for 3 months now. He at first acted like i was the only woman on earth for him. He treated me so nice, and all that. Now as i know him, his true colors are ...
A. 4 September 2009: Sweetheart let's face facts here, you have been in a relationship for 3 months and the guy has gone from being Mr Jekyl to Mr Hyde. He basically wooed you and won you and now he doesn't have to try to do that any more. He now feels like he ca... (read in full...)
B/f & I fight all the time, it becomes physical
Q. My boyfriend and I always had a fight because of misunderstandings. We used to yell and speak out harsh words and insults to each other until now. Our relationship stayed long for one year and nine months now, but we still fight ang it seems like ...
A. 4 September 2009: Love certainly should not be this hard and it certainly shouldn't get to the point of physical abuse. You are both lashing out in every way and that is not a relationship that is working but one that is becoming more and more destructive day ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 2 September 2009: You have been hanging on with this relationship by a thread and it just makes me feel like you have tried to do everything to save this relationship and in all honesty the amount of time you have been in this relationship i.e. 10 years is not the ... (read in full...)
Money conflict
Q. Me and my boyfriend want to move in together within the next few years. We had started saving, but he lost his job several months ago and has just been working every now and again, not regular work. He still goes out every weekend and is in his ...
A. 29 July 2009: I have to agree with Emilysanswers as she is spot on in what she says.
If a guy wants the whole living together thing then he needs to buckle down and face facts, construction work is probably one of the hardest things to get right now and sitt... (read in full...)
Should I say goodbye... or should I stay?
Q. In three more days my boyfriend and I are going to be together for one year, we have been living together for about 11 months now and I have a 2 1/2 year old child that is not his. When we first got together we were so happy but here lately there ...
A. 29 July 2009: Personally I think the fact that you have ONLY been together for a year is a sign that they say the first year is the hardest - now whether you refer to marriage or living together I feel that this applies to both of these things.
Your child is... (read in full...)
I just want someones view on what I've done and learnt from it : )
Q. Hello I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a while as it keeps coming back to bite me. A few months ago i visited a brothel. The reason i did this is clear to me now as i was very lonely had not many good friends and was addicted...
A. 28 July 2009: Personally like you say I think it was something you needed to do to actually lose your virginity and have the sexual experience.
It has taught you about the way in which sex can be treated quite coldly and the porn aspect was a way in which yo... (read in full...)
She said she's ok with us breaking up but her behaviour says otherwise!
Q. Hi all, hope your well. I split from my ex 4 and a bit weeks ago and as time goes on the feelings for her are going pretty quick really. We went out last week together for a few drinks which was good although i didnt particularly like the male ...
A. 28 July 2009: I think this is a little like 'the pot calling the kettle black' or in other words you are the one who said you didn't like her getting the male attention she received when you were out. She obviously noticed this one way or the other.
Then ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is pregnant and wants to end our relationship. But I don't want to lose her and our baby
Q. My girlfriend and i have been together for 14months and we are not married. she is pregnant with our first child and says she wants out of the relationship because i have been neglecting her, and she suspects i'm having an affair with one of my ...
A. 28 July 2009: I totally agree with both the other aunts who have replied before both have sound advice.
You can either cut ties with the friend or get her to face your gf face to face and admit the truth.
Your gf is feeling extremely vunerable right ... (read in full...)
I want to send a girl I like this poem for her birthday. What do you think?
Q. Theres this girl that i really like, but after we hit things off, things haven't been the same. But anyways i do still like her alot! and was wondering if it would be a good idea to send her this poem i wrote, her B-Day, is wed. It's not in hopes ...
A. 28 July 2009: I once again have to agree with Ginalolabridga, I think any female would feel extremely touched by this.
What have you really got to lose by sending it, you have said that once things seemed to be on between the two of you she backed off. Was... (read in full...)
He loves me with all of his heart and soul, and has waited 12 years for me...but I still don't want to be with him
Q. should a woman decide to marry a man who loves her with all his heart and soul(and waited for the last 12 years) but she still doesn’t ? ...
A. 28 July 2009: I have to say that without more information it is hard to comment apart from you can't make someone love you. I can totally agree with Ginalolabridga's comments, she has given you good sound advice and she is a very good aunt with a brilliant ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to be my "friend with benefits"
Q. me and my boyfriend broke up , now he wants to be friends with benifits ,, we broke up because i'm not ok with him talkin to a certain girl ,whom we once broke up because of her , it's not that i'm jealouse but we have sex and in the middle of it ...
A. 26 July 2009: Sweetheart don't be a doormat for any guy.
Respect yourself much more than your ex does. He is getting his cake and eating it.
He could be sleeping with her as well right now and by keeping you both on a piece of string it is wrong.
He is ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with him for the sake of our son?
Q. I've been w/ my "fiance" for 5 years, with our son 3 yrs, he wants to marry me but he has cheated several times,even while and after pregnant he'd continued I've left him, kicked him out but because of our son we kept trying to work it out, I ...
A. 26 July 2009: This whole guilt trip your fiance is manipulating you with is just way to over the top. You can't guilt someone into loving you or staying with you and making them marry you.
Marriage should happen when two people are in love 110% and they wan... (read in full...)
I am in love with a man who doesn't want children!
Q. I am in LOVE with a man who i recently broke up with because he does not want to have children. I felt like he was rejecting me. He loves me and tells me so. I have ended this relationship, then poured my heart out to him repeatedly as i do not want ...
A. 25 July 2009: I have to say that what Sincerely Yours has said is both eloquent, honest and very true.
Having children is a joy and to give that up is one of the biggest decisions anyone can take.
You obviously must know why he doesn't EVER want to hav... (read in full...)
She doesn't want me to see her sick from her chemo treatments!
Q. My gf and I have been friends for 4 years, dating for 14 months now. Shw was recently diagnosed with cancer. She was really open about it at frist telling me about her fears, wanting me to be there for appointments etc. She started chimo ...
A. 25 July 2009: Oh my word, you have had some of the best advice going from some of the best aunts on this site I honestly didn't even know of the existence of the website that the lovely Tisha-1 has mentioned.
I have had both of my parents go through bowel ca... (read in full...)
B/f used to be my escape but now we fight all the time!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. We been fighting a lot lately and he claims to be tired of me...but we love each other too much to break up. He use to be my escape from my problems and stress. He use to make me feel ...
A. 25 July 2009: Sweetheart you cannot use someone else to relieve your stresses in life, that is using someone as your crutch and people are not around for that.
You have to make yourself strong enough to deal with your own stresses.
If you are fighting a l... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and online cheating
Q. My boyfriend of 6 years started an online chatting with several woman. One young lady who is 20 years his junior came to our state for 4 days. During that time she was here the only contact I had with him was via phone. Usually I see him ...
A. 25 July 2009: Sweetheart, if it isn't for this girl there could be others. You need to know for certain if she is the only one or if he has others he is in contact with.
The fact that she is 20 years his junior sounds to me that she is infatuated and he has g... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 25 July 2009: Good for you, you have been straight talking with her and told her in no uncertain terms that she either needs to buck up her ideas or she knows where the door is.
She is the one now wondering what YOUR next move is.
If she knows you are de... (read in full...)
Married again but realized now I'm not happy now what?
Q. I have been in agony over my situation for a while now and it is tearing me up inside. I am currently in my second marriage, after my first marriage ending poorly due to being a victim of domestic violence (yes, men can be victims). Over time...
A. 25 July 2009: My word what I have to say is that you have one damn good counsellor as although I thought it I had not expressed it in the way you have now explained it. I went through exactly the same scenario myself with my ex (him having the other person in the ... (read in full...)
Why did he come all the way out to my house to be the way he was, especially seeing as we're over?
Q. Hi..PLEASE PLEASE help me. My boyfriend and I were together for 6 months and brokke up a month ago completely out of the blue. It was very unexpected. We were deleriously happy and everyone, even people we didn't know would comment on it. For the ...
A. 24 July 2009: Unfortunately sweetheart he was jealous and the only way he was brave enough to confront you was to be drunk when he did it. The problem is when he got drunk he also became a moron and by throwing insults at you, he has made you realise why you are ... (read in full...)
Feeling quite sad and confused
Q. Hi there. Lately i don't know what's going on in my head, i've lost a huge sense of direction in my life and i'm feeling down a lot more than usual. I've not long turned 21 years old, and i see everyone else around me moving on in different ways a...
A. 24 July 2009: Personally I think you need to stay active as the more alone time you have the more lonely you feel.
Yes getting back to the gym would help your self confidence but also getting involved in something where you could meet new people would be good ... (read in full...)
Married again but realized now I'm not happy now what?
Q. I have been in agony over my situation for a while now and it is tearing me up inside. I am currently in my second marriage, after my first marriage ending poorly due to being a victim of domestic violence (yes, men can be victims). Over time...
A. 24 July 2009: Hi
I wish you every bit of luck for the future and I am so pleased that you are getting some ME time for yourself before considering your next step with the counselling.
I had no idea you were in the forces, it is a very different world ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 23 July 2009: OK the only way forward right now is asking her to consider counselling together and to make a total commitment towards that, no strange late nights or secret meetings etc.
If you haven't told her about the fact that you saw the message, then don... (read in full...)
Married again but realized now I'm not happy now what?
Q. I have been in agony over my situation for a while now and it is tearing me up inside. I am currently in my second marriage, after my first marriage ending poorly due to being a victim of domestic violence (yes, men can be victims). Over time...
A. 23 July 2009: I think that after reading your comments re the age of your son, I think some counselling is worth a shot if not for anything else but for the fact that you have given it a go for both yourself and for your future relationship with your son when he ... (read in full...)
Everything was going great until we had sex! What do I do now?
Q. ok i met this guy at work and he was into me and i was too. he was real nice and sweet. until we had sex thats when everything went wrong. he started to treat me bad. until one night he called me when he was drunk. he was telling me he liked me and ...
A. 23 July 2009: Back right off sweetheart, he loved the chase and when he got you he turned into Mister Jekyl.
This is not your fault. If you truly like him then let him work harder at trying to win you over.
It may never be the sort of relationship you... (read in full...)
Married again but realized now I'm not happy now what?
Q. I have been in agony over my situation for a while now and it is tearing me up inside. I am currently in my second marriage, after my first marriage ending poorly due to being a victim of domestic violence (yes, men can be victims). Over time...
A. 23 July 2009: I think it is time for honesty don't you.
Have you ever talked to your current wife about the feelings that you have been having? I think she deserves the right to know that you are not happy inside and that due to the problems from your first ma... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 23 July 2009: I have to say that you have had such other sound advice from both female and male perspectives and this must make you realise that you CANNOT continue to blame yourself for the way your relationship is now.
It take two, that is 50% each - if thing... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 22 July 2009: So you have made mistakes in the past, don't you think that can be immaturity after your daughter was born, how old is she now?
Does your daughter pick up on the atmosphere in the home between you and your gf?
Can I also ask why you have nev... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for her boss, but I wont accept three people in this relationship!
Q. I have been in a ten year relationship, a month ago my girlfriend told me she had developed strong feelings for her boss, he makes her have butterflies and all that stuff, she hasnt dared to tell him, but found out it was mutual, I told her to make ...
A. 22 July 2009: I think the fact is that you need to be open and honest with her and tell her that in a way you were testing her feelings of love for you when you mentioned going for it with her boss.
You are right having 3 people in a relationship is just wro... (read in full...)
| *ountry Woman's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ountry Woman has
added them and they have added *ountry Woman!
|
