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Why should you listen to my advice?: If I give you it, it means I probably have experience with the situation/problem you're having
Location: Oxford - UK
Currently: Single
Profile updated: 27th of March 2011
I'm Andy. I'm something of a sentimentalist. I consider myself to be romantic and affectionate
I first found my way to Dearcupid after my first dose of heartbreak. I was in a long distance relationship (240 miles) for over two years from 2005 - 2007. I met my girlfriend originally in December 2004 over the website Habbo Hotel, she found me purely because she liked my hair (I had an Afro at the time!). We ended up talking every night over MSN. By April, she revealed that she liked me, and very soon after, I decided I felt the same way.
On the 10th of July 2005, we met in her home town. I remember getting off the train, and she was stood right down the other end of the platform, and ran towards me like something out of a movie. I threw my bags down, and she dove into my arms for the first time. Later that day, after 3 hours of being crowded by her sister and mum, we got our first minutes alone, and kissed for the first time. In my case, it was my first kiss ever. It was magic.
We met up on 13 different occaisions, including a couple of camping trips alone together as well as a holiday to Cuba as late as April 2007. Then everything changed.
On the 25th of June, just over 2 weeks before the anniversary of the day that we met on that Summers day at the train station, 5 weeks before we were scheduled to meet up again; She rang me up in tears and told me that she thought we should end things. I was completely devastated. She told me her decision came due to the fact that she didn't think we would have as much time to meet up when she went to University, and that things were hard enough as they were. Also, we had argued over stupid things a little more regularly, but I didn't think it was any thing worse than what all couples encounter. I hadn't fallen out of love with her, but she now expected me to do so and become just a friend. By breaking up with me, as of that day, I had pretty much lost my best friend in all the world, and it wouldn't take long before it was clear that I couldn't handle the transition from boyfriend to friend.
Instead of talking every night, we went back and forth from talking to not talking. Anytime I spoke to her, after a few days I would start to miss her, and even cry over her. Her father died of liver problems less than 6 months after we broke up. After he passed, me and her spoke for a couple of nights, and I told her that I would try and support her like a friend should during that time of sadness, but it didn't take long for me to start avoiding her again. I felt really guilty for that. She wanted to be my friend, and I wanted to be more than her friend. I was crushed by what she had put me through. It always stuck with me when we spoke for the last time. It was about 2 months after her dad died. She told me "I feel like I've lost so much already, I don't want to lose you as a friend." And as much as it kills me, she did. We haven't spoken since... and to this day I still feel guilty, though I have come to accept that I had to protect myself from being hurt further.
I can honestly say that that experience has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. But we're 5 years on from when we met each other and I have since found love and lost love again, twice in fact! My 2nd love showed me that I am capable of loving others and having meaningful relationships. The 3rd one has shown me how to be happy without having someone in my life. In truth, I have never really been happy within myself since my first love left me. I felt like I needed somebody in order to be happy. It's a shame that I have had to go through heartbreak to learn that, but for the time being I feel a great deal better about myself and even feel like I can maintain a friendship with my ex's... Maybe even my first love in time.
Throughout this whole experience, I have found out that pain only make you stronger, the first cut is the deepest and time really does heal all wounds.
Cheers for reading, and may this be an encouragement to everyone else out there who has experienced heartbreak! Things really will get better for you one day, you have to believe! |
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| Latest articles: The Last Laugh... Is it really on me? ;)
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 April 2008: Hi, it's Andy00. I just thought I would share something with all of you. As you all know, I went through a horrible case of heartbreak 10 months ago, after my distance relationship was cut off by the girl I love (it still hurts to this day). But h...
1 Year since the holiday of a lifetime - 3 months before life as I knew it came to an end
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 March 2008: Hi everyone. This is my second article. I just felt the need to tell the story of some occurrences that took place a year ago from today, where me, my family and my beloved girlfriend took a trip together across the atlantic ocean to Cuba. To s...
My relationship, its end, and the 7 months of confusion and hurt... that made me stronger.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 February 2008: Hello everybody, this is Andy00. And to all fans who like long articles, this one is a treat for you... Unfortunately, it's a true story. I have been on this site for about 7 months now. I have posted many, many questions over time, but...
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What really happens to the soul when we die???
Q. I know someone who commited suicide. Now that I am dealing with ok - she had a pretty hard life; I often thought - I wonder how she copes and carries on with life. So that I do not need advice or counselling for - I am ok with it. What I am conc...
A. 1 August 2007: I'm afraid I look at it that; There is just no way of knowing till we go ourselves.
Death is too mysterious to question. There is absolutely no way of knowing where we go when we go. So why worry about it?
There could be nothing. But if ... (read in full...)
should i go off to school or spend the rest of my life with him?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been going out for a little over a month. he asked me out a week or so before he went to basic. he is amazing and i love him to death. i know it is crazy but i do. anyways the day he was on his way to basic he asked me to ...
A. 1 August 2007: The thing to do here is think about your future. You're so, so, so young to even WANT to get married, let alone rush into it, because my dear, that is what you're doing; rushing into it. You have only been dating a month!
Think about the future. ... (read in full...)
How can I make kissing more fun?
Q. Hello, i'm looking for any advice/tips on how to make kissing/making out wit my boyfriend more fun does anyone have any tips on how to spice things up?!? please answer! xx...
A. 31 July 2007: Hmmm. I guess I'm not entirely sure then. Those were the best ones I had! lol.
Why don't you find kissing fun? What is it about it that you find.. is "boring" a fair description? I would say just follow your instincts. If you want to let your han... (read in full...)
My boyfriend mentioned the fantasy of a threesome and I cant get over it!
Q. My boyfriend said, that like any guy, a part of him wants to have a threesome, But he doesnt really want to do anything to the other girl, just me. Well Of course I made a really wierd face because I didnt know that he had thought of having a ...
A. 31 July 2007: I would say in some ways you ARE overreacting , and in other ways you're not.
On the one hand, yes, he fantasizes about having a threesome, but he has already admitted that part of him would be uncomfortable with it. Also, atleast he asked ab... (read in full...)
I emailed him a song to tell him I fancied him. Now he's put it up publicly! What does this mean?
Q. I sent this guy im intrested in a song online and made it very clear that I'm crushing on him. I was unaware the song would go public (on his page where all his friends can view it)......hes been online and has seen the song and i sent a message ...
A. 31 July 2007: He is obviously immature. He's making a mockery of your gesture of love, and he should be left to it. Don't let the song bother you anymore, just see it as the actions of a cruel and immature man, who doesn't deserve to be with you.
I think it... (read in full...)
How can I make kissing more fun?
Q. Hello, i'm looking for any advice/tips on how to make kissing/making out wit my boyfriend more fun does anyone have any tips on how to spice things up?!? please answer! xx...
A. 31 July 2007: Just a few ideas me and my ex developed. You could try sucking his bottom lip. Do it when he doesn't suspect it. Just suddenly wrap your lips around his bottom lip and suck on it. Lighten the mood and giggle when you do it. One I always used to... (read in full...)
I'm suffering today, i need help again please.
Q. Hi guys. I'm doing rubbish today. (For those who don't know: It's just over a month since my 2 year, long distance relationship broke up. She says she was finding it too hard and doesn't want things to drag out, so she split with me 5 weeks before I ...
A. 30 July 2007: Thanks for your help everyone. Though, anonymous, there is a couple of things I would like to pick up on/explain through in your post. First I will quickly say, I feel better than I did earlier. I suppose I just had an emotional shift. I kept myself ... (read in full...)
He does not want me back.
Q. My ex recently broke up with me, I think to explore other people, we would have been dating two years. Even though he's moved on after two weeks, I cant seem to. I still love him with all my heart, and want to go back out with him, even if there is ...
A. 30 July 2007: I have to agree. At least you know for sure that he doesn't want to be with you, this should hopefully help you accept the situation and IN TIME, move on. I'm in a similar situation, and believe me, your moods will probably rocket up and down; One... (read in full...)
12 and been having sex with a married man. What should I do?
Q. hi i am 12 years old ands I live in wisconsin. I've been having sex with this guy (i baby sit for) he does not use condums when we doit he says hes alergic to them. I dont know what to do but i think i am pregnant. for the last 3 months he has not ...
A. 29 July 2007: This situation is just crazy.
Child, let me ask you this; Do you honestly think you and this guy have any kind of future?? He is married, and he and his WIFE want a kid. Why give your womb these freaks!?
What about your parents?? They a... (read in full...)
Insecure because he does not last long.
Q. My boyfriend and I usually have great sex. But lately, he's been a little insecure about himself because he can't go longer than 7-10 minutes. How do you handle a situation where a man's ego has been crushed and you're lost for a solution??...
A. 29 July 2007: I too was insecure about how long I lasted at Sex with my former girlfriend. Differnce being, we couldn't have sex that often, due to long distance. So, whenever we'd finish, I'd immediately say something like "Damn it, that just wasn't long enough, ... (read in full...)
Our life has gotton so routine and boring!
Q. Me and my bf have been together 7 months and im getting a bit bothered by the fact that it has gotten so routine. We do the same thing week in week out and it gets a bit boring because he never does anything spontaneous. Were both 21. I never see ...
A. 28 July 2007: This is definately something you should talk to him about.
My ex broke up with me when she grew tired of our relationship becoming a routine (difference being we were in a long distance relationship. There was very little we could do spontani... (read in full...)
Was I in the wrong, or is he being unreasonable?
Q. Hi everyone, I need some boyfriend advise. Well Today is my boyfriend's Nieces B-day, a few days ago we talked about carpooling to her party together. Well Last night he said that he was leaving to go to her house right from work. Well I didnt ...
A. 28 July 2007: I'd so he's being unreasonable.
Since carpooling is something you both talked about a few days prior, it seems only reasonable that he sticks to that plan. After all, why shouldn't you attend that party since you are with him?
I agree with ... (read in full...)
He's been uploading pictures of his genitals to the internet and won't stop
Q. My husband hasn't been wanting sex much recently, and I feel disappointed. But today when he was at work I found out the reason.. he'd been uploading images of his penis and pictures of him in the nude to Wikipedia and adding them to articles...
A. 28 July 2007: I must agree that this is not strictly a matter of him "cheating", but more of a matter of him disrespecting himself and you. The man may enjoy it for some bizarre reasom, but you have made it perfectly clear where you stand on the situation, and if ... (read in full...)
He has a lot on his plate and says he can't date at the moment but I really like him
Q. Hi How can I tell if a guy is still interested in me ? I went on a couple of dates with a really nice guy, on the 1st date he bought me a present, which was lovely. The next day he said he could'nt see me anymore and left it at that. The next day ...
A. 28 July 2007: He sounds like a good, caring guy. While he has a lot going on for him at the moment, and thinks that it's best that you both wait for a bit, he has tried to assure you that he does like you. I would be supportive of him since he is having a ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and dating my 25 year old teacher
Q. Hi. my names lindsay and im going out with a 25 year old. im only 14... but i love him and he loves me...what do u think? but if anyone finds out like in my school he could like lose everything cause hes a teacher...what do u think?...
A. 28 July 2007: I'd say you are on shaky ground. Dating this guy just isn't worth it, because to the outside world, the idea of this 25 year old TEACHER dating a 14 year old is pretty horrifying. While you may think that you love him and he loves you, you're just a ... (read in full...)
Urgh! I think I messed up! I asked to see her and she said no. Now I have lost any control I had!
Q. Hi everyone. (I posted this on my latest question, but have decided to *bump it up* so to speak by putting it in the form of a new question) Just wanted to update you all to say, I think I've let you all, and myself down. Last night, my ex ca...
A. 28 July 2007: I think you misread me in some fields, doc. The words "power" and "control" do not in the least refer to said "power" and "control" over my ex, meerly the situation itself. I felt like I had some control over the situation; establishing that I would ... (read in full...)
In a relationship, what do guys like and not like?
Q. Please someone tell me, what do guys want out of a relationship? do they like to be kissed alot? do they sometimes just want to be left alone? how do they like their girl to act? and what do guys not like? ...
A. 27 July 2007: I will answer quite simply: It varies. No two people are the same after all.
I for one know of guys who have been in relationships and have seemed very quiet with their partners, and it used to confuse me, because when I was in a relation... (read in full...)
After a week of no contact she texted me! Now I feel I have a little control, but how do I handle it?
Q. Hi, only me again. Just wanted to repost my recent update as a question, because there has been some development with my situation: (Also, quickly for those of you who don't know me: I was in a long distance relationship of 240 miles for 2 ...
A. 27 July 2007: Hi everyone. Just wanted to update you all to say, I think I've let you all, and myself down. Tonight she came online via MSN which took me by surprise. We had a nice chat to start with, but then some things started to get me a little emtio... (read in full...)
All my friends make fun of me for being a virgin!
Q. i have just turned sixteen in june. all my friends are a few months older than me but all lost their virginity when they just turned 15. so i have now turned into their virgin friend. when were are all out together and the subject of sex turns into ...
A. 26 July 2007: First of all, you're virginity isn't just something you should lose for the sake of it. It's something you should share with somebody you love. I'm willing to bet a couple of your friends who have had sex have broken up with the boyfriend they did ... (read in full...)
Is not contacting her the best thing? Its making me miserable and ruining any chance we had left!
Q. Tomorrow marks 1 month since my long distance, 2 year relationship was officially called off by my partner, who couldn't handle the distance anymore. I've been very up and down throughout the past month, feeling fairly possitive highs, to lying on ...
A. 26 July 2007: Development: She text me last night, out of the blue. She was just asking how I was doing and asking if I have been affected by the floods. She was also telling me that she was in bed all day with a migraine. I replied telling her I'm doing ok, no... (read in full...)
I've just been dumped.
Q. Earlier today I was dumped. I cried histarically for some time. So now I feel really drained and pathetic. Does anyone have any advise? any would be appreciated. Thanks a million, xx...
A. 26 July 2007: Do things you love to do, and keep yourself occupied. These are the best ways to take the sting out of being dumped. It's not something you are going to find easy anyway, and it will take time, but do all you can to help yourself until you feel ... (read in full...)
Is not contacting her the best thing? Its making me miserable and ruining any chance we had left!
Q. Tomorrow marks 1 month since my long distance, 2 year relationship was officially called off by my partner, who couldn't handle the distance anymore. I've been very up and down throughout the past month, feeling fairly possitive highs, to lying on ...
A. 25 July 2007: Danielepew, you weren't hurtful, you're just telling me how you see it. I'm not hurt by any advice of any of you agony aunts/uncles, I'm hurt by not knowing what to do that's right about my girlfriend. It's one month ago today since she broke ... (read in full...)
Is not contacting her the best thing? Its making me miserable and ruining any chance we had left!
Q. Tomorrow marks 1 month since my long distance, 2 year relationship was officially called off by my partner, who couldn't handle the distance anymore. I've been very up and down throughout the past month, feeling fairly possitive highs, to lying on ...
A. 24 July 2007: Danielepew, while you perspective is not without good reason, I think you miss the point.
4 1/2 hours is currently the amount of time it would take me to travel to see my ex, costing about £55 on a train. This has NEVER been a problem. I would tr... (read in full...)
Is not contacting her the best thing? Its making me miserable and ruining any chance we had left!
Q. Tomorrow marks 1 month since my long distance, 2 year relationship was officially called off by my partner, who couldn't handle the distance anymore. I've been very up and down throughout the past month, feeling fairly possitive highs, to lying on ...
A. 24 July 2007: I can't say that I've personally seen Apocolypto, but it sounds like a good refference.I hear what you're saying anyway, and I know for sure that neither an e-mail, or a text or anything at all is going to change that. Reason being, no matter what I ... (read in full...)
Is not contacting her the best thing? Its making me miserable and ruining any chance we had left!
Q. Tomorrow marks 1 month since my long distance, 2 year relationship was officially called off by my partner, who couldn't handle the distance anymore. I've been very up and down throughout the past month, feeling fairly possitive highs, to lying on ...
A. 24 July 2007: I guess I should have mentioned that last time we spoke, she's said that she doesn't want us to fixate on breaking up, otherwise that'll make her want to stay out of contact with me for good.
I could contact her, but a) Everyone has been telling ... (read in full...)
I hate cheaters, but now I have become one!
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. he lives over 200 miles away from me and i only see him about once a month. i get lonely a lot of the time which makes me interested in lads more. I've always been against cheating and ...
A. 24 July 2007: You sound an awful lot like my ex-girlfriend. In fact, while I was reading that, I'm suddenly very suspicious that it's you! Your boyfriend doesn't share my name by any chance does he?? lol.
Anyway, not only because this sounds very similar,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend kissed another girl, he said he was drunk; does he still love me?
Q. i saw my bf kiss another girl!...nothing else happend how ever do you think he doesnt love me anymore, he says he was drunk etc....how can i trust him again!...
A. 23 July 2007: I think that he does still love you, and that this is just a drunken mistake. However, it was a very, very stupid mistake. It has shown how little self-control he has, and that, just like this entire situation has done, has shown that he will not be ... (read in full...)
Size 34A bust; men, what are your opinions?
Q. MEN ANSWER PLEASE!...i have size 34A breast's i was woundering what you really think of this!?...
A. 23 July 2007: That isn't really something you can really ask us to base an opinion on, because it will vary. There are plenty of guys out there who love small breasts, and plenty out there who love big ones.
Personally, I used to like decent sized breasts.... (read in full...)
I don't like the sex organs i have.
Q. I am male and am attracted to females but I dislike having the male parts I have. I am also not sporty and don't really like cars nor do i fit into the catagories of a typical bloke. Could I be a lesbian in a man's body?...
A. 23 July 2007: This sounds pretty interesting.
Firstly, what do you find wrong with having the organs you have?
As for sports and cars, while I like sport and enjoy playing it, I don't have the greatest physique in the world, but it doesn't bother me. If yo... (read in full...)
Could she have forgotten about me so easily and quickly?
Q. Hi, me again! As you know my 2 year, long distance relationship ended almost 4 weeks ago when she decided she couldn't cope anymore... I don't know if it really feels like 4 weeks ago... It feels like such a long time ago in some ways, and in other...
A. 22 July 2007: Thanks very much to the latest posters, it's sounds like you can relate to me in some way, particuarly you, justaguy. I hope you're able to battle on with not contacting her. I know I'm doing my very best. It seems like it's such a shame that thi... (read in full...)
Could she have forgotten about me so easily and quickly?
Q. Hi, me again! As you know my 2 year, long distance relationship ended almost 4 weeks ago when she decided she couldn't cope anymore... I don't know if it really feels like 4 weeks ago... It feels like such a long time ago in some ways, and in other...
A. 22 July 2007: Thanks everyone for your advice. I know that all this is pretty normal. Sucks doesn't it? lol. I certainly don't want to make myself sick over all this, but you all have summed up how everyone reacts differently. Some people can't even live with it,... (read in full...)
Love my bf but his immaturity is starting to annoy me! what can I do?
Q. i love my boyfriend to bits! he is nearly 22, but he keeps acting immature. like he talks in a little baby voice sometimes. it really annoys me because i am attracted to him most when he is being really mature. i have repeatedly asked him to sto...
A. 21 July 2007: While I agree with Greentea's "You're either immature or you're not" comment, I don't think it quite applies to the situation. The reason for me to believe this is that I believe that I'm pretty mature, but at the same time, when I'm with a girl, I ... (read in full...)
Do I have sex with this guy who likes me, or wait until I am married? Any thoughts?
Q. Hi I'm 16 and I really want to have sex. I know this boy that would be willing to have sex with me but I don't know if I should. I like him and he likes me but I don't think we love each other. He's 18 and I think he's lied to me about his past sex ...
A. 21 July 2007: Part of you is telling yourself that you don't feel ready to have Sex with him yet. Maybe as time goes you will trust him enough and have a clearer mind set about your feelings to have sex with him. It won't necessarily need to be held off as long ... (read in full...)
Would it ruin our relationship if I tell him I was sexually abused?
Q. I was sexually abused when I was a child. I really like this boy, but I don't know if I should tell him. Should I tell him about my past? Would that ruin our relationship? Would he look at me differently and never want to come too close to me?...
A. 21 July 2007: I'm very sorry about what happened to you. It's clear that part of you wants to get it off your chest. However, I wouldn't know for sure when is a good/appropriate time to tell him this. I'm pretty certain now isn't a good time to tell him though. ... (read in full...)
I'm heartbroken. He dumped me for his online gf! What can I do?
Q. I have a problem my boyfriend of over 8yrs broke up with me.we have been together since Jan 3rd 1999, and I was his first love,and sex partner.I was his first everything and the first serious relationship.all he said was that you loves me and cares ...
A. 21 July 2007: Hello. Firstly, I just want to say how sorry I am for what has happened, you don't deserve that to happen, because you sound like a very considerate and loving girl. Somebody any guy would be lucky to have.
I am in a similar situation, but admi... (read in full...)
How do I know if I am gay and how can I become straight again?
Q. I am so worried. I think, I really do not know, but I think that I might be gay. It scares the hell out of me, I don't want to be gay!! I've got a girlfriend and I love her but I am so confused. I cannot talk to ANYONE about this. How can I become s...
A. 20 July 2007: If you ask me, mate; You're at a difficult age. It's normal to not know what your orientation is at some point, I believe lots of people go through this.
I have a friend who spend a whole year openly admitting he was bisexual. So, everyone... (read in full...)
Do people just come out with spontaneous compliments sometimes?
Q. Hi all, this is just something that bothered me while my girlfriend and I were together, and kind of still does. (Very quickly: We were together for 2 years, separated by 200+ miles, broke up 3 weeks ago) Anyway, we'd be on the phone sometimes,...
A. 19 July 2007: All good stuff, you guys. Just wanted to say thank-you, imparticuarly to LISAG. What you said was very kind, and it's nice to be able to relate to you in that way.... (read in full...)
Do people just come out with spontaneous compliments sometimes?
Q. Hi all, this is just something that bothered me while my girlfriend and I were together, and kind of still does. (Very quickly: We were together for 2 years, separated by 200+ miles, broke up 3 weeks ago) Anyway, we'd be on the phone sometimes,...
A. 19 July 2007: Lol. Just to say, I know some of the things I have said about her before (true thought they may be) have maybe made her out to be horrible, but all the same, to me, she seemed just wonderful. Do you think I would have stuck with her for as long as I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesnt show me any affection
Q. my boyfriend says he loves me but never shows any affection to me. Could there be anything that im doing wrong?...
A. 19 July 2007: If you are affectionate to him, then I don't see how you can be doing something wrong. If you ask me, you cannot be offer affectionate, and if he just isn't like that, maybe he's the wrong guy for you.
My ex wasn't VERY affectionate to me (even th... (read in full...)
How do I have phone sex?
Q. How do I 'make love' to my girlfriend on the telphone? We have kissed each other this way. Has any other boyfriend done this with their long distance girlfriend?...
A. 19 July 2007: I think I understand the "Kissing over the phone" business; You both kiss the phone at the same time, yes?
Anyway, phone sex. There are many ways to do this. The way I would normally do it; We'd talk about doing it (sometimes not, sometime... (read in full...)
I caught my 12 year old son masturbating. How should I handle this?
Q. i am a father of a twelve year old boy, and i saw him masturbating,and i blew up, what should i do?...
A. 19 July 2007: Explain "blew up"? Did you yell at him?
Anyway, fact is, masturbation, these days certainly, is very normal. He has maybe found out about it a little earlier than normal, possibly from his own research (face it, mate, it's only natural if he's cur... (read in full...)
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