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*utterflyfly agony aunt

*utterflyfly

United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

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*utterflyfly's profile:

I am a 28 yrs old woman who loves anything related to frienship - common projects, getting to know other people, getting to know more about other people, understanding the misterious ways of human mind. I live in London and I've had 3 major changes of career until now , which is a bit unsettling -the first career started when i was 12. At present I am passionate about wines and learning about them as much as i can. Although I've had an unsettled life, I don't regret anything that I've done and any decisions that I've taken. I love to feep a diary with all my important experiences. I hope to live until im 148 and if I'm still lucid to re read my life's adventures and reflect on them. I am a bit of an eccentric and I get enthusiastic quickly. But i'm the most down to earth person I know as well. Or a chicken.

I love music - all kinds and i recently have discovered classical music- Beethoven , oh my god! Divine...

I'm also an ex-smoker - very proud of it, because ciggies have been a very comforting company for a long time..and now i can do without them. And the coughs.

I love sports and I'm into running long distances. I am inlove with the volleyball game. It's like quick chess. It's the best game ever to keep you on your toes mentally and physically. I believe i've drawn all my life's skills from playing volleyball to a high level until --well, some time ago.

I love talking about myself BUT!! I also love to listen to other people and find out how they work.

When I get down or moody or lonely I try to make myself laugh. If i dont succeed, I know it's a serious problem and seek advice from friends.

Jeez i could go on and on.

Oh. something else.

If i was granted 3 wishes, i will not want to have a magic wand again. I would like instead:

1.friends. more friends.

2.being in touch with myself at all times

3. better time management, or equally a 25 hour day

12345Next > [5 pages, 180 answers]

Should I believe he will not cheat again?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just less than two years, its a long distance one and we have had some difficult times, due to him cheating twice and persuing another woman which i found out about and never went further. I to...

A.   8 June 2009: Well done, MonicaC *hug*.... (read in full...)

Should I believe he will not cheat again?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just less than two years, its a long distance one and we have had some difficult times, due to him cheating twice and persuing another woman which i found out about and never went further. I to...

A.   3 June 2009: Pleaase do not settle for this. Look at the turmoil you have been going through. Do you really want it for all your life? Get out before it's too late, while you still can, and STILL feel empowered, later on you will feel devastated and worn out, ... (read in full...)

So scared that you ended a relationship?

Q.   Has anyone on here actually been so scared of love that they ended a relationship? Most people would always see it as an excuse to end the relationship. I believe that people can become so afraid that they end things thinking that the other person ...

A.   26 December 2008: I've done it once but then thankfully i learnt better and luckily was offered to opportunity to retry that relationship. As it happens that relationship turned into a destructive one, but I dont regret taking the plunge plus it taught me many many ... (read in full...)

How do I get over bad trust issues?

Q.   Ok. This is a long one. I am a 20 year old girl, in a 2.5 relationship with my boyfriend. We have lived together for 10 months, and it has been going alright. I have severe trust issues, however I am working very hard on them. My boyfriend kissed ...

A.   22 December 2008: I can not tell whether he shuld/cold be more reassuring, or whether the problem lies mainly in you..I know he triggered it , but as you say, it happened when his better judgement was not there as he was drunk.. I know thats no excuse and that can ... (read in full...)

Is it really just a ring and a piece of paper?

Q.   Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months, and we adore eachother completely. He tells me he loves me everyday and I do him, and we talk about our future together and growing old and wrinkly together - he even told me I'm The One. However,...

A.   8 December 2008: Marriage can mean pressure, especially if one of you is in thwo minds about it. There are other ways of having him semonstrate his commitment and reliability , for example putting your names together when buying pricey stuff, etc. I;m sure you want ... (read in full...)

Do you think I appeared needy and what are the odds that we have another date?

Q.   We met last week. He came over to mine and stayed the night and the whole next day and left at 8pm the next night. We talked the next day online. I sent him about 4 messages over the course of a full week. He answered all of them. In one of those ...

A.   8 December 2008: Give him a chance, don't rush :-). What test are you talkingabout?. Se still talks to you and has been responsive, so relax a little bit and the right things will happen.... (read in full...)

Help me with these feelings of guilt over my rebound boyfriend.

Q.   Please help me deal with these feelings of hurt, doubt, guilt, anxiety. I told my rebound relationship today that I have just realised we are moving to quickly and I think we should put the breaks on because I have just realised I am not over my ...

A.   1 December 2008: Looks like you need to be on your own for alitle while to learn what you really want. Going from a relaitonship to the next, no matter how well intende or genuine you have been, gave you no time to reflect truly on why your ex is/or isnt's not good ... (read in full...)

What can I do to make him happy?

Q.   My boyfriend got mad at me because I hugged my dad when he got me an ipod today for my birthday. My boyfriend said he doesn't want me hugging other guys. What can I do to make him happy? ...

A.   30 November 2008: Maybe you should ask yourself what can you do to make YOURSELF happy.. ... (read in full...)

What can I do to make him happy?

Q.   My boyfriend got mad at me because I hugged my dad when he got me an ipod today for my birthday. My boyfriend said he doesn't want me hugging other guys. What can I do to make him happy? ...

A.   30 November 2008: LEAVE HIM! imagine your life with a guy like this... you will have friends, relatives, acquaitances... are you always going to be on eggshells with others becasue .. your boyfriend tells you so?????? What bigger prove do you need.. he commanded you ... (read in full...)

Should I make a move and tell her?

Q.   basically in the short of things i really, really like this girl, and shes just finished with her boyfriend and shes had a bit of a rough time about it all! now while you may think im trying to make a move when shes upset, thats not my intention 1 ...

A.   30 November 2008: A friendly hug or comfortng chat is always going to be appreciated by girls.. especially when they are upset so much. Just let her know by small gestures, or you know, just that bit more attention on her ona casual encounter, that you hope she will ... (read in full...)

How can I feel better?

Q.   Im feeling kinda lonely and depressed lately. The thing is i'm having trouble home, they are some problems going on with my parents to my older brother. So i go to school and every single one of my friends have a boyfriend, i'm the only one who ...

A.   29 November 2008: Oh I'm sorry you feel like this, it seems that the problems at home really affect you and no wonder you feel this doom and gloom. Do you have good friends? Do you keep in touch with your colleagues from school/ballet classes? You could try to... (read in full...)

Wanted to get married and made HUGE mistake!

Q.   My boyfriend and I had been together for five years, but he always changed the subject when I brought up marriage. One night, I broke down and told him that I thought we should either get married or split up, but he didn't respond well to the ...

A.   29 November 2008: I agree with the anon poster.. Yes you made a mistake, but as time cools it down, he should understand WHY you had reach the boiling point.... And yes, if he wanted to ask you he will do it again.. Obviously he doesn't want to marry on a whim ( the ... (read in full...)

He feels betrayed I dated others while we were on a break.

Q.   Hello, my long term boyfriend who sometimes has given me lots and lots of stress has finally confessed to me that he finds it hard to deal witht he fact that I was dating others before I dated him, and he is afraid I will one day leave him. He says ...

A.   26 November 2008: Fade878 your comment is very insighful and thank you for it. You are right about the anger management. Many a times I experienced it. He now plays ball (I showed himt he link to this question) and told me he intends to sit down together and have a ... (read in full...)

He feels betrayed I dated others while we were on a break.

Q.   Hello, my long term boyfriend who sometimes has given me lots and lots of stress has finally confessed to me that he finds it hard to deal witht he fact that I was dating others before I dated him, and he is afraid I will one day leave him. He says ...

A.   26 November 2008: Yes.. I could see straight away that I am fighting ghosts.. I suggested counselling as well. I hope he will do it. ... (read in full...)

Putting up with the partner's stress and mood swings - when is enough, enough?

Q.   What say you? When is enough, enough? Does how much you'll put up with depend on the circumstances of your partner's mood swings as well as the length of your relationship, or is it never excusable to take your mood out on your partner? Does anyo...

A.   20 November 2008: DO not put up with strops and mood swings... At best as a controlled exercise for a defined period of time you could try to behave differently with him when he takes it out on you. BUt people can't change unless they want to.. sounds like this is ... (read in full...)

He's got a GF and resisting my offers to meet up. Is he just messing with me?

Q.   What is up? Ok - I'm a good looking older woman with a good figure and personality! - I have recently got involved with a younger guy who I would do ANYTHING for and he knows I really like him (but unfortunately he has a girlfriend who he says ...

A.   18 November 2008: and please do not tell me he a bouncer in a westend nightclub... I dont know, just a wild guess. ... (read in full...)

He's got a GF and resisting my offers to meet up. Is he just messing with me?

Q.   What is up? Ok - I'm a good looking older woman with a good figure and personality! - I have recently got involved with a younger guy who I would do ANYTHING for and he knows I really like him (but unfortunately he has a girlfriend who he says ...

A.   18 November 2008: If he confessed to you he doesnt get on with his gf he sounds like he likes to be the puppy bunny little boy and perhaps expecting you to persuade him more to court him out of his reluctance? He seems like he doesnt know what he wants. Expects ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is convinced I'll leave him, but puts me down all the time too. Why is he acting like this?

Q.   My boyfriend of a year started acting weird a month ago. He puts me down a lot verbally (that's I'm fat, act dumb, etc.) and I tell him that it hurts my feelings but he just says "you know I'm only kidding, I love you for you and wouldn't be with ...

A.   17 November 2008: When he talks down on you try this: calmly tell him you are not going to listen to the abuse. he knows you are not going to leave and these strops are childish. tell him to talk to you when he feels calmer. keep your cool and dont get down to his ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants a break but it is killing me. Is this the end of the relationship?

Q.   My boyfriend of three and a half years decided that he needed to "take a break from the relationship". We still talk on a daily basis. He as even came to my house for us to see each other. He's been at my house three times this past week. When we ...

A.   14 November 2008: Hey I bumped into this: "Never make someone your priority when they only make you their option. Never waste time on someone not willing to waste or share time with you. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different re... (read in full...)

I can't move from dating to a serious relationship.

Q.   I have a question here for those with some experience in dating and having a serious relationship. I keep having a recurring problem, which is I can't move from dating to a serious relationship. Every time I finally find someone to date, we go o...

A.   13 November 2008: Maybe you should 'get inthere' as soon as the opportunity arises. All the polite restpectful considerate dating is fine, but a man sticks in a woman's mind if he actually make a MOVE on her.. MAybe the ladies take your 'considerate' behaviour as ... (read in full...)

I can't move from dating to a serious relationship.

Q.   I have a question here for those with some experience in dating and having a serious relationship. I keep having a recurring problem, which is I can't move from dating to a serious relationship. Every time I finally find someone to date, we go o...

A.   13 November 2008: Maybe you should 'get inthere' as soon as the opportunity arises. All the polite restpectful considerate dating is fine, but a man sticks in a woman's mind if he actually make a MOVE on her.. MAybe the ladies take your 'considerate' behaviour as ... (read in full...)

Should I stand firm on this one and wait for him to call again?

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend. I thought that was the end of it. But he called me late that night and we talked for a bit. Before we ended the conversation he asked several times..Can we move on from this?..Do you need time? If time is what you...

A.   13 November 2008: You seem still angry with what he has done. But if he is willing to give you time don't be too harsh on him. By giving you time he means he will stop 'disturbing ' you until your resentment goes. That is a respectful thing to do . But it looks to ... (read in full...)

It's hard for me to find guy friends because of the fact that I have a boyfriend.

Q.   I need help! It's hard for me to find male friends because of the fact that I have a boyfriend. I think this scares them away. Don't worry, my boyfriend is not threatening in anyway. It's just that once I start talking to a guy, hoping to build a ...

A.   13 November 2008: Depends who you're expecting this friendship from, if those guys are out there on the lookout for something else a relationship some sex etc ( which is why most of them in your age group probably are doing out there), then don';t take it the hard ... (read in full...)

Is it bad that I look for the qualities I desire but my boyfriend lacks, in other guys?

Q.   Hello, I think I need another opinion on this because I don't know if I'm wrong for this or if other's feel the same... I have a boyfriend who I've been with for over 3 years, we're happy but he has some bad qualities which are normal because i...

A.   13 November 2008: Maybe you're not that into your boyfriend. We all have good and bad /attractive and unattractive traits,and perhaps the best way of figuring this out is having some space from him just to see how much you miss him and what you miss in him. You don't ... (read in full...)

Fellas - what do you mean when you say you want a break in a relationship?

Q.   What do you guys mean when you say you want a (time defined) break? You may have told her you wanted the break because of the fighting, or because you had things to figure out in your mind and needed space. I know it depends... but... on average? ...

A.   13 November 2008: Has any man that requested a break ever got back wiht his partner?... (read in full...)

He doesn't show love and I think I should leave! Any advice?

Q.   MY husband says, he does not know ,why he is not interested to have sex with me. He says, he loves me. I don't feel it. He never looks at me nice,and never makes me feel loved. I tried everything. We have children.. Its a terrible though...

A.   12 November 2008: Just think.. you are dedicating your life and wasting precious time feeling so unhappy. Time goes by. Sooner or later you'll look back and wonder why havent you tried to get to know yourself better and love yourself better and why you have focused ... (read in full...)

My ex says he doesn't want me back, but acts as if he owns me! What do you guys think of this?

Q.   Last nite i went somewhere with my ex, and his sister a local place, but for someone who said he didnt want to get back with me was very strange, he wispered something in mt ear as in cheak to cheak like he was going to give me a kiss, then he ...

A.   2 November 2008: Imagine you can not stand him, physically,then try to not dissapoint him when he is in close proximity and wants to get touchy feely. You know how it is when you can not stand someone.. you can not bear them to touch you, but you're too nice to tell ... (read in full...)

My ex says he doesn't want me back, but acts as if he owns me! What do you guys think of this?

Q.   Last nite i went somewhere with my ex, and his sister a local place, but for someone who said he didnt want to get back with me was very strange, he wispered something in mt ear as in cheak to cheak like he was going to give me a kiss, then he ...

A.   2 November 2008: He is definitely using you for sex.. He shows no respect.. Maybe you can get back at him making him believe that he is not as attractive as he thinks he is anyway, play the 'aarrgh yukkkkk' game, but in a sublte way lol. Like, for example, pretend ... (read in full...)

He wants some time apart, but he doesn't want to lose me, either...

Q.   Hello, I have been hurting lately. I don't know how to cope with this and I don't know what to do. Well I was living with my boyfriend, but a few weeks ago he broke up with me. He says he needs his space. He said he has been hurting for a while. H...

A.   1 November 2008: My situation is practically identical. The advice I got from close friends was to move on as swiftly and quickly as possible and be the one who cuts the rope first. That would restore my worth in our dieing relationship. I find it hard to deal ... (read in full...)

I only get to see my Gf once a week and feel lonely when we are apart, is this a problem?

Q.   Not sure if this constitutes as a problem but I wanted some input on this. I've been with my girlfriend for quite a while (around 7 months) and I only get to see her once a week, when I'm not around her I sometimes feel lonely, any advice on what I ...

A.   1 November 2008: hi, I know exaclty how you feel. I only get to see my boyfriend ( if I'm lucky) one sunday a week. I still havent learnt how to cope withthe loneliness in my relationship( I am 'havin fun' with my friends, but it's just passing the time and living ... (read in full...)

Can you love someone if you've cheated on them?

Q.   Can you love someone if you've cheated on them??? Will the relationship work out??? Well see I cheated on my newest boyfriend with my ex-boyfriend.I'm in love with my ex but i love my boyfriend.He's the best thing boyfriend I've had in like ...

A.   10 April 2008: Not judging you in any way but i personally dont think it's love for them you feel i think it's more like your need to be loved and wanted by them. try to put yourself in their shoes, if you can. Would you be happy with that kind of messy 'love' ... (read in full...)

He dumped me... will he ever come back?

Q.   my boyfriend of 4 yrs just broke up with me almost a week ago he said it was because I kept on accussing him and he was tired of always going to sleep mad I tried to get him back and I started crying and he said he was not going to call me anymore ...

A.   10 April 2008: I got dumped last night after 4-5 years on and off and I am in shock, I didn't see it coming. Basically all the reasons a man dumps a woman: relationships from the very very distant past, cheating, flirting with other men ( although I put my money ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is really bossy and overbearing-what should I do?

Q.   my boyfriend is really bossy and overbearing, he constantly tells me what he thinks is the right way to do things, and if it is not done like this then i am wrong. i am always changing how i do things to make him happy. but he always seems to find ...

A.   30 December 2007: Confront him, don't be too soft, let him know what you don't like about his behaviour, nice and clearly. If this doesn't work well , you'll have the answer for yourself. All the best xxx.... (read in full...)

My friend just doesn't put in the efforts to our friendship..advice?

Q.   Hi My friend is being really annoying. Whenever i ask her if she wants to meet up, she is 'busy'. But her definition of busy is sitting at home or going to her dad's house. She's great when i do see her, and a good mate, but i wish she would ju...

A.   30 December 2007: Well tell her what you have told us.. And also find some more friends, dont depend and rely just on her attention. All the best.... (read in full...)

How do I choose between my boyfriend and staying with my parents who need my help and support?

Q.   hello, I love both of my parents, and I hate to see my mom work so hard for so little money. I want to help her by opening up a busisness; but I am currently on a long distance relationshp and I am kind of stuck in the middle. I want to help my ...

A.   29 December 2007: YOu answered yourself,when you said you are not sure whether he is worth enough to leave your family behind. I understand your need for 'freedom' and doing new things in life and having a good relationship with your boyfriend, but is he really the ... (read in full...)

My bf stays until late at his best friend's house and he ignores me when she is around. I heard her saying she loves him. Ideas?

Q.   My boyfriend stays at his best friends house until like 3 a.m. and hes always ignoring me when hes around her. Its like when she around i dont exist. I cant stand him hanging around her 24-7. She one time said i love you baby to him and boy i filled ...

A.   28 December 2007: talk to him, see what he says. don;t torment yourself, only judje by what he says and does AFTER he knows how much this issue upsets you.... (read in full...)

Humans before pets no matter what?

Q.   My guy hates my cat, and told me that I can't take him with us when we buy a house. He's not allergic to the cat, and the cat hasn't done anything bad or been mean at all. He just thinks my cat is annoying. I had the cat before I meet him. Should...

A.   28 December 2007: I think he is a bit unfair, especially if he is not allergic to cats or he hasn't had horrible experiences with them in the past to find them scary or repulsive etc. But just saying he finds them 'annoying', is that all!?!? If he hasnt taken into ... (read in full...)

I really want a bf but boys only ever notice my friend.

Q.   I have this friend who is stunning, confident and flirty and all the boys fancy her. Trouble is, they don't notice me. And she can be a bit slutty too. Last night she had a party, there were two hot guys there and , surprise surprise, she spent th...

A.   23 December 2007: go out with somebody else :). or even better, try to be more confident with yourself. you seem like you look up to your 'stunning' friend but you are probably stunning in different ways, you might have more interesting things to do and say. if ... (read in full...)

I really want a bf but boys only ever notice my friend.

Q.   I have this friend who is stunning, confident and flirty and all the boys fancy her. Trouble is, they don't notice me. And she can be a bit slutty too. Last night she had a party, there were two hot guys there and , surprise surprise, she spent th...

A.   23 December 2007: go out with somebody else :). or even better, try to be more confident with yourself. you seem like you look up to your 'stunning' friend but you are probably stunning in different ways, you might have more interesting things to do and say. if ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is a stripper and it is driving me crazy!! Is lap dancing to be considered cheating? I don't want to loose her, how do I deal with this?

Q.   heres my question im in love with a woman who ive been with for the last three years on and off, we are talking again. the problem is that she is a stripper. i have mixed feelings about the whole thing, she has quit for me in the past but this tim...

A.   23 December 2007: what leanne has said fits in with what i know about strippers. i have a very good friend who is a stripper and to her her job is her job, she is extremely professional about it. she's 'catering' for a gullable crowd of men and sells a fantasy. every ... (read in full...)

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