A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been going out for a little over a month. he asked me out a week or so before he went to basic. he is amazing and i love him to death. i know it is crazy but i do. anyways the day he was on his way to basic he asked me to marry him. i said i would write my answer in a letter. later that day he called me so he could hear my voice one last time he said. he didnt say anything about if i knew what my answer was. he was saying thing he had never said to me before, no one had never said anything to me like he did and i said yes that i would marry him. i'm only 17, so i'm wanting to go to college but i want to go to germany with him when i get out of high school. i don't no what to do. if i go with him i dont think i can go to college because we will be moving a lot. maybe someone can help me. i have no idea what to do. should i go off to school or spend the rest of my life with him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DanBing  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 There is no point in rushing.
If you both want to be together forever then you have all the time in the world to get married! The relationship ian't going to end just becuase you decide not to marry immidiately!
You may even ruin the good thing you have by getting too serious too quick.
You can make both things work, staying together and going to college!
This is a massive desicion so don't be rushed into it. Tell him you need time!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Go to Germany, trust me you'll be able to attend college there even if you have to move some. There's always on-line classes available through certain universities, so don't deny yourself the chance to get a degree. It's a must these days.
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A
female
reader, nailglitter18  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 If you want to go to college, but want to be with your guy:
You can take online courses from reputable schools. Almost every US college has that option, and places like University of Phoenix have special rates and stuff for people involved in the military. Maybe military spouses get a cut, too.
If you reallyreally want the college experience:
Also remember that love doesn't melt. If this is true love, and you really want to go to college, he should understand (and even WANT you to go, because he knows you want to). And the love won't go away if you don't get married right away.
So here are my two cents on either of your options.
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A
female
reader, advice lady +, writes (1 August 2007):
This is a big descision and you should do what you want to do, you have all the time in the world to go to germany yet if this is going to involve alot of moving then i dont see how your going to find time do carry on with college. If you think on further ahead, are you sure this guy is the one for you? do you not think your rushing thingsto quickly, if he loves you he will respect whatever choice you make. If you want to carry on with college i think this is more ideal as it will persue with your career choice. Ask him if you could wait a little longer but i hope whatever choice you make its the right one.
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A
male
reader, NuVu +, writes (1 August 2007):
The great difficulty with decisions like this (especially at your age) is that you lead so much with your heart. Heart is good but you need an equal portion of head to make the right decision. The good news is your head is working well enough that your seeking advice. Thats great!
First, don't do anything rash. There is no reason to marry him right now. Take some time to get to know each other more... spend some time getting to know each other. The worse time to get married is when the passions are so high that logic is thrown out the window. Get to know each other for 6 or 12 months and then you can discuss it again. If its the right relationship now, it will be the right relationship 1 year from now.
Also, think about what you always wanted for your life. Why did you want to go to college? Is it because thats what everyone else does, or did you have a career in mind. What have you always dreamed of for your life? A stay at home mom with 4 kids, or a career minded metropolitan who can juggle a great career and family? Think about what you've always wanted and don't throw those dreams away. If the current proposal fits those dreams, then you should strongly consider it, if it doesn't fit into your dreams.... well then, you should go follow your dreams.
On a personal note, i believe college is the not only a time for learning, but is also the greatest time of most peoples lives.... You grow and define yourself and meet friends that will last a life time. Its not to be missed.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (1 August 2007):
 The thing to do here is think about your future. You're so, so, so young to even WANT to get married, let alone rush into it, because my dear, that is what you're doing; rushing into it. You have only been dating a month!
Think about the future. If you go to college, that increases your chances of getting a good, well-paying job that you enjoy doing. You're talking about throwing all that away for something you could do in years to come. If he loves you, and you love him, marriage can absolutely wait. There is no point settling down as young as this, when there are greater opportunities out there.
If you wait until you're ATLEAST finished college, if you still want to get married then, you will have more reason to. You will have been together longer, and your relationship will have grown stronger with that. Also, you will have hopefully gotten some decent qualifications, which will really benefit you both in the future.
Please think about this. You're young. You have only been with your boyfriend for 1 MONTH. You will have plenty of time to get married after you have finished your studies. Don't throw away your opportunities by rushing into marriage.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (1 August 2007):
 What do YOU want to do?
Do you want to go to college, if so you need to tell this lad this. Don't give up what YOU want to do in life for a male. If you two are meant to be then it'll work while you go to college and you can go to him after you finish.
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