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12 and been having sex with a married man. What should I do?

Tagged as: Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 July 2007) 26 Answers - (Newest, 24 September 2007)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

hi i am 12 years old ands I live in wisconsin. I've been having sex with this guy (i baby sit for) he does not use condums when we doit he says hes alergic to them. I dont know what to do but i think i am pregnant. for the last 3 months he has not been stopping before he comes I dont want him to get in trouble because of my age and his noone knows about this not even his wife. PLEASE help me with what i should do.

12 and scared

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (24 September 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntI personally feel this whole story is just hog wash. Somebody has a very active imagination.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007):

Since your parents know and are good with it, and the wife is good with it... heck problem solved.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007):

I got the message you should just tell him that you are too young to have sex believe me I'v done it it's no pretty I was peregnant and when I was in the hospital I had twins it's very hard to stop but if you have the baby then just tell him that you are 12 and you don't want a child yet.

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A female reader, amber nuttall United Kingdom +, writes (14 August 2007):

Please, stop this relationship straight away!

He has no respect for you, and your body.

Its ruining your life, and his.

You could be pregnant, your only 12!

What if you did have a baby? Whats his wife and children going to do then?-Get up and leave him.

Please, talk to someone, and get help.

I advice an older teenager, who can help you, without parents getting envolved.

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A female reader, 15 and worried Canada +, writes (13 August 2007):

i'm not that much older than you but Im wise beyond my years which im sure you are aswell. I'd just like to say that this man more than likely doesn't love you and even if he did then wouldn't you think that he would have the respect for you to wait until you are of age to do anything with you? if he really did love you he would be totally devoted to make sure he could be with you even if that meant waiting a while. sweetie if he's doing this to you while he knows its illegal he's doing something that its very much against the law. I don't want to see you get hurt.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007):

Run, don't walk out this relationship. You are still only a child and certainly not ready for all this. The man doing this to you is a criminal. It is so hard to explain the future negative implications of all this in your life and later relationship to men. You were created by God for so much higher existance than to give this creep sexual pleasure. Please get help. Please realize who you are. Sex is wonderful when you are grown up and with your "husband or wife". That is the design of things and will work the best for your life. God bless you and take the good advice you have received here.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007):

That is just sad. Well it is sick too not just sad.

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A female reader, ashleymarie_l_15 United States +, writes (2 August 2007):

hi. i told my mom and dad and they were not surprised I was having sex. actually they knew all about it exept for him getting me pregnant. i found out my dad likes young girls too but he not into incest. So he finds other girls. Sorry to have bothered everyone with this. I have decided to go ahead and have his baby and he said he wants me to have another right away.

love ashley

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A female reader, lovehate United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2007):

lovehate agony auntSweetie it was the cleverist idea to come on here! You need help. This man is disgusting and breaking the law! Tell your parents hunni or anyone you trust who is an adult, they won't be angry with you at all. You also need to go to a sex clinic afterwards to check for STDS. Get away from this man as soon as possible, he is abusing you and your body. Please Please tell someone! XX

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007):

Darling...

you have to tell someone, do you know that what he is doing is wrong and that he can be put in prison? He is sick and treating you wrong. You Must go to the sexual health clinic at once and get checked out and you must tell your parents as soon as possible!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007):

Dear Child, I am disgusted!! These people SICK and you may think you know what you are doing, but you don't you are just a child. You are a child having a child and that's not right. You must seek help now and understand that what they are doing to you is WRONG. You need to go to the police because he raped you. How would you feel if a married man had sex with YOUR twelve year old daughter not to mention having his baby? AT TWELVE??? I was still playing with barbie dolls for goodness sake at 12! You think you may be mature, happy and know what's going on, but if you did, you would realize that what they did to you was a terrible thing. You need to realize that there are sick people out there in the world and unfortunately, you ran into a couple of them. Your parents will understand when you talk to them...but you need to have your baby and place him/her for adoption...DO NOT give your baby to these people....who knows what sexual absue they would do to your dear baby! You must confess to the police. They will go to jail whether you want them to or not.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007):

just call the cops say he raped you

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A male reader, Andy00 United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

Andy00 agony auntThis situation is just crazy.

Child, let me ask you this; Do you honestly think you and this guy have any kind of future?? He is married, and he and his WIFE want a kid. Why give your womb these freaks!?

What about your parents?? They are going to find out one way or another, and I'm afraid the longer you leave it the worse it'll be. You need to tell them ALL of this.

You aren't in love child, you just aren't!! I know you think you are, you are probably quite a mature person, but you do not love this man. He may love you, but not in a NATURAL way. He will love you only as the carrier and creator of his child. Don;t allow that to be true.

Face it, he's married, you will NEVER have him to yourself.

Place tell your parents, and in the mean time, STAY AWAY FROM HIM!! Do you really think it is just coincidence that all these people are telling you to keep away from him?? Do you think all these people would be fearing for your safety if there wasn't a reason for it?? PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007):

They are both predators. That she can support her husband, a paedophile, for preying on a 12 year old girl is vile and I think they should both be locked up for life.

They had other means to have another child so I don't think they are being heroes, don't let your child heart be suckered into being used and abused.

Where the hell are your parents?

These two sickos preyed upon you as they must have known you have two unreliable parents or none. They choose you.

Call the local authorities. What they did was wrong. You are not old enough to consent.

That isn't love. Love is about respect and to have sex with a child is not about respect, its selfish and evil of this man.

CALL THE POLICE OR SPEAK TO YOUR LOCAL WELFARE AUTHORITIES.

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A female reader, shivon1705 United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

shivon1705 agony aunthunny i no u think you love him right now but you dont,

im pregnant...8months gone it isnt a walk in the park!!

he is really sick sweety you HAVE to tell your parents!! his wife can no longer have a baby so you are having it for her! di you really think you and this sick man will be together once the baby is born? they will get you to sign papers so you wont even be able to see your own child

you parents are going to find out anyway, your belly wont stay flat for ever, im sorry if i sound out of order but hunny think about it

"hes allergic to condoms" his wife cant have babys you 12, young and foolish and he can make you love him becuase you are vunrable! he doesnt love you he just loves the fact he can take advantage of you!

you need to get out of this situation QUICK

you may think you really lovehhim but in a few month youl really love smeone els

PLEASE go tell an adult sweetheart

if i new this man i can asure you he wouldnt have a d*ck anymore!

please just sit down and think about this

tell an adult please

xx best of luck keep us posted

sorry if it isnt what you wanted to hear

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntThe word used springs to mind here. He seems to have been using you so that he and his wife can have another child. Do you realise what this is going to do?

You say you wont tell on him yet you want to go through with a pregnancy that is going to leave people like YOUR PARENTS asking questions!

If the wife has know all along then she is just as sick as her husband for letting him sleep and impregnante a 12 year old girl.

He DOES NOT love you sweetie! He has used yo to have another baby that he wants to take away and bring up with his wife!

I'm sorry this sounds angry but wow. This man is sick hunni, sick in the head.

If I lived in the States I would seriously think about getting this guy locked up!

xxxxxxxxxx

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A female reader, ashleymarie_l_15 United States +, writes (29 July 2007):

but I love him and he loves me. I cant tell on him he will get in trouble. I told him this morning that i might be pregnant adn he smiled. I told him i did not want him to get in trouble with law or even his wife he then left the room and came back with his wife he made me tell her and she hugged me she new what he has been doing.she had her baby but cant have anymore so they want me to have baby for them. I am going to have there baby.and i am going to continue the relationship with hhim i thank all for the advice

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A male reader, quarky United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

quarky agony auntI can't stress enough that what this man is doing is wrong and you really must tell someone about it. you also need to stop seeing him right now. if you can't find anyone that you feel you can tell, is there a child's help line you can call in confidence? It's scary, I know but I'm certain that everything will work out. no -one will blame you for what's happened. I truly hope that you get the help you need on this. take care and please please tell someone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007):

This man is an absoloute discrace.

Like Yummy Mummy said tell someone asap and if you feel up to it go to the police.

If you have any older brthers or sisters or cousins etc that you fell will be easier to talk to then talk to them.

Pulling out is just another name for hit and miss and is totally selfish.

Best wishes

xx

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A female reader, shivon1705 United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

shivon1705 agony auntHeyy sweety you must be feeling so scared right now but you MUST tell an adult you are a brave young woman and you need to tell someone,

whats happening between you and this man is illigal sweety, you wont get into any trouble, he is the one who is going against the law

if your reading this get up from your computer and go tell your parents or gardian

if you are pregnant you can deal with it at this stage unless of course you want to keep it that matter is entirley your decision

the wife of this man obviously doesnt no whos shes married to, you need to be as brave as you can

but keep in mind that it isnt your fault, you wont be in trouble, you will be suprised just how wrong this man is being

what ever you are thinking you MUST tell an adult and dont let this happen again,

hes obviously very dangerous, you dont realise it now hun, but when your older you will realise how rong it is.

He can't even use protection which is worrieing!

Please tell someone, no one will be mad

best of luck

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007):

Do not feel bad about this situation as this man should not have been doing this and the most important two things are 1) that it doesn't happen any more and 2) that you etablish whether or not you are pregnant. I hope you are not but either way you need support from an adult. If you need to (and cannot tell your parents at this stage), contact an advice centre near to where you are living or talk to an adult friend that you can trust who will help you through this. You do not have to accept things as they stand and this man is breaking the law. Please be strong for yourself.

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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

aphexinfinite agony auntoh hunnie you have to tell youre parents what that man has been doing is very very wrong i know you dont want him to get into trouble but he did a very bad thing..even if men pull out they can still get you pregnant, the pill or condoms are the better methods though youre only 12 and sex is something you should not be doing till youre 16 atleast..tell youre parents and go to the doctor sweetie its not youre fault and wont get into trouble.. heres a big hug xxx

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A female reader, angel-kate United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

angel-kate agony auntthis man is married and by the sounds of it after one thing...sex! so stay away and baby sit for someone who will respect you, not trying to use you!

it also sounds a bit fishy that hes allergic to condoms, bt that doesnt mean you cant take the pill. you can go to the doctors with a mate or on your own and get persriped them. please dont caring on if its not safe sex!! what would happen if you got pregant?!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007):

Honey,

You must be very scared!

DON'T go to his house alone again! Ever!

You must tell a grown up close to you. Preferably your parents; one of them or both.

If you trust any grown up in your school, a counselor, a school nurse or a school doctor you can tell one of them.

Please, do it right away. And DON'T go to his house ever again. Just don't, whatever he tells you. Don't even talk to him again.

Take care of yourself.

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A female reader, Variety United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

Variety agony auntYou need to talk to someone. Try your parents. You might not want to get him into trouble but you could be in trouble yourself. And not just the potential baby. If he has not been using protection you could have caught something from him or his wife. And if he is cheating on her with you then who knows what else he has done.

Don't worry about him. Focus on yourself angel. Your parents may be angry but they will be more worried. They are there to protect and look after you and that is what you need right now.

Message me if you want to chat. xxx

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntI would sit down with your parents and tell them what has been going on. This guy isn't safe. To have been having sex with a 12 year old and not using ANY protection. Hun, what he's been doing is illegal.

I would also then tell your parents you think you could be pregnant and need to get tested. Even if this man had been pulling out for the last 3 months you could still of been pregnant sweetheart.

This guy is dangerous that he thinks that it is ok to have sex with somebody who is 12.

Tell your parents hunni or a close adult and get yourself tested.

xxxxxxxx

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