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Why should you listen to my advice?: If I give you it, it means I probably have experience with the situation/problem you're having
Location: Oxford - UK
Currently: Single
Profile updated: 27th of March 2011
I'm Andy. I'm something of a sentimentalist. I consider myself to be romantic and affectionate
I first found my way to Dearcupid after my first dose of heartbreak. I was in a long distance relationship (240 miles) for over two years from 2005 - 2007. I met my girlfriend originally in December 2004 over the website Habbo Hotel, she found me purely because she liked my hair (I had an Afro at the time!). We ended up talking every night over MSN. By April, she revealed that she liked me, and very soon after, I decided I felt the same way.
On the 10th of July 2005, we met in her home town. I remember getting off the train, and she was stood right down the other end of the platform, and ran towards me like something out of a movie. I threw my bags down, and she dove into my arms for the first time. Later that day, after 3 hours of being crowded by her sister and mum, we got our first minutes alone, and kissed for the first time. In my case, it was my first kiss ever. It was magic.
We met up on 13 different occaisions, including a couple of camping trips alone together as well as a holiday to Cuba as late as April 2007. Then everything changed.
On the 25th of June, just over 2 weeks before the anniversary of the day that we met on that Summers day at the train station, 5 weeks before we were scheduled to meet up again; She rang me up in tears and told me that she thought we should end things. I was completely devastated. She told me her decision came due to the fact that she didn't think we would have as much time to meet up when she went to University, and that things were hard enough as they were. Also, we had argued over stupid things a little more regularly, but I didn't think it was any thing worse than what all couples encounter. I hadn't fallen out of love with her, but she now expected me to do so and become just a friend. By breaking up with me, as of that day, I had pretty much lost my best friend in all the world, and it wouldn't take long before it was clear that I couldn't handle the transition from boyfriend to friend.
Instead of talking every night, we went back and forth from talking to not talking. Anytime I spoke to her, after a few days I would start to miss her, and even cry over her. Her father died of liver problems less than 6 months after we broke up. After he passed, me and her spoke for a couple of nights, and I told her that I would try and support her like a friend should during that time of sadness, but it didn't take long for me to start avoiding her again. I felt really guilty for that. She wanted to be my friend, and I wanted to be more than her friend. I was crushed by what she had put me through. It always stuck with me when we spoke for the last time. It was about 2 months after her dad died. She told me "I feel like I've lost so much already, I don't want to lose you as a friend." And as much as it kills me, she did. We haven't spoken since... and to this day I still feel guilty, though I have come to accept that I had to protect myself from being hurt further.
I can honestly say that that experience has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. But we're 5 years on from when we met each other and I have since found love and lost love again, twice in fact! My 2nd love showed me that I am capable of loving others and having meaningful relationships. The 3rd one has shown me how to be happy without having someone in my life. In truth, I have never really been happy within myself since my first love left me. I felt like I needed somebody in order to be happy. It's a shame that I have had to go through heartbreak to learn that, but for the time being I feel a great deal better about myself and even feel like I can maintain a friendship with my ex's... Maybe even my first love in time.
Throughout this whole experience, I have found out that pain only make you stronger, the first cut is the deepest and time really does heal all wounds.
Cheers for reading, and may this be an encouragement to everyone else out there who has experienced heartbreak! Things really will get better for you one day, you have to believe! |
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| Latest articles: The Last Laugh... Is it really on me? ;)
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
18 April 2008: Hi, it's Andy00. I just thought I would share something with all of you. As you all know, I went through a horrible case of heartbreak 10 months ago, after my distance relationship was cut off by the girl I love (it still hurts to this day). But h...
1 Year since the holiday of a lifetime - 3 months before life as I knew it came to an end
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 March 2008: Hi everyone. This is my second article. I just felt the need to tell the story of some occurrences that took place a year ago from today, where me, my family and my beloved girlfriend took a trip together across the atlantic ocean to Cuba. To s...
My relationship, its end, and the 7 months of confusion and hurt... that made me stronger.
This question has 10 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 February 2008: Hello everybody, this is Andy00. And to all fans who like long articles, this one is a treat for you... Unfortunately, it's a true story. I have been on this site for about 7 months now. I have posted many, many questions over time, but...
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I caught my 12 year old son masturbating. How should I handle this?
Q. i am a father of a twelve year old boy, and i saw him masturbating,and i blew up, what should i do?...
A. 19 July 2007: Explain "blew up"? Did you yell at him?
Anyway, fact is, masturbation, these days certainly, is very normal. He has maybe found out about it a little earlier than normal, possibly from his own research (face it, mate, it's only natural if he's cur... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and pregnant! I can't tell my parents...What shall ! do?
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A. 19 July 2007: I'm afraid you're very wrong when you say you "can't" tell your parents, because that isn't true, and not telling them isn't going to help your situation. What is worse: Being honest, or waiting until they tell you that they think you're getting ... (read in full...)
I was wondering if any men (or women!) that have gone down on a girl... well what does it taste like???
Q. This is going to sound strange. My boyfriend went down on me for the first time last night. It was amazing but I couldn't relax! I mean I can't see how he was enjoying it??? Basically I got a bit curious and thought I'd taste... and... :S I thou...
A. 19 July 2007: Having done it many times, I still struggle to find the words to describe it.
All I know is, when I'd do it, I wasn't doing it for the taste (I don't think...), I was doing it for the sake of pleasuring my girl. It's not that it tastes bad, it'... (read in full...)
Guys don't like me b/c of my hair color, so how do I get the boy I'm after?
Q. None of the boys on my year seem to like me because I have ginger hair. I also really like this one boy. How do I get the boy I'm after?? Please help...
A. 19 July 2007: I would pay no attention to what people say. If you like your hair how it is, then why should you care what other people think?
I, myself, am an extreme example of this. When I was in school, (about year 9) I grew an Afro. The reaction in school w... (read in full...)
He broke up with me to have sex with another girl and now wants me back
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 16 year old female. I have been dating the same guy for about 2 years now. We get along great and we really love each other. But he is afraid of commitment, so when he gets scared or needs space he just breaks up with me. But ...
A. 19 July 2007: In my opinion, he doesn't deserve you.
It's one thing to break up with you just through merely discussing commitment, but to keep going back to this "other girl" everytime, and ontop of that, have Sex with her, is just down right disgrace... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and considering having sex for the first time... I'm scared! My Mum says I should wait it out, what should I do?
Q. hi im 14 and considering having sex for the 1st time the thing is im really scared ive talked to my mum she told me that il enjoy it more if i wait and if i really like the guy i do it with. i think shes only saying this to prevent me from having ...
A. 19 July 2007: You're 14. I advise following the advice of your mum. You're too young to have to worry about having Sex.... (read in full...)
Are you single? Please reply here!
Q. Hi everyone Andrew, site guy here.. Just doing a poll to see how many visitors to the site are SINGLE and would be interested in a (free, of course) DearCupid dating service. Just reply to this post. Thanks! A....
A. 19 July 2007: Just for the purposes of answering your question:
Yes, I'm single.... (read in full...)
I'm lonely. All I do is work, then come home to an empty flat, watch tv, read and go to sleep
Q. I'm lonely. All I do is work, then come home to an empty flat, watch tv, read and go to sleep. Day after day after day. What worries me is that I'm getting used to it. I still miss my family and friends (all of them thousand of miles away) but I ...
A. 19 July 2007: I don't want it to sound like I'm insulting you or anything, but: Get a hobby!
Find something you enjoy, there must be something! Go out and do that a couple of times a week. Just because you may not want to be in love, doesn't mean you have to ... (read in full...)
He said he wants to meet me, but then he said he might be too busy! Is this a brush off?
Q. I met a guy a week ago and kissed him, we have txt each other and he says he wants to meet me but when i asked him if he was ok for a drink tonight he says he might be busy. He's sent me messages saying i am beautiful and very sexy but should i take ...
A. 19 July 2007: To be fair, it was just one text. I would try him a few more times, and if he rejects you, then you can leave it to him to contact you.
Maybe he will, maybe he won't, but atleast you'll know, and that's the crucial thing.... (read in full...)
He found out I was cheating with my ex and now wont take me back!
Q. my b.f and i were engaged to be married next year but suddenly my ex b.f got in touch with me and i also communicated with him. i even met him couple of times i felt somehow that the feelings i had for him before comes back, but he took advantage ...
A. 19 July 2007: From the sound of it he's told you where you stand after what you've done.
If you really don't want to move on just yet, you could always just contact him now and again, asking how things are. He may reconsider, after all, he WAS going to marry yo... (read in full...)
Am I in love or is this just a crush?
Q. when i am at work i can't stop thinking about one of the team leaders. he dosen't even know i am alive, and i hardley know any thing about him. when i see him i get a funny feeling and i feel so happy. the other thing is that he is married and about ...
A. 19 July 2007: It sounds very much like just a crush, to me.
You don't know anything about him, and yet you get a lovely feeling every time he's close. On top of that, he's much older than you are. So yes, I'd defiantely say it's just a crush.... (read in full...)
I am 13 and I want to lose my virginity
Q. i am a 13 year old girl and want 2 loose my virginity but the thing is i do not no how to have sex and plus im scared if i bleed whilst having sex!!is there any chances that i will bleed?and my mates say that you cant walk after wards is that ...
A. 19 July 2007: Why, child, do you want to lose your virginity when you don't even know how to have Sex?
You sound to me like you just want to lose it for the sake of losing it, and I'm telling you, that is not the way to go. You should saver losing your virginit... (read in full...)
She doesnt want sex and I am getting bored
Q. my girlfriend doesnt want to go further :S what can i do? me and my girlfriend have been going out about a year now and all we have done is kiss and hug and the really petty stuff but i want to go further as im quite a 'exploring' guy if that kind...
A. 19 July 2007: Well, what it comes down to is; You just can't force her to have Sex with you. I know that you know this already, but it's fact.
This baffles me that she doesn't want Sex with you yet after a year together. What is putting her off having Sex? Whe... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and I'm scared to have sex with my 17 year old boyfriend; he wants me to get pregnant!
Q. i am a 14 year old girl and i am going out with a seventeen year old boy and i am stuck in a situation because he wants to have sex with me but im scared because i do not no what to do when having sex!!and he said that he wants to get me pregnant ...
A. 19 July 2007: Please follow mine and everyone else's advice when we say: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THIS GUY.
You are too young to rush into having Sex, let alone pregnancy, and that second one applies to both of you. The guy might be a nice person, but if that's t... (read in full...)
He cheated on me and I'm having a hard time building the trust back up, as he's always away on business
Q. My boyfriend and I have just moved in together. We have a very loving relationship, however in may of this year I discovered that he had an affair with someone. This crushed me beyond belief, I know that he regrets doing it...but I am still having a ...
A. 19 July 2007: Hi there. Firstly I'm very sorry he cheated on you, because nobody deserves to have that happen to them. It's natural for you to have a hard time trying to trust him again, and I won't lie, it's possible that you wont.
That said, yes, I think he... (read in full...)
How do I adjust from being a boyfriend to being a friend?
Q. Hey all, yes, by Christ it's me again. As a lot of you know, this is my situation: 2 years relationship Coped with distance of 200+ miles Ended just over 3 weeks ago, suddenly. There's been some development over the past couple of days. We...
A. 18 July 2007: Oh, I'm not closing the discussion, just my last post before I dragged it out too much further. Sorry if I was misleading. And don't worry, I'm not offended or anything, I understand what you were saying.... (read in full...)
How do I adjust from being a boyfriend to being a friend?
Q. Hey all, yes, by Christ it's me again. As a lot of you know, this is my situation: 2 years relationship Coped with distance of 200+ miles Ended just over 3 weeks ago, suddenly. There's been some development over the past couple of days. We...
A. 18 July 2007: Thanks for your advice. For the record though, as I say, we are separated by miles and miles. The likelyhood of us even ever being in eachothers presence again has decreased dramatically, let alone her ever kissing somebody in my presence.
But y... (read in full...)
My ex keeps giving me mixed signals - I've not done anything to deserve this, and it's just torture!
Q. Since mine and my Girlfriends long distance realtionship of 2 years broke up 3 weeks ago today, I can't help but hate how little contact I can make with her. For the first 2 weeks or so, I couldn't contact her due to her being on holiday. But since ...
A. 17 July 2007: Thanks very much for the advice again, everyone.
I doubt I'm intentionally being treated the way I am, I just don't think she realises that she's giving me mixed signals (everybody has a different perspective when in this situation, am I right?).... (read in full...)
Is it normal for us to enjoy filming eachother having sex with other people?
Q. I have always talked about my girlfriend have sex with other guys as a turn on. i met a girl 6 months ago and brought up this during sex. she started describing scenarios of what she would do with another guy. one day she asked if i would like her...
A. 16 July 2007: While it may be a turn on for some, I would strongly suggest that you just leave it as a fantasy. No good can come from your relationship in doing something like that.
Find something else that turns both of you on that you can do together... (read in full...)
I wake up in the morning feeling miserable
Q. Please help me everyone. I'm so upset. Since mine and my girlfriends break up almost 3 weeks ago, I find that I'm waking up in the morning miserable, and I don't know how to help it. This is starting to seem like depression, but I don't wan...
A. 15 July 2007: A whole hearted thank-you to everyone who has attempted to help me through this tough time.
In direction to the poster "Jonty", I sent you a message. Check your inbox.
In direction to "kristinakutie", just a thank-you for your advice (both tim... (read in full...)
I love him so much! But we're doomed!
Q. He is so sweet to me, and I love him with my whole heart. But I just fear that we're not meant to be together. While we enjoy each others' company very much, our life goals are so far apart! I'm from the west coast, and he moved here from New York. ...
A. 15 July 2007: A very interesting question. You say that you love it where you are, but he wants to go back to New York or wherever. Is he worth moving for? Is what you must ask yourself. You say you love him after all, why not try? If it shouldn't work, or if ... (read in full...)
She told me she was a virgin but when we had sex she didn't bleed; is it true your hymen can break in other ways?
Q. Hi i have a question my gf told me that she was a virgin when we first did it she didnt bleed she said that it can break at anytime not only when sex she had done Karate and other sports could this be true?she also said that you can even break it ...
A. 14 July 2007: My girlfriend and I were both virgins when we had Sex. At no point did she bleed or find it uncomfortable at all.
There are lots of ways the hymen can be broken, including through sport, and through her pleasuring herself (with 1 or multiple... (read in full...)
Tested my boyfriend with texts from a "mystery admirer"... and he's arranged a date with her!
Q. I've been seeing on and off (cos of lack of time) this guy for 3years. He was and says he is so into me loves me very much; in the past i found 'his love' a bit suffocating. However recently I decided that i will give a good go to a relationship ...
A. 13 July 2007: Ok, looking at your response, I do see things from your perspective a little clearer. It most certainly isn't nice to be cheated on (even if he is cheating with a fake person), I just thought it was going to pretty extreme lengths just to catch him. ... (read in full...)
Any tips on how I set up a special romantic night for him?
Q. Hello, my bf and i have a 3 year annyversary and we both happen to be broke. He will get a hotel room for us to have a romantic night, but i would want to make it special.... I would also like to kind of set up a table, little dinner, but i dont ...
A. 13 July 2007: Well, this maybe won't be the best idea ever, but here's a simple suggestion. Have a look and see what you have in the house that's easy to prepare, and chuck it all into something at the same time. One time when me and my girlfriend were toget... (read in full...)
Tested my boyfriend with texts from a "mystery admirer"... and he's arranged a date with her!
Q. I've been seeing on and off (cos of lack of time) this guy for 3years. He was and says he is so into me loves me very much; in the past i found 'his love' a bit suffocating. However recently I decided that i will give a good go to a relationship ...
A. 13 July 2007: I think it was wrong of you to test him, when he supposedly left no doubt in your mind that he wanted to be with you. What happens next? You reveal it was all a lie, he won't believe you tested him like that and you leave eachother feeling angry. ... (read in full...)
My friend got naked at a party to show my husband what a great body she has
Q. I used to think my husband and i were quite strong and that he loved me but now i am not so sure we had a party and my friend came, she has lost a lot of weight and looks real good now i on the other hand am over weight i am trying to lose it ...
A. 13 July 2007: It's shameful enough to take off all your clothes infront of somebody like that, but it is absolutely disgraceful to think that it was an attempt to seduce your husband right in front of you. The man should be disgusted with himself for taking her ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to have asked for the expensive ring back?
Q. I just bought a $3K ring for my girlfriend and then she announces she is moving out after 10 months. I asked for the ring back and that offended her? Am I wrong to have asked?...
A. 13 July 2007: It would be the decent thing for her to do to return your ring. She obviously meant a lot to you for you to give her it, and since she has demonstrated that you do not mean as much to her, she should give you it back.
The only reason I can find... (read in full...)
What's wrong with us fat girls?
Q. Whats wrong with fat gals? Im a fat gal. I take good care of myself. Better than a lot of skinny gals. Why dont i get noticed? My best friend is skinny and she smells ,always have dog hair all over her cloths ,her handr are dirty ,whx do guys like ...
A. 13 July 2007: "What's wrong with Fat girls?" - Nothing!
Nothing is really wrong with fat women, only that they are obese, which can lead to physical problems for them. Other than that, there is no real reason for men to have anything against dating fat women. I... (read in full...)
Is a year too long to wait before I go visit my long-distance girlfriend?
Q. I now have a girlfriend in Ghana and we have been corresponding for about nine months. We have become very close. She is not very wealthy, so I have helped her out a bit. We have tried for her to come over to the UK but was turned down. I think I ...
A. 13 July 2007: A year is an awful long time. But if you two are able to make things work until then, what's the harm in waiting? Think of the moment where you will finally see eachother again after such a long stretch of time. That alone could be worth waiting ... (read in full...)
A guy sent my girl a message saying he wants to f@ck her!
Q. Im a jealous guy (18) my Girlfriend is 22. We've been going out for 9 months now. I always check her sms and emails and she hates it. I do it because theres always something she hasn't told me about in them. She tells little white lies all the time ...
A. 13 July 2007: There clearly isn't enough trust between the two of you. She lies, you're suspicious of her. If she doesn't start being honest and if you continue to evade her privacy, then the two of you just aren't going to work.
I'd say confront her. She cann... (read in full...)
I want my guy to go down on me
Q. What can you all use to have your guy go down on you? Guys what do you like?...
A. 13 July 2007: Well, usually you just leave that up to the guy. Failing that, you could always ask him. Don't pressure him, if you meerly ask if he can go down on you, atleast you've mentioned it, and he'll either feel like it or he won't.... (read in full...)
I have some still unresolved questions about why my girlfriend broke up with me. How can I get her to discuss it?
Q. My Long distance girlfriend of two years broke up with me just over 2 weeks ago completely out of the blue. A few days later, she went on holiday to Spain with all her friends for fun, sun, booze, and perhapps (I still hope not) A holiday romance. ...
A. 13 July 2007: lol. Yes I get what you're saying... I think. All the same, I'd still like to get in contact with her, found out how the holiday went, ect. I'm sure I could do that without us arguing. So maybe now isn't the time to venture into the reasons why this ... (read in full...)
When we go to high school should I ask him out?
Q. I've had a crush on a guy for a long time now, I was going to ask him out when we leave our school because he will be in the same house colour as me in high school but I'm now heart broken when I found out he is going out with a year 5 girl! I'm ...
A. 11 July 2007: Hello! Please keep in mind how young you both are, you have plenty of time for love. But if you are interested in sharing some time together, then I would wait for now. If he is currently going out with another girl, it would be wrong of you to as... (read in full...)
I don't know what changed within me - I felt our relationship was a habit more than anything.
Q. My partner and I split up in February after just over 4 years of being together. I have a son (12) from my previous marriage and he has two sons 13 and 17). We didn't live together so the split wasn't messy. My feelings for him changed last summer ...
A. 11 July 2007: You sound much like my ex-girlfriend. Towards the end she felt like our relationship was just a ruitine (granted, we lived 200+ miles away from eachother); texting same time every day, talking same time every night. Unfortunately for us there was no ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex; he prefers masturbating before he comes to bed
Q. hi, I have a boyfriend,we just got back together after a long time apart.We broke up originally because of lack of sex and other issues,particularly abuse in his childhood.I love him very much. However the sex is still a problem.We sleep in the sam...
A. 11 July 2007: Talk to him. Tell him that you have needs too! It isn't fair that you save yourself for him, but he'd rather masturbate. If he doesn't understand this, you should simply leave him. If he doesn't even want to satisfy you, if he doesn't think of your ... (read in full...)
Too nervous to ask out the girl I love, what do I do?
Q. i am going to ask out the girl i love and i don't know how to do it because i always gt too nervous when i try to do it what should i do...
A. 11 July 2007: I agree. Plenty of guys in your situation, myself included, love to imagine the best way to ask a girl out. And if you can get her by herself, without any of her or your friends around to intervien in any way, this gives you a good chance. If you ... (read in full...)
Is there anywhere on the net I can view free instructional videos about oral sex?
Q. does anyone know where there are some free instuctional videos on giving good blowjobs off of the internet. my bf loves blowjobs and he says im awesome at it but if i knew every little detail it would make it all the better!...
A. 11 July 2007: As filthy as it may seem, another way would be to simply study how other women give them by watching them doing it. You might find watching that kind of thing gross, but there's a few things you can pick up in sex just by watching other people doing ... (read in full...)
He's been chatting online to women with the webcam and even plans to meet someone!!!
Q. Several months ago, I found out my boyfriend (of 14 months) was using a webcam to chat online with other women while I was gone. I found this out because I came home a little earlier than he'd expected one day and caught him. He told me he wasn't ...
A. 10 July 2007: I agree with what most of these guy's are saying. What the guy is doing is just wrong. He's lying to you. What's worse is, he's lied a few times, once is only forgiveable sometimes! You can confront him if you like. Why should you feel bad about s... (read in full...)
I want to send my boyfriend naked pics of myself
Q. My boyfried of two years is now long distance and I miss our sex life. Would it be stupid to e-mail him some nude pictures of myself? I am no model and a little bit round around the waist. Will he be shocked? How do I pose?...
A. 10 July 2007: If your boyfriend has been with you for two years, I'm sure sending naked pictures to him completely out of the blue will delight him. He must like what you look like, after all, he's with you and he has been for 2 years! One night, my ex (gi... (read in full...)
Been in touch with a guy on the internet and after week hes' told me he loves me!
Q. hi evry body i have just know a boy from internet and after a week he told me that he love me shod i bleave him or not ?...
A. 10 July 2007: A week is a very short time to fall in love with somebody. I met my girlfriend via internet and we didn't share are feelings until about 4 months after.
If you are interested in meeting him, make sure you do it in a very public, and, for extra ca... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend be able to tell that I am a virgin?
Q. My Boyfriend Thinks I Have had Sex But Im A Virgin Will He Know?...
A. 10 July 2007: It's definately possible that he will find out that your a vigin whilst having Sex with you if you are tight/bleed/ect.
My advice would be, just before you two do it, tell him the truth. I'm sure he will understand why you said you weren't ... (read in full...)
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