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He's been uploading pictures of his genitals to the internet and won't stop

Tagged as: Pornography, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 July 2007) 8 Answers - (Newest, 31 July 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband hasn't been wanting sex much recently, and I feel disappointed.

But today when he was at work I found out the reason.. he'd been uploading images of his penis and pictures of him in the nude to Wikipedia and adding them to articles on the site! (he'd left the history tab open in full view on the PC...)

It feels like he cheated on me, even though technically, he didn't.

I asked him to promise to me never to do that again, and he did, but then the next day he did it again.

I've tried to talk about it with him, but he just said "For god's sake, stop acting like my mum! I can upload photos of my d*ck to Wikipedia, and you can't stop me!"

how can I deal with this??

View related questions: at work, cheated on me, the internet

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007):

Personally, I'm less concerned about his image uploading and way more concerned about the way he lied to you, broke his promise, snapped at you for following up, and refused to listen your concerns. The photos aren't even an issue here.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007):

I have to agree with Howard below. Those of us who are actively involved with Wikipedia really, really don't want any of these pictures. He is not being helpful.

There are well over three BILLION penises in the world. If he really needs to feel like his is somehow special, he should keep it private and just share it with you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007):

I'm an administrator on Wikipedia, and I can tell you that we really don't want any more penis pictures uploaded. We have enough, thank you. I know that this doesn't address the underlying causes, but perhaps it may help get him to stop if he understands that whatever he uploads just gets deleted anyway, making for more work for everyone involved.

Howard

Disclaimer: The above message is my own view and not that of the Wikimedia Foundation, although I'm pretty sure they'd agree with me.

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A male reader, Uncle Trev United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2007):

It does not look as if he has got any respect for you. He certainly has not got any respect for your feelings.

It would be a differant situation if you were both into doing this kind of thing and trying to get in touch with other people of the same persuasion but this is not the case here.

It does not look like he is willing to listen to you and not willing to change either so in view of this I can only say that in your shoes I would be seriously thinking about the future of your relationship.

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A female reader, melodaea United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2007):

melodaea agony auntThe way he's treating you is disgusting. He's lied to you, betrayed you and undermined your position as his wife!

Like the other people have said, it's down to you for what you decide to do. Try talking to him, and keep persevering.

I know he is your husband, but perhaps he needs to be reminded of the fact that the two of you once made vows...

"To love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us."

Isn't that right?

If he won't listen, then maybe he deserves to be left well alone. You don't need men like that making you feel downright awful.

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A male reader, Andy00 United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2007):

Andy00 agony auntI must agree that this is not strictly a matter of him "cheating", but more of a matter of him disrespecting himself and you. The man may enjoy it for some bizarre reasom, but you have made it perfectly clear where you stand on the situation, and if he cared for you enough, he would cease doing it as you wished.

You have already told him to stop and he hasn't. It's down to you how you react to this. If you ask me, the guy needs another talking to, only this time a little more firmly. You can tell him that you have already tried asking him once and hasn't. No less, he lied to you. You need to express your distaste for his actions a little stronger than you did before (he has absolutely no right to lie to you after all). Please keep in mind that this depends on how much you dispise what he is doing; Is this something you would kick him out for? If so, leave no doubt in mind that it's something that you could leave him over.

The situation can be looked upon in a variety of ways. That is just the way I see things.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007):

He is being very disrespectful to you. Basically he doesnt care less. You say he isnt cheating on you,but he knows you dont approve of this and still carries on regardless. He`s betrayed you. I would be intrested to know how he would feel if you was to do it.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2007):

hlskitten agony auntThis is seriously not right, and i cant think of any situation that it would be right.

If he doesnt think hes doing anything wrong & will carry on doing it, its down to you to decide what happens next.

c xxxxxxxxx

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