A
male
age
30-35,
*ndy00
writes:Hi guys. I'm doing rubbish today. (For those who don't know: It's just over a month since my 2 year, long distance relationship broke up. She says she was finding it too hard and doesn't want things to drag out, so she split with me 5 weeks before I was due to go up to see her for the whole of August... It would have been 1 week today.We've spoke a couple of times sinse. Most recently we spoke and she was telling me about an outfit she was buying for her birthday party. A party I was going to attend and dance with her. As I thought about that, I got emotional, and asked, quite calmly, if I could go up there and see her. She accused me of guilt-tripping her. What did she honestly expect!? I can't believe how immature she was to think that I wouldn't get upset if she described her outfit to me.)Anyway, here's where I need advice:I know I'm gonna have days like this, but I'm not helping myself. I REALLY MISS HER!! I still just can't believe things ended, and I'm still not sure why it had to be like this!! I know you're probably thinking "Christ, here we go again" and I'm sorry, I just can't seem to help it. I love her so much, and she loves me, but she doesn't want to love me anymore, which just raises further questions that nobody can answer, perhapps not even her.Yesterday I sent her a text, casually asking how she was doing and what she was up to, and... nothing. No reply. Why does she have to do this?? It wouldn't have taken much just to tell me she was ok. Just.. something. And I get nothing!!I want us to stay friends, but I'm starting to think it's just not possible. We had such a great relationship, why do we have to be enemies now when the relationship supposedly broke up due to circumstance?I know I need to take my mind off things, but wherever I go and whatever I do, it's haunting me. I plan to take a few days out in the next week or so (the time I was suppose to be with her), perhapps even go on holiday by myself for 5 days or so, and I'm hoping this will help relax me, and enjoy myself. But right now, I just can't seem to do that. Whatever I do, it is stuck in my mind.Please help me, guys. I'm like a human yo-yo of emotion here!! One minute if fine and dandy, the next I'm sobbing into my keyboard.*Note. I know there was a few question in that, but that just shows how messed up I am with things today. I'm trying to get it off my chest.
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broke up, immature, long distance, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): She's playing games then if she's trying to make you imagine this outfit, and she's not worth your emotions. At the same time, she's just turning 18. That is soo young. She probably has no idea what she wants out of life yet. I understand 2 yrs. may seem like a long time to an 18 year old, but it's not really that long. You'll see when you get older and have a longer relationship. I'm sorry if what I said before sounded harsh. I hope you find someone nice.
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (30 July 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your help everyone. Though, anonymous, there is a couple of things I would like to pick up on/explain through in your post. First I will quickly say, I feel better than I did earlier. I suppose I just had an emotional shift. I kept myself busy and it worked great.
Anyway, anon.
The reason I got upset over an outfit, was not because of the outfit. I was upset because this outfit; she was purchasing specially to wear at her 18th birthday party, a party I would have attended had we stayed in the relationship. She described it to me and something happened: I immediately began to imagine her wearing this outfit. She's a beautiful girl and she used to be mine. I was suppose to dance with her while she wore that outfit, on a special day in her life, and I just kept thinking: I'm not going to be there for that. I'm not going to see her wear it, and I'm not going to be able to dance with her while she's wearing it.
Maybe I'm not explaining it properly, but do you not see why this would upset me?? She's helping me put images in my head of things that cannot be, and it hurts. I reaslise I'm partly to blame, but if you ask me, she is pretty inconsiderate to talk about this outfit I would have seen her in before we split, and now, may only ever see in a photograph.
You ask why I'm so dependant on her also? Well, try being in any kind of relationship for 2 years, and not feel dependant of your partner. It happens. She became my best friend over time. We met up on 13 different occaisions, and spoke atleast once every day. Anon, when you put every ounce of effort into making a relationship work when circumstances are against you, it is VERY EASY to become dependant of your partner. I don't have much of a social life and it's something I'm trying to build on, but right now I feel like I've lost a huge part of my world. A part that I worked so damn hard to keep going and in the end it just collapsed after all our hard work. She let it happen.
I find it pretty difficult to understand why you don't see things from my perspective. You just CAN'T say "It was only a long distance relationship. They never work" to somebody who has just come out of one after 2 YEARS. I'm sorry, but that really bothers me.
All the same, I appreciate that you're trying to help me. Thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I was with my ex for 5 yrs. I left him for his friend. I got pregnant with his friend's baby and my ex kept pestering me asking to let him be the child's father. He would not leave me alone. He kept begging me to see him, begging me to be his friend. I ended it b/c I didn't want to be with him. And I definetly didn't want to be his friend. The only way i got it through to him was to ignore all his attempts to contact me. He'd email, text and call me and I wouldn't respond to one of his attempts. He was abusive and crazy. I am not saying you are, but you need to get some pride up and stop trying to keep in contact. She doesn't want to talk to you and ignoring you is the only way to get it through to you. Why would you get upset over her saying she was buying an outfit? I honestly don't see this as a reasonable thing for you to get upset over. You say this was a long distance relationship so why are you so dependant on her? I would understand if you lived with her for 2 yrs..but..a long distance relationship? They usually never work out. Anyways I think you're thinking too much about her and this..you need to get over it. Move on. You're still young. Women like a confident man, they don't like some mope who is obsessed with his ex and crying over her so if you do meet a woman on vacation, please don't talk about your ex!!!
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (30 July 2007):
 You poor thing! I feel your pain. And your sobs. Okay here's some advise, but it may hurt a bit. You want to stay friends. She doesn't. She broke up with you and clearly has plans to move on with her life. You are clinging to a love you used to have, but it is no longer there. You can't get past it because you aren't allowing yourself to accept what's happened. You don't have to be enemies, but you surely will be if you keep pestering her, wanting to be friends. You know you really just want to be friends so you can find out what she's doing, who she's seeing, where she's going and hope that she will want you back. It doesn't sound like that's going to happen and if she does change her mind, she knows how to find you. You're torturing yourself otherwise. Yes, it's okay to feel sad sometimes. It's okay to miss her terribly. But you have to cut the tie, hard as that may seem, and stop expecting to be her friend. I think a vacation would do you good. Somewhere warm, where there's plenty of bikini's and beautiful women. Maybe you'll meet someone new and begin to realize that you really can do this. You really can move on. It just takes time and it's okay to have good days and bad days. I hope this helps you out. :-)
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Hi Andy,
Having a bad one then, i have got to be honest with you and i think you know yourself you are causing half of your problems babe.
Believe me babe i know how hard it is when you are in love with someone and they do not want to know anymore, but as hard as it is you really need to stop the contact now, i know you don't want to and this is not what you want to hear but it really is the only way you are going to get through this.
The reason she did not text you in reply is because she is trying to get the message throuh to you, as she realises it has not yet sunk in, i hate saying these things but i think you really need to be told just how it looks to all of us.
You have aunts that you like their responces so why not email them daily and when you are feeling bad , please stop contacting her though.
Take care.xx.
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