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I caught my 12 year old son masturbating. How should I handle this?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family

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Question - (23 September 2006)

89 Answers - (Newest, 19 March 2008)

A male , anonymous writes:

i am a father of a twelve year old boy, and i saw him masturbating,and i blew up, what should i do?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

I guarantee you that every person in the world has masturbated and anyone who says masturbating is bad and unhealthy they are the liars, so I'd suggest just let him go and try to avoid him try not to talk to him to much because personally I got caught masturbating and did not like the talk so try not to make him feel uncomfortable and he'll be a perfectly normal kid.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

Im 12 and have been masturbating for a few years its perfectly normal and you did it when you were younger and he is normal and shouldn't be in trouble and yelled at for doing wwhat he's supposed to do so let him and in the future he'll be tired of it and he won't probley have as many kids and we'll be fine.

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A male reader, detective +, writes (18 March 2008):

I would apologize for barging in and yelling. Tell him it's a natural thing to do but encourage him to lock his door (or the bathroom door if he uses that room.)

Most important is to assure him there is nothing wrong with him or what he was doing. I wouldn't show him how or admit you did it (or still do) unless he asks directly. Above all I would NEVER touch him to demonstrate the 'right way' to do it. There is no wrong way. I've been masturbating since I discovered the pleasure just before my 9th birthday, and I'm well over 50 with 9 grandsons! I'm sure some of them are into it as well. Please apologize and make peace with him, and yourself.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008):

I'm 13 and i've already been trying on different condoms.I personaly think you should apologize because you know you did it once.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):

you should be worried if he's not masturbating. go live on a farm for a while if you're that far removed from nature. last thing you need to do is to listen to suburban religious freaks. as for other posters who who pull a certain age for masturbating out of the air, well, since they are showing their lunacy in public already

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008):

it is very normal for a males to masturbate and some do start early as ten year of age. The only advise i could give you is to never go into his room without pr warning and buy some tissues so he can clean himself up..

I would also advise not to go on his computer as they are private to them and tell him we will forget about this now.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008):

Some of you guys have been masturbating since you were 11 and 10!?

I mean 12 is early enough... 10..11.. that you shouldnt be doing!

Just tell him its only natural and need not to worry.. you know you probably masturbate to a playboy magazine!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008):

Didn't you masturbate when you were 12? Tell him you are sorry for yelling and explain to him it is perfectly normal to have the urge. As long as he does it in private it isn't your business.

Encourage him to talk to you about what changes his body is going through. Don't push him away.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008):

you no what guys and some girls i think your addvise has helped me but now i rlize that i am not the only one and should not be ashamed EVEN THOGH THIS IS NOT AN EDIVISE CENTER /thank you

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

im almost 13, and ive been masturbating every day since i was 10... it's normal... dont worry about it, if it makes you uncomfortable, tough. every guy does it, and most boys his age do it... and realy, as much as yo want to... don't talk to him.

having been caught masturbating, i know what it's like to get "the talk" from my parents about masturbating and all... its worse then actually getting caught! just pretend it never happened...

and dont go in to his room without knocking from now on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008):

I think you should talk to him about it and let him know that you feel uncomfortable doing it. However, let him do his own thing too. He is getting older and exploring his body is something he is going to do at one point or another, be it when he is alone... or with someone else. Keep it in control and apologize to him for blowing up. He is your son, and you know that you love him with all your heart. He may be growing up too fast in your eyes, but in his he feels choked by the collar of parenthood. Good Luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008):

its nothing to be ashamed of, im 13 and ive been doing it since i was 11. i mean why wud u shout at him hes only following natures path

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008):

let him masturbate,put a box of tissues by his bed,at least he can clean it up! how about leaving condoms as well?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008):

all i can say is you should talk to him and tell him that this is perfectly a normal thing specially to guys of his age, anyway you did it yourself in your early age as well. lets say that i was never caught masturbating but i do it at least 3-4 times a day. and am already 25... talk about this matter with him but do not do it on front of him, let him explore it himself.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008):

hey mang seriously i'm 12 and i would be REALLY embarrassed if my dad came in on me masturbating.

dont blow up or get angry at him for masturbating, give him some playboy magazines so he doesnt venture further into sexual desires while hes underage. and apologize to him.

good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008):

I was caught at 14 masterbating by my mother, she yelled at me and got me off the chair to check if I was doing it or not, I zipped up before she took me down. To this day I got emotional and mental problems with my self esteem im 32 now. Only now I am trying to deal with this issue.

Simon

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008):

Me personaly i "attempt" to do it at most 3 times a day and ive been cutting down since about 4-6 months ago but personally i would say not to be worried cuz its normal and even if you do yell(which u shouldnt have done)that may give him a rush to start doing it more frequently cuz i got tons of friends (boys & girls) tell me that they got a rush from it thus making them do it more.....In short KNOCK FIRST,DONT YELL,and be glad that at least he's doing it like everyone else does.

**Anonomys/13/MD

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008):

you should sit down with him and tell him that it is something to be done in private, but that it is normal and healthy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008):

He is just exploring his body and you should not be mad you should help him in this time of his life mabey you should try masturbating if you don't already and if you do talk to him calmly maby buy him some lotion and if he is confused show him how you do it if you do

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008):

heeyy i think you should just let him wank because its a normal thing and nothing should happen

and it means the boy just has naughty thoughts

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008):

Weel. I'm twelve now, and I find it relaxing while mastubating. O watch pornography on my computer while masturbating. Help me though, I seem to be ejuculating far to much. I thought I'd try it, my stomoch feels weird, my penis hurts, but I like it. I ejucualte around 2 ml of sperm for every 10-20 mins i masturbate.

Just leave your son, he'll be fine. All he's doing, like me, is probably starting to think about sex more. Maybe he'll watch some porn. He'll masturbate, ejucte. and he'll LOVE it

Regards- Danny

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008):

Let him go. I'm 16, have been masturbating since I was 11, and loved every second of it. Everyone (Not to generalize does it)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007):

if hes only 12 thats good he masterbates it will make sure he has his foreskin fully retracted because by age 12 it should be fully free its funny how nature makes boys masterbate around the age where the foreskin starts unpeeling itself reviling the head hehe get him a playboy or get yourself one and leave it so he finds it so he thinks he sneeks it without you knowing then dont say nothing its normal

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007):

well im only 12yrs old and being a horny girl most of the time its kind of hard not to masturbate, i do it like 2-3 times a day and i feel its completley normal for young ppl like me to do it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

iam 16 years old i have been masturbating twice a day since i was 11 it is ok for a 12 year old to masturbate maybe you should show your son how to masturbate but on your self. last year my 13 year old brother asked me how to masturbate and he wanted me to show him so i did but on my self when i did he said thanks. now he asks me to masturbate with him and we both enjoy it. so maybe you should try the same thing

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

hey u shouldnt of yelled at him my parents cuagth me and they jst talked about it. ive been doin it for9 months go ahed dp it but in private

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

look everyone does it first time is weird, i was 12 when i stared wanking and i have done 3 times a day ever since, heck i even watch porn and im 16 now. i have even wanked with friends. im staright. theres nothing to be ashamed of.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007):

try to just ignore it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007):

Here im 13 and i masterbate its nothin bad or good

but i over heard some people say it's experience for when ur older. i guess u ca understand tht but im still figurin it out lol

good luck in encouragements

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007):

Oh please, why would you yell at him. Have you no shame? I'm 12 and do it every day. And ever hear of KNOCKING? Oh, parents these days .

Let him do his thing.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007):

you should leave it because it is completley normal for a boy to do so dont mention it to him just leave it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007):

I am 12 and I wack off every once in a while its ok but its also private so dn't do anything about it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007):

this is normal, i am 12 and have been wanking since i was like 10. tell him not to do this too much though as it can lead to a very sore penis.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007):

Its Ok to masturbate, I am 13 and i do. Its perfectly natural, apologize and encourage ur son. Good Luck :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007):

i think it is perfectly normal for a boy his age to mastebate, but tell him to only do it oce a week beacuse early masterbatesion can lead to lack in sperm.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007):

let him have his fun, you did

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007):

you really should not have done that,i am 15 and i masturbate every day since i was 11

it is natural for a 12 year old to be exploring their bodys

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007):

Hi. I really think you shouldnt have yelled at him. i'm 13 and I masturbate every day. Its a very healthy and normal thing to do. Its a very easy way to achieve sexual gratification before or during marriage. I hope you overcome your problem!! GOOD LUCK!!!

*Austin-13-GA*

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

That was really unnecessary (mod: dictionary.com - good for spell checks). It's normal for every child. I'm thirteen, and I masturbate every day. You should apologize to him. Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007):

well..i really thing you should'nt have yelled at him. I'm 18 years old now and I masturbated since I was 12. If its against your religion to masturbate then go aheas. yell at him, but if it isn't why the hell bother. It is normal for every male in the world to think about sex. I got my first blow job when I was 14 from my girl friend and I got a hand job when I was 13. Its all normal. It might be good to give him 2 or 3 porn magaziens as well. Trust me. he would feel a lot better. Also be sure that u will always KNOCK!!!!!.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007):

Im 14 and I jerk off my penis 2 times a day it feels great and every boy loves to jerk their meat. Its natural and boys have to ejaculate or else they will have wet dreams, I have a 13 year old brother and me and him masterbate together in our room and were both straight, sometimes we jerk one another. Its okay to masterbate, dont yell at him! Just make sure he cleans up his cum and locks his door when he wants to jerk off. If he is doing something wrong then have a talk with him and demonstrate how to masterbate by doing it to your penis. He doesnt understand to much at 12... dont make him feel ashamed, you did it when you were younger and you know it feels great

LET HIM ENJOY!!!

Good luck

Saddiff from jersey.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007):

tell him how to do it!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

It is best to keep the lines of communication open with your child(ren) and one way is to keep your cool in all situations. I know easier said than done. Catching your son masterbating may have been a shock for you and embarrassing for him. My suggestion is to remove yourself from the time and allow both of you to compose yourselves. The next step after composure is to ask for a moment to have the "uncomfortable" sexuality talk and the need for respect of privacy and the need to assure that measures are taken to prevent others from walking in on him. Each person should be given the opportunity to explore their sexuality in a safe and unshameful way....with respect and knowledge of the responsibilities he/she may have to themselves, their partner, and society as a whole.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007):

I masterbate too. Maybe u should tell him u masterbate too and that might make him more comfortable. Even show him how?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007):

it is very normal for him to masturbate..actually it is a good thing. everyone masturbates in their life. it's just that he's is early, but it is okay. you shouldn't have blown up cuz ur just making him scared. you should apologize to him and maybe talk to him about...just make sure you don't embarrass him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007):

It is dead normal.I do it every day and i am 13.

Don't be silly and apologize to your son.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007):

i am 13 and i do it twice a day it is normal! just dont talk to him about it then he will feel scared, he might no talk to you. say sorry and leave it at that and just carry on with wot u were doing. When he is 14 i would talk to him face to face about it and say about it is normall! If he wants to ask a question about wanking then answer them! Make sure your wife is out out of the house! Just in case she over hears and then she will shout at your son!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007):

ok this is what u should've done knock on his door about 10 times and if he dudnt answer tell him that u were coming in.im 13 i masturbate about every month and i got caught believe me mit is embarrissing but dont yell at him its only gonna make him ashamed,embarressed,and he probly would avoid u at some point

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007):

Well mate the first thing is not to over-react. I will tell you this now when i was young about 14 i was caught masterbating by my grandfather and mother now this was a hefty time for me and i learnt a wise thing in this process.

1st: Do not tell your son that he is done something wrong. Yelling at him telling him that he is a sick child or disciplining him for this will cause distress or even worse, him being mentally scarred.

What you want to do is re-assure him that this is a process in which every male goes through. IF and only IF you know the process of the male adolescence tell him the process.

Then tell him the cons and pros of masterbating and where and when it is appropriate to do it. Thats the best i can offer you mate. Wish you all the best.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007):

im 13 and i wank alot its completely normal

exspeccialy at his age he is just finding out about himself so go and say sorry and tell him thats it completly normal to do.

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A female reader, jezz +, writes (30 August 2007):

everybody does it its natural, dont be too hard on him he is just growing up and its completely normal.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007):

Come on we all did it and we all will still. i do it. the next bo7/girl does it so let him at it. dont encourage him just apologise that you shouted at him.

im a 13 year old boy.

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