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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Married 50 years. What do I do now: start over or live the rest of my life like this?
Q. Well where do you start, I just reached my 50Th wedding anniversary, I said* reached( not celebrate) because my husband said if I take you somewhere you will just just start a argument, which is not true as I paid for a trip to Vegas and he didn't ...
A. 16 July 2014: Yes, I believe it is very common when you suspect that your partner is cheating on you that you keep checking up on them. The trust is gone. It isn't a good way to live though. Its making you so unhappy and consuming your life. And what is it ... (read in full...)
Married 50 years. What do I do now: start over or live the rest of my life like this?
Q. Well where do you start, I just reached my 50Th wedding anniversary, I said* reached( not celebrate) because my husband said if I take you somewhere you will just just start a argument, which is not true as I paid for a trip to Vegas and he didn't ...
A. 16 July 2014: My heart goes out to you. Your age isn't stated, but realistically you are at least 68 years old, correct? There are 2 questions that you need to ask yourself: 1. Do I love my husband enough to continue to put up with him? 2. Can I make it alone and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is physically abusive. Part of me wants to leave him but I also know he would never truly hurt me
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and we recently moved in together. He is usually extremely sweet and caring. But sometime he has bouts of anger that make me extremely uncomfortable. I can honestly say he'd never hit me, bu...
A. 11 July 2014: Do not ever assume he won't hurt you. My ex husband started out like your boyfriend. At first he hit walls, doors and yelled. I never thought he would hurt me. I was so wrong. First it was just a little slap, or a pinch. Then it became a slap across ... (read in full...)
My co-worker is exploiting our goodness, is a slacker and is forever making excuses. I feel like complaining to my boss but will that make me a gossip?
Q. I have a dilemma. I work with this guy for a small 6 people company including owners. Company is doing Farely well being so small. Other 3 people started working there long before me, and I work there 4 years. For a small company like this we all...
A. 9 July 2014: Everyone has given really good advice. One thing I would like to add..if you do decide to go to the owners...keep it all business. Do not put your own feelings into it just state point by point what is going on. In this way you won't come across as ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend got another girl pregnant
Q. i would like to ask about my boyfriend of six years. he got another girl pregnant. i saw them dating through the pictures in facebook. i ask my boyfriend first but he refuse to answer. thats why i directly ask the girl. she said that my boyfriend is ...
A. 6 July 2014: Can you fix it? Your boyfriend has lied, cheated and now a woman is pregnant. How is he going to fix it? The woman thinks hes going to marry her. Did she just dream that up herself? I really kind of doubt it. You say it on facebook that they were ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me, "let me get fat and see if you want to hold me." I'm speechless!
Q. So, I'm in a relationship and I'm holding onto to something because I'm resentful. . About a month and a half ago my boyfriend told me, "let me get fat and see if you want to hold me." I was speechless at the time and didn't know what to say so I ...
A. 3 July 2014: As Jennifer Aniston once said about Brad Pitt.."he doesn't have a sensitivity chip"...Your boyfriend was not too classy about trying to tell you that he isn't thrilled with the way you look. He could have been kinder, gentler but well..some people ... (read in full...)
My mother seems to undermine me ....
Q. I am finding that every time I have a telephone conversation or see my Mother I am left either slightly bewildered or depressed and down. This situation has gone on for years and I have tried lots of different approaches. She lives with my Dad ...
A. 27 June 2014: I forgot to mention...I live 2000 miles away from her so I don't see her that often our conversations are mostly on the phone so I understand what you mean. Distance can be a good thing. I never talk to my mother longer than 10-15 minutes at a time ... (read in full...)
My mother seems to undermine me ....
Q. I am finding that every time I have a telephone conversation or see my Mother I am left either slightly bewildered or depressed and down. This situation has gone on for years and I have tried lots of different approaches. She lives with my Dad ...
A. 27 June 2014: I have a "love/hate" relationship with my mother. I am 52, she is 78. I tried for years to understand her but have realized that I never will. We are as different as night and day. I respect and love her because she is my mother. I don't like her as ... (read in full...)
He brought an 18 year old home and wanted a 3some. What to do to cope with my bad feelings over this?.
Q. I am dating a guy that I am crazy about, I am not what you would call a woman that has had the greatest track record with men, two divorces and several lost relationship problems in between with men and woman. Needless to say, been single for a wh...
A. 25 June 2014: You could have said no and you didn't. Why did you agree to something that you knew would break your heart? Your boyfriend wanted what he wanted and you went along with it. Why? Because you were afraid you were going to lose him??? Do you really ... (read in full...)
He went away without me and I feel like I need to even the score
Q. My BF of a year and a half is away for a month. Visiting family in South America. I am not going because I have no $$. He knows this and still went for a month without me. I am hurt and jealous and annoyed. It comes after several rocky months of him ...
A. 25 June 2014: Op you have left yourself wide open for the comments that are coming in. Is it stupid? I'll try to be kinder...its childish. Why on earth do you feel you need to even the score? You are two adults supposedly from your age range. I'll be honest, you ... (read in full...)
What do guys mean when they call a girl 'cute'?
Q. Dear Auntz. I have always told myself that i will never date a guy who describes me as 'cute'. And here i am now dating that guy. He is very nice and sweet to me. We went out twice so far so we just started dating. I am really attracted to him phys...
A. 22 June 2014: I have always been called cute. I'm just a little thing and have been told I'm extremely funny and have a fantastic personality. My last boyfriend told me I was the cutest thing he'd ever seen..I'd never think for a minute that cute means ugly but ... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on the Mrs. America Pagaent?
Q. I was wondering what people actually thought about the MRS America contest. Do people think it is a good thing for married women to try out for or do they feel sorry for these women trying out or that they may have self esteem issues and need ...
A. 19 June 2014: I hold zero interest in pageants of ANY kind. They have just never held my interest. My sister in law was actually Miss Carolina at one time (she's 65 now) so my husband's family held quite a fascination for them, but I don't. If a woman wants to ... (read in full...)
Why would he say, "in another life, we would have been inseparable"?
Q. Can someone help me understand? I'm just getting to know this guy and our relationship is growing by the day. But he said something really odd and I couldn't reply except say "oh ok" because I didn't really understand. He said "I think in another...
A. 19 June 2014: I can guess but I can also draw from experience. My ex said this to me when we ended our 12 year relationship. We both loved each other and desperately wanted to be together, but the circumstances were just not right and they were never going to be ... (read in full...)
Was the choice I made cowardly or sensible?
Q. A few nights ago, I took my girlfriend out to eat. It was about 1:30 in the morning when we left home, and yes there are restaurants open at that time. I've never personally been to the place but my friend recommend it with high praise. We were on ...
A. 18 June 2014: If I would have been your girlfriend I would have hugged you! I don't think by any means did you do something cowardly. You very well may have saved both of your lives. It sounded like a very scary situation and you quickly made a decision rather ... (read in full...)
My father died and my husband has been unkind on Father's Day
Q. My husband has always been difficult. One moment supportive, the next very much not. Having had a dreadful year dealing with two cancers, radiotherapy and chemotherapy, to top it all my father has just died. Today has been very hard, Father's d...
A. 16 June 2014: Thank you WiseOwl, that is very kind of you.
I hope you find the peace that you need, OP. Many people on here have responded trying to help you. You have been through so much. I truly hope that you will find the strength to get through everythi... (read in full...)
My father died and my husband has been unkind on Father's Day
Q. My husband has always been difficult. One moment supportive, the next very much not. Having had a dreadful year dealing with two cancers, radiotherapy and chemotherapy, to top it all my father has just died. Today has been very hard, Father's d...
A. 16 June 2014: I lost my father last Thanksgiving and this is the first Father's Day without him, so I know the pain you are feeling. I am sorry for your loss, losing a parent is so very difficult even though somewhere in the back of our minds as we get older we ... (read in full...)
Depressed and sad and don't know where to turn to get through this time in my life. How do I manage this depression?
Q. I have chosen to ask my question on here as I have nowhere else to turn. On paper I know that I am quite fortunate: I have a good group of friends, been in a stable loving relationship for over a year and I have just finished my first year of my l...
A. 11 June 2014: Abella is so right. It sounds like you are suffering from depression. People that have never experienced may not understand. They might say things like "Snap out of it" or "get a grip on yourself." The problem is that you can't! You need help, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is asking me to go to lunch with him to see his ex perfect girlfriend and I am freaking out!
Q. My boyfriend of 1 year is going for lunch with one of his exs. I know 2 of his ex-girlfriends, as they are part of our social cicle. One of them is just an acquaintance, the other is actual a good friend os us both, and we go out several times. N...
A. 7 June 2014: The other 2 aunts gave wonderful advice. Remember that looks can be deceiving. In the long scheme of things, its what is inside that matters. Have you ever seen a lovely piece of chocolate, bit into and thought "YUK..this certainly doesn't taste as ... (read in full...)
Should I trust my own opinions about my new manager, or believe what the secretary says about her?
Q. I recently started a new job (office work). The manager is nice at a glance. She is a bit picky and micromanages but what manager doesn't? Anyway there is a secretary working here and from day 1 she has tried to misguide my opinion about my mana...
A. 4 June 2014: Let me give you a little bit of advice. I worked in a state agency office for 15 years. STAY OUT OF IT! If the boss is nice to you, that's all that should matter. Dont get involved in office gossip and all the mess that goes along with it. Tell the ... (read in full...)
I'm excited for my dad and his fiance but I'm still also upset, is it normal to feel selfish in this situation?
Q. I know this isn't really a question about a reltionship of my own but I am just in need of some advice. First things first about 8 years ago my mother passed away leaving just me and my dad, the following year my dad started seeing someone new ...
A. 4 June 2014: I am 52, and just lost my father last Thanksgiving. My parents didn't have a very happy marriage but stayed together for almost 54 years. I was very close to my father and took the loss extremely hard. My mother is 78 and 2 months after my father ... (read in full...)
I'm done with dating and want no more to do with women!
Q. I don't even know when to begin...it's like every time I try I somehow get used. My troubles started four girls ago and yet somehow I haven't learned my lesson. Let me tell you about myself; I'm twenty-three, college graduate, and living at home. I ...
A. 31 May 2014: I sympathize with you, it does sound like you got used. You were the nice guy who she could turn to while waiting for the ex to come back. Please don't think for a minute though that only guys get hurt ok? Thats so far from the truth! We ladies get ... (read in full...)
I am falling deeply for my older Boyfriend's cousin. What should I do?
Q. I'm 19 and with a 34 year old man a year and half. Please don't comment on the age gap , I prefer older men. About 3 months ago I met his cousin who is 31 for the first time. He told me a lot about this guy how he cheated on his now wife when the...
A. 27 May 2014: You don't want us to comment on the age difference. Ok, fair enough. The facts are: 1. He's married. 2. You cheated. 3. He cheated. You knew he was married and yet you let things happen anyways. Why is that? If you REALLY loved your boyfriend as you ... (read in full...)
Should I run or risk a broken heart?
Q. Hello, well I've been talking to this women on line, we get along ,seems real good, but I think there is some red flags poping up, her car broke down she says, talk to her on the phone she seemed drunk, she told me she was raped about two years ...
A. 26 May 2014: You are wise to be cautious. Until you meet a person you can't really know them. Online, a person can be whoever they want to be, they can tell you almost anything. You really don't know them at all, you know what they LET you know. Always trust ... (read in full...)
After a year I still don't have my online boyfriend's phone number
Q. Met a guy online over a year ago, we fell in love, never spoke on phone. It is a LDR and I gave him my number but he never gives me his. Lately, he is busier at work and he says he loves me but I don't know what's going on. Is it normal t...
A. 25 May 2014: I would venture to say that something is terribly wrong with your relationship. I have been in 3 LDR over the last 15 years because I like Japanese men and they aren't so easy to find locally. The longest time ever without talking on the phone was 2 ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for shaving my head even though my gf prefers it long?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm a young guy with an extremely noticeable receding hairline. I'm cool with shaving my head, I think it's comfortable and looks alright on me..but my gf hates! She makes me grow my hair out and it looks ridiculous. Am I wrong for ...
A. 24 May 2014: Ah...your girlfriend doesn't sound like a keeper. You should be who you are and do what makes you feel happy and confident. I know that a receding hairline is a very sensitive subject for many men and its just not cool for a women to make a guy feel ... (read in full...)
What is your "Ultimate Love Song"?
Q. Ok, totally frivolous, recreational question here... Recently a poster asked suggestions about love songs,.. I'd like to extend the question to know which is for you ,fellow Dear Cupiders, the Ultimate Love Song. Not the best, the most original...
A. 23 May 2014: "So far away" Nickelback. It gets to me every time I hear it and the video brings tears to my eyes. I was in a LDR that was very sweet and passionate but the time away from each other really got to me... (read in full...)
He cheated and I can't move past it
Q. It's been over 3 years since my partner cheated on me and I can't move on from it. It sounds silly but I can be having a good time with him and it will crop up in my mind It always comes back to that and I throw it in his face all the time. He did...
A. 22 May 2014: I can understand that you dont trust him. Its very hard to forget. I think when you love someone of course you can forgive, but forgetting?? Thats a whole different matter. The sad part is though that if a relationship doesn't have trust...it ... (read in full...)
How do I know how much to worry during this first pregnancy?
Q. Hi. Looking for some advice. Im a first time mum...so naturally everything is new to me. Im 30 weeks pregnant today. The past 4/5 days my baby hasnt been moving alot at all ... not i know babys movements do change but things just dont feel right ...
A. 18 May 2014: I have had 2 children and I do understand your concerns. In the case of pregnancy, its better to be safe than sorry. The baby is in your body so you know more than anyone else if something doesn't feel right. If it doesn't feel right, go have things ... (read in full...)
I said he wasn't making much effort so now I'm judgemental
Q. Im in a bit of a dilemma. I met a guy online for the first time Saturday. We got in really well talking. He was late and texted me on the way. Then he turned up and hadn't shaved or had his hair cut or ironed his shirt. Hes a nice looking guy so he ...
A. 15 May 2014: Many people make the mistake of going into or being in a relationship thinking " Oh (John) would be so great IF ONLY...." The truth is, you should love someone as they are..not as you WANT them to be. In the end, it won't work if you want them to be ... (read in full...)
He just can't let go of my past
Q. Hello aunts, I'm having a dilemma with my current boyfriend. We have been dating for a little over a month now and we really enjoy each-other and fell in love and love spending time together when we can. We are almost one person and I've had pre...
A. 9 May 2014: Sometimes you just need to know when to walk away. If you are fighting this much after just a month, then you are NOT compatible. The first few months of a relationship are normally the "honeymoon phase" because most people are besotted and on their ... (read in full...)
In an LDR for 3 years, we rarely see each other, and have had sex 3 times! She says she loves me but I'm not sure she wants to be with me. What should I do?
Q. Hello.I am a 31 year old guy and I have been in a relationship with a younger woman for the past 3 years.We live around 100 miles from one another but have kept things going but I rarely ever see her and in those 3 years she has come up to see me ...
A. 7 May 2014: I have been in several long distance relationships for far longer than you so I truly understand what you are feeling. They are extremely difficult to maintain even seeing each other quite frequently. Your relationship sounds very one sided. She ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he'll hurt me when he hears I'm not coming back
Q. Dear Cupid Im with my bf for almost 3 years, had our ups and downs. Few days back we had a major fight, he was talking to a girl way more than he is supposed to and texting her often. He used to do like this before too, he likes girls getting al...
A. 5 May 2014: Your post troubles and disturbs me greatly. First of all, he's texting other women..in my book, that's cheating. He tells you he tells you that you should "share" him and he's interested in others. That isn't a man in love. That's a man that's bored ... (read in full...)
Too Good to be true? Yet he can be VERY controlling. To the point that he scares me sometimes. What to do?
Q. I would like some level-headed unbiased advice on this please. My boyfriend is so good in so many ways but a few traits let him down and I don't know whether these should be deal breakers. We've been together 2 years. I have two children from a...
A. 25 April 2014: Controlling men can become VIOLENT men. I would highly recommend that you end the relationship. I speak from personal experience. When I was young I married a man similar to your guy. I seen that he had a temper and could become quite violent. It ... (read in full...)
No longer engaged because of his habit of staring at other women. I don't know what to do!
Q. I've been seeing a guy for 2 years. We generally get on well and plan to live together soon, we got engaged recently - that's on hold now... and I'm really not sure about it all because of one massive aspect of his behaviour. He has had this sta...
A. 23 April 2014: Aw...I'm so happy that you were able to look beyond your feelings of love to see how you were being treated. So many times we know what we need to do but we just don't want things to change. Sometimes you just have to hear it from someone else! It ... (read in full...)
His brother died recently but hes angry at me all of a sudden
Q. Hi guys and gals! Hopefully theres someone out there who can help give me an insight into a problem I have. I started dating a guy about 2 months ago and it started off brilliantly. He initiated contact with me and we communicated for a few days, ...
A. 21 April 2014: I agree with honeypie. Yes, obviously he is grieving but that doesn't give him the right to take out his hurt/pain on you. Everyone grieves in their own way..some like to talk about it, others prefer not to say a word. Some people throw themselves ... (read in full...)
No longer engaged because of his habit of staring at other women. I don't know what to do!
Q. I've been seeing a guy for 2 years. We generally get on well and plan to live together soon, we got engaged recently - that's on hold now... and I'm really not sure about it all because of one massive aspect of his behaviour. He has had this sta...
A. 18 April 2014: Do not let your feelings of love blind you to what is really going on. You have already taken the right steps by calling off the engagement. The only thing left to do now is to totally end things from this man and walk away to never look back. It ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 15 April 2014: I don't blame you for feeling frustrated. I'm sure that text dating was fun at first, but she doesnt want to move forward to a phone call? She may just be extremely shy but like one of the other aunts said, if she won't give a phone number how would ... (read in full...)
His grown daughters are nasty toward me!
Q. My husband has three daughters, all grown adults with children. His wife died ten years ago. We married two years ago and all three girls took part in our wedding. Every March 22,(the date of her death) the girls rush to mention the date to us and ...
A. 14 April 2014: This is really sad and so immature of his daughter's. It is a shame that they can't be grown ups about the whole situation. My father died last October and being married to my mom for almost 54 years. 3 months later, my mother found her first love ... (read in full...)
Has anyone lost the love of their life? Do I keep fighting? And how do I deal with the thought of her with someone else?
Q. Hi All, Here's my situation that I need advice on: I was dating a girl for around 6 month who I was madly in love with, she was the girl of my dreams, I have never been happier. Then all of a sudden one day she turns round to me and says s...
A. 10 April 2014: Yes, I have lost the love of my life. We were together for 12 years and we truly did/do love each other but he made a choice to return to his homeland and his family because of his obligations to them. Ours was not a lack of love, but a choice that ... (read in full...)
How best to support my grieving wife?
Q. Hi, My wife's mum passed away 3 months ago and i'm not sure how to be of support to her. She was her carer and her day and night was her mum. She was getting better and then suddenly passed. 3 months on I feel she is still massively grieving ...
A. 6 April 2014: My father passed away 3 months ago unexpectedly. The pain is still as fresh now as it was the day I got the news. I was 2000 miles away and it happened suddenly..I didn't get to say goodbye or hold his hand or anything. It REALLY hurts. I go through ... (read in full...)
Can anyone who has had an abortion provide some words of advice?
Q. I recently got an abortion. I've been with my boyfriend almost two years. I'm 23 my bf is 26. I made this decision because one I'm in college, I still live at home, my legal status in the US isn't complete which means I can't work and I believe I'm ...
A. 3 April 2014: I was in a similar situation to you about 25 years ago. I was married and already had 2 children. My youngest was only 2. We were using birth control and it failed. My husband was shocked/angry beyond belief and told me that there was no way we ... (read in full...)
Can I be happy with a man who isn't funny?
Q. I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats ...
A. 2 April 2014: I married a man very much like your boyfriend. He was a good kind loving man, had a very stable job and was someone I knew I could depend on, loved kids, came from a good family. He was a quiet man. He did NOT have a sense of humor like mine at all. ... (read in full...)
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