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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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I cheated on my g/f with 8 women and finally broke it off wanting better for her. Did I do the right thing?
Q. Firstly, I know i'm a scumbag. I have been with my girlfriend for about a year and I do love her. I don't know why but over the last 3 months I have been cheating on her with about 8 different girls. I love her but I just couldn't stop myself. I k...
A. 12 June 2013: Yes, I honestly think you did the best thing for BOTH of you. ... (read in full...)
I'm not having sex till I get married. Why do so many friends criticise me for this?
Q. I'm a girl, at university and I've decided I'm not having sex till I get married. I'm Christian, but that's actually not the reason why - I'm really liberal and fully in support of gay marriage/pro-choice etc. It's because sex means a lot to me ...
A. 2 June 2013: I agree with all the aunts/uncles who say it comes down to your friends feeling jealous and/or uncomfortable. You have strong convictions and are standing by them whereas your friends may have given into peer pressure and regret it. Its easier for ... (read in full...)
Is this about Japanese:European cultural differences? Is this normal? Or is he keeping me at a distance?
Q. Thank you for reading, I'm from Europe and about one year I live in Japan with my bf and his family. He is Japanese. We met over 3 years ago in web and last year decided to live together. Now he graduated and working in company, I graduated too, a...
A. 3 May 2013: Hi. I am much older than you, but perhaps I can help you. I have only dated Japanese men for the last 15 years. I have dated 4 of them, and was a room mate with one for 18 months. I have dated the same Japanese man now for 12 years, we are engaged. ... (read in full...)
This pregnancy is making me miserable! Am I normal?
Q. Hi. I am currently 41weeeks preganant and completely MISRABLE. I cry every single day, i am in pain, fat, i can barely walk or even stand up, tired, bored, uncomfy, the list is endless! It's got to the point now where i just want to get back to ...
A. 1 April 2013: Oh..you poor sweetie! Of course you are miserable! They consider 40 weeks full term, so girl..you are overdue! I've been pregnant twice and the last month of each pregnancy was absolutely nerve wracking. Every little twinge you wonder..is this is? I ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want anal sex with my wife?
Q. Is it normal to want anal sex with my wife, she's got a lovely arse and she's the only person I want it with, we have been together for 20 + years and have a fantastic sex life, I'm just wondering if my penis would be too big for her, it's 6 ins but ...
A. 22 March 2013: I think alot of men are curious about it. I'd say it was normal. You really need to talk to your wife though, many women don't even want to try anal sex and those that do not all of them like it or want to try it again. Talk to your wife and find ... (read in full...)
My parents are getting nasty because they'll never have grandchildren
Q. I've got a major problem with both my parents. They are acting like wankas. They think just because they brought me into the world and raised me, that I owe them something. Why do parents have this belief that they are "owed something"? My brothe...
A. 18 March 2013: I'm 51, I have a 30 year old daughter and 26 year old son. It doesn't look like either of them are going to have children, although to me they are still rather young, so who knows? My daughter just ended a 13 year marriage, and my son is ... (read in full...)
I should marry him, yes? or marry him not?
Q. Should I marry my boyfriend? Reasons for I love him and know he loves me He is willing to take on my thirteen year old daughter He loves my family He cooks well, haha He loves my cooking He is warm and loving in his ways generally Reasons ...
A. 17 March 2013: I mean this with absolutely no disrespect but when you are on the internet asking total strangers if you should get married..then the answer is a huge NO!
If you don't read any one else's post and take it to heart..make sure you read Soveryco... (read in full...)
How to get over a cat which had to be put down?
Q. My cat died two days ago. I can't stop crying. How do i get through this?. My cat was 16 years old. I had her since she was two months old. She started becoming ill last week ( it may have even been longer than that, but that is when it got worse ) ...
A. 14 March 2013: Oh sweetie..I'm so very sorry. A pet is a family member and when we lose them we've lost a friend, a companion a very treasured member of our home. When I lost my beloved siamese cat of 13 years I cried and cried. Man he was my buddy! He and I grew ... (read in full...)
He let my family and I believe for 3 years that his parents were dead!
Q. I'm not at all sure what to think about this, and would like some opinions. Here it goes: I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's been studying hard and is aiming for his masters, I support him fully and I know he does the same for me. We ...
A. 13 March 2013: I know that you are shocked/disappointed in your boyfriend but I can sort of understand why he acted the way he did. My guy and I have been dating for 12 years. He has NEVER met my parents and I don't ever want him to. He knows my parents are a... (read in full...)
Do I put up with her behaviour? I don't know what to do as I've never experienced such behaviour before.
Q. I am a guy in a 1 year 2 month relationship with a woman with 2 kids 15 and 18. My GF is 42 yo. We are in love and have talked about getting married and having a child although recently she shared that she wont be able to have child after bein...
A. 12 March 2013: I can certainly understand how you don't want the relationship to fail, but don't you think you'd better sit back and evaluate what you have first.
I wouldn't tolerate someone being angry and sulky for that long of a period of time. You two aren... (read in full...)
Have you ever regretted your first time?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles. Have you ever regretted your 'first time'? I'm a 17, soon to be 18, year old dude that is thinking about losing his virginity. When I hit puberty i never virginity or sex in particular was ever going to be a concern...
A. 5 March 2013: I do not regret my first time. I was 18 and was in a long term relationship with a boy. It was the first time for both of us and I can honestly say I'm so glad I waited. Many of my friends lost theirs while in high school to one night stands, or ... (read in full...)
Should I settle down with my boyfriend even though I am not physically attracted to him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. He loves me a lot and wants to be with me forever. I'm not sure if i want to stay with him though. His character is great, loving, caring, clever, honest etc but i don't feel that sexually attra...
A. 3 March 2013: I wouldn't recommend that you "settle". You are doing a serious injustice to yourself and to the man you are dating. Physical attraction isn't everything and its true that in time people's looks do fade....BUT there should be some sort of a spark.
... (read in full...)
Received advice before, but still feeling bad . . .
Q. I have posted a couple of questions on this site and I received a lot of good answers that built me up. However, I am still in the same place I was when I started posting because for every kind answer I received here there were others on the ...
A. 24 February 2013: For every kind person in the world there is one that isn't so kind, or perhaps even downright cruel. Most people go through life and really are good people but sadly its the bad and cruel people that stick out in our minds. Think about it, its true. ... (read in full...)
How can I get out of this unhappy situation? He says a divorce will be worse on the kids than us being unhappy.
Q. I have been married for 14 years and have 3 kids under 10. My husband and I dated for 6 years before getting married. I am absolutely miserable in my marriage. My husband is emotionally abusive...a true narcissist. It has taken me too long and ...
A. 24 February 2013: If you have the means to do so, leave the marriage. I am speaking as both a child of parents who didn't divorce and should have, and also as a parent who did divorce. Your children are NOT better growing up in a household where the parents don't ... (read in full...)
Why can't my husband get an answer from his doctor about him having erectile dysfunction?
Q. How common is that, that a man cant get an answer from his doctor why does he have erectile dysfunction? My husband has a bad case of ED and total lack of desire. He went to the doctor, and he dint find anything wrong with him, from medical per...
A. 20 February 2013: This happened to my ex husband when he was in his early 40's. He was taking high cholesterol pills and high blood pressure pills, along with having a very stressful job. It was very frustrating for me because I was in my early 30's and as you know ... (read in full...)
He's upset with the gift I gave him -- even complained on lack of gift wrap??? Explain it to me.
Q. Dear Cupids, I have a long distance friend that lives in Germany that I've known for almost 3 years. I'm 25 and he's 23.5. I feel we like each other a little more than friends but each have our own lives, etc. And I don't see them collidi...
A. 17 February 2013: Oh dear..I'm afraid I would have been very hurt and confused by his reaction. You put forth the effort and tried to be very thoughtful and to me he acted like a bratty child! I have friends in Japan and I KNOW how expensive it is to send things ... (read in full...)
I'm 16. Is it wrong for me to have unprotected sex, already had a miscarriage and want to get pregnant?
Q. ok so heres the deal...me and my bf have been dating for almost a year now...we stated having sex 5 months after we began dating...but we NEVER used condom...we are 2 highschool students and he is to graduate this year...i have suffered a miscarrage ...
A. 3 February 2013: Yes, its not fair to you, your boyfriend, your parents or the child that may come of your unprotected sex. You are basically asking to have a life of poverty, frustration and not being able to get educated. There are some girls that have a child at ... (read in full...)
No marriage, no will, no life insurance and thinking of the future. Should I stick around?
Q. Last night I expressed my feelings, to my boyfriend of 5 years, about what would happen to me if he died. He is much older than me and we are not married. I was thinking about this because I had pneumonia and he had the flu and both were really ...
A. 1 February 2013: Oh honey..I'm sorry. What your guy said was a real slap in the face. If it were me, I would not be able to stay with him. His words pretty much said it all...he really doesn't care about you that much. As much as it hurts, its better that you know ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for feeling guilty?
Q. Am I crazy for feeling guilty? My husband and I are separated. Many things led up to the separation including verbal and emotional abuse, lack of trust, lack of communication, and a lot of resentment. At the very end however, I told my husband ...
A. 17 January 2013: Don't feel guilty for doing what you believe in your heart is best for you and your child. Of course its best when a child can grow up in a home with 2 parents, but not when the parents are fighting and there is much turmoil and stress. Its much ... (read in full...)
Getting over a divorce: how do you just stop loving someone after 19 years of marriage?
Q. has anyone else had a problem getting over a divorce. it has been almost one year since our split, and 3 months since the divorce. how do you just stop loving someone after 19 years of marriage? everyday i get better, but i dont stop thinking about ...
A. 14 January 2013: First of all, here's a big *HUG*. I know that you feel really alone right now, but trust me, you aren't. So many people go through what you are feeling right now.
I've been there and I've come out the other side a little bruised, a little b... (read in full...)
Are long distance relationships worth it? I'm finding it so painful to be apart from her.
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship, and it's just so painful. Nearly all of my girlfriends friends are guys, and she is very close with some of them. I know they just want to get in her pants, but she doesn't notice their intentions. ...
A. 11 January 2013: I have been in several long distance relationships. I am in one right now. They are extremely painful and certainly not for the weak or needy. You have to be a very strong trusting person to be able to withstand the loneliness that comes from not ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband that I cheated on my ex with a co-worker? Or leave the past in the past?
Q. Been happily married for a few months after I'd been with my ex for a few years. Do you think I should tell my husband I cheated on my ex and had a six-month affair with a co-worker? Now I don't have any contacts with either my ex nor my former a...
A. 11 January 2013: There's an expression "Let sleeping dogs lie". I see no reason to bring this up with your husband. The odds are nothing good will come out of it, its in the past, and thats where it should stay. Don't go looking for trouble. Focus on the here and ... (read in full...)
Can short guys have success with women? And if so how? I need advice on how to cope better with my height.
Q. I am a 5'4" male and i am very insecure about my height. I know that women love tall guys and that most of them turn their noses at the thought of dating a guy as short as me. However, I also know that some guys my height and shorter do have suc...
A. 11 January 2013: Not all women love tall men. I don't. I am very uncomfortable dating a man over 5'7". Perhaps its because I'm only 5 feet tall. I have just always preferred shorter men. I think they are very cute! I find nothing attractive about a tall/skinny or a ... (read in full...)
Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 7 December 2012: Aw sweetie..I truly am so sorry for what is going on in your life right now. You will never forget your son but hopefully in time it won't be that gut wrenching sadness that you feel right now. Just take your life day by day and surround yourself ... (read in full...)
"I love her as much as I could" What does that mean?
Q. What does it mean when a man says "I loved her as much as I could.?" I ask, because, an associate of mine cited that he cheated and left an ex girlfriend over twenty something years ago, but he claims that while she "loved him more than he loved ...
A. 6 December 2012: It means he didn't love her completely or fully. He didn't love her enough obviously to be faithful or to want to be with her for all of his life.
I'd say its a bad thing and can be a very hurtful situation if you love someone more than they lov... (read in full...)
Did I take my daughter's happiness away? I think her and my new stepson have feelings for each other
Q. Summer 2012, I got married for the first time at age 52 to a 37 year old woman. We met on eHarmony Spring 2012 and things just clicked. She was married once before for two years and has a 20 year old son. I have a 19 year old daughter. My issue is ...
A. 6 December 2012: My grandmother got married to my grandfather. About a year later, her dad married her husband's mother. So my grandmother's mother in law was also her stepmother. Things like that do happen. As SVC stated, it might be a little unusual, but no one is ... (read in full...)
Why is he distancing himself?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. For the last month or two he's become distant. We don't have sex anymore except on "special occasions". Whenever we're together he constantly has his head in his phone or he's "tired" ...
A. 3 December 2012: I too would be concerned. Warning bells are ringing quite loudly. SOMETHING or SOMEONE is up. I am sorry to tell you that it sounds like he's going home to SOMEONE on the weekends. He's showing all the signs of cheating....doesn't show affection, ... (read in full...)
15 months after breakup we are still friends. I know I need to end things all together but I'm too weak!
Q. Hi everyone I have been on this site before and had some lovely replies. My partner who I loved deeply end our relationship just over a year ago. I was totally devastated. (we are both mid forties). Then 6 months after the split we started ...
A. 3 December 2012: I tried doing this once what you are doing now, and its a road to nothing but heartbreak. As long as you keep this man close in your life, you are going to hurt. Letting go really does mean letting go. Look at it like this...how long do you want to ... (read in full...)
How do I break up with my LDR boyfriend?
Q. We've been together for over a year, and because of this, I believe a text might be really bad. But the problem with that is that it is a long distance relationship, so I can't meet up with him to do it. Also, we very rarely talk on the phone. We're ...
A. 30 November 2012: Please don't break up with him by text. In my opinion its the coward's way out. I am a soft spoken person and I HATE confrontations of any sort, but breaking up by text is SO impersonal. Either call him and explain your feelings just like you did on ... (read in full...)
I showed my online boyfriend a fake picture. Now I'm afraid he wont accept the real me.
Q. 3 years back i met this sweet guy through online.Hes very sweet, after 3 years of chatting i never expect i will fall in love with him and he told me he fall for me too. he always say im the sweetest gal he ever met he has my number and we talk and ...
A. 28 November 2012: I strongly suggest you stop the fantasy world and show each other what you really look like. Get a webcam, or take some photos of the real you and put them out there. I wouldn't even mention the fake photo you sent him. People do change over time ... (read in full...)
We dated long distance for two years. After finally meeting in person, he dumps me, and I can't seem to let him go.
Q. I was in a long distance relation for about 2 years.. I really fell for this guy however he was so mean to me. We always argued and he would make me feel so low. However we did have some good times bt the bad definitely outweighed the good. To sum ...
A. 28 November 2012: First of all, I feel badly for you. I have been in several long distance relationships and they are difficult. I think you already know one of the mistakes you made....meet ASAP. It can save alot of heartache and trouble! When dating online, you see ... (read in full...)
My husband has a drinking problem, and I'm unhappy in my marriage.
Q. I am mostly unhappy in my marriage. I am 27 in a 10 year relationship with 3 kids. My husband has a drinking a problem which he recognizes. He tries to improve and he does, but when he falls back it is horrible. He is a controlling manipulator. ...
A. 25 November 2012: I was married to an alcoholic. It is a life of hell. Your life will continue into a downward spiral unless your husband gets help. The abuse may get worse. My husband was very abusive mentally but not physically. It didn't matter. I was scared, ... (read in full...)
Ladies only please: My partner makes stupid remarks about age and offends alot of our customers. Am I just being too sensitive?
Q. I m pissed. Ladies opinions please, as I understood that in this question men are no help, sorry. My business partner who is a guy makes stupid in my eyes comments and asked out customers questions that simply inappropriate. For example, 2 older w...
A. 22 November 2012: I can certainly understand where you are coming from. As a whole, I believe men take age in stride alot more than we ladies do. Look at how hard the majority of us work with cosmetics, ect to look young! I have a feeling your partner thinks he is ... (read in full...)
I found email my b/f wrote to his ex before we met and now I can't believe anything he has ever told me!
Q. I've been in a relationship with my fiance for 3 years now and we have a 14 month old child together. When we met he'd not long come out of a relationship and told me he'd been with the girl for a couple of years and she'd manipulated him into ...
A. 16 November 2012: Hi original poster. You asked if there was anything I did to help with my feelings. You see for me..I felt very insecure because his ex wife was just like him..a doctor, very intelligent and very aggressive, and she was also the same race as him ... (read in full...)
I found email my b/f wrote to his ex before we met and now I can't believe anything he has ever told me!
Q. I've been in a relationship with my fiance for 3 years now and we have a 14 month old child together. When we met he'd not long come out of a relationship and told me he'd been with the girl for a couple of years and she'd manipulated him into ...
A. 16 November 2012: When you really love someone, you want to think that you were their first love, but the reality is that most of us have partners that had been with others before us. Its just the way that life is unless you manage to marry your childhood sweetheart ... (read in full...)
Debate: GIrls love being treated like dirt!
Q. Girls are weird. Whether u all admit it or not. Most my school and teen years I used to see guys being docks and girls getting hurt and complaining. I always wondered why they didn't go out with nice guys like me who would not hurt them. F...
A. 15 November 2012: I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but that's a myth that girls/women like to be treated like dirt and like bad boys. We might be interested but the excitement wears off VERY quickly. I'd say 95% of us like to be treated with dignity and respect. I ... (read in full...)
Is there anyway a doctor could diagnose me without having to touch me down there?
Q. hi all, this is going to be a weird/awkward/gross question... but, I don't know where else to ask. I vaguely remember this... when I was probably 11 or so, I found a sort of sex toy or maybe a ring thing that would go around the guy and it vibra...
A. 13 November 2012: Oh..your poor girl. Its awful when we feel something is wrong and yet we let our fears of the unknown take over and stop us from helping ourselves! Please know that you aren't the only woman out there that doesn't want someone messing with her "down ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with a violent husband for the sake of the children?
Q. My husband has violent outbursts about 3 -4 times a year. Something small will usually set him off, but everyone in the family knows to run for cover. I have three children (8,11,13) who have witnessed him exploding in a rage. The last time it ...
A. 12 November 2012: I am really sorry for what you are going through, its not a nice life. I know, I lived it. I cannot urge you strongly enough to leave your husband. It is NOT better for your children to see this kind of a life! They are older and will remember this! ... (read in full...)
Menopause Questions
Q. Does a woman in menopause orgasm? Does her sexdrive diminish during or after menopause? I'm at the age where women in my age bracket are menopausal and find it difficult to find women over 50 interested in sex. I'm a very attractable guy for 52 and ...
A. 7 November 2012: I just turned 51. I've been in menopause for over 2 years now. My needs and wants sexually are as high or even higher than when I was younger. I'd love to be intimate every day if it were possible. My guy is 6 years younger than me and can't keep ... (read in full...)
What does the term "garden path" refer to when it comes to women?
Q. What does it mean if a guy says that he had to deal with a chick's garden path on her back and it was gross?? What exactly does a garden path on a chick's back even mean? Does it mean anything sex-related?...
A. 5 November 2012: The way its being described "gross" would lead me to believe he was talking in a sexual manner about the area that honeypie described. ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get on so well with a mother in law?
Q. I am getting married in six months to my boyfriend of 4 years. I have known my fiancé since we were toddlers, and know his parents for almost as long. His parents like me a lot, and mine like him. I get on really we with my (soon to be) mother i...
A. 28 October 2012: My 2nd husband's mother was the sweetest woman I had ever met. She was the mother I wish I could have been lucky enough to have. She already had 2 daughter of her own, but took me in just like I was her daughter. She was a woman that I could look up ... (read in full...)
Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 15 October 2012: First of all, I'd like to express my sympathy in the loss of your son. What you experienced has to be the very worst thing that a parent can go through. I'm so sorry. When you have experienced such an incredible loss, the pain is overwhelming and ... (read in full...)
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