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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Can I be happy with a man who isn't funny?
Q. I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. We both feel that communication and respect are most important in a relationship and have many shared interests. My boyfriend is an amazing listener. He’s kind and caring, treats ...
A. 2 April 2014: I married a man very much like your boyfriend. He was a good kind loving man, had a very stable job and was someone I knew I could depend on, loved kids, came from a good family. He was a quiet man. He did NOT have a sense of humor like mine at all. ... (read in full...)
He broke things off since he was falling for me and now I might be pregnant! How do I handle this?
Q. Hey so I'm 19 and I recently lost my virginity to a 28 year old anyway we were sort of together with no labels for two and a half months. He decided to block and delete me out of his life as he was "falling" for me I know I was used worst thing is ...
A. 1 April 2014: The first thing to do is determine IF you are pregnant. Take a home pregnancy test or go to your doctor, or go to a planned parenthood center. Get yourself tested for STD's also. If you're not pregnant, then no problem right? Just make sure you ... (read in full...)
Why can't I get over this offensive incident?
Q. I took a tennis class and this pretty woman walked up to me during the first one and said, "Hi Bob! I lost your e-mail address!" I replied that it was no big deal and I'd give it to her again. She then said to me, "Err, no, that's okay," etc. I wa...
A. 31 March 2014: I'm a very sensitive person. I've been that way my whole life. I have been so hurt and offended by off the cuff careless and thoughtful remarks that people have made to me. Its taken me years to learn that it DOESN'T MATTER unless YOU MAKE IT ... (read in full...)
Condom wrapper and girl's scarf found in my boyfriend's car… I'm having trouble trusting him! Any advice?
Q. I'm having trouble trusting my boyfriend of a year and a half . I have been burned in the past (cheated on) and am a naturally suspicious person. Here's my dilemma. 1) I found a ripped open condom wrapper in my boyfriends car. Near the drivers...
A. 27 March 2014: I think you already know...but just want some back up? Ever heard the little childhood ditty "Liar liar pants on fire?" Yeah and your boyfriend is smokin'..and I don't mean that like "he's hot..good looking, etc". Sweetie..he's lying, and you know ... (read in full...)
If he was really that into me would he be secretly messaging another girl?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for four years and I've never had a reason to not trust him. Recently things have been rough but we seem to of worked through it together and everything for the last month has been great. However we w...
A. 24 March 2014: Aw...sad way to see 4 years going down the tubes but yes, that is what is happening. He's lying, trying to cheat and then acting like nothing is going on and its just you making something out of nothing. WRONG! Trust should be the cornerstone of any ... (read in full...)
I care what others think about my boyfriend's appearance!
Q. I am 29 and my boyfriend of 8 months is 31. When we first started our relationship, it was one of the most intense feelings I've felt. Every since a couple of months ago, it was almost like I woke up from a dream and I've become very obsessed about ...
A. 21 March 2014: Cerberus gave a really great answer, I hope you will consider very carefully what he said. Its sad but as human beings we just can't help who we are attracted to. You can really truly care about a person, but if the attraction isn't there..it isn't ... (read in full...)
After a year of LDR with him I need more than just texting!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together and a long distance relationship for a year now, but known each other up to 5 years longer. He's about to graduate from law school and is highly tense and upset because he is afraid of what the future holds if ...
A. 16 March 2014: I have been in several long distance relationships, one of them was for years. I know how really difficult they are, even at the best of times. I couldn't handle just texting, it would drive me insane because text messages just aren't personal ... (read in full...)
Single Mum - I want to tell her 'I Love You' but I'm scared.
Q. I thought this sort of thing would get easier, but it doesn't! I'm 47 and disabled following a stroke, but always carry on. I started chatting to a wonderful girl about a month ago and we have met. My wife of 18 years died last year but she'd w...
A. 2 March 2014: I think its nice that you two have found one another but I agree with the other aunts/uncles. A month is just a little too soon to say those 3 little words. The romance is still oh so new, fresh and exciting (wonderful feeling isnt it?)but the two ... (read in full...)
If he doesn't love me now, will he ever?
Q. i have been seeing this guy for over a year now and have fallen for him i love him but he says he doesnt love me, he cares for me, he texts daily, visits on tuesdays and we spend every weekend together, should i finish things between us, if he ...
A. 13 February 2014: I am in the same age range as you, so I truly understand what you mean about wanting to find someone and not be alone. I just had a 12 year relationship end and I know how terrible it is to be lonely and not have anyone in your life. With that being ... (read in full...)
The only problem is that he never wants to remarry or have children with me, it's tearing me apart. Advice?
Q. I feel like there is no hope for my relationship even though my boyfriend has never cheated, lied or hurt me. I love him, and I have never thought of anyone else since I met him. I honestly see no one else as my future but him. The only problem ...
A. 5 February 2014: When a man says he doesn't want children, believe him. If he has three and told you he doesn't want anymore, then that is what he means. He isn't going to change. You have to decide if you can accept this, or its a deal breaker. Sometimes we love ... (read in full...)
Why do men cheat?
Q. Why do men cheat?? Ive had thought my partner of 4 yrs was cheating on me ... in November he moved away 50miles to work saying he qohld come bk every weekend. Well he sumtimes came bk bit also only for a day or one nite ans half the day I kept ...
A. 24 January 2014: Whatever you do, don't blame yourself because he is cheating. People cheat for all kinds of reasons but do not think its your fault. There are people that just cheat because they can and have no remorse, or regret. Its just a sad fact of life that ... (read in full...)
No birthday gift from him! I'm feeling hurt!
Q. Hi, I recently had my birthday and I received nothing from my boyfriend and it really hurt my feelings. A while back he asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said that I really don't want him to spend his money on me. he said that he wou...
A. 21 January 2014: Lesson learned..men are not good at guessing games or reading between the lines. Most of them take what we women say at face value. If you don't want misunderstandings between the two of you then SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!!! Men sometimes are not ... (read in full...)
Why would a guy ask this question" do you think you are pretty enough for me?"
Q. Why would a guy ask this question" do you think you are pretty enough for me?" Please help me understand why the guy I am seeing might ask that? I'm really not sure it came out of no where he texted that to me and I answered as truthfully as I could ...
A. 20 January 2014: He has a strange sense of humor? He's an idiot? Its so hard to tell from text messages what someone really means because you can't hear their voice, you can't see the expression on their face. Who knows? I personally would not be amused by such a ... (read in full...)
What can I do with my cheating ex's love notes?
Q. So this is my last post http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-possible-that-my-ex-said-he.html I'm now over my ex. He's completely dead to me. I think I only hate toward him now. I was reading the love notes and cards he wrote to me which I d...
A. 10 January 2014: I'm afraid you aren't over your ex is you still feel hatred toward him. As stated several times from the aunts/uncles already, there is a very thin line between love and hate. You aren't completely over him or you truly wouldn't be caring what he ... (read in full...)
Why is it bad to send ex a hate letter?
Q. I wrote a 3 page letter telling my ex how much I hate him. He had records of cheating and every time I forgave him and took him back. He's a liar and never changed. I'm so pissed and don't deserve after what I've done for him. So people said don't ...
A. 9 January 2014: My 12 year relationship ended just a month ago. It had been coming for some time, but I held on..knowing I should end it, but just not really wanting to deal with everything. I waited years and years for a man that I truly loved, thinking someday he ... (read in full...)
After his cruel and bewildering attack it is as if I never existed
Q. I was married for 19 years, no children, knew my ex for 22 years. He filed for divorce and i was not aware of anyone else on the scene. I got to hear about divorce not from him but solicitors email to me... I returned home to a half empty house. He ...
A. 26 December 2013: Aw honey...I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. As Aunty Em has said, some people really can just treat a person in this cold cruel manner. It seems amazing, but we know that it does happen. I have never understood it myself but I guess some ... (read in full...)
He wants to go "no contact" after our breakup but the pain is unbearable for me
Q. hello, I need some advise. I am in the in the mids of breaking up with my bf with whom I am with for 4 years. Is there anyone there who could help me lessen the pain a bit? I have read everywhere that the no contact rule should be applied but I do...
A. 15 December 2013: I really do understand your pain. This was one of the reasons my guy of 12 years and I broke up. He was Japanese and even at 46, he couldn't stand to disappoint his parents so he decided to return to Japan and try to marry a Japanese girl. I waited ... (read in full...)
Should I sleep with my ex casually?
Q. My Ex, who I have not seen in about 7 years, recently invited me over to have a drink. He asked me if I wanted to have sex. I was shocked as he married since our breakup but apparently is splitting up. I told him I was looking for a relationship, ...
A. 29 November 2013: No..no...and no. He's still married and only wants fun while you want more. All you will get from this arrangement in the end is hurt.
My ex husband has been married and divorced 5 times (I was the 1st wife)..every time he separates and then div... (read in full...)
Problems with neighbour - how would you handle this?
Q. Hello. I would like to know how you would handle this situation. I live above a young male who is intolerant of his neighbours making any sounds. Whenever we do make sounds, he bangs the walls. I get the most of it though, since I live right above...
A. 27 November 2013: I am not sure that confronting this man would be such a great thing to do. He doesn't sound like he's very stable and meeting him head on might possibly make the situation even worse. I would talk to others in the building and get everyone to sign a ... (read in full...)
Disastrous haircut! How do I deal with it?
Q. I know this may seem the silliest of issues and I feel very stupid asking for help over such trivial matter. So, I've had my hair cut super super super short yesterday. I thought I'd look good but... I don't!!! I look awful!!! Even my colleagues and ...
A. 6 November 2013: Aw....I think most of us ladies have had a similar experience! A bad haircut or a hairdresser that didnt understand what you meant, or a bad perm..you go home look in the mirror and think "Oh dear Lord..what have I done?" and then you cry...
But h... (read in full...)
My husband just left me for a younger woman
Q. i am feeling like a total fool. i was informed last night that my husband of 23 years wants a divorce, he has a baby by a girl that is 24 years old and she is expecting another one by him again... yes you read this right the baby she just had is 4 ...
A. 19 October 2013: First of all, I'm very sorry for what you are going through. Many of the aunts/uncles on DC have been cheated on, so we know the terrible shock/pain that you are feeling. *HUGS*
Your world has collapsed and you dont know whether you are up or do... (read in full...)
I'm an unhappily married man with two small children and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake?
Q. hi everyone. im an unhappily married man with two small children.im wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake? my wife has a short temper and can stay angry for weeks about things without e...
A. 10 October 2013: I wouldn't recommend staying with your wife for another 15 years if you are unhappy. Your children are young but they'll pick up on the bad vibes and unhappiness. Its better for children to be in 2 separate happy homes than 1 home that is help ... (read in full...)
How do I respond to this friend who seems to be upset that I've become a happy stay at home mom?
Q. I recently moved overseas with my husband. We hav a baby and i amcrrently a stay at home mom. Iv known this friend since childhood .we went to the same school and she was also my bridesmaid. We were not best friends but we were good friends and she ...
A. 27 September 2013: Its always sad when a friendship falls apart/ends but this is what has happened between the two of you. You made the mature actions and tried to talk to your friend and explain, and then reached out to her again. She didn't respond well and that is ... (read in full...)
I need help leaving my emotionally abusive boyfriend.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 and a half years and I want to leave him but I don't know how. In a sense I am frightened of what he'll do if we break up. About 2 years ago, we broke up for 4 months. I moved on and dated someone else,...
A. 3 September 2013: Oh sweetie...I've been where you are, and I know hurt scared/confused/hurt you are! First of all, here's a *HUG*. Now take a deep breath and start focusing on what you need to do to get out of this situation. It may seem overwhelming but you can ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to persue this divorced woman? Is my friend jealous?
Q. I have friends, but not at all close friends who divorced. I saw her now and then where she works and she's always been very friendly. We grew up together in the same small town, but never hung out or were ever really friends, we ran in different ...
A. 19 August 2013: I see no reason for you not to date your friend. Your buddy may feel he needs to be loyal to her ex, but that's HIS friend, not yours. You don't owe him anything. I say go for it and good luck! ... (read in full...)
I thought our relationship was my business! Am I overreacting?
Q. I have been with this guy for a while now. I love him very much and thought he felt the same way. we use to share everything. He is the only guy friend I felt I needed. I don't talk to other guys on the phone or internet. I recently found out that ...
A. 18 August 2013: This is one of those situations where you RUN...don't walk away! I wouldn't even consider staying in a relationship with a man where he neglected to tell you that he had been married 3 times. What the heck else hasn't he told you that just sort of ... (read in full...)
Any ideas about cooking a romantic meal for my boyfriend, including cooking in the nude?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years . I need some help. I’m planning on cooking a romantic meal for my boyfriend Any ideas on what to cook for my boyfriend? Have any of you cooked in the nude? Any ideas about that? I want to...
A. 4 August 2013: I agree with all the other aunts/uncles. Do NOT cook in the nude..an accident waiting to happen! Why don't you cook the food and then change into a sexy outfit (what about a french maid outfit with the sexy black hose, garters, high heels, etc...you ... (read in full...)
He didn't tell me at first that he had kids even though I specified I didn't want to date someone with kids. Now what?
Q. Well I met my boyfriend online over a month ago. I specifically said I don't want someone with kids. I was seeing him for about 2 weeks when we decided to make it official then he told me he has 2 kids. I let it go because at the time I thought I ...
A. 26 July 2013: I hope you're not too attached to him after just 1 month? If he lies/neglects to tell you about something so as important as children, what else would he lie about?? Almost anything I'd guess. Most people are so proud about their children they want ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend broke up with me for not having sex with him
Q. I am 21 years old and in college studying to be a registered nurse,recently I met a guy, he's very attractive and he asked me for my number, he texted me the same day asking me to come to his house.i told him no because it seems like he wanted sex ...
A. 24 July 2013: Oh, I'm sorry that you're hurting over this guy, but he isn't worth your time or your tears! For some people, saving your virginity is special, others don't care. Since its important to you (and it was to me too!) don't throw it away on some jerk ... (read in full...)
Caught my girlfriend cheating. She doesn't know that I know. What should I do?
Q. Please, please help?? My world has been turned upside down. I have been with this woman for just over a year. I fell in love with her very quickly. I've never met anyone like her. I've loved before but never like this. Anyway, about 6 mont...
A. 15 July 2013: I know how hurtful this has to be, but you sound like you're doing alright. Just keep your chin up and remember there are many other women out there that will treat you right. You sadly just got an apple with a worm in it this round. If you start ... (read in full...)
Caught my girlfriend cheating. She doesn't know that I know. What should I do?
Q. Please, please help?? My world has been turned upside down. I have been with this woman for just over a year. I fell in love with her very quickly. I've never met anyone like her. I've loved before but never like this. Anyway, about 6 mont...
A. 14 July 2013: I'm more for this approach...send her the photo in a text message and say "What ya doing honey?" and then never respond to her again. You won't lose your dignity by letting her know that you know what she has been doing. Dignity is lost when you go ... (read in full...)
Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?
Q. Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?...
A. 12 July 2013: When a man is cheating on his wife, he obviously doesn't love her enough to keep his vows. He may love her as a friend or the mother of his children, but he doesn't love her in the way that will keep him faithful. He may love the mistress, but if he ... (read in full...)
My online guy is giving me the silent treatment
Q. Hi, Guy’s I hope you can help. I met a guy online. We have been talking for two months now. He asked me if we could become exclusive since we got along so well. I said yes. We haven’t met yet because he lives long distance. I have asked hi...
A. 11 July 2013: This man sounds very scary. This is where you RUN don't walk! I wouldn't keep in contact with someone like this because he just doesn't sound like he's all there. If he's being controlling online what on earth would he be like in person? Take all ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel like I'm abandoning my mom?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a caregiver for my mom I have four other siblings that really refuses to be apart of this situation with my mom.She is getting older she can't hold her body fluids like she use to so its and often clean up I have to do so my home ...
A. 9 July 2013: You're not abandoning your mother, you're trying to find a solution that will help BOTH of you. You need to stop feeling guilty and try to just think logically about what will work. I know its very difficult watching a loved one get older and unable ... (read in full...)
How old were you when you kissed someone?
Q. just asking, how old where you when you kissed somebody or anybody?????...
A. 9 July 2013: I was 15, shaking like a leaf but oh how nice! That same day I was introduced to french kissing..What a day! LOL... (read in full...)
After first time sex that I thought we both enjoyed, the next morning he tells me my behind smells!
Q. Ok so I started seeing this guy and we dig each other. The other night we had sex for the first time and everything was going well.... we had amazing sexual chemistry and couldn't keep out hands off each other. Throughout the night he kept telling ...
A. 7 July 2013: Wow...I can imagine how you must feel..hurt/embarrassed/confused and maybe even angry. How awful! He's not too classy, that's for sure. I have to agree with Caringguy..I think he got what he wanted, had no intention of seeing you again and wanted to ... (read in full...)
Lost my virginity months ago and still bleed every time I have sex
Q. i had just lost my virginity on valentines and everytime we have had sex i have bleed im worried and dont know what to do ...
A. 5 July 2013: When you lose your virginity, you may bleed the first time and perhaps a little for a day or so, but that's it. Its not normal to bleed every time after sex. I strongly encourage you to go see a doctor, we really can't diagnose anything here. Are ... (read in full...)
Overreacting to a Missed Happy Birthday?
Q. I have a really good friend that lives in another state. Overall he is a really good guy and his birthday was a few months ago. I sent him a "birthday" package with a few items. I also made sure to wish him a Happy Birthday as well on his special ...
A. 26 June 2013: He didn't forget you by any means..he took the time to pick out presents for you, package them up and mail it to you. Many women write on here wishing their guy would just give them a card or wish them a happy birthday! He did care enough to make ... (read in full...)
Why didn't my b/f introduce me to his friend?
Q. My boyfriend and I went to the beach and we were having a nice time until we were walking out of the water and he saw an old friend. He walked over to his friend and embraced him and I was walking over thinking he'd introduce me. He then grabbed his ...
A. 24 June 2013: I'm afraid the only way you're going to get to the bottom of this mystery is to come right out and ask him. There is no way that any of us could know. Watch his body language closely and see if that gives off any clues if he is being honest with ... (read in full...)
We want kids, but I'm terrified of pregnancy
Q. My partner and I are in our late twenties and our relationship is perfect except one thing .. the absence of a child. We both desperately want to start a family, he wants nothing more to be a father and we would start trying immediately if i...
A. 15 June 2013: I don't know if I can ease your fears, but I'll try. I have had 2 children. My youngest child is now 25. I am a Virgo, and if you know/believe anything about star signs you might know that Virgo people have a tendency to be hypochondriacs. I am no ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my g/f with 8 women and finally broke it off wanting better for her. Did I do the right thing?
Q. Firstly, I know i'm a scumbag. I have been with my girlfriend for about a year and I do love her. I don't know why but over the last 3 months I have been cheating on her with about 8 different girls. I love her but I just couldn't stop myself. I k...
A. 12 June 2013: Yes, I honestly think you did the best thing for BOTH of you. ... (read in full...)
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