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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 7 December 2012: Aw sweetie..I truly am so sorry for what is going on in your life right now. You will never forget your son but hopefully in time it won't be that gut wrenching sadness that you feel right now. Just take your life day by day and surround yourself ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to get on so well with a mother in law?
Q. I am getting married in six months to my boyfriend of 4 years. I have known my fiancé since we were toddlers, and know his parents for almost as long. His parents like me a lot, and mine like him. I get on really we with my (soon to be) mother i...
A. 28 October 2012: My 2nd husband's mother was the sweetest woman I had ever met. She was the mother I wish I could have been lucky enough to have. She already had 2 daughter of her own, but took me in just like I was her daughter. She was a woman that I could look up ... (read in full...)
After 5 years he's still putting off us moving in together. Is this relationship going anywhere?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we are both 24 years old. We get on well most of the time and love each other a lot. I have my own house but he still lives at home with his mum. I'm getting to a point in my life where i am ...
A. 26 October 2012: I have been in the situation that you are in, and its very distressing. You don't want to leave someone, but if they cannot make up their mind about what they want, you either decide to stay in limbo, or you move on to someone who does know what ... (read in full...)
Struggling with my long distance relationship...
Q. I am struggling with a long distance relationship. I adore the guy I am in a relationship with but as a single mother, divorced I feel I miss the contact and emotional closeness when we are apart. We have been together a year and I do most of the ...
A. 24 October 2012: I am not proud of this, but I am probably an expert in LDR relationships. I have been in several of them, the longest one being now, its went on for over 10 years. I'm not happy about it, but he is a very special man and our circumstances are quite ... (read in full...)
What if you never meet the right person?
Q. It's struck me. What if you never meet the right person. We all dream of meeting someone we love, who we're attracted to and and who makes us happy but what if that just doesn't happen. What if we never meet the right person? What if we meet...
A. 19 October 2012: Perhaps to add to that is "What if you meet the right person and they turn into the WRONG person"? I thought who I met was the right person...we were so happy together, I couldn't have asked for anything more, but after 15 years of marriage he ... (read in full...)
Can I forgive my girlfriend for not supporting me when I was at the lowest point in my life?
Q. I was bereaved 15 weeks ago. My son died in a fatal car crash. My girlfriend and i had a petty row and she walked out on me. I asked her not to go because i had shouted at her. I was bang out of order. My emotions were all over and i was dreading my ...
A. 15 October 2012: First of all, I'd like to express my sympathy in the loss of your son. What you experienced has to be the very worst thing that a parent can go through. I'm so sorry. When you have experienced such an incredible loss, the pain is overwhelming and ... (read in full...)
My ex cheated on me, I forgave him but we are not back together. Now some other woman says I'm an idiot for forgiving him, I don't understand why she thinks this!
Q. Hello, this is a general question to anyone, male or female. My ex boyfriend of a year cheated on me. And someone recently told me that I was an idiot and naive for having forgiven him. The thing is, he and I are not back together, neither do I wan...
A. 5 October 2012: I commend you on being able to forgive and move on. It isn't an easy act to follow through on, but holding on to hurt and pain isn't the answer either. Holding on to grudges does not help and can actually make a person ill..so good for you for being ... (read in full...)
Married to a Serial Cheater. Our baby will be born in January. And your advice about what to do about this situation would be?
Q. I am married to what I think is a serial cheater. We have been together 7 years married for 4 years. Once caught him on sex dating websites, with hidden email accounts and we put an end to it and communicated on what and why he did it and some of h...
A. 4 October 2012: My ex husband is a serial cheater. I was his first wife, he had another woman pregnant and got remarried 6 weeks after our divorce. He is now 50 and has been married/divorced 5 times. He has cheated on every wife. He has ALWAYS had someone on the ... (read in full...)
My very serious boyfriend has a 4 year old daughter he never told me about...
Q. Ive been dating my current boyfriend for 10 months now. Although ive had a couple of boyfriends in the past, this is the first time that I know ive fallen in love (im 23, boyfriend is 26). A couple of months into our relationship, my...
A. 29 September 2012: First of all, I feel sorry for the pain and confusion that you are experiencing. You don't need to feel guilty about your feelings, who could blame you? Your world has been turned upside down. Of course you loved your boyfriend...you loved the side ... (read in full...)
Should I run or is he just insecure from being divorced twice?
Q. I'm frustrated and have told my boyfriend this on many an occasion. He is smart but I sometimes feel he is trying to outsmart me and tries to make me feel it's just in my head that I think he has too many issues and is clingy. He insists I answer...
A. 26 September 2012: If I were you I'd have my running shoes on, laced up and be sprinting out the door...your guy sounds very controlling. To be honest, I'd be afraid being in a relationship like yours. Please take the advise of the other aunts and get out NOW. Don't ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend warms my heart and she's possibly the coolest girl ever, but there's this lingering "what if" about the other girl who I've had a crush on
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She is pretty amazing. We had a bit of a rocky start, but things have smoothed out and we have a lot of fun together now. My problem is that there is a girl I've known for many years, an old friend at...
A. 24 September 2012: The best way I can sum things up is an old expression..."the grass isn't always greener on the other side". I think its human nature to want what we don't have. The problem is that when we get it..we don't want it. Sound familiar? We've all had ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me in the past but now he is trying to make up for it, even though he is engaged to someone else. I love him so what should I do?
Q. HI all iv posted on here before about an ex that seemed to trying to get back into my life, just wanted a little more advice. We split because within the first year of the relationship he cheated. We have a child together now. Hes showi...
A. 18 September 2012: I wouldn't doubt that he loves you, but it sounds like he's testing the waters to see if you will be the back up for him, or his little dish on the side. Don't fall for it, because YOU will be the one who gets hurt in the end. My ex husband did this ... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to get involved with an alcoholic?
Q. Is it possible or even advisable to have a relationship with a guy who has a serious drinking problem? I care for him deeply and he says he loves me.... but he is occasionally abusive and I have always stood up for myself but I just feel that I am ...
A. 15 September 2012: I was married to an alcoholic. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It is life of living hell being with an alcoholic. You will never ever ever be first..the booze will always be what is most near and dear to their heart. They will cheat, steal and ... (read in full...)
Keep the baby, adoption, or abortion?
Q. Im 19 yrs old and i just found out that im pregnant. I was taking the pill, have been for 3 mos. Idk how but i must have taken it wrong or maybe it just failed. Anyways my current bf and i have been dating 8mos. He is rather self absorbed, and is ...
A. 12 September 2012: I agree with Youwish. The decision you are facing is one that YOU and ONLY you should make. We here on DC don't know you except the little that you tell us. This isn't a decision that total strangers should make for you. I can tell you that having a ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my friend that his girlfriend cheated on him?
Q. Hi.. I recently found out that my friends girlfriend cheated on him with one of our mutual friends about 6 months a go. My friend told me about a month a go that he had slept with her. Apparently it happended once when they were drunk, after a bad ...
A. 11 September 2012: This is not a nice situation to be in..I have been there. My friend was cheating on her boyfriend and they were to be married in 3 weeks. She had cheated with several guys, not just one. I knew for certain she had cheated, she told me so herself. I ... (read in full...)
Am I driving him to drink?
Q. I have been with my husband for 3yrs now. We got married in feb 2012... He has a drinking problem. He stopped for 6 months that is why I agreed to marry him. I have 3 kids he has 2 we bought a house a yr and half ago. Here is the problem and I don't ...
A. 5 September 2012: I feel for you. I was married to an alcoholic. Do not for a minute buy into his story that its your fault. Alcoholics are some of the most conniving, manipulative people you'd ever want to meet. They will blame anyone and anything and EVERYTHING ... (read in full...)
Sisters have cut me out, why do people do this to each other?
Q. I need some help and advice as my heart is breaking. I have a sister who has some sort of mental issue. She's a compulsive liar, a master manipulator, a character assassin and will twist your words around until you don't recognize them. From her ...
A. 5 September 2012: First of all, I want to tell you that I feel sorry for you. I know from experience how very much it hurts to be estranged from a close family member not knowing what you have done wrong. People like to say "Blood is thicker than water" but sometimes ... (read in full...)
"This song is not about you" ?!
Q. Ive been dating this guy for about three years last night he turned on some music. He was particulalry playing songs from a personal play list. After hearing several songs. he search for a particular one and before the song came on he said, now ...
A. 27 August 2012: Oh my gosh...I think you handled the whole situation much more discretely than I would have! The minute he said "this song isn't about you" and wanted to dance...I would have said "Well, I think you should go find who the song is about and dance ... (read in full...)
Do you think I overreacted?Should I just stop talking to him?
Q. I'm a girl.I've known this guy for 9 months and we were always good friends.We talked about almost everything - music,piano,our own crushes....etc. I always saw him as my really good friend cos he was such a caring,respectful(he always says sorry to ...
A. 24 August 2012: Hi. I disagree with Candid Cally. I understand what you meant about him being a soul mate. I soul mate does NOT have to someone that you have a sexual relationship with. A soul mate is someone that you connect deeply with it. It can be a person of ... (read in full...)
Does being a stay at home mom mean I have no say in this relationship??
Q. Do I have no say over anything because I am a stay at home mom and I don't make any money? Does that give my husband the right to act anyway he wants because he is the sole bread winner and I just have to except all the things he does.. He can ...
A. 21 August 2012: Hi. First of all, I want to say that I truly feel sorry for you and your post really disturbed me. Your husband is being so selfish and disrespectful to you and I can only imagine how much his treatment hurts you. I had 2 children and stayed at home ... (read in full...)
Curious about causes for divorce. Share your stories?
Q. I have a bit of a fear of divorce. You always hear how happy a couple is yet they end up divorced years later. I think about this a lot and hear all sorts of reasons for divorce from experts, money differences etc, but I'm really curious about real ...
A. 15 August 2012: I just turned 50 and have been married and divorced twice. I doubt very highly that there will be marriage number 3, I'm not brave enough to believe in the saying "Third time is the charm". My first marriage we were both 19, we had planned on ... (read in full...)
I screwed up our relationship And I feel horrible about it, Does he still have feelings for me?
Q. We were engaged for 2 years. We met because his cousin is married to my cousin. I cheated on him over and over again. I put him through a lot,he cried and suffered a lot.I got pregnant by one of the men i cheated with. He still took me back with ...
A. 14 August 2012: I'm afraid only he can really answer if he still has feelings for you. It sounds like he might, but the mere fact that he hasn't been in touch with you for 2 months doesn't make things sound too positive. As hard as it may be for you, for your own ... (read in full...)
I can't be myself without losing him!
Q. A few weeks ago a lady posted the great post about not being able to be herself anymore. This is the situation with me. For about 3 years my husband has been very unhappy with me always saying that I am difficult, nasty etc etc. Because I knew he ...
A. 13 August 2012: I feel sorry for you because the person that is getting hurt the most in this situation is YOU. How can you possibly be happy in life if you are playing a role and pretending to be someone you are not? Its not a good way to live your life! If your ... (read in full...)
Advice for getting rid of acne scars?
Q. I've had acne for 7 years now and since i got them my everyone said they were just teenage spots but after 7 years they're still there and some have scarred. But it's really getting me down and lowering my confidence and self esteem, I've tried so ...
A. 11 August 2012: My daughter had this problem and our doctor put her on a low grade antibiotic, erythromyocin. When she got older, she started using pro-active, its a whole kit that is specifically for clearing up acne (there are info commercials about it, some ... (read in full...)
BF says causal comments that HURT, please share your thoughts on these things he's said to me!
Q. i am dating a very young guy..25..im much older but we have had a really cool connection, trust, closeness, amazing physical relationship. not for a long time, but for this summer. as i have began to fall for him, i have found myself repeatedly ...
A. 19 July 2012: I agree with Bondgirl. In this situation, alot of it has to do with his age. I'm 50, I have a 25 year old son and he's smart but sometimes the things that come out of his mouth just absolutely amaze me. Its like they just open their mouth and don't ... (read in full...)
I love him, but I'm not happy. Should I let this relationship go?
Q. Hi! I am in an interesting relationship. It's not an easy one to be in. My partner and I have been together for 5 and a half years. Through out that time I have struggled with turning into an alcoholic and depression. When we were first ...
A. 15 July 2012: Deep down inside, I believe you already have your answer, but just want a little of encouragement and support. Perhaps I can give that to you. Its not easy being with an alcoholic. I know, I was married to one. Its not a pretty life, its not a happy ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is pregnant and angry at me
Q. I just found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. We're both just over the 40 mark, it was a major shock to me as I never, ever thought I would have children and because of our ages the odds were so slim. She already has 3 kids which can sometimes ...
A. 12 July 2012: I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 26 and married with 2 children. It was frightening beyond belief for me. My husband did NOT handle the situation well at all and the first words out of his mouth were "How the hell did that happen? We can't ... (read in full...)
After 1 date he decided he didn't want to see me anymore
Q. what do you think of such a person? I recently met a man who acted as if he was very much interested in me. He gave me so much attention, I was the centre of his world and he firmly believed that I was the right person for him. We talked a lot, he ...
A. 11 July 2012: This is the bad part of online dating. It may seem as though 2 people really get along, but when they meet in person there is no chemistry. Its just one of the chances that you take. I'm afraid this is what happened with this man. I guess he felt ... (read in full...)
Would a trial separation simply extend the toxic situation?
Q. I am in a place where I am afraid to take what is likely the next step. Not sure what to do. Have been married for 10 years, no children (we can't have children and Husband is against adoption). My husband was raised in a verbally abusive ...
A. 7 July 2012: I am sorry for what you are going through. I've been there and its not easy to stay, and its also not easy to go. My husband became an alcoholic during our marriage and that is what put the final "nail in the coffin" so to speak. He was never ... (read in full...)
He's keeping a secret from me and I'm worried about what that means
Q. My BF of a year and a half had some type of trauma nearly 12 yrs ago. He eludes to it having made him who he is today but he won't share the story with me. I'm a bit hurt he won't share this big part of his life with him. I've shared my deepest, ...
A. 3 July 2012: I think everyone here gave great answers, but I have to say I agree the most with Youwish. My first thoughts were perhaps he had been sexually abused, but at his age 12 years ago that would seem rather unlikely. I think she brings up a very good ... (read in full...)
Is it fair for my partner to blame me for looking at his emails when I found out he's cheating again?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We have an 8 month old daughter together. We were starting new and moved recently to a new state because of a job opportunity for him. A few months ago I noticed him acting a ...
A. 29 June 2012: Most normal people in relationships don't go looking for trouble unless there's already trouble...He had already proven to you that he was a liar and cheater...so yes, you were suspicious, and sadly he just proved to you that your suspicions were ... (read in full...)
Asian men and White women.......
Q. Well as an Asian i have got a very important question to all the white girls and I am pretty sure other Asian men need the answer.So here's my question do white women like Asian men? and if the answer is yes please let me know the things that mak...
A. 27 June 2012: I have only dated Asian men for the last 12 years, the last 10 with my fiance only. They were all Japanese. I am a small blonde with blue eyes. For me, I have always been fascinated with men, especially Asian men. I am very much drawn to their ... (read in full...)
He is not looking for a relationship - should I go out with him anyway and hope it turns into something more? Could we end up as a happy couple?
Q. hi cupids I have this dilema and would like some advice were possible. I have over the past year had a crush on my bus driver ( I know pretty out there ) lol and one day I became a bit brave after a few dutch courage drinks and wrote my phone n...
A. 21 June 2012: I have to give credit to a man who comes right out and says he's not looking for a relationship. Take his words at face value. If that's what he says, that is EXACTLY what he means. Don't go trying to read more into it..its not there. As the other ... (read in full...)
Were you scared when you had your children? Any regrets?
Q. In my early 30s, steady relationship, good job (hopefully it's gonna last...) and I'm starting to think about a baby with my husband. On the one hand I really loved the idea and it's all very exciting... on the other hand I am scared as hell. i ...
A. 4 June 2012: I think that all the fears/concerns you have are very normal. Every expectant parents wonders how their children will turn out..what kind of a world are you bringing them into, ec... Its a huge responsibility and being humans, we are not perfect, so ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have pains every time you have sex?
Q. i just want to know is it normal to have pains everytime you have sex and you dont enjoy it at all,i am 22 and never ejoyed sex, im very worried as i always end up crying during sex....and one more thing me and my boyfriend had sex about a month ...
A. 2 June 2012: The smartest action for you to take is to go see a doctor, preferably a gynecologist. We are not doctors here, and even if we were, there is no way we could be 100% certain of the diagnosis without an examination. It is by no means normal to have ... (read in full...)
Is a marriage between two alcoholics more likely to survive?
Q. Can a marriage survive if both husband and wife are alcoholics. I continue to read that chances of a marriage to a substance abuser of any kind most likely will not last but, if both of them are alcoholics that possess the same characteristics, ...
A. 30 May 2012: I was married to an alcholic. He wasn't an alcholic when I married him, it happened over time. I don't drink at all just because 1. My grandfather was an alcoholic 2. My best friend was killed by an alcholic 3. I just don't have any desire to ... (read in full...)
Recovering alcoholic ex wants me back
Q. hi. i was with my ex for just over four years, we have a daughter together. we have been split up for nearly 7 months. he is a recovering alcoholic, and he is desperate to get back with me, thing is im scared wot if we get back together and he s...
A. 23 May 2012: I was married to an alcohlic. Its not a pretty life. They have to fight the urge to drink EVERY SINGLE DAY. From what I understand, the craving never truly goes away. Even is he is recovering, he could have relapse, fall off the wagon and have to ... (read in full...)
How can I move to Canada?
Q. Hi, I live in pakistan but I have a girlfriend that lives in Canada. I want to move to Canada but I am only a 19 so it is difficult to find a way to come here. Is there anyway I can move to Canada without being sponsored, or having a high enough i...
A. 21 May 2012: I'm from the US not Canada, so please understand I am speaking from what i know about the US. Hopefully an aunt/uncle from Canada will see your post and be able to shed more light on things. My fiance is from Japan, he is a cardiologist with a Phd ... (read in full...)
Should I remain at home? I'm so scared of leaving home. It's scary.
Q. The time has come for me to be an adult and im so scared. I don't know how to grow up and do for myself because im the only chilf and i use to being well taken care of. Next to all that issue is that im shy and i don't even get out as much. be...
A. 20 May 2012: You've just led a sheltered life, that's all. Of course you're apprehensive because you don't really know what's out there and you are unsure of what to expect. Its ok to be a littled scared, but don't let it cripple you! Think of this as a whole ... (read in full...)
Have I made the right decision to leave my cheating husband?
Q. I have been married for 6 yrs and for the rest of the six yrs my husband has never be faithful. He had atleast 7 affairs just in one yr - dont ask me how he does it but yrs to an extend he was dating 4 other women at a go. He has never just once sho...
A. 18 May 2012: I know that it isn't easy what you are going through, but I promise that you can do it and come out even stronger. Just remember the saying "its always darkest before the dawn" Take care of your precious little ones and remember to take care of ... (read in full...)
She's a beautiful woman but very demanding and I'm confused and disillusioned
Q. I am in a relationship with a "now"divorced woman of 52 yrs.We regularly have discussions,and Im told repeatedly...Im shouting at her/raising my voice,but she has 50%hearing loss in both ears,she wont wear aids....she feels like because she pays ...
A. 16 May 2012: Just because a person is beautiful on the outside doesn't mean they are beautiful on the inside! It doesn't sound like she brings you any happiness other than looking at her. I learned a long time ago that most (not all) beautiful people are not ... (read in full...)
Have I made the right decision to leave my cheating husband?
Q. I have been married for 6 yrs and for the rest of the six yrs my husband has never be faithful. He had atleast 7 affairs just in one yr - dont ask me how he does it but yrs to an extend he was dating 4 other women at a go. He has never just once sho...
A. 16 May 2012: Yes, you are doing the right thing because in thinking of yourself, you ARE thinking of your children and the future of all of you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but it sounds like you are strong and determined, and with that attitude ... (read in full...)
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