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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Could this man even know what true love is? Is he crazy?
Q. I know curiosity killed the cat however, I need to know if I am the only one that thinks my ex is nuts. To recap several yrs. my ex was in an abusive marriage for 14 yrs- the abuse was on both ends, she leaves him for another man and then he hooks ...
A. 11 August 2015: I don't know if this is going to make you feel better but I'll share this. My 1st ex-husband is 53 and has been married 5 times. I find this absolutely appalling. I don't think he knows what love is but he is terrified of being alone. We were ... (read in full...)
Do other women not wear panties under their dresses?
Q. My boyfriend gave me a gift card to luluelemon and said to buy something we would both enjoy. I ended up with a tennis style dress that fits perfect on me, but it is supershort. He told me it looks amazing on me but I'm a little selfconscious with ...
A. 10 August 2015: I'm old school I guess because to be perfectly frank I find going commando in a dress in public to be very trashy. It screams out "look at me, I'm a hoe"..I wouldn't do it. You could be quite embarrassed if a random gust of wind comes along, look ... (read in full...)
He is ignoring me after I expressed my interest in getting physically intimate with him?
Q. My neighbor who haven't seen with a girlfriend for like 1 year now.... only 2 who seemed to be random hookups. Met in a bar afew weeks ago and I told him that I wanted us to be F buddies.... exactly that and nothing more. He listened as I went on ...
A. 9 August 2015: The signs are all pointing to the fact that he's not interested. He's either trying to let you save face, doesn't know how to say no or perhaps he even likes the chase but doesn't want to get caught. Whatever way you want to look at it, I'd say he's ... (read in full...)
Am I justified in feeling hurt by his remark,''he wished he'd known me when I was younger'' ??
Q. I am in a long distance relationship with my bf. During phone call he mentioned he is looking at my old pics and fantasizing on my photos. He said he wished he knew me before when i was younger. I know i was slimmer before. During that time I fr...
A. 5 August 2015: WiseOwl gave some really good advice, as usual. None of us really know what the guy meant by his remarks. They could have been a sort of clumsy comment (as I hope) or perhaps he really does have a thing about how you used to look? Only he really ... (read in full...)
Which girl should I keep? Foolishly started dating 2 girls at the same time. Love them both.
Q. I am 22 years of age and a few months ago I foolishly started dating two girls. One girl lives locally and is a kind and generous person, we share many hobbies and interests and my family worship the ground she walks on!! however on my end the at...
A. 4 August 2015: I agree with the majority, tell both girls that you are dating someone besides them. It is the decent thing to do both morally and sexually. They have a right to know if you are sexually involved so they can protect themselves. See which girl (if ... (read in full...)
Am I justified in feeling hurt by his remark,''he wished he'd known me when I was younger'' ??
Q. I am in a long distance relationship with my bf. During phone call he mentioned he is looking at my old pics and fantasizing on my photos. He said he wished he knew me before when i was younger. I know i was slimmer before. During that time I fr...
A. 4 August 2015: Aw...don't be too hard on the guy. I think he meant well but he isn't really good at expressing himself. As the others have said, it was a backhand comment. I don't think he meant to hurt you in any way.
My husband and I have even expresse... (read in full...)
My affair partner is moving on and "dating"!
Q. [Moderator note: a little more background, YOUR background would be helpful. How long have you been married? Are there children involved? How long has this been going on? Do you know for certain she's been on dating sites or is it just a strong ...
A. 3 August 2015: You've had some wonderful answers so I will just cut to the chase. There is "Mr Right" and "Mr. Right Now". You are "Mr. Right Now". You are fine for fun and excitement and you are available. She doesn't consider you to a permanent fixture in her ... (read in full...)
I broke up with him over Whatsapp and now he won't speak to me
Q. I won't go into the whole story its too long to write, but in short I broke up with my boyfriend and now I am trying to get him back. I broke with him through whatsapp as that was our main mode of communication, the tick never turned blue so I do ...
A. 3 August 2015: I mean no disrespect to you but ending a relationship with a message or an email is quite cold. Unless the person is violent or a stalker, it is always preferable to at least pick up the phone and tell them goodbye. I would be very upset and hurt if ... (read in full...)
He's seeing someone else. But also wants to see me. What's my best response to this?
Q. I have been good friends with a guy for a number of years and about a year ago we both found out that we were attracted to each other. We became fwb as neither of us were in a position to have a relationship, even though I really would have like...
A. 3 August 2015: Aw hun, you left yourself wide open and vulnerable from the very start. You agreed to a FWB but wanted a relationship. He didn't. That right there was/is the problem. A FWB relationship only works when BOTH people just want sex, and both are free to ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with all this pain? I don't know how to cope with this betrayal
Q. I have just found out my ex boyfriend has had an affair with my female friend. For months I suspected something was going on, and so me and my boyfriend split because of my lack of trust. My friend however, always denied it until recently -...
A. 30 July 2015: I agree 100% with Honeypie. If you feel you must have a say with the woman, then do it in the classiest way possible so that you can walk away with your head held high and will not look back later and go "Oh man..why did I do that?"
I would pr... (read in full...)
How do I cope with all this pain? I don't know how to cope with this betrayal
Q. I have just found out my ex boyfriend has had an affair with my female friend. For months I suspected something was going on, and so me and my boyfriend split because of my lack of trust. My friend however, always denied it until recently -...
A. 29 July 2015: Aw sweetie..I am sorry. I've been where you are. It hurts like CRAZY! The only pain to me worse than this is if a family member betrays your trust in some way. For me, it was my BEST friend and my boyfriend. I was very young (19) and we were like ... (read in full...)
My Mum has issues with me dating an older lady!
Q. Mum has issues me dating older lady. She's turning 36 and I am 32. She has a daughter about 10 years old. The relationship has been good. We have dated two years and my mum is totally against it. She feels she is way older and much too mature for ...
A. 26 July 2015: Why at age 32 does your mother have so much influence over whom you date? A 4 year age difference and your mom is upset?? I don't see her reasoning. If the lady you are dating is good to you, makes you happy and isn't into drugs, drinking ect then ... (read in full...)
Is my mother an alcoholic and if so what can I do about it?
Q. For at least the past ten years now my mom has been drinking every night. I grew up thinking it was normal (and maybe it is) to have three or sometimes more drinks a night. However, now i'm worried about it. Even when she is sick with the flu she ...
A. 25 July 2015: It certainly sounds like your mother is an alcoholic. I know first hand how devastating it is to realize someone that you love can't control their drinking. Alcoholics are very difficult people to live with and be around. My ex husband was an ... (read in full...)
FWB rules-what's appropriate and what's not?
Q. I'm getting ready to get into a fwb situation for the first time in my life. This is someone I dated a long time ago for 5 years. Since the BU, there are no lingering emotions. We f***** well together and are both wanting to start that up again. I ...
A. 22 July 2015: I've never been in a FWB relationship but from what I've seen on DC I don't think there really are any rules. The main thing is that it is a no strings arrangement and either one of the parties can end it at any time or see anyone else they want. To ... (read in full...)
He flirts a lot and he has a Gf. We've been texting. How can I make things less awkward if we do sleep together?
Q. There's a new guy that started at my work he's 32 bearing in mind I'm 20 but I don't think the age matters because we're basically like the same people. But the problem is that he has a girlfriend and he have such good flirty banter and I'm star...
A. 19 July 2015: It is said that with age comes wisdom. I hope that this will be true in your case and that much of what you wrote was just a young girl talking and not thinking things through very carefully.
Getting involved with a co-worker is a big mistake.... (read in full...)
My husband of 5 years told me that he still loves his ex and she is always in the back of his mind. Should I encourage him to try and find her?
Q. I've answered a lot of questions on this site, and now it is my turn to ask for advice. I'm a woman in my mid forties who has been with my awesome, loving husband for almost 5 years. Our relationship is amazing, far and away the best of my life,...
A. 16 July 2015: Wow...I can only imagine how much it must have hurt when your husband said that! None of us want to think that we aren't number 1 in their significant others heart! With that being said, I think I would let this go though, sweetie. I think your ... (read in full...)
My girlfriends brother asked me some inappropriate questions about mine and her sex life. Should I be concerned?
Q. I met an Asian girl from Singapore a few years ago and she has been my girlfriend for three years now, about six weeks ago I met her family for the first time. The first time I was alone with my girlfriend's brother he started to ask me some ver...
A. 14 July 2015: Your girlfriend's brother definitely is curious...a little too much so. Perhaps he is sexually inexperienced and somehow thought that you might share some information with him? Totally inappropriate I agree. In fact, you went the conversation go on ... (read in full...)
I know he doesn't want to be with me, I don't necessarily want him but I don't want to be used!
Q. I have recently met a man but I am struggling with how I feel. Basically he is one of those people who gets with a lot of women and is very casual, and seems somewhat hung up over his ex-girlfriend. He says things like 'It would work now but he's ...
A. 13 July 2015: If you are "weak" then the only way to go is complete NC (no contact). No phone calls, no texts, NOTHING. It might mean you have to block him or change your phone number, same thing with an email address. Don't see him. Its the only way you are ... (read in full...)
Do we all have a soul mate or soul mates? What signalled for you that a particular person was the ''one''?
Q. Questions for the men and women on this site. 1 ) how old were you when you found the " one "? 2) did u ever give up waiting? 3) were u ever jealous if someone find their special someone before you? 4) do you believe in waiting for that spec...
A. 10 July 2015: I don't believe that there is just one person in the world for each of us. You can be compatible with different people at different times in your life. I do think that you may meet one person in your life that affects you profoundly and they are the ... (read in full...)
Were these good or bad signs about this guy?
Q. So I went on a date with a guy who came across as very intelligent, confident etc. He was very pedantic about the fact he wanted to pick me up, and pay for everything, we had some coffee, he then took me to see a movie in which he insisted it ...
A. 6 July 2015: I would like to put a precursor to this post. I am not in any way trying to reflect in a negative way on a race..I am just making my own personal observations. I am not racist.
Ok, with that out of the way..
I have dated only Asian men for th... (read in full...)
Is it time for me to leave this marriage? He frequently accuses me of cheating.
Q. I came to visit my daughter in another state for 4 days. My husband is sending me text messages saying that I'm out here messing around and he is done with me, all because he called my phone, and I didn't answer. He called my daughter and she...
A. 5 July 2015: Aw...I feel sorry for you, hun. It sounds like your man is very jealous, insecure and possessive. Triple threat and not good characteristics for a person to have. He is the one with the problem, not you. I don't blame you one bit for wanting out of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been texting a girl asking her to be his mistress. She refused him. What should I do about my BF?
Q. My boyfriend admitted to me that he asked this girl best friend if she would have sex with him and she said that she would. However, she says she respects our relationship so she won't sleep with him. Yet he keeps texting her that she's irresi...
A. 5 July 2015: Aw sweetie..this is a no brainer....you should love yourself enough to walk away. Your boyfriend is trying to cheat on you, going behind your back and then has enough arrogance to admit to you he's trying to get someone else?? And you are on here ... (read in full...)
After 8 months he still has not asked me out. Should I put up with an 80:20 friendship/crush?
Q. Ive been dealing with a guy for about 8 months and he still havent asked me out. Today i was frustrated and was wondering whats up so i told him i think i like him more than he likes me and he said i do like him more than he likes me and the perc...
A. 3 July 2015: Aw hon..why would you want to hang around someone actually admitted that they didn't like you as much. That's rather insulting. I'm sure you can do better. I have been in that situation before and its honestly rather humiliating. I had a man tell me ... (read in full...)
How should I handle my jailed ex who's written to me out of the blue?
Q. My ex boyfriend - who was always in and out of trouble with the law has just written to me out of the blue - from jail. I used to be madly in love with him - only to find out that he only ever wanted me for handouts and money. Anyway, to cut a...
A. 2 July 2015: Sometimes we just have to leave people where they belong..in the past. I'd say your ex is one of those people. Just ignore his email or letter like you never read it. IF he should be cheeky enough to try you again, block him, change your email, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend speaks English but uses his language most of the time. I don't like it!
Q. Hi, I have been dating a guy over 2 years and in the first year we communicated in English and then after a year I noticed he started talking in his native language to everyone his friends,his parents(which he always did)his sister,his best friend w...
A. 30 June 2015: My new husband is Japanese. We dated for 14 years. He speaks mostly English with me, his preference, not mine. He likes to speak English with me because it helps him learn and he knows that I won't speak too quickly or make fun of him if he ... (read in full...)
Sick of ex's older wife
Q. I have a son who is 6 years old and my ex currently has more custody than I do, I get him every other weekend. My problem is I'm so sick of my ex's wife and really don't want her around my son. For starters she's 46 years old, 10 years older than ...
A. 29 June 2015: I hope somewhere deep inside of you that you realize your actions are pushing your son away from you? I"m sure that isn't what you want. I know its hard when an ex remarries, it can be absolutely INFURIATING..I've been there. My ex got remarried 6 ... (read in full...)
How to turn down dates?
Q. So I feel a little ridiculous posting this but I never thought I'd have this problem! I need to figure out how to quickly, unambiguously turn men down. I feel so uncomfortable doing it that sometimes when I am asked to get together, I just...
A. 23 June 2015: Guys/men are not mind readers and sadly many of them really can't/won't/don't pick up on subtle hints or body language. You have to be DIRECT. As the other lovely aunts have said, SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. Don't beat around the bush, don't hem and haw, ... (read in full...)
My friend says it's emotional blackmail. My mother says breakup with him. He's my first ''proper'' relationship. What should I do?
Q. So I've been in a relationship for 2 years, I just turned 17 and I have known him for goodness knows how long, we went to primary together and I know people say going out with you best friend never work but I genuinely thought we did, until the last ...
A. 22 June 2015: You are young and inexperienced sweetie. Listen to your mother, she's looking out for you and sees things that you probably can't see yet. This boyfriend of yours is trouble. I'm really sorry that you had to go through with having an abortion at ... (read in full...)
We've been seeing each other for 3 weeks and I'm feeling pressured to have sex. I'm disappointed
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3 weeks and have just passionately kissed and cuddled. He is 10 years older. We met online and I feel am still getting to know him. We are going to a wedding reception at a neighbours next weekend and he has ...
A. 19 June 2015: You should never feel pressured into being intimately involved. If you feel uncomfortable with his intentions then its time to sit back and reflect on what you really want. Don't be afraid to let him know that you don't like what you think he might ... (read in full...)
Does he like me? Why would he not insist on me keeping the present?
Q. My boyfriend got me an expensive gift for our one year. I also made him something meaningful. I told him he didn't have to spend so much so I said i'll return it back to him. He smiled and said yes, once I find the receipt. He even asked if he ...
A. 17 June 2015: Maybe I'm not understanding this correctly but it seems like you may have hurt his feelings. He must have bought you the gift because he wanted to. Perhaps a "thank you" might have just been the correct response. Who knows if he likes you? If ... (read in full...)
Are these really relationship red flags, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?
Q. My gut instinct is telling me this relationship is already flawed but I am inexperienced in dating. This man and I are in our mid 40's. I was married for 15 years ( no kids) and he has never been married. His longest relationship was 5 years. ...
A. 17 June 2015: I agree with eyeswideopen. WAAAAAY too many things going on so early in the relationship that you have to list paragraphs about it. End things and move on. This isn't even red flags, more like a nuclear disaster waiting to happen. Trust your ... (read in full...)
Am I being too harsh getting annoyed with my fiancé's bed-wetting and his behaviour when he is very drunk?
Q. Am I just being over sensitive? My fiance and I do not go out very often, mainly due to finances, but he does get to go out more often than I do. I don't mind this as I am a bit more of a 'home' person. However there is something about his beha...
A. 13 June 2015: Three little words.....RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!
I was married to an alcoholic. I cannot begin to tell you how awful of a life that is when they won't seek help. He was just like your fiance, so drunk he couldn't walk, would fall asleep...I'd wake up ... (read in full...)
What do I do? I feel so alone in this relationship
Q. Hi everyone I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have a son together who is 6 months old. Since our son has been born my boyfriend has changed. He goes to work till 4 comes to mine at 6 we don't live together we have tea he goes then I get ...
A. 12 June 2015: You need to talk to each other. Work out some kind of schedule that helps both you, him and your children so that no one is suffering or feeling alone. Empty-1 brought up some very good points. Your man may be feeling just like you! He's doing ... (read in full...)
He says I'm being stupid. How do I get him to talk about our problems, instead of ignoring them.. and me? 2
Q. How do i deal with a fiancé who just wants to ignore problems and never talk about anything? My boyfriend and i just recently got engaged and for about the last month i've felt ignored. I've tried talking to him about it but whenever i bring...
A. 12 June 2015: I wouldn't recommend marrying a man that calls you stupid, ignores you and doesn't want to discuss problems. Its setting up the marriage to fail. Try talking to him one last time and explain your feelings and concerns. If he refuses to talk, I'd ... (read in full...)
What sort of a relationship is it where insults and sarcasm are common?
Q. I feel so upset/down and uncared for at the moment, it's been building for a couple of days now. My partner hasn't really been as talkative the past few days or affectionate, she gets like that sometimes so basically all I asked was if she was o...
A. 10 June 2015: You are in a toxic relationship.
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/yourtango-experts/warning-signs-toxic-relationship-expert
Save yourself time and heart ache. These kind of people look for reasons to start fights and make you feel bad about y... (read in full...)
I need help leaving this married man. I just can't do it!
Q. I have been here many times before. I am the loser who is in love with a married man. I know I need to leave but I just can't find it in myself to do it. I know he doesn't love me. He told me. And he told me he will never love me. I have ...
A. 9 June 2015: You're getting some tough love on here..I'm going to give you a little more because its what you really need to hear.
You say you CAN'T leave him..Please be honest with yourself. You CAN leave the relationship..you don't WANT to leave. That's a... (read in full...)
Almost 18 years married: Should I stay or should I go?
Q. I have been married for almost 18 years. We have 5 children ages 6 to 16. We only dated 6 weeks before we decided to get married because we were having sex, it was great, and we knew, being Christians and having met in church, that it was wrong. So ...
A. 7 June 2015: The parts of your post that really kept coming back up were "I don't think I ever loved him". Doesn't that say it all right there? You have given 18 years of your life to this man. He doesn't treat you right. He took his anger out of one of your ... (read in full...)
Am I too sensitive and am I overeacting to my Boyfriend's comments about other women?
Q. Tell me if I'm over reacting... My boyfriend and I are in our 40's and have been dating for almost 2 years. He has a habit of putting women down. It could be a stranger that walks by in public "wow is she fat" or even a friend of ours such as ...
A. 4 June 2015: I don't think you are too sensitive and I also don't believe you are over reacting. Your boyfriend doesn't sound nice at all and his attitude towards women is something that should definitely be setting warning bells off in your head. Its only a ... (read in full...)
Is it not as easy, as it seems, to get pregnant for some people? Anything else that could help?
Q. My fiancé and I have been trying for a baby for 8 months now, in that time we've only conceived once but sadly that pregnancy ended in miscarriage a few months back. Recently we've been trying like rabbits to conceive again, in every position you ...
A. 27 May 2015: I know this might sound crazy..but RELAX. Stop trying so hard!!! And the other lovely ladies are right, having sex every day really isn't going to help like you might think.
I have 2 lady friends, both of them were desperate to get pregnant... (read in full...)
What are my options, because I feel trapped? He shouts and becomes abusive. I want to pack my bags and go with our child.
Q. I've been with my husband for almost 11 years, married for 5. We have a little boy who is 2 and a half. I'm really stuck as to whether I should leave my husband. I haven't been in love with him for a while. However we are good friends and bein...
A. 24 May 2015: PLEASE listen to Abella's advice. She gave you wonderful resources/help to go to. Do not think for a minute that this man will get better. The situation will become more and more volatile as time goes on.
How do I know? I have lived it that lif... (read in full...)
Wife of 5 years says her heart was always with someone else
Q. I’m just devastated by the news that I just received, and just wondering if I can get perspective from other men and women. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7. I accepted her 2 children from her previous marriage with op...
A. 23 May 2015: I am so sorry...you sound like a very kind and sweet loving man. You don't deserve this..not at all. Its nothing that you did wrong..nothing at all. Your wife couldn't have what she wanted so she decided to take what she could get and she found ... (read in full...)
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