Like what
she writes?
... Add *ystiquek to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ystiquek a private message | | | *ystiquek's profile:
People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
|
|
What keeps people in marriages when they are no longer in love?
Q. When you have been married to your husband for 35 years and are no longer IN LOVE with him but Love him as a person, is it possible to continue to stay married? What is it that actually makes a person stay in a marriage where you are NOT IN LOVE ...
A. 19 February 2012: I'd wager a guess that there are many many couples out there that are no longer "in love" but stay together. I think its much more common than you might imagine. Security, finances, children, possibly owning a business together, the list goes on and ... (read in full...)
Does anyone deserve a second chance?
Q. when someone has cheated, should you give them a second chance?...
A. 18 February 2012: As all the other aunts have stated, there is no cut and dried answer to this. It depends on the people involved, and the situation. For me personally, if a guy cheated on me and was truly sorry I would forgive him. In fact, I have done that in the ... (read in full...)
Why do these women at my office think that its OK to be so bitchy to other workers? And can anyone tell me what I can do to not let this 'get' to me?
Q. I work in a mainly female work area. There are some much older very experienced men. But then men seem to stick together and that bothers no one. Some of them are dinosaures. One has to get help to look at his emails and none of them like using the ...
A. 11 February 2012: Oh do I feel for you sweetie! I have been there! A small office setting can be like a jungle..everyone out for the kill!! I have never understood why women can be so mean and so catty. Men normally are not like this at all. I worked for the ... (read in full...)
My 27 year old schoolmate is dating a 79 year old billionaire. Isn't this a sign of complete materialism? Or am I an idealistic idiot?
Q. I saw a question posted here the other day that got me thinking about a schoolmate of mine who is a lovely looking lass of 27, an aspiring actress, dating a 79-year-old billionaire. ok im not a complete moron i know that money makes the world ...
A. 7 February 2012: I like to think I'm open minded and love conquers all regardless of age, color, size, ect...but in this case me thinks the only thing the two of them have in common is money...he has it, she wants it. ... (read in full...)
My daughter is planning on having IVF with her partner, but I know they are unhappy and she has been having an affair. What can I do in this situation?
Q. my daughter is soon to be forty and has decided to have ivf with her partner of 6 years. it appears that for the last 4 years she has been having an affair.her partner is manipulative and calculating and i think he knows what has been going on her ...
A. 7 February 2012: I have been the daughter and I have been the mother in your situation. If I had a dime for all the times my mother tried to tell me something and I just didn't listen...I'd be a millionaire! Its sad but true that you can talk and talk and talk to ... (read in full...)
He says she's his soul mate. Do I go through with the divorce or wait?
Q. My husband left my and the kids for his mistress. he met her online. She is 1400 miles away. He's been 1 1/2months. He tells me he loves her and she makes him happy but he still loves me. That he's just not in love with me. Not to mention ...
A. 5 February 2012: I am sorry for what is a very painful time in your life. Please try to look at the situation from a non emotional point of view. You are married to a man that is a cheater, a liar, and also unemployed. What are you really losing??? RIght now he is ... (read in full...)
How can I cope and continue living with him, broken hearted but apart?
Q. Hi all. I have recently broken up with my bf. We have a joint mortgage together. After much soul searching and advice from a mortgage advisor, we have both been advised to stay in the property together for as long as we can. This is because ...
A. 3 February 2012: I agree 100% with Cerberus and kc100. Do whatever you have to do, please consider all of the options they laid out for you but DO NOT continue to live together! It will be absolute living hell for you. Of course you sometimes feel angry, and you ... (read in full...)
My ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK
Q. Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again). I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulat...
A. 2 February 2012: Oh how awful SVC! What a horrible childish thing to do! It would appear your ex's girlfriend is terribly insecure among many other substandard qualities! Remember that anyone who cares about you is not going to be amused, but disgusted so don't let ... (read in full...)
Is it cultural or personality? Why is he so shy around me?
Q. In my class, there is one international guy from China that acts a bit strange around me. After we teamed up in a mini project, he and I started talking more and discovered we have similar interests. However, when ever I talk to him he laughs a...
A. 31 January 2012: I have dated a Japanese man for 10 years. Some Asian men are rather intimidated by American women, so yes he may be shy and not quite sure what to say or do. He also may not always understand exactly what you are saying at times. My guy will often ... (read in full...)
Black specks in underware mean?
Q. Black specks in my husband briefs after washing; what does that mean if anything?...
A. 30 January 2012: This seems like an innocent enough situation. Is there a reason why you are questioning this? Are you possibly wondering if your husband is cheating or something? ... (read in full...)
Advise required on how to keep our affairs on the boil
Q. i had sex continually with my wife's good friend who too is married for many monthes. we know its wrong but we both want to continue. please advice what we shud do to continue our relationship....
A. 29 January 2012: I'm sorry but if you are looking for advice and compassion for cheating, you are at the wrong place. About 99.9% of the aunts/uncles on here will not be on your side. Why don't you try a place like www.cheatersrus.com. Maybe they can help you? ... (read in full...)
Our living situation is getting to my wife. I endure her regular tantrums. Do I change our whole lifestyle and income due to her whim?
Q. I am 41 and I have been married to my wife for 19 years. We have no children. We bought this house in a large suburb (120K people) 10 years ago. It's near the mountains and we get a lot of wildlife. There are lots of trees, too, and you'd never know...
A. 26 January 2012: It sounds like your wife is depressed. Could you get her to go to the doctor? Its possible she may even be in the early stages of starting menopause. Something is wrong though and she needs to stop complaining and try to work on making things ... (read in full...)
People think he's perfect. Yet how do I cope with his secretiveness and fact he may be seeing escourts? He has excuses for everything.
Q. Hi, I'm married with two kids and have serious trust issues with my husband. We've been together for 12yrs and everyone who knows us thinks he's the perfect guy as he is a great father, helps around the house and is easy going. About 2 yrs ago I ...
A. 26 January 2012: I am sorry for what you are going through and can imagine the pain and confusion that you are feeling. Its really difficult too when everyone thinks you are married to "mr perfect". Please see if you can get your husband to go to counselling, it ... (read in full...)
How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"?
Q. How do you politely reject someone on the grounds that they might not be "your type"? If a woman showed an interest in me, how can I say in a nice way (if I'm not interested) that she is not my type? If a woman told me I was not "her type", I ...
A. 13 January 2012: Tisha is right on with her advice. Just try to think how you would like someone to let you down gently, how would you want them to say it? Then try to come up with something that would get the point across gently without being offensive. You can ... (read in full...)
Please help me deal with my boyfriend having cancer!
Q. It is quite a complicated problem well it is to me but here goes...basically last month i met this lovely guy who i really like and he likes me too. We have gotten really close and i think i am falling in love with him. The only thing is we were ...
A. 5 January 2012: I am so sorry. Cancer has shown its ugly head in my family several times, so I understand how worried and frightened you feel. The best thing you can do is be there for him. Offer to help him in any way that you can, does he want you to go to ... (read in full...)
I am asking the questions about her past, and she says its none of my business
Q. I am almost 40, married, to my grade school crush, I love her, more than anything. We were found each other 2 years ago after over 20 years graduating high school, we led very different lives, and now I am having big trouble dealing with her ...
A. 3 January 2012: I don't want you to think that we are all bashing you, but I'm afraid I am going to side with all the other posts here. I will state that I TOTALLY understand about feeling jealous/anxious about someone's past. My guy has only been with 1 woman (who ... (read in full...)
Am I just an ego boost for him or does he have feelings for me?
Q. I have a crush on a guy at work. He's married but I don't know if he's happy. His wife is really beautiful and classy but he rarely ever talks about her. At work he always sits next to me when we're in meetings; he compliments me frequently on my ...
A. 1 January 2012: I'd say he knows that you're interested and likes the attention. If you would offer more, odds are he'd take it. Can you honestly pursue this KNOWING he is married? Its very unlikely he'd leave his wife for you, but yes, he'd take a little extra on ... (read in full...)
I want to be first to him but his girlfriend is. How do I get him to put me first?
Q. Dear Aunts, This is killing me. To make a long story short, my best friend and I were close for a long time... like siblings, and we shared so many experiences, outings and moments together and I was always his ''best friend.'' He wants to get...
A. 30 December 2011: You are his best friend, NOT his girlfriend. There is a difference, and he is doing what people do when they have a girlfriend or wife. THEY come first. I know it hurts you, but you need to understand that your best friend is only doing what is ... (read in full...)
Fell in love with a guy after a week and now trying to have a LDR in another language! Help!
Q. So. Problem. I'm absolutely in love with a wonderful young man who I met during the summer over the course of a week. After that week, of course, we each returned to our respective homes, and are now literally thousands of miles apart. The chanc...
A. 21 December 2011: My situation is similar to you but reversed in the fact that my guy speaks English as a second language, he is Japanese. And even though he has lived in the US for 10 years now, English is still very difficult for him. We don't always understand one ... (read in full...)
I am due to fly out to see my bf but he has just dumped me! I am distraught!
Q. Ok so its less than a week before Xmas. I am due to fly out to be with my boyfriend tomorrow (6 year relationship) and he has just told me, out the blue, that he doesn't feel the same way about me any more... and he told me by email. I am totally ...
A. 20 December 2011: Oh sweetie..I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through..and right before Christmas of all times! I will just second the thoughts of the other aunts...your boyfriend was very cruel and thoughtless to act in such a way, but the fact is..he ... (read in full...)
I am still sleeping with my Ex but he's grown too friendly with my friend! Shall I tell her the truth?
Q. my good friend and my ex are getting friendly..... and hiding it, i know about and confronted them and they say they are just mates at the moment. my friends tell me that if our friendship is going to get awkward then mates is all they will stay. ...
A. 17 December 2011: Are you sure your friend is REALLY your friend? True friends don't go behind their mates back and get involved with an ex! It sounds like you are getting caught in the middle of something that could turn out to be quite painful for you. If you love ... (read in full...)
My ex didn't wish me a happy birthday and it really hurts me!
Q. Why do I feel so upset about this? am I overreacting? So is my birthday today and my ex boyfriend didn't even wish me a happy birthday. He dumped me saying he didn't want a relationship. But I found out he lied and cheated on me. On ...
A. 17 December 2011: First of all, happy birthday! It really does hurt to think that someone who once claimed to love us and wants to still be friends can't take 5 minutes out of their day to call or email or text on your important day...but sadly, that's the way that ... (read in full...)
We were doing ok after the break up now all of a sudden its become awkward, what happened?
Q. I am so frustrated with my ex boyfriend. I broke up with him because of a long distance issue. He didn't have much to say about it at first but the way we handled the post breakup, I thought everything was going to be okay. We had regular ...
A. 15 December 2011: Most people find it very hard almost impossible to remain friends after a break up. As caring guy said, especially if you are the one who has been dumped. Your ex probably just couldn't deal with and has chosen not to stay in touch. Perhaps in time ... (read in full...)
We doubt each other a lot and have lots of negative thoughts when we are apart....is this normal in a relationship?
Q. i have a boyfriend and we work different places, we always meet up after work but on our days off when we don't meet there's this problem like we have negative thinking bout each other is it right? and at times we doubt each other a lot that...
A. 15 December 2011: I'm afraid this isn't normal in a strong healthy relationship. You two don't trust each other! Trust should be the foundation of a relationship. Without trust, its like a relationship built on sand. You have nothing.... (read in full...)
Breakup after 7 years of dating, ex wanted to stay friends. I don't. Am I cold?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently broke up with a GF of 7 yrs, we had been faithful to each others over all those years, even when we had short breaks, and when we broke up 2 weeks ago, I feel relieved and just want to get on with my life. I feel that we ...
A. 11 December 2011: I don't think you are being cold, you are being realistic. Cruel to be kind (like the song). Staying in contact when you don't want to get back together can be very difficult especially if one party still cares. I have made this mistake and its ... (read in full...)
How did you move on from a broken heart?
Q. Hi guys, i just dont know what to do. I am still heartbroken nearly 2 years down the line. I have tried to get over him. No contact, going out with friends. Pampering myself you know all these things, and yet I have a great empty hole in the pit of ...
A. 6 December 2011: If only someone could invent a magic pill that will make the heart ache go away..they would be a millionaire, wouldn't they? I always think of Star Trek and Spock, he could do something to erase your memory..if only there was such a thing!
I'm c... (read in full...)
Why do we want people who hurt us back in our lives?
Q. Here's something Ive always wondered, when we love somebody, and let's say they take off with someone else, cheat, etc. outside of feeling the anger, how come so many people are inclined to take the person back so quickly? and overlook the fact that ...
A. 5 December 2011: I am a person who can forgive, but not forget. I have a photographic memory (good at times, a curse at others) and I can remember word for word conversations, so trust me when I say I don't forget. I will forgive unkind words, but it will always ... (read in full...)
Do you know anyone who has many college degrees, but is working in a job far below his potential???
Q. Hello all, This is a question on career options. I know...I know...this site is mainly dedicated to relationships/love/sex questions. But I am posting a career question here as my experience with this site has been good so far and I get the most s...
A. 4 December 2011: Yes, me. I have 3 degrees and work part time at Walmart. Its called bad economy and no jobs. Things are so bad in my part of the country (highest unemployment rate in the US!) that I feel grateful to just have a job. You just have to hang in there, ... (read in full...)
He's gone from callimg me "hot and sexy" to "beautiful and gorgeous," does it mean anything?
Q. Hi Guys, I realise this isn't a serious thing and it isn't a problem, I am just wondering and don't have anyone I can ask. Thanks for your responses in advance. I have been seeing a guy for a while now, he was my friend before hand and he has...
A. 1 December 2011: Hot and sexy to me sound like lustful words, where as gorgeous and beautiful are more sweet and loving words. Sounds like he might be falling for you and is expressing it. ... (read in full...)
"Momma's boy" - attractive or not to women?
Q. Want to get some feedback from women here... I grew up without a father so my mother had to be both parents in a way. As a result, I've always been a "Momma's boy". She's not protective or invasive in my personal life we just have a very solid and ...
A. 1 December 2011: I was always told to look to see the way a man treats his mother. If he treats her with love and respect, more than likely he will treat his lady the same way. I do believe it can go too far though, if a man can't make decisions on his own, or runs ... (read in full...)
I don't feel the spark for my boyfriend whom I am in a long distance relationship with, and I have cheated on him three times now!
Q. Dear cupid, I need your help. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1year now. its a long distance relationship. Of late my boyfriend does call me as usual and all but lately I feel like he's kinda changed he is too busy for me, he doesn't give me ...
A. 27 November 2011: You aren't alone, many people cannot handle being in a long distance relationship. They are very difficult to maintain. Skype, emails, phone calls are all very nice but they aren't the same thing as having someone to hug or kiss or hold. You missed ... (read in full...)
My bf had a crazy fit and hurt me. Should I take him back?
Q. I have been. With my fiance for 3 years and we have had a lot of ups and Downs but here recently it has gotten. Horrible. And. As got in a bad fight. Last. Week and he called me a fucking. Whore and tried pinning me down on bed so I couldn't move. ...
A. 24 November 2011: Once physical abuse starts, it normally doesn't stop. Take it from someone who has lived through it. Oh yes, they are sorry, they didn't mean to hurt you and they won't do it again. WRONG! Yes, they WILL do it again. Get out NOW, and don't look ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend gets a girls number at the bar and lied before, deal breaker?
Q. So I have a major decision to make. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and I just found out he's quite the liar. Back in January, he went out with his friends and told me they were going one place but I found out they went to a b...
A. 16 November 2011: Yes, for me it would be a deal breaker. He's already shown you that he lies, and doesn't seem to feel guilty about it until he gets caught. You have to wonder what else does he lie about that you don't know about? Not a keeper! ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my boyfriend I'm ready to have sex with him?
Q. Im a 16 year old girl who is a proud virgin, and my ex boyfriend who i like has asked for sex in the beginning and I told him no. He now after 6 months still likes me and never even hints the idea. But now all of a sudden im craving sex! What do I ...
A. 11 November 2011: Do not give away a precious gift to an ex. There is a right and a wrong time for everything. This is the WRONG time.... (read in full...)
We have a love hate relationship, what should my next move be?
Q. My boyfriend comes out with nasty comments when we argue, by saying things such as " you're the bane of my life " and sometimes i ask if he is cheating on me ( i say it out of anger ) and he says " no, but i wish i was ". He calls me a b***h ...
A. 4 November 2011: Your next move should be to say goodbye, and never look back. You are in a toxic relationship and its not a good place to be. These type of relationships can often become violent, even deadly. Get out now and save yourself alot of hurt and grief. ... (read in full...)
He's cheated on me 5 times, and broke up with me, but I want him back because I love him!
Q. Hello Agony Aunts and Uncles. Well i'm having a very hard time moving on from this guy i really love, care about and wanna be with but he broke up with for a very stupid reason. This isn't the first nor the second nor the third time i've been in ...
A. 2 November 2011: You have written on about this before. Did you not like the answers you received? You need to ask yourself this. Are you a doormat? Do you think so little of yourself that you allow this guy to treat you badly and walk all over you? If he's cheated ... (read in full...)
Does anyone regret having sex too young and not waiting until marriage?
Q. I'm just wondering had anyone regretting having sex too young, or not waiting till marriage as ive been in a steady relationship now for over a year and a half but havent had sex... me and my boyfriend are happy about this but im wondering about ...
A. 1 November 2011: I was older than many people when I lost my virginity. I was 18 and had graduated from high school. I'm very glad I waited until then because my 1st experience was with my 1st love and we learned everything together. We were old enough to truly ... (read in full...)
I'm bored and frustrated with my relationship! Help!
Q. I've just divorced my husband of 20 years then met this man 16 years older than me. Im attracted to him because he's more caring and understanding than my ex-husband. He has no kids and has his own home and car and still working with a good ...
A. 31 October 2011: If you're bored and frustrated then perhaps its time to look elsewhere. If you're almost 50 and he's 16 years older then he's about 65 right? So he's probably happy and content just doing the little things. You have to decide if you're happy enough ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I don't want a man in my life anymore?
Q. I've divorced my husband. We've been married for 20 years. My husband is 10 years older than me is a selfish controlling and very mean with money. Even if needed he wont spend. I've met this man 16 years older have the same issue - money is ...
A. 18 October 2011: Its never easy to end things with someone, especially if they have been kind to you. The best way to do this is to be gentle but firm, telling him how much you appreciate everything that he has done for you, and while you care for him, you cannot be ... (read in full...)
How do you define "sex"?
Q. So here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-how-important-is-sex-to-you.html someone asked how important to you is sex. I have a slightly different question... DEFINE IT... is it just the act of intercourse? is foreplay mandatory? ...
A. 7 October 2011: To me, sex is just an act. Lower life forms, animals all do it, and so do people who have absolutely no feelings invested. Anyone can have sex. I don't NEED sex, but I do need LOVE. Without feelings, sex is just a cold physical act. It feels good ... (read in full...)
Help! Advice? Am I driving my daughter away? Am I being too controlling?
Q. My daughter will be 21 on her next birthday. She is a high achiever but also could be a handful at times. From the ages from 16 to 18 she was out a lot, yes she was doing her A levels, part time job and cared for her horse. She also did go out with...
A. 5 October 2011: I have a 30 year old daughter, and I can honestly tell you "WOW!" You need to let go..yes, you are too controlling and you will push her further and further away. I was honestly shaking my head when I read things like "I forbid her to ... (read in full...)
| *ystiquek's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ystiquek has
added them and they have added *ystiquek!
|
