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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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I need to know if he's cheating -- and how to find out?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for almost four years. Ive always had this screaming thought that he was doing something wrong, hiding something from me. A couple years ago I found an open condom wrapper in his car (a condom he didnt use with me). When I ...
A. 27 November 2014: I don't see why you need to know if he's cheating. If you feel in your heart that he's been unfaithful and he lies about it and you can't talk about it, then just leave. Its that simple. You don't need proof for anything, you just walk away. Even if ... (read in full...)
I wish that life would give me a break!
Q. I need help, a friendly advice.. I have lost so much faith and strenght in life. I have been through a lot the past 15 years in my life. less than ten years ago, I started my dream education together with my ex boyfriend. But we broke up ( ...
A. 27 November 2014: Congratulations!! You see?? You did it!!! That's absolutely wonderful!! I understand that you feel lonely..but that's something that you can work on along the way. Don't stress out about that right now...celebrate the wonderful victory! Who ... (read in full...)
Why would you leave the best relationship you ever had over a surmountable problem.
Q. Hey guys, This past Friday my boyfriends of a little over a year broke up with me. Despite my embarrassing pleas he would not reconsider. The reason he gave for the breakup was that despite my having been the best girlfriend he had ever had and...
A. 25 November 2014: You'll never know for sure unless you could talk to the man and it looks like he is closing the door without closure. It happens some people just want to end things and move on, they don't want to give closure.
To you the problems were somethin... (read in full...)
What word choice can I use while talking to my son about his father without really saying what my heart should say?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need some advice on my son's relationship with his father this man has never ever been in his life now that he is grown he still dont have much of a relationship with his son.How do I bring up the conversation with my son about his ...
A. 23 November 2014: Why do you feel this is your responsibility? If your son is grown he can reach out and talk to his dad. You dont have to do it for him. Have you sat down and talked to your son and asked him if he wants his dad in his life?
I divorced my daughter... (read in full...)
I'm shattered, horrified,torn apart because my daughter just told me she's a bisexual
Q. Hi, I'm shattered, torn apart. I can't seem to function. Just caught my daughter kissing a girl. Horrified, livid. I can't seem to accept my 16 yr old daughter telling me she is bisexual. I'm still 2 days later so angry wth her, calling her so ...
A. 21 November 2014: Love her! She's still your daughter, your flesh and blood. She has a made a choice, it has nothing to do with you, or how you raised her, etc. Why would you call her names?? This is your child. Have some compassion! Would you really turn your back ... (read in full...)
I wish that life would give me a break!
Q. I need help, a friendly advice.. I have lost so much faith and strenght in life. I have been through a lot the past 15 years in my life. less than ten years ago, I started my dream education together with my ex boyfriend. But we broke up ( ...
A. 19 November 2014: Ok..some tough love here..Stop dwelling on the past and focus on the here and now and the future. The past is gone..you can't change it. We all have regrets in life..some of mine are whoppers! But guess what? I can't do anything about them. I feel ... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem to understand that I can't text at work! How can I make it sink it?
Q. Is there any way I can stop my man being so needy? I love him to bits and he is everything I want in a partner but he's very clingy and dependant on me which is really starting to annoy me. He texts me all day every day. At his job he can. At my job ...
A. 18 November 2014: Do not feed him..turn your phone off while at work and don't even turn it on if you are on a break or lunch if you think it will bother you. He needs to get the message that you absolutely cannot and will not be able to respond to his texts anytime ... (read in full...)
How do I continue with this relationship with my married boyfriend when I have periods of doubt creeping in around his ability to be faithful to me?
Q. Hello DC Friends. I could use your advice. Not judgement or answers which predict future behaviour and outcome. None of us knows what will happen with certainty. And let us remember that not every man is the same nor is what they do nor is every ...
A. 15 November 2014: I agree with CelticTiger 100%. The bottom line is that if he loved you so much, he would leave his wife for you. End of story. You will always have doubts, they will never go away as long as he is married. And to be honest, even if he divorces his ... (read in full...)
I have resentment toward my husband who won't talk about his business and never gives me support!
Q. I am building resentment toward my husband. My husband though is a nice man has no ambitions whatsoever. He has his small business, which basically pays for itself. I don't even know what he does with his money. He pays for his clothes, outings...
A. 15 November 2014: You have been given excellent advice on here. So get yourself a lawyer, an accountant whatever you have to do to find out exactly what is going on. Stop sitting in the dark wondering what is going on and asking questions and not getting answers. ... (read in full...)
How do I continue with this relationship with my married boyfriend when I have periods of doubt creeping in around his ability to be faithful to me?
Q. Hello DC Friends. I could use your advice. Not judgement or answers which predict future behaviour and outcome. None of us knows what will happen with certainty. And let us remember that not every man is the same nor is what they do nor is every ...
A. 15 November 2014: I dont really know how any of us on here can help you or comfort you. The mere fact that your boyfriend is married immediately cancels him being faithful. He's cheating on you with his wife and cheating with his wife to be with you. So how can he be ... (read in full...)
Do I believe him or not? My older married lover says he'll leave his wife when I finish college.
Q. My older, married lover tells me he will eventually leave his wife once I finish college. He has brought up the idea of having a baby together recently. Does this mean he is serious about our relationship and would having his baby be a good choice? ...
A. 15 November 2014: Married men will say ANYTHING to keep their little honey on the side. The will lie..lie..lie.and then lie some more. Do they mean what they are saying ? No..no and no! Should you believe him? No, not for a minute. He'll say anything to keep you ... (read in full...)
In a marriage, would you be happier with the person you love or the person that loves you?
Q. This is an age old question but I would like to poll a question. In a marriage, would you be happier with the person you love or the person that loves you? (Note that it's a one-sided love. You may care for the other person but I am referring to ...
A. 13 November 2014: To answer your question as you stated it..I would rather be the one who was loved more. Its sad and rather selfish, but who wants to love someone more than they love you?
In real life..I've been married twice. I believe that both of my husbands... (read in full...)
My widowed mother is sleeping with a married man.
Q. I am a seventeen year old Indian girl. My father passed away in December 2013. Since February this year my father's best friend, Max, who is a married white man has been visiting us at least twice a week and sleeps over. He is a salesman for a large ...
A. 12 November 2014: I understand how you feel and its a normal reaction. My father passed away and 2 months later my mother (78) had found her childhood sweetheart and moved in with him. I was shocked/hurt/disappointed. But guess what? She's a grown woman and has right ... (read in full...)
Why won't he pull out during sex?
Q. So I have a boyfriend who's a pretty good guy. The only thing is, he doesn't want to pull out during sex. Or wear a condom. Says he hates them. We're both pretty stable so that's not a problem. My only question is, why does he do this? We both have ...
A. 6 November 2014: I dont understand why you dont care about yourself. Do you want another baby?? Just because a guy says no and doesnt want to wear a condom doesn't mean you have to accept it and go along with it. You say "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way (John) but ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when he says I am his "guilty pleasure"?
Q. What does it mean if a man tells you your his guilty pleasure? What would it mean to you if you were to say this to someone or someone was to say this to you? How would you translate this in your inner world? Personally, humorous, passing c...
A. 5 November 2014: Instead of wondering and asking people who dont know the two of you..why don't you JUST ASK HIM! It could mean any number of things and there is no way that any of us could know. Best to get it straight from the horse's mouth dont ya think???... (read in full...)
The man of my dreams but not the place of my dreams
Q. I'm in such a bind, it has gotten me pretty depressed. I have an amazing boyfriend who thinks the world of me, and I wanted him as well since the first time I laid eyes on him. My wish came true, he became mine, and we get along amazingly. One of ...
A. 4 November 2014: I moved from Florida to Boston to be with my guy. I grew up in the cold, hated the cold and Florida was where I wanted to be. I lived there for years, and loved every minute of it. I loved my guy though and he couldn't move because of a very good ... (read in full...)
What does the word 'cute' mean to guys? To me, it means 'ugly but acceptable'!
Q. Dear Auntz Me and my new boyfriend started dating a week ago and he keeps saying that im cute! I have always told myself that i will never date any guy that thinks i am cute, but here i am. I wish he would use the word beautiful instea...
A. 4 November 2014: wow...you have very strange interpretation of the word cute! Where in the hell does ugly come into being cute??? I have been called cute my whole life...all 5 feet of me! I love it! Puppies are cute, little kittens are cute..whats wrong with being ... (read in full...)
I would be leaving my wife of 12 years for her, so I need to know if she wants me too
Q. First time I have done something like this online but there is no one else i can speak to about this. I am married with a child and 2 step kids, I love my wife but I don't know if I am still in love with her. I met a girl in her 20s a couple months ...
A. 4 November 2014: You are most likely going through a mid life crisis. You see a hot young thing and get all worked up. I hate to break this to you but the odds are the young thing is using her looks to get things done and its very unlikely that she thinks of you as ... (read in full...)
Telling my lover about an old sexual experience with someone else?
Q. Should I tell my partner my sexual experiences from the past? I know normally it's reallt up to the person to decide to do what they feel is right and comfortable. Normally I'm pretty open about my experiences and wouldn't mind sharing but the ...
A. 3 November 2014: Ciar is right. Don't open up Pandora's box. You will be opening yourself to all kinds of trouble. Sometimes it is alright to leave things alone. The majority of people really dont want to know all the details about their mate's past. They may say ... (read in full...)
Did I cheat because of how he behaves on line?
Q. i have been in a relationship for 14 years. started dating him at the age of 17 him 27 now aged 31 and him 41. im confused. i cheated on him with a friend of ours. i have seen his facebook over the last couple of years with all porn sites and stuff. ...
A. 30 October 2014: I agree 100% with Youwish. You cheated because you wanted to. There's no mystery about it. Unless a person has a loaded gun against their head, they aren't being forced to cheat. People make bad decisions or sometimes they just don't care but the ... (read in full...)
I'm exhausting myself running from the pain of this breakup!
Q. My ex of two years and I split up and left things in a really rough way. A lot was left unsaid and unsettled and honestly, very hurtfully. It's been approaching a month, and I truly don't feel like I'm getting over it at all, I'm just ignoring it...
A. 26 October 2014: You aren't going to get over it in a month if you truly loved her. It takes time...thats all there is to it. Sadly there is no miracle cure for a broken heart. You are doing the right thing by keeping busy, keeping your mind busy. There are going to ... (read in full...)
Dating a coworker that cheated on his gf, will we last????
Q. I just started dating a coworker, he is 8 years older then me. He was in a relationship with someone he lived with for over a year. He wasn't happy and we started talking and flirting and it lead to more. We got really close. Well one night out we ...
A. 25 October 2014: The man has lied (he must have been lying to her when he was with you), cheated..and now you wonder if he will be faithful? I sincerely doubt if fidelity would be high on his list of obligations towards a partner. There's an old expression "If he ... (read in full...)
Why would the owners of the business tell me such confidential information?
Q. My boss just quit recently. Now the owners called me to tell me that they are getting ready to fire her boss. They said they want me to stick around and hang in there. They are planning to tell him in Monday. Since my boss quit it is just me as an ...
A. 24 October 2014: It could be that they trust you, they like your work ethics and dont want you to leave, or as honeypie says its a test to see what you will do, or even some sort of combination of things.
I had this happen to me once on a job. I was hired and befo... (read in full...)
I'm having doubts about the relationship because my boyfriend drinks to excess
Q. Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is intelligent and funny and fun to be with and we share many interests. What we don't share is his interest and committment to drinking on a daily basis, and at least 3 times a week being drunk to the ...
A. 24 October 2014: I was married to an alcoholic. Its a life of hell, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My husband didn't drink when I married him so I had no warning of what could happen. You see the signs. He's an alcoholic. An alcoholic will lie to everyone especially ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be mad at her for reading my diary?
Q. So i have this friend who i was really close to but now she has done something that i don't think i can forgive her for. We are both holiday reps working abroad and for the last six months we have shared an apartment. She has always been my best ...
A. 23 October 2014: Yes you do have the right to be angry with her. Reading a person's diary is a huge invasion of privacy. Its just creepy and low to do that. I have kept a diary on and off since I was 13. It just comforts me and when I am upset/angry I express my ... (read in full...)
After enduring so many personal difficulties I now discover the man I've started seeing is HIV positive
Q. Hi everybody. Please don't judge me, I feel horrible enough. I just want some advice and opinions please. I have had a difficult last ten years probably. My father had an affair and as a result of that my mother and father divorced. They a...
A. 20 October 2014: You're not a terrible person, do not think that way. You are a person who has been through overwhelming stress and sadness and you have tried to cope and go through everything the best that you can. I am sorry for everything that you have ... (read in full...)
Can dating profiles be cloned over multiple sites or is my boyfriend lying?
Q. Hi all, So I have been going out with my boyfriend for 18 months and we met on a dating site. 2 months into our relationship I found he was still logging in to pof the site we met on and my only dating site I joined. He said that can't be right he...
A. 20 October 2014: Good girl..now just stay strong. You are going to be fine. You already had doubts, you just needed others to back up what you were feeling. Tisha1 and Ciar brought up a very good point, please heed their advice. Don't weaken and and go ANYWHERE ... (read in full...)
Can dating profiles be cloned over multiple sites or is my boyfriend lying?
Q. Hi all, So I have been going out with my boyfriend for 18 months and we met on a dating site. 2 months into our relationship I found he was still logging in to pof the site we met on and my only dating site I joined. He said that can't be right he...
A. 19 October 2014: If I were you I wouldn't go on a camping trip, I'd get myself in to see a medical professional STAT...he's lying...lying..lying. Some people seem to believe that they are good liars...that they can say anything and convince someone that they are ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to stay married, and be happy, even though you are not romantically interested in your husband?
Q. My husband and I are trying to work things out after many months of suffering because of my affair. I have hurt him so bad that I realized he loved me after believing we were just living as roomrates which I got so used to. My problem is that ...
A. 17 October 2014: In my experience, no its not possible to be happy living like this. I tried living this way for 2 years. My husband became an alcoholic (which I realized complicates things). I lost all interest in him. I tried so hard to make things work and to ... (read in full...)
As an adult do you discuss your sex life with your parents?
Q. As adults, do you discuss any of the details of your sex life with either (or both) of your parents? Is it normal for a parent to want to know about your sex life? I am 23 years old. I recently started dating a new guy exclusively a few weeks ago,...
A. 16 October 2014: I could never discuss anything such as sex with my parents. It just would have been too strange for me. I can't even imagine it. My sister and I have shared many discussions, but that's my sister and we are very close. I've always told my son that ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my daughter never having a family
Q. My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...
A. 15 October 2014: Ok mom...I get that you would like to hear the pitter patter of little feet, but the truth is..it isn't your choice to make. As other aunts have stated, maybe they have already went through things and they can't have children or they just dont want ... (read in full...)
Family secrets: The only two who were not told about the cheating? Myself and my son. How do I deal with their toxic actions?
Q. My husband had an affair with his sister in law. His older brother was 20 years older than her, they married because she was pregnant. He had another younger girl pregnant, but chose to marry ''C''. He never had contact with that child from the...
A. 14 October 2014: You have my blessing to leave this man and file for a divorce. Tell your sons the truth and then let them make up in their minds who is the liar and who isn't. They are more than old enough to handle it. You are a saint in my book, there is no way I ... (read in full...)
Seven years?? Am I wasting my time waiting for my married lover to leave his wife and children?
Q. I have left my husband but I have been involved with a married man for 7 years.I said I wanted a proper relationship but he said he can't leave his kids who are 15 and 17. We haven't really talked about our future it's like he lives for today yet ...
A. 11 October 2014: In my opinion, yes you are wasting your time. I hate to see anyone doing this...sitting around waiting for their lover to sneak a few moments here..there..never sure when they can see each other. I would imagine you never get to spend the night ... (read in full...)
He moved in and I feel trapped! How do I handle this situation?
Q. My bf and I started dating about 4 months ago. We were in a LDR where we would see each other one weekend a month (we had a previous long distance friendship for about a year). One month ago he came to visit me... and since he has gotten a job in ...
A. 9 October 2014: Sit him down and tell him "i'm sorry but I told you from the start that I didn't want to live together and somehow this is happened. I'm not comfortable with this and it cannot go on this way. We don't know each other well enough and things have ... (read in full...)
I don't think I am that much in love with him. Is it key to a happy marriage to be absolutely in love with your future spouse?
Q. The story of my life is that never ever a man who I was in love with and adored was in love with me back. Every time something starts and I feel incredibly in love, after awhile an interest in me fades. My boyfriend is a very nice man. He has...
A. 9 October 2014: Never settle and never marry someone that you aren't head over heels in love with. Just because someone looks good on paper and has all the right things isn't going to be enough to make the marriage work. Marriage takes work, work work and if there ... (read in full...)
Sometimes my boyfriend is a mean drunk!
Q. My boyfriend is lovely 99% of the time but sometimes when hes drunk he can be mean. Not everytime but about 50% of the time that hes drunk he will say things as a joke but i think he means it. An example being at the weekend he said i had a fat ...
A. 8 October 2014: My ex husband was an alcoholic and a mean one, a VERY mean one. After living with him for 15 years and then divorcing him what do I say? RUN...as fast as you can and never look back. Alcoholics are assholes. They don't care about anyone but ... (read in full...)
Does there come a point when you think there is more bad than good in a marriage? Can things actually turn around when one person is adamant that he is always right and blameless?
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles, I guess I am scratching my head with my situation and really could do with some objective input. I'm married to a guy who is 13 years my senior. We have been together for 10 years and are complete opposites. When thi...
A. 5 October 2014: Yes there does come a point where the bad outweighs the good. It happened to me. I watched a beautiful marriage slowly crumble before my eyes and in the end I couldn't wait to get away from my husband. 16 years just went out the window. He had ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave, but how can I make him see what a monster he is when he's drunk?
Q. My fiance has a binge drinking problem. When we are on a night out, its as if he just can't get enough and he doesn't know when to stop. He blows all our money on it too! And he gets violent.Last night, he was invited with me to a function and I was ...
A. 4 October 2014: You have a hard road ahead of you if you stay with him. I was married to an alcoholic and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. He was an abusive one too, very mean, not the funny kind of drunk. Drunks/alcoholics don't care about anyone or anything when ... (read in full...)
My mom is going to visit me but I cant stand the way she constantly criticizes me. How do I handle her?
Q. My mother and father are visiting my brother and his family today and tomm its my turn, they will be staying with me. I live alone. They live interstate and I see them maybe twice a year, I enjoy catching up with them, and we mostly get along, a...
A. 4 October 2014: Aw..I feel for you..I'm 53, my mom is 78 and she still does what your mom does. I've accepted that as long as she is drawing breath she will find something to pick about me about...its her nature. I know that deep down inside my mother means well ... (read in full...)
She's a silly 19 year old with a baby and an overbearing mother! How do I withdraw my offer to talk to her?
Q. I have a lodger who is in his early 20's. He has a 19 year old girlfriend who stays over 3 nights a week. This is fine with me. I find her silly, stupid and totally lacking in the brains department but it's none of my business. Recently my lo...
A. 4 October 2014: I would tell your lodger that you didn't realize how complicated the situation was and that you truly don't feel comfortable talking to his girlfriend. And I agree with Youwish..the less said the better and the sooner you can get him out the less ... (read in full...)
My Gf is not talking to me, and am I studying for the right reasons?
Q. I was seeking some guidance In regards to my relationship and study which I've just started. I started my first day of college yesterday, I loved the work but I don't like the college life because I'm too old, I'm a 24 year old woman sat with 1...
A. 2 October 2014: You should go to college because you want to go and you are excited about going! You shouldn't go to college because someone thinks you should go. Is your girlfriend paying for you to go? I rather doubt it, right? Why are you going to a college 3 ... (read in full...)
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