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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Have I made the right decision to leave my cheating husband?
Q. I have been married for 6 yrs and for the rest of the six yrs my husband has never be faithful. He had atleast 7 affairs just in one yr - dont ask me how he does it but yrs to an extend he was dating 4 other women at a go. He has never just once sho...
A. 18 May 2012: I know that it isn't easy what you are going through, but I promise that you can do it and come out even stronger. Just remember the saying "its always darkest before the dawn" Take care of your precious little ones and remember to take care of ... (read in full...)
Have I made the right decision to leave my cheating husband?
Q. I have been married for 6 yrs and for the rest of the six yrs my husband has never be faithful. He had atleast 7 affairs just in one yr - dont ask me how he does it but yrs to an extend he was dating 4 other women at a go. He has never just once sho...
A. 16 May 2012: Yes, you are doing the right thing because in thinking of yourself, you ARE thinking of your children and the future of all of you. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but it sounds like you are strong and determined, and with that attitude ... (read in full...)
My mom is dating a 33 year old guy, who's closer in age to me than her! Its so embarrassing!!
Q. My mom who is 49 years old is now dating a guy who is 33 years old and I don't know how to feel about the whole situation. I mean he's closer in age to me than her, she's never done anything like this before so I don't know whats going on. She has ...
A. 16 May 2012: Welcome to the age of the cougar. After years of double standards, older women are now dating men years younger than them (which men have done for centuries!) and are forcing people to be aware of it, if not accept it. I truly know where you are ... (read in full...)
My Facebook friend is very secretive. Should I cut him loose?
Q. I met this guy through a facebook friend almost two years ago. We talk only through emails and text. I can say I fell for this man but now I want to let him go but everytime I try, I keep going back. When we first start emailing each other he seem ...
A. 29 April 2012: Deep down inside you already know the answer...yes, he is playing with your head. 2 years and he still hasn't given you a phone number or shared personal information? I'd almost bank on it that he's married or has a live in partner. Let him go ... (read in full...)
Caught my boyfriend flirting with another woman over Facebook, will he do it again? Has he already done it since and lied to me?
Q. hi my i caught my partner flirting with another woman over facebook. he lets me check my ex's profile via his. i always ask though. and he got really defensive when i asked and then i logged into his and he came out and said it. and he said it was ...
A. 19 April 2012: Yes, he'll more than likely did it again. He thinks of it as just fun and he's lied. The odds are he'll keep doing it, and keep lying about it. Your boyfriend sounds very immature. Do you want to date a child or a man? ... (read in full...)
She wont commit to leaving her husband for me, should I keep trying or leave her once and for all?
Q. Hello. For past six months I have been in affair with colleague from work. We are both married, none of us has kids but her husband is often away for couple of months. Things between us developed pretty fast and we soon realised that this is more ...
A. 19 April 2012: We see this time and time again on DC. Two people are married, fooling around with each other. The one leaves their spouse and then the other partner gets cold feet and leaves their lover hanging high and dry..lost and alone. Your lover is showing ... (read in full...)
Why do these woman believe that a man is seriously in love with them so soon after meeting them?
Q. What does it say for a man who professes his undying love for a woman he has just started dating. In my opinion, there is something wrong with this person if he continues to move on from one woman to another claiming he ia in love with them and ...
A. 15 April 2012: I think it comes down to people wanting so desperately to be in love, to be in a relationship that they hold on to a dream, a fantasy..something that keeps them going, even though things are very unrealistic. As Cerberus says, its EVERYWHERE on DC. ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being expected to act a certain way because of my skin color. Is it wrong to be attracted to a different culture?
Q. Hi, I am fifteen years old and black Ever since I was small I have always been into asian culture(Mainly Korean and Japanese)I watched anime all my life(my favorite was Dragon Ball Z) so I think that's how it got started and as I got older I star...
A. 14 April 2012: I don't think its wrong to be fascinated with another culture! I have been fascinated with Japan since I was a very young little girl. I used to drive my mom crazy because I wanted a Japanese doll when I was a little girl. I am a blonde haired, blue ... (read in full...)
I told I'm pregnant, he said "I'll talk to you tomorrow, I don't want to say the wrong thing right now" what does that mean?
Q. Hello, Men! I need your advice, ladies your welcome to opinions as well. I've been dating a man long distance, known him for a year, dating for 5 months, we are not in a committed relationship but we do go and visit each other every 2 months, we ...
A. 14 April 2012: I'm guessing he's freaked out and rather than say something he might regret, he chose to have some time and space to figure out how to deal with things. Perhaps not the best way to handle things, but better than him saying something REALLY awful. ... (read in full...)
I need to get past the pain of my first marriage
Q. How can I get over the pain that my first husband caused me? It has been over 20 years and I have tried everything I know to let it go but the pain is still there. My second husband died after 7 1/2 years of complications from a brain tumor. I ...
A. 8 April 2012: You don't say what kind of pain your first husband caused you to have..physical? emotional? and since you don't go into details, we can only guess, but the bottom line is..WHY are you still in that kind of pain after 20 years? That is very sad, and ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend said even though marrying and having children with me would muddy his bloodline, he would overlook it!
Q. Im a 26 year old british asian female, my 31 year old bf is a white american male. We have been together for a few months and recently he expressed a desire to have kids one day in the future. Of course this is great! I would love children with ...
A. 6 April 2012: No..no and NO!! OMG...get out of this relationship! Don't even consider having a child with this man! Please don't think so little of yourself that you could accept his bigoted, racist line of thinking!!! Your post just really burned me up! And I ... (read in full...)
He's 29 and has NEVER had a girlfriend.. Red Flag??
Q. I'm really unsure about this guy i'm dating. We've been talking for 1 month, only met once (he isn't local to me) but he seems good for me - personality wise and there's an attraction there. The attraction isn't fireworks in my tummy attraction ...
A. 6 April 2012: My fiance didn't date a girl till he was 26. He was shy and in medical school studying to be a doctor. I don't think that made him weird, he was just very busy and again, there are shy guys out there that don't just jump from one relationship to the ... (read in full...)
Women: What are the real secrets to winning and keeping your hearts?
Q. This is a question for all of you women who are, or who have been, married or in a long term relationship. What are the things a man can or should do to keep his wife happy and fully committed to him? What would be yourbest advice as to what a ...
A. 3 April 2012: I've been with my guy for over 10 years now, and I love him just as much as ever, if not more. Why? He's a nice man. He's thoughtful, considerate, genuinely caring and tries to do the right thing. He LISTENS to me. I don't mean he agrees and ... (read in full...)
I now regret taking him back after his fourth cheating episode!
Q. my partner of two years has technically cheated on me and i have taken him back for the fourth time and now i am regretting it what should i do?...
A. 31 March 2012: I think 4 times is more than enough, unless you just like being hurt and disappointed over and over again? Its time to dry your tears, get some backbone, and say "no more" and tell him "out the door you go". I can understand forgiving someone once ... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in a faux relationship! She broke up with me but still expects me to fund her!
Q. Hello people I wonder if you can help me I am in a big big dilemna in my life at the moment, 8 months ago while I was travelling around in north america, I hooked up with my 'girlfriend' who i stayed with for 3 1/2 months to cut a long story ...
A. 30 March 2012: I am really sorry for what you are going through, it is a terrible situation to be in. Please listen to the other aunt's advice and leave. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and endure a little bit of embarrassment for what is best in the long ... (read in full...)
How do you tell your boyfriend you can't see him as being the father of your children?
Q. How do you tell your boyfriend that you don't see him ever being the father you'd want your child or children to have and that's the real reason you don't want children? And where do you go from there? Stay but remain childless or have children bu...
A. 29 March 2012: If you're that miserable then there's no way you should stay with the man. You aren't being fair to yourself or him. If you can't see him as being a father to your possible future children, its time to leave. Its just a very unhealthy sign of the ... (read in full...)
Can you be in labor if your water doesn't break?
Q. MOD NOTE: We are not doctors, please go to the hospital, yes you can be in labor! can you be in labor even if your water doesnt break?? having serious contractions and not sure whether or not to go to the hospital....
A. 29 March 2012: Please go see your doctor or go to the hospital. Yes, its very possible that you could be in labor. In my first pregnancy I was having really strong contractions for hours but my water actually didn't break until 45 minutes before the baby came.... ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will be in prison anywhere from 15 years to life. How do I handle it?
Q. My boyfriend is doing 15 to life he has no specific time for release I love himi just don't know how to handle it can u help? ...
A. 29 March 2012:
Putting aside emotions, ask yourself this: Do you want to spend a good chunk of your life (if not all) being alone? Think of every holiday, event, crisis that will occur and you will have to deal with it alone...when you are sad and need a hug,... (read in full...)
Dumped for a rich guy: was girl being shallow or practical?
Q. Yeah so a couple weeks ago this girl I was seeing for a few months. Really pretty girl, my friends even said he was hot. I'm an average guy, maybe a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. I make a decent living but def not rich. Anyway, to make a long story short ...
A. 27 March 2012: To me, she's being shallow. If she stays with the man, it wouldn't be surprising if she marries him and has lovers on the side. To her, its being practical and she is definitely looking out for herself and her future. I'm sorry that you are ... (read in full...)
Would you marry your cheating partner?
Q. Would you marry your partner that you have been cheating with. Do these relationships work? What are the pros and cons. My partner left me after 18,years together for another guy who she has now married...
A. 24 March 2012: Yes, sometimes the 2 cheaters do marry each other. Most of the time it doesn't work out though for the reasons that caring guy pointed out. I always think of this old saying "If he/she cheats with you, they will cheat on you". How solid of a ... (read in full...)
At what age do you think should people think of getting married and having children?
Q. What age do you think is people should start having a family? I have a 25 year old daughter, who is very accomplished, smart, beatifull, full of life....and doesn't want even to think of getting married and have children just yet. She is still s...
A. 20 March 2012: I do understand where you are coming from. I have a 30 year old daughter who has been happily married for 10 years. Neither her or her husband show any signs of wanting children. They both graduated college, have a nice car and home. Their ... (read in full...)
I know leaving him is a good idea but the thought of being alone scares me
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a total of three years. He has cheated, I only know of about 6 girls but I don't know how many times or who else, one of which was one of my closest friends so I cannot trust him around my friends. He has ...
A. 18 March 2012: WHY are you with this guy??? He's a cheater, a liar and on top of all of it he's controlling. He doesn't respect you, he'll sleep with your best friend and you take him back??? GIRL GET SOME BACKBONE! For God's sake, do you think so little of ... (read in full...)
Jealous of not having "female" experiences due to looks
Q. I sometimes feel as if I'm less of a woman because I'm more on the side of Plain Jane/Ugly, and thus do not have a lot of the experiences that other women seem to bond over. I sit with a group of women at lunch, and lately at least one of the...
A. 18 March 2012: Oh sweetie...you've got to change the way you feel about yourself...you are really dragging yourself down! You are certainly still a woman...getting cat calls doesn't make you more of a woman or more feminine than the next woman. Its what you have ... (read in full...)
I'm constantly in a nervous state when its time for a family dinner.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year an a half. Obviously you get past that phase where you're so wrapped up in love you think eveything is wonderful and now I'm seeing some problems. We have big family dinners every 2nd month in my fa...
A. 17 March 2012: Unless you love the guy enough to continue to put up with his rudeness, I'd suggest you end things because he will not get better, and he's made it clear to you that he's not going to change! My ex husband was very much like your guy. My family was ... (read in full...)
How do you know if someone is right for you?
Q. How do you know when you're with someone for the long-term, and whether it can last? I'm just wondering if I'm overthinking my relationship with my boyfriend of a year. Basically, he has excellent qualities, he's a good person, I love him. Bu...
A. 16 March 2012: I can only speak for myself but to me, I know a man is right for me if he brings laughter and joy into my life, if I miss him when he's not with me and if he can still make my heart skip a beat when I look at him. You know when someone is right for ... (read in full...)
Cheated, broke up, and cannot move on
Q. Exactly a year ago I posted this: I was in a wonderful relationship for over a year and we were really deep in love with one another. Then one day I went for coffee with a guy I used to love and we slept together. I told my boyfriend right after th...
A. 15 March 2012: I think it would be best if you find a way to accept that your ex is not going to take you back. Perhaps you are having these dreams of him because you feel guilty and you know you made a mistake..one that your ex will not allow you to fix. You do ... (read in full...)
In a breakup why do people take the cheaters side?
Q. I was watching George Clooney's The Descendants the other day. The movie is about a character that doesn't know his wife was cheating on him. Everyone knew and didn't tell him. He never treated the wife bad or cheated on her. She screwed him over ...
A. 12 March 2012: I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were talking about your real life as well. I still stand by my words though, people do not normally condone cheating no matter what the circumstances are. I hate to say it, but you must have strange friends/family if ... (read in full...)
Back together with my boyfriend again but found out he lied about being on his own, he was actually in a relationship with his ex!
Q. my boyfriend split up with me in November and said this was because he didn't want a relationship after this we didn't speak until January when he said he wanted another go at things and he said he knew 100% that this is what he wanted and he'd been ...
A. 12 March 2012: Sounds pretty simple to me. He lied, you caught him. Why would you still want to be with him? You can't say ahe cheated since you broke up, but he lied about being alone. That's not a very great way to start over with him now is it? I think you know ... (read in full...)
In a breakup why do people take the cheaters side?
Q. I was watching George Clooney's The Descendants the other day. The movie is about a character that doesn't know his wife was cheating on him. Everyone knew and didn't tell him. He never treated the wife bad or cheated on her. She screwed him over ...
A. 12 March 2012: You're talking about a movie. Its always more dramatic for a movie to do something different than what is expected. It wouldn't be interesting then if we knew how it was going to end, right? In real life, the majority of people do not condone ... (read in full...)
I am 30 years old and desperate to be loved - if only for one day
Q. Hi, sorry for writing a lot but I hope someone here can help me. I am 30 years old and desperate to be loved - if only for one day. All my friends all the people I know in my age group have had at least one relationship. I know that some o...
A. 11 March 2012: Oh sweetie..I'm sorry that you're feeling so low and alone! *HUG* Its terribly frustrating to watch your friends one by one pair up with someone while you are wishing for the same thing. There are some people that really do want to be alone, but I ... (read in full...)
Should I take the risk and go to meet this man about a job? Parents told me not to go because it sounds dodgy
Q. A man called me about a cleaning job last week, but i missed the call, and when i called back, he said he had given the job to another lady, but he said he would call me if it didn't work out with her. I got a phone call from him again today, saying ...
A. 8 March 2012: You would be very wise to listen to the little voice that is telling you something is wrong. I wouldn't go. You could be walking into a very weird or even potentially dangerous sitution, who knows? Is it worth the risk? I think not. Just call or ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a pedophile for watching cartoon toddler porn?
Q. Is my boyfriend a pedophile for looking at cartoon porn depicting very young children? We've been going out for 6 months and since we've moved in together I've been secretly snooping on his laptop and have found many things that have disturbed me. ...
A. 2 March 2012: I would have been horrified if I found something like that on my mate's computer. Sickened beyond belief. I agree with the other aunts/uncles. You didn't need to ask us if something was wrong, you already knew it was. This man has some serious ... (read in full...)
Does anyone think that some people just aren’t meant to find love?
Q. Hey guys, words of advice would be greatly appreciated. Does anyone here have a problem with confidence. I mean confidence more to do with meeting new people and getting into relationships. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never kissed anyone and ...
A. 1 March 2012: I believe its possible for almost anyone to find love, but for many people it doesn't happen. Look at all the single people in the world. Many of them don't want to be alone, but they are. Of course there are many reasons people are alone, but the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend impregnated another woman... what do I do?
Q. good day, please advise on my problem. I have a boyfriend of 3 years that i love so much and we have a baby 18 months baby boy, we had our ups and downs in our relationship but we always talk about them and solve them. I just recently found ou...
A. 29 February 2012: Bottom line is whether or not she is pregnant, he cheated on you, right? So you have to decide if he's worth keeping. Can you handle things if it turns out the child is his? Even if its not....he cheated. I personally wouldn't. The reason I say that ... (read in full...)
In a LDR, is it normal that my gf thinks I should call once every 2-3 days?
Q. What does it mean when your long distance girlfriend complaints that you call her too much? Calling her once a day is appearing too much, she asks for once call in 2-3 days. To me that is extreme. She gets angry when I do. We are both are very...
A. 24 February 2012: My guy and I have been in a LDR for years (not by choice!) and we talk MINIMUM of 4 times a day, on skype every night, and video skype on the weekends. I doubt if she is any busier than my guy because he's a cardiologist and works 18 hours a day..so ... (read in full...)
Fiance called off our wedding and there was no warning! Help!
Q. Yesterday, my fiance called off our wedding. I never before believed the people who say 'It came totally out of the blue'. 'Surely', I used to think 'there must have been signs. Arguments, tensions, disagreements, pressure. Things that led ...
A. 22 February 2012: I am going to give a little different perspective on things. I know this might hurt you OP, but it also might help you. I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling, but I think in the long run your fiance might have done you a tremendous favor. My fiance ... (read in full...)
Would you be put off a guy who said his son was "just a baby I made"?
Q. I'm dating a man who is a lot older than me, and he has a son who is a year younger than i am . He hasn't had much contact with his ex wife since they got divorced 23 years ago. He also hasn't seen his son much since his son was three years old. He ...
A. 22 February 2012: An old Kenny Rogers song "Know when to walk away, and know when to run..." RUN! There is no way I would be involved with a man who talked that way about his child. Think about seriously, if he talks that way about his child, what the heck does he ... (read in full...)
B/f gave me his password to facebook but I seen messages I didn't like should I talk to him about them?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about a month now, and he gave me his facebook password yesterday when i was at his place. I looked at some of his private messages when i was with him at his place, but i looked at some more when i got home too,and ...
A. 21 February 2012: He gave you his password because he trusted you, saying he had nothing to hide. The majority of things were written before he knew you, so its not fair to hold him accountable for those things. I think you might be trying to make a mountain out of a ... (read in full...)
Recent rocky relationship and now we have an ex back in the picture!
Q. I have been in a relationship for over 6 yrs, but for the past 12 mths it has been rocky, I have asked him to leave but he won't, he thinks.that we will get back to how we. were but I know we won't. I went out at the wkd and saw an ex, he told me ...
A. 20 February 2012: You've already answered your own question, you said you know that the two of you won't get back together. That statement pretty much says it all, doesn't it? You've already got one foot out the door, now you just need to take your boyfriend its ... (read in full...)
I lost him once before and I don't want to lose him again, but I'm not ready to lose my virginity either!
Q. I recently started seeing this guy, only it didnt happen the way it normally would, I already knew him because we dated over a year ago. Then I bumped into him last week and he said we should go for a drink sometime and I mentioned that I was having ...
A. 20 February 2012: Look at it like this...if he truly cares about you, then he will accept and respect your boundaries. If he doesn't, then he's not worth losing is he? I agree with Denise32, for most guys, when a girl sleeps with them, they more than likely have it ... (read in full...)
My deceased ex-bf's son wants to date me--and he looks just like his dad!
Q. My exboyfriend died in 1993, when he died he had a little son by someone else. Now the son is 23 years old and wants to date me. I like him to but I don't know if this is right, the thing that is nagging at me is he looks just like his dad.What ...
A. 20 February 2012: There are some situations that you just need to walk away from. This is one of them.... (read in full...)
What keeps people in marriages when they are no longer in love?
Q. When you have been married to your husband for 35 years and are no longer IN LOVE with him but Love him as a person, is it possible to continue to stay married? What is it that actually makes a person stay in a marriage where you are NOT IN LOVE ...
A. 19 February 2012: I'd wager a guess that there are many many couples out there that are no longer "in love" but stay together. I think its much more common than you might imagine. Security, finances, children, possibly owning a business together, the list goes on and ... (read in full...)
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