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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Our lack of communication is undermining our relationship
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for more than a year now. I love him yet I constantly find myself questioning if he loves me as much as I do towards him. We have gone through so many fights and a couple of breakups within the course of our ...
A. 8 February 2015: Sometimes you just cant fix what is broken and you need to know when to walk away. Walk away..too many problems, not enough glue to hold things together. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that they are right for you. I'm sorry, but the ... (read in full...)
I'm depressed that my husband, like other men in my past, prefers smaller breasts!
Q. I see a lot of women write in worried about their small breasts but I have the opposite problem. I have large breasts and every man who I have been with including my long term marriage has preferred smaller breasts and not been at all interested in ...
A. 8 February 2015: I know where you are coming from.I am a small gal but unfortunately my breasts are not. They really are too large for my frame but I've learned over the years to deal with. I have always been rather envious of women with small breasts who can wear ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex want to hold on to me he has a woman?
Q. Dear cupid,my ex and I broke up years ago we talk from time to time now he has a woman but he wants to say in conversation with me I told him we have nothing to talk about.He told me he wants to to keep in contact just in case his relationship falls ...
A. 6 February 2015: He is using you as a back up. Show him you respect yourself and will not tolerate his behavior. I agree with aunty Bimbam ..block his phone number block his emails and go into total no contact. My ex husband did this to me for years..every time he ... (read in full...)
What to do when there are mutual feelings of trust and attraction......but he's married?
Q. I can not believe, me of all people, would have this sort of dilemma, but here goes... I work with this guy, and he's like the male version of me. I could sit here and talk him up, but I'll spare my readers. I like him wayyy more than I should, ...
A. 5 February 2015: I strongly suggest you try harder to leave him alone. Married men that cheat normally do not leave their wives kids and homes for the other woman. Don't kid yourself. They will say whatever they need to say to keep the woman hooked but in the end ... (read in full...)
First partners and oral sex?
Q. When you dated your first boyfriend, did you give him oral sex?...
A. 4 February 2015: No. ... (read in full...)
I found out he lied about having a girlfriend, does that mean he isn't serious about her?
Q. Hi Agony people! I met this guy the other day and he seemed nice and chatty. He told me he was a year younger than he actually is too. I asked him on the qt unknownst to him if he had a girlfriend and he sad no. I thought he was geniune and a really ...
A. 4 February 2015: I'd question his character as well! His actions show that he's on the prowl, and keeping all of his options open. He didn't tell you about the girlfriend because he wanted to see how far he could get with you and he's not above cheating. Not a nice ... (read in full...)
Guys and sex with some they don't like (or even despise) and the intimacy of that sex!
Q. Is it possible for a 24-26 year-old guy (who gets horny pretty frequently and easily) to get it up and have casual sex with someone he doesn't like, nor finds attractive, AND most importantly someone he finds extremely annoying? If he doesn't ...
A. 1 February 2015: Yes, there are some people when horny that will have sex with anything that moves or breathes. Sad but true. I agree with Honeypie..if it disturbs you (and it would me!) I wouldn't want to be around or care what the guy's intentions were. ... (read in full...)
My ex managed to hurt me twice and I'm really having a hard time understanding why
Q. Last year me and my ex broke up, I had put undue stress on the relationship which was completely ruined and looking back, it was the right thing for it to be over. However, he just blocked me out of his life, one day he said he'd speak but then he ...
A. 30 January 2015: Its not nice of him to promise to send your things and then not follow through, but..I guess he just no longer wishes to be in contact with you at all. Its hard to say what his reason(s) are..it could be that he just doesn't want to be bothered, he ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has went no contact should I pay for his car insurance?
Q. For a while now I've thought may bf of 4th has been seeing somebody else, he wworks away and I don't really see him anymore, we spoke on the phone or via txt most days,anyway 2weeks ago was the last I spoke to hihim, we spoke about him coming bk ...
A. 30 January 2015: I see no reason to pay for his insurance if he isn't even speaking to you. If you want to be nice, you can let him know you are cancelling it. I certainly wouldn't continue to pay for it though. ... (read in full...)
How can I be the partner she deserves, when my mind is still filled with thoughts of my ex?
Q. I came out of a tumultuous 2-year relationship only a handful of months ago. I loved her so incredibly much, but we were constantly breaking up and getting back together (never once was it my decision to split) over petty, insignificant fights, ...
A. 27 January 2015: I hope that you will take the time to consider what some of us are saying, even though I know it isn't what you want to hear. Please let the girl go. You really aren't in the right place to be dating her or anyone else, and in the long run you are ... (read in full...)
How do I get this girl out my head?
Q. I have been married to my wife for 11 years and I do love her we have a child together. The last 8 months I have had another women on mind 24.7. I met her through work well she's a client not a co-worker. The girl is beautiful and in her late 20s ...
A. 24 January 2015: I had this situation once when I worked in on office. I was in my late 20's and married, and had a man in his 60's also married constantly hitting on me saying things like "If I was 10 years younger and you were 10 years older I could show you a ... (read in full...)
Am I doing anything wrong? I like a married man and he likes me.
Q. please advise:- I like a married man, he likes me too. we share intimacy like few kisses/smooches /holding hands etc but not physically involved beyond that extent. we like each others company he is a top level guy in my office and I've been emp...
A. 20 January 2015: Picture this..you're married and your husband comes home one night and says "Sweetie, there's this young woman at this office and we hold hands and kiss and I tell her my thoughts..but I'm sure you are ok with it, right??" What do you think you ... (read in full...)
He's been discussing our sex life with his friends and co-workers! Do I confront him?
Q. I just found out that the guy I'm seeing has been telling everybody about our sex lives. I understand him telling his friends, but he has told his work colleagues as well. This makes me uncomfortable as he is my first sexual partner and it was a big ...
A. 19 January 2015: Aw..I'm sorry hun. I haven't been that age for a long time, but I don't think his behavior is the norm. Most guys, at least the decent ones don't kiss and tell. This one sounds like he's trying to boost himself up and be "big man on campus". Totally ... (read in full...)
I'm devastated to find out my wife and brother had an affair!
Q. after twenty years of marriage i have just found out that my wife had an affair with my brother.this happened several years ago and had been going on for a few years.i love her so much and she says she hates herself for it.she says she's sorr...
A. 15 January 2015: Oh honey..I am so sorry! My heart truly goes out to you. I can only imagine the pain/shock that you are feeling. I have been cheated on, but I cannot even begin to imagine my sister cheating on me. Two of the people in the world that you should have ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has shut me out!
Q. My bf has been sleeping in the spare room for a few days and he's shutting me out ,I feel so alone ,he is dealing with a berivement his uncle died ,we live far away from his family and friends and I know he wants to be there am I being selfish I'm ...
A. 13 January 2015: Everyone has their own way of dealing with the loss of a loved one. Some people want comforted, some want to talk, others want to be left alone. I dealt with the death of my father by talking about him and remembering funny things he said and did. ... (read in full...)
Recently regained contact with my first love, but now he's married
Q. I met my first love at age of 14 after 1yr I had to leave a country to another but we were stil inlove with each other unfornatly we lost contacts and after 2yrs I met someone and before I knew it I was pregnt at age of 18 and 1yr later I got ...
A. 11 January 2015: There is a very easy solution to your problem although I doubt if you want to hear it. Stay away. No contact with your ex. You are both married and what good can possibly come out of being in contact again? Don't tempt yourself with the proverbial ... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend of two years is torn. He cannot give me up but he cannot leave his marriage. How do I handle this?
Q. I have deep feelings for a man who has been married for 20 years. I have been with him for almost 2 years. It happened because I suppose we met at the right place and the right time and we had this undeniable connection... right from the very st...
A. 7 January 2015: I like Honeypie really hate to read these kind of posts. I have been on DC over 7 years now and its always the same old story, and it never ends well for the O/W or O/M. You seem like a smart lady, but sweetheart..you aren't being smart. You have ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me and wants the relationship to move forward, but I feel like that's just asking for trouble!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a man for about 6 months. I really enjoy his company. He is funny and very understanding. And very passionate. But over the 6 months certain things have been bothering me and Im wondering if I should really be In ...
A. 4 January 2015: I don't mean to be cruel but this guy has red flags all around him. I think a long term relationship with him would be exhausting and frustrating. It might be best to cut your losses now. I wouldn't want to put up with everything going on around ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend despises my best friend and her husband!
Q. I have a real problem on my hands. My boyfriend of 1 year is absolutely despises my best friend from my childhood and her husband. With New year celebration that he is hosting in his house where I just moved in he blankly refuses to invite my girfr...
A. 29 December 2014: Sometimes we just don't like people. your boyfriend gave valid reasons. He isn't controlling and telling you to chose him or them. He just doesn't want to associate with them. Fair enough. As honeypie says, see them without your boyfriend. He seems ... (read in full...)
Moving on from FWB -- do you think he'll understand?
Q. I sent a goodbye email to a guy in my life that is not healthy for me. We have known each other for 4 years but never had relationship. We only had physical only FWB. I caught feelings he didn't so we decided not to be physical or talk anymore. ...
A. 29 December 2014: Honestly, no he probably won't understand. FWB relationships usually end with someone getting hurt because they start to care. Its usually the woman. Its good for you that you have chosen to cut him out of your life. Please dont feel bad about it or ... (read in full...)
Is her mother being disrespectful for seeking too much information about any sexual relations and of intimacy in our relationship? Why is her Mom asking?
Q. This girl I’m in a relationship with for a year and a half, her mom always asks her if we were having sex. I mean we are two grown adults so why would her mom want to know that information, that’s private. She would tell me how her mom would sa...
A. 27 December 2014: Wow...I do not understand why at her age her mom would be asking such intimate questions. At 16 yes...unless your girlfriend is considerably younger than you, mom has no business asking such questions! Your girlfriend needs to tell mom politely but ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says my the relationship between me and my son is unhealthy!
Q. My son 21 and we have a great mother and son relation but my girlfriend always finding fault in our relationship. Because my son tells me I'm his number one woman in his life and he's the only child i have and we can talk about everything, my ...
A. 27 December 2014: My son (27) and I are very close. We lived in a household where his father (my ex husband) was an alcoholic. We watched his dad drink himself almost to death (refused help). We have been through so much together because there was no one else but us. ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my nasty mother in law?
Q. Hi everyone. First, il wish everybody on here a very merry Christmas and I hope you all have a great day! Anyway, here's the deal, I am married for two years and been trying for a baby for almost a year, but we are certainly not panicking ...
A. 25 December 2014: You sound like a really nice young woman. Its a shame your mother in law just can't appreciate you and be greatful to have a lovely daughter in law. Sadly, dealing with an alcoholic can be very trying. My son is in a smilar situation with his dad, ... (read in full...)
Would you be jealous of this cheat's wife if you were me?
Q. I'm writing to this site because i'm feeling pretty conflicted. I used to have a physical relationship with someone who was very wrong for me and it destroyed any self esteem i used to have. Most of the time i was miserable when it was going on. ...
A. 24 December 2014: I don't follow your logic OP. The man buys his wife things and she thinks they are happy and yet he wants to sneak around to see you. thats not a great guy. Who wants that type of a relationship? he hurt you, even more reason to stay away. Thank ... (read in full...)
Would you be jealous of this cheat's wife if you were me?
Q. I'm writing to this site because i'm feeling pretty conflicted. I used to have a physical relationship with someone who was very wrong for me and it destroyed any self esteem i used to have. Most of the time i was miserable when it was going on. ...
A. 24 December 2014: I wouldn't meet him, I would delete every way possible for him to contact you and put him out of mind. Don't be jealous of his wife! You dodged a bullet. She probably thinks she has a loyal loving husband when in reality he's a scoundrel and would ... (read in full...)
We've not dated or had sex but he said he would leave his wife for me!
Q. Hi guys, I'm in such a pickle and I wish I didn't have this to worry over right before Christmas. Me and my partner have been together for six years, happy years and I love him dearly. My partners boss is 14 years older than myself and ...
A. 19 December 2014: I would not be flattered by this email. I would be worried even frightened, who writes things like that to basically a stranger? the man is living in some kind of a fantasy. I agree that hes going through a mid life crisis but he is just weird. If ... (read in full...)
Love, or my dreams?
Q. So i am in serious help and i need some opinions on what to do. Ive been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now! It started off perfect and i was happier than ever! I live in Texas and he is living in Oklahoma. We are actually 15 years ...
A. 16 December 2014: Follow your dreams. Never let someone else chose your profession in life because its what they wanted to do. You won't be happy. I gave up a 4 year paid scholarship to be a nurse to marry a man 10 years older than me. At the time I thought it was a ... (read in full...)
Will anyone who follows her first love be second best?
Q. A girl I know told me that the love of her life ,her first BF(broke up years ago after a few years of relationship), will always be the one she carers about. I have a question: is this fair to the guy she marries? I mean her future husband (she ...
A. 16 December 2014: I think almost everyone has a soft spot for their first love but most people do move on. Your first love isn't usually the love of Your life. I will be honest though my mother never got over her first love. They broke up when she was 18 and she ... (read in full...)
Unhappily married and strongly attracted to another woman
Q. Hi last week I went out for a Christmas meal and drinks with colleagues and it ended up with just me and a girl. We both work remotely from the office and see each other on the odd occasion but live near each other. Anyway we ended up have a couple...
A. 16 December 2014: I understand that your wife cheated on you not once but twice so perhaps you're feeling its ok for you to fool around too. Its understandable but it doesn't make it right. Like they say, two wrongs don't make a right.
If you are truly that unh... (read in full...)
I love her but I deserve better
Q. So I was in relationship for 3 years, she broke up with me 3 weeks before 30th birthday. I didn't hear for her for weeks only to find out she had a new boyfriend, they even got married. It was a sham marriage but she still loved him. She married him ...
A. 14 December 2014: Throw her away like a bad penny. She married for the wrong reasons and wants you to be the spice that is missing. Yes you do reserve better! So why are you accepting so little? She may love you but she certainly lives herself more and will put her ... (read in full...)
I don't know which to choose but I do want one of them
Q. I don't know what to do , there's 2 guys that like me and I like them they are both very different from each other with their personalities. If they were moulded together they'd be perfect for me. Ok so ill call them a + b . A is older quieter n ...
A. 14 December 2014: why settle? Why not find a man who ticks all the boxes?
... (read in full...)
She wants to be with me but feels guilty about dumping her boyfriend
Q. I started hanging out with this girl whom I knew had a boyfriend of 1.5 years. In our talks, I found out that he had been nice to her. However, had a tendency to look at other girls on the internet and that crushed this girl. She tells me that she ...
A. 12 December 2014: The bottom line is that she is cheating, lying and sneaking around. You know she has someone else and yet you are sneaking around to spend time with her and kiss her. Deep down inside you know this isn't right. She's got the best of both worlds and ... (read in full...)
His mothers engagement ring never feels like my own?
Q. I got engaged last August, his mother died a year beforehand he said he will give me her ring but i never felt 100% happy with it as i never got to see it till i got engaged. The ring keeps slipping off and when he tries it on my finger he says its...
A. 11 December 2014: wow, there's alot going on. I mean no disrespect but the two of you are very young. He sounds thoughtless and immature and at times just plain rude. Its sweet that he gave you his mother's ring, but the fact is..he still considers it to be his mom's ... (read in full...)
Would every man cheat if he could?
Q. I have big problems trusting men One of my friends claims that almost every man would cheat on his wife if given the opportunity to with a woman with a porn star body if he could be guaranteed not to be caught The sad thing is I think she might ...
A. 9 December 2014: No not all people cheat even if given the perfect opportunity and no chance of getting caught. Its called loved and respect for their partner. All we seem to see on this site is cheating but trust me, not all people cheat. You just hear about the ... (read in full...)
Can you change a bad boy?
Q. Dear cupid, i just want to understand this. Is it possible to change a bad boy. Like he drinks a lot and has two kids with two different woman, he owns his own business and has lots of friend who they enjoy top life.ive seen all this on his facebook ...
A. 8 December 2014: Never go into a relationship thinking you can or should change someone. It is one of the worst mistakes a person can make. People will change because they WANT to, not because someone complains or tries to steer them into changing. Either accept him ... (read in full...)
I love him but am terrified that marriage with him might not work!
Q. I love my boyfriend dearly. We've been dating 1.5 years. But, we have totally different personalities. I am very friendly, outgoing, love to get out and do stuff. I run and hike several times a week. I am very affectionate with him. Sometimes I...
A. 7 December 2014: Aw...Wise Owl gave such a wonderful answer. I don't think I an even come close to his, but here's my take on things. 1. Never settle. If someone doesn't tick all your boxes, then move on. 2. Never expect to change someone. So many people make this ... (read in full...)
Broke up yet.... Is sending him the Christmas gift a good idea, considering that we haven't spoken since the fight?
Q. I bought this guy that i was seeing a Christmas gift a few weeks before we got into a huge fight. Things were left badly where he blamed me for things that weren't my fault, and still blames me for something that i did almost a year ago. (i wrote...
A. 6 December 2014: How long had you been dating? If there was that much animosity, I probably wouldn't send the gift and would try to return it. I sent a boyfriend a birthday present a week after we broke up, but our break up wasn't bitter and there was no anger. We ... (read in full...)
I know that my boyfriend didn't do anything wrong but just running into his ex ruined our night and his behavior didn't make things any better
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. 2 girls before me, he dated a girl for around 3 or 4 years. They've been broken up for over 5 years now. They had an awful relationship where they fought, physically and verbally. She pretty ...
A. 28 November 2014: I agree with all the other aunts/uncles. You screwed up. You directed your anger at the wrong person. Your boyfriend didn't want to be in anywhere near her and so he walked outside. I have been in a situation like yours before and when I seen the ex ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't responded since our argument 2 weeks ago
Q. My boyfriend is a widower and we had a few words during a row after i complained to him that he does not repond to my calls for days and up to a week at a time and 2 weeks ago i said to him that i could be dead and he would not care and have not ...
A. 28 November 2014: I don't know what there could be to sort out after 2 weeks have gone by. It appears he ended things and took the coward's way out. Its best to accept that he no longer wishes to communicate with you and move on. Its sad that he he has chosen this ... (read in full...)
I know he isn't God's gift to women like he says, but I can't seem to get away
Q. Dear Cupid I am in a very emotionally abusive relationship. I knew its abusive cause 1. He often threatens to break up when i get angry or talk back or irritate him by calling him even once a day 2. Ignores me for days and then talks as if...
A. 27 November 2014: You need to realize that you are someone special and deserve to be treated like you are a special jewel. You dont think much of yourself and are suffering from low self esteem and insecurity. You know he doesn't treat you right and yet you keep ... (read in full...)
I need to know if he's cheating -- and how to find out?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for almost four years. Ive always had this screaming thought that he was doing something wrong, hiding something from me. A couple years ago I found an open condom wrapper in his car (a condom he didnt use with me). When I ...
A. 27 November 2014: I don't see why you need to know if he's cheating. If you feel in your heart that he's been unfaithful and he lies about it and you can't talk about it, then just leave. Its that simple. You don't need proof for anything, you just walk away. Even if ... (read in full...)
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