A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A few nights ago, I took my girlfriend out to eat. It was about 1:30 in the morning when we left home, and yes there are restaurants open at that time. I've never personally been to the place but my friend recommend it with high praise. We were on our way to it when the directions kind of confused me. We found ourselves driving through a very sketchy neighborhood, following the instructions as best we could. Frustrated, I pulled over in a vacant, barely lit parking lot to read over the directions before we made the situation worse. She was nagging away at me as I tried to make sense of our whereabouts. My eyes were focused on the paper the whole time when I heard her say "Babe, someone's coming."I looked up and on my drivers side was a man wearing a sweater with the hood pulled over his head and his hands deep into it's pockets. He was approaching my side. While still nearing the vehicle, he asked "Can you guys help me with something?"Before he or my girlfriend could react, I shifted my gear into drive and slammed on the pedal. I literally peeled out of that dark parking lot, tires screeching and all. It took her a moment to catch herself but when she did, she started laughing. I didn't think it was all that funny. She then teased me by calling me a "scaredy cat" and how I must have been jumping out of my skin with fright. I know she was merely trying to make light of the situation but her words really did a number on my ego. I don't want my woman thinking any less of me as a man. I just know that we weren't in a good position back there. Everything about it set off alarms in my head. Hooded individual, dark, empty lot, expensive looking car, beautiful female passenger, hands tucked in jacket pockets, out of sight. I was also at a disadvantage by sitting down and strapped in, I really wasn't keen on staying to find out what his question was. I still think I did the right thing because only a year prior, my cousin and his wife were both robbed at knife point in a Walmart parking lot. They were both also in their car. He took their money, jewelry and with much verbal resistance from my cousin, their wedding rings as well. Knowing that situation as well made me more cautious when approached like that in a vehicle.I'm just wondering what you guys would have done in my situation. I'm not Jet-li, so I'm pretty sure if his intentions were malevolent, I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Also, women, would you think any less of a guy who did what I did?
View related questions:
cousin, money, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 June 2014):
 Discretion is the better part of valor.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 June 2014):
 Smart move in getting out of there. Dumb move to park there in the first place.
My advice.. Splurge $80-100 on a good GPS if you don't have any decent GPS apps on your phone (or can't DL one for the phone).
I don't use my phone's GPS when driving, I use the car one. Specially when going to places I haven't been before.
That way I don't have to rely on verbal directions (Unlike my husband I drive by "familiar sights" not street names. So when he gives me directions - as in drive down this and that road, take a right onto.. I get lost.. If he tells me drive down to the red barn turn right til you see the church with the sign.... I know where to go, but I still CONSULT my GPS.)
And I don't think your GF thinks less of you, I agree with anon male that said it can just be how she reacted. Laughing or crying when scared is not abnormal. She might also not have been paying attention to the dude as you did. You were perhaps hyper aware.
Always trust your gut when it comes to safety. Doesn't mean the dude was out for trouble, but in this case better SAFE then SORRY.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2014): Smart decision. dark, empty parking lot, shady looking guy, bad area. I would have done the same thing and I'm a cop, so I carry most everywhere I go. I work a particularly bad area of my city, so whenever someone approaches our squad I either get out before they come too close or have my gun up against the door where they can't see it in case I have to shoot through the door. call me a "scaredy cat" all day long, but I'm going home at the end of my shift. If something doesn't feel right it probably isn't.Your girlfriend sounds like she could be a little naive about bad situations like that. Could be her nerves talking a little bit too. People have different after-responses to deal with scary incidents. On one of my deployments, the humvee I was in drove right through what looked like aiming stakes (piles of rock) for an IED. We didn't realize it until we were right in between them. Luckily nothing went off but it scared the #$%@ out of everyone. We all looked around at each other and started laughing about it. Definitely wasn't funny, but it was our way of coping with the fact that things could have gone south real quick.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 June 2014):
 I would not think less of you as a man or as anything else for having fleed the premises real fast, but tbh I would have thought less of BOTH of you ,or at least of your common sense, for having pulled over , without any pressing necessity, in a vacant barely lit, parking lot in a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night :
Are you from USA ? because this sounds like something a naive , say, Swiss tourist would do on his FIRST day in NY or LA.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2014): You made the perfect choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 June 2014):
 And buy that GPS or download an app on your smartphone or whatever you need to do so you don't have to stop the car on dark streets to read directions you are struggling to understand. There's no need to do that with the technology we have at our fingertips.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2014): This is the OP. Thank you guys for your replies. I'm really feeling better about the whole thing. I think my girlfriend was just nervous about it and didn't know how to respond. We haven't talked about it since it happened but I'll discuss it with her to find out how she really felt about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (19 June 2014):
 Certainly her choice of words was not the best at that given time. But as you agree; it took a moment for her to catch herself, be that from SHOCK, surprise, WTF just happened, the look on your face etc… she then started laughing = A nervous response that (some) people have after danger had been averted.
If you mistook her reaction/words with the intent to deflate your ego, which is primarily what you are trying to save here, I disagree. She was merely trying to make light of the situation; take note – light of the situation THEREAFTER! Teasing you wasn’t perhaps the right thing to do under the circumstances from your point of view. Here you feel your ego has been lessened… Not true! Each of us differ in our responses? Some would be more dramatic if not traumatized by these few seconds/minutes?
You did the sensible thing, period! You were in the pilot seat (like a Jed-I) and ejected yourselves out of potential harm’s way. She was in the passenger seat as an onlooker and saw you jump… Had she said, you should have waited to hear what Mr. Hoodie wanted and then teased you, I would say she can go and get nicked.
Now that you’ve given hours of contemplation on this experience and bought in the Wal-Mart experience which is certainly after the fact; hindsight, you’ll need to evaluate your relationship compatibility if you require someone more serious?
Force be with you – CAA
Ditto Trisha-1, get a good GPS :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 June 2014):
You did what you instinctively felt needed doing. I think your reaction was entirely normal and would be a common reaction. Her instinctive reaction was laughter. You're old enough to remember the show M*A*S*H, right? So remember that some people relieve their stress through finding a way to make light of it and laugh about it.
If she starts mocking you about it, well then, consider trading up for a more sensible girlfriend. You don't HAVE to date someone you don't think respects you, you know.
Some couples do have a bantering type of relationship where they joke around. If you are a serious type and she's a sarcastic type then perhaps you aren't the best match?
Now go buy and use a good GPS system so you don't have to fiddle with printed instructions at 1:30 am in sketchy neighborhoods in an "expensive looking car."
And remember it was 5 minutes on one night out of hundreds and doesn't define you nor does it define your relationship. That is, it doesn't unless you choose to make it do so.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2014): I'm sorry, no offence, but your girlfriend not only sounds like a complete idiot, she sounds nasty and mean.If my boyfriend went to all the bother of trying to drive me to a restaurant to eat at that time and then tried to figure out directions instead of just giving up and then had the very quick thinking to react as you did, I would be over the moon.All the time you were doing your best for her and it sounds like she just sat there, not even trying to help to figure out the route and doing nothing except moaning whilst you were trying to take control of the situation - and then when this serious incident happened she only complained more.If I were you I personally would not even waste time trying to find out if she sincerely thought that the guy meant no harm. She sounds too idiotic and selfish to ever appreciate or understand what you did. It's well known that, in an emergency, people often show their true selves. You showed yours and did great. She showed hers and it completely sucks.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 June 2014):
 Is your girlfriend stupid?!? You live in the US, which means that unless your state is Alaska (I don't think so, because your wording sounds like you're from the South), there's no reason for anyone to be wearing a hoodie in 90 degree temperatures (upper 70's at night)
Not only that, but if the restaurant was open and he really needed something, he would have gone INSIDE and asked to borrow a phone if he wasn't carrying a cell phone already.
You did the right thing, and you acted like a man for doing so. You also protected her, which she needs to appreciate. If you were my boyfriend, I would have shown you appreciation the entire night!
One other thing - I know that in our country, hoodies were in the forefront because of a famous case in Florida involving Stand your Ground got a guy in a hoodie shot. Don't look at it like you ran away. You disengaged yourself from the situation and nobody got shot over it.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (18 June 2014):
 If I would have been your girlfriend I would have hugged you! I don't think by any means did you do something cowardly. You very well may have saved both of your lives. It sounded like a very scary situation and you quickly made a decision rather than waiting for something bad to happen. Don't for a minute feel badly about what you did.
...............................
A
female
reader, maisy1  +, writes (18 June 2014):
You certainly did the right thing by getting out as fast as you could. Ask yourself the question: why would this guy be hanging around alone, in the dark, in a secluded, run down area? Why would any one with honourable intentions approach someone who is in a barely lit parking space, clearly isolated and in a nice car, while stuffing hands deep into pockets and wearing a hoodie to conceal their face? If he was an innocent bystander, with honourable intentions his body language and demeanour would have been very different. The fact he asked you to help with "something", rather than saying "Excuse me, I have a puncture", or whatever, suggests he was up to no good.Any woman who thinks less of a man for doing what you did is a fool who doesn't deserve someone so sensible and protective. As an interesting aside - many women feel "safe and protected" by tough guy boyfriends, yet its often those same BFs who get them into danger in the first place. Many men would have stood their ground or acted tough. For what? to risk being stabbed? Pride can cloud our judgement.
...............................
A
female
reader, PinkRosesBloom +, writes (18 June 2014):
 No, you absolutely made the correct decision. Just because the man may have looked harmless, doesn't mean that he was...not even remotely. He could have been up to anything, and with it being so early in the morning and the position you were in, I don't see how you could've made a better choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2014): Are you kidding me? I would've praised you to no end and kissed your feet! Your girlfriend acted incredibly immature, probably because she was about to piss her own pants. You're a freaking hero, dude. Who knows what the hell that guy wanted? You aren't any less of a guy AT ALL. In fact, you're a real man. You possibly saved her life (and yours too) and she's failing to recognize that.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (18 June 2014):
 I think you made a prudent choice. Yes it's more likely that he wasn't going to do you any harm, and maybe one on one you could have taken him. But you had someone else's welfare to consider, and there was a legitimate chance that he was (a) up to no good and (b) had associates nearby.
Shakespeare wrote "a coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave die but once." If you want to be brave and die that's fair enough if it's on your own dime. Only a fool would endanger his girlfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (18 June 2014):
 Hi,
I would absolutely have done what you did. If in doubt get the f*** out!! Was it cowardly? No way!!! Too many men get stabbed or shot or beaten to death letting ego and the need to be a man get in the way of being sensible.
As you said your maturity, common sense and experience made you feel something was wrong. You are streetwise. The hood, the fact he asked you to "help with something" (suspicious in itself) and that you would probably have looked lost and it was a rough part of town in the early hours, all added up to being dodgy!
If this guy was a sensible, honest man who neeed genuine assistance then WHY would he have his hands in his pockets or hood on over his head/face?....that just screams out as being suspicious. Well done for doing the sensible thing.
As for your GFs reaction. It was immature and naïve assuming it wasn't just nerves doing the talking. So perhaps she feels your less of a man? Probably have felt less of a woman if she had been raped with you forced at knife point to watch! Your right it wasn't funny and neither was her reaction.
You need to talk to her, tell her the story of the robbers in Walmart (I think that's ASDA for us English) and explain that you were being careful for her protection as well as your own. Explain to her that she hurt you feelings by making out you were scared when in fact you had right to be and were doing the sensible thing for both of you.
In future make sure you plan ahead when out and about at night. Being lost in the early hours, or possibly ending up in a rough part of town, is never a good situation to be in. Glad you got out of there!
Mark
...............................
|
