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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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My Gf is not talking to me, and am I studying for the right reasons?
Q. I was seeking some guidance In regards to my relationship and study which I've just started. I started my first day of college yesterday, I loved the work but I don't like the college life because I'm too old, I'm a 24 year old woman sat with 1...
A. 2 October 2014: You should go to college because you want to go and you are excited about going! You shouldn't go to college because someone thinks you should go. Is your girlfriend paying for you to go? I rather doubt it, right? Why are you going to a college 3 ... (read in full...)
Living with my husband's family is putting stress on our marriage!
Q. Hi Aunties,My relationship with my DH went from us being happy and ignorning all of the conflict around us, to him and I arguing about his parents. We live with his parents and sisters so we can save money for a house of our own. His father holds ...
A. 2 October 2014: I can understand where you are coming from on several levels. My husband and I moved in with his mother for about 3 months while we were closing on the house next door to her. It was very stressful for all of us although we tried very hard to be ... (read in full...)
Hardened intuition- trust or not??
Q. My long distance boyfriend (we are in our late 40s) insists that he is fully committed to me, is exclusive and has plans for us to retire together In 10 years... He was married for a year when he was 19 then played the field as a partying bachelor. ...
A. 29 September 2014: Trust your intuition..when that little voice tells you that something is wrong, it usually is. 10 years from now??? Seriously???? He expects you to just hang around like you are now for 10 years???No ring? No commitment?? No changes?? UH HUH.... ... (read in full...)
I haven't told him about the baby for fear of rejection
Q. my baby is two weeks old. in all honesty, i had a lot of doubts and had actually considered adoption because i was so unsure about being a mother. everything changed the moment i met him and I'm happier than I've ever been. he's so perfect. i had ...
A. 29 September 2014: Both Honeypie and Youwish have given excellent answers. Its no longer just about you and the ex..its now you, the ex and your baby. The baby should come before ANYONE and ANYTHING. The father does have the right to know. Maybe he wasn't a great ... (read in full...)
Sex with Guy at work. Do I try to dodge her questions or tell her the truth, and lose her as a friend?
Q. So a few weeks ago I had sex with a guy that I work with, it was just a one time thing as we are just friends and I was leaving the job and we both wanted to have sex with each other. However now I feel really guilty as one of my close friends real...
A. 29 September 2014: Tell her, just get it out in the open and over with. As much as it might hurt her, its much better to hear it from you. When I was much much younger I did this to a friend and had another friend do it to me. Its not pleasant at all, and that isn't ... (read in full...)
My older boyfriend said horrible things so I would call him! Do I end the relationship?
Q. My boyfriend is lovely sometimes. He is so loving, caring and has a good sense of humour, but he says horrible things sometimes and takes things too far. He really took it too far over the last couple of days. He was angry with me because I haven'...
A. 29 September 2014: You are dealing with a diva. D(demanding) i(insensitive) V(very) A(Annoying) man. Basically he's old enough to be your father but is acting like a child. UGH...
A nice man would have called you and said "how are you doing honey? Can I get you anyt... (read in full...)
I've grown attached to his persoality, but his appearance puts me off
Q. Hi there guys :), I was hoping that someone could help me out on here, as I am in abit of a situation Over 14 Months ago, I met this guy. I just got over a nasty breakup , so wasnt looking for any relationship.We were just friends. We clicked...
A. 28 September 2014: This is a relatively common question on here. All of us have likes and dislikes and things that we find attractive about others. Chemistry isn't everything in relationships but its definitely something that needs to be considered. The sad thing is ... (read in full...)
I want to date its been 13 years but I don't want to be hurt!
Q. Dear cupid, I am a single mature woman my children are grown I want a relationship but I been through so much with men that did not deserve me til I don't know whether I'm going or coming .My son thinks I should leave life alone because he have ...
A. 26 September 2014: I can understand your uncertainty. My sister went through a horrorific divorce and only now..14 years later has she decided she'd like to date again at 48. I will tell you what I told her. Go slowly. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right or ... (read in full...)
Surely after 5 years he should be able to give me more than 'maybe one day'?
Q. I'm looking for some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, but the last few months have been a bit rocky in my opinion. I say in my opinion, because he disagrees and thinks I'm overreacting about the fact that he still can't ...
A. 22 September 2014: I agree with SVC...5 years and he's saying "maybe one day"??? In other words...he means..I'll be with you till the right one comes along. It doesn't take someone 5 years to know if they want to spend the rest of their life with someone. I would go ... (read in full...)
I love him and we've been together 5 years. But how can I convince him to erase his recent tattoo?
Q. l been with my boyfriend for 5 years and our relationship was great. We are the same age. He loves me so much and serious about our relationship. He would do anything to make me happy. But now he has changed. Its because of me too. Its my fault. I...
A. 20 September 2014: You can't make him get rid of his tattoo. Its his body and he can do what he wants with it. You either have to accept it or not be with him. You should either love someone as they are, or not be with them. It never works to try and change a person ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend calls me and rants about things, is this normal?
Q. Hi all, I'm dating a man who likes to/ needs to "vent". This is what he calls it anyway. To me, "venting" has always meant something like calling a friend (or even talking out loud to myself in the car) and just saying what's bugging me. Just ...
A. 13 September 2014: Your boyfriend sounds like a ticking bomb..counting down to go off. He needs anger management DESPERATELY. My ex husband was like this. He had no idea how to control his temper (and I don't think he wanted to). He would punch holes in walls, break ... (read in full...)
She's using me as an excuse while she cheats again!
Q. Just looking for a bit of advice please. It's it a relationship problem as such. I have been friends with a girl for about 6 years now. Quite close. About 2 years ago I distanced myself and didn't speak to her because she was messing about behind ...
A. 10 September 2014: This isn't a friend. This is someone pretending to be a friend so she can use you. It would be best to end the friendship. Cut all contact, don't accept her phone calls. You have already told her repeatedly your feelings so there is no reason to ... (read in full...)
Please help me to cope with my loss
Q. Grief... it's the most overwhelmingly horrible thing. I just found out that my favourite cousin was killed recently. It happened two weeks ago and, even though I just found out this morning, the details are a blur. It's hard for me to get this a...
A. 7 September 2014: I am sorry for your loss. The pain has to be absolutely overwhelming for you right now. And yes, more than likely you are in shock. You may feel numb for quite awhile, it isn't going to go away over night. The best thing you can do right now is to ... (read in full...)
How should I handle this friend's unwelcome comments?
Q. I'm really upset and need a bit of advice please. I'm recovering from a 20 year relationship and it's been 3 years now since I've been alone. My ex was abusive and alcoholic and it's taking me a long time to recover. I always worked and had m...
A. 6 September 2014: I guess it depends on how much her friendship means to you, how much are you willing to let slide and not get under your skin. She sounds very outspoken and opinionated, but perhaps as honeypie says she just isnt very tactful and doesn't mean to be ... (read in full...)
How can I change myself to not care? And should I change ?
Q. Sorry for this boring question. First of all I'm not looking for sympathy, I just am tired of being emotional. I know people will say it's because I'm going through puberty or something but it is nothing to do with that at all. Basically I am tired ...
A. 5 September 2014: Oh sweetie...don't change. The world needs more people like you. I am much older than you but I truly understand what you are feeling. I too am a very emotional, sensitive and giving person. I have been hurt so very much in life by people that ... (read in full...)
Can't get past the hurt from his cheating
Q. I found out 4 years ago my husband had a 6 year affair with a ex-girlfiend,we have been married for 29 years,i found out he sent money,gifts,she live in another state,when I confronted him about the imformation I had before me,he begin to cry and ...
A. 5 September 2014: 29 years is a very long time to be married. If you aren't happy though it means nothing. I couldn't stand to stay married to a man who cheated on me for 6 years and then tried to blame me for it. I think I could possibly forgive, but forget? Nope. ... (read in full...)
How odd is it that her pets are "brothers"?
Q. I've known this girl Aimée for about 3 months. Met her at work and she's really nice, seems genuine, she's not judgemental or anything like that. She seems like she'd be a good friend. Here's the catch though, we were talking about our families and ...
A. 4 September 2014: I have been an animal lover my whole life, my favorite is cats. There is a special bond that is formed between animals and pet owners, ask anyone who loves their pet. I jokingly call my cats my "babies" and my "Kids". My son and daughter always ... (read in full...)
What can I do with the mixed signals ?
Q. Hi - what do i do with a guy who gives mixed signals on a daily basis ? He gave me his silver ring and put it on my " engagement " finger after dating me for six months ...then the next day he asked for it back ! he is divorced so maybe he is being ...
A. 3 September 2014: He doesn't know what he wants and expects you to hang around and wait while he figures it out. You could waste years of your life on him just to have him end things with no notice. As Wise Owl says, dont take a break...end it. ... (read in full...)
I had an affair with a younger man and I wanted to hurt his girlfriend so I told her about what we did. I thought this would break them but they're back together. What do I do now?
Q. I've been very stupid. 6 weeks ago I started to talk to a man 11 years younger than myself, he was at work when I met him and I asked for his number for a job that I needed doing in my home. I text him and it started off innocently, I ne...
A. 2 September 2014: The smartest thing you can do is to admit that you felt good to have a younger man give you his attention and time. You knew he was involved and yet you let things progress. Now you're hurt and angry because in the end he went back to his ... (read in full...)
How do I know he'll stick around? How do I tell my parents?
Q. I'm 16 and Thursday I took three home pregnancy test and they all came back positive. My bf is 17 and just graduated high school in June. He is going to college almost four hours away from our home town. I still have one year left of high school. ...
A. 31 August 2014: OP, this isn't a smart thing to do. You should tell your parents as soon as possible. The sooner the better. Now you are running away and trying to hide! The problem isn't going to go away, I know you realize this somewhere inside but you don't want ... (read in full...)
How do I know he'll stick around? How do I tell my parents?
Q. I'm 16 and Thursday I took three home pregnancy test and they all came back positive. My bf is 17 and just graduated high school in June. He is going to college almost four hours away from our home town. I still have one year left of high school. ...
A. 31 August 2014: There isn't any easy way to tell your parents. At your age they are going to be shocked/upset no matter what the setting is. The thing is though, you NEED them right now. You need their guidance and support. You shouldn't have to go through this ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to love your husband but contemplate leaving him?
Q. I have been married to my husband for 12 years. We have 2 beautiful children together. Since we got married, our marriage was always been a little tumultuous as my husband tends to be very moody and suffers from anxiety. He has refused professi...
A. 22 August 2014: Oh yes, without a doubt you can love someone but not want to be with them. I suffered through what you are going through the last 2 years of a 16 year marriage. I had loved my husband so much when we married, but over time I seen him turn into an ... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend with me when he isn't fully over his ex yet?
Q. I've been with my current boyfriend for almost a year now. We became friends towards the end of his relationship with his ex. At the time I met him, he was living with his ex but sorting things out to move out and end their three year relationship. ...
A. 20 August 2014: I think what you should be asking yourself is why are you with him when he isn't over her? Its apparent from his actions that he's not over her. He's either in denial or lying to you because he doesn't want to hurt you. Are you sure you want to be ... (read in full...)
My fiance accuses me of cheating.
Q. My fiance of four year has accused me of sleeping around. I have given him my undivided attention within the 4 years we have been together. He suffers from depression and iv been there always through his ups and downs. I cannot exept theses ...
A. 19 August 2014: Great advice from the aunts/uncles who posted before me. Guilty people often like to throw the blame and attention off of them by making things up and steering the conversation away from them.
His depression can also be causing him to be acting i... (read in full...)
Could I have found the right guy?
Q. So I have been dating this guy for 3 months and things seem to be going very good. Except that his ex is still in his life he says they are just friends. We hardly fight and he says that when he he's with me that he doesn't think about anything...
A. 15 August 2014: Ok, sorry to be mean but lets do a little reality check here.
1. He was still dating someone else and you started seeing him. Definitely not good. That means he'll cheat. And like the saying goes "If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you."
2. Yo... (read in full...)
Every time I try to leave this man he threatens to kill himself. Is this my fault?
Q. Been with my partner for seven years, we have a four year old child together. We have a very rocky relationship and constantly argue and I am very unhappy and he is too. I have tried to make this relationship work for two years now and it just won't ...
A. 12 August 2014: You need to take control of the situation. Stop letting this man rule your life by his threats. If a person wants to commit suicide they are going to do it, they will find a way. That is THEIR decision, no one else's. How long are you going to let ... (read in full...)
Do men like biting and scratching during sex?
Q. Is it enjoyable for a guy to have his back grabbed/ lightly scratched during sex? Lip bitten? I just don't want to hurt or turn men off. When I get excited, I can't help it! Opinions? ...
A. 11 August 2014: It will differ with each man. Some men might find it quite exciting and feel complimented by it. Other men would be horrified/freaked out.... (read in full...)
What does "in a complicated relationship" on FB mean, exactly?
Q. My friend last week on her fb account put in a complicated relationship, what does it mean???? Ive asked her if shes ok and if she wants to talk im always hear to speak to but im not really sure what it means Does it mean her relationship is ...
A. 4 August 2014: Who knows? I don't use facebook any longer myself but I would imagine "complicated" means different things to different people. It could mean they are having problems, it could mean they are married but separated,getting divorced or dating but ... (read in full...)
My niece is kissing me on the mouth, does this mean anything?
Q. the daughter of my wives elder sister, a mature 50year old single woman, never married, when we meet which is not regular, at the moment, but we are moving closer, I notice has started kissing me full on the mouth when we meet.nothing is said but ...
A. 4 August 2014: I guess it could be perceived as innocent, but I wouldn't view it at such. It sounds like someone likes to live dangerously. I'd stop this behavior RIGHT NOW. I don't think your wife would take too kindly to it. To be perfectly frank, I think the ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to move forward, my childhood holds me back!
Q. I came from quite a difficult family situation. My parents had an awful marriage, from the time I was born my dad was always constantly cheating on my mom and yet my mom stayed with him and had another child with him (my younger sister). My dad was ...
A. 3 August 2014: Jannipeg gave you very good advice. I am in my early 50's and there are times when I think back on my childhood and it still troubles me. My parents fought constantly while my sister and I were growing up. The love between them just died, I guess. ... (read in full...)
Should I look for my husband or wait for him to contact me?
Q. Hello, So my husband and I are in a long distance relationship at the moment due to work related reasons. Usually we talk for at least an hour every day over Skype. A week ago we had an argument, he got upset and left in the middle of the co...
A. 3 August 2014: If it was me, I would certainly let his family know. I'm sorry if it comes as a shock to them but you need to make sure he's ok. The odds are is that he's fine but you don't know that. For your own peace of mind reach out to someone that can check ... (read in full...)
Feel sick to my stomach. Love my wife, and know it's wrong to text another woman. Need guidance on how to deal with all this, please?
Q. I am a married man and I have been texting another woman for about 1 year, she does not know I am married. I love my wife very much and I can't be without her, I don't know why I began texting the other woman but I have become good friends with her ...
A. 1 August 2014: If you want to make things right and stop feeling guilty and sick then you need to wipe the other woman out of your life COMPLETELY. Change your phone number, your email, any kind of contact that you have will her has to be removed. You need to look ... (read in full...)
My fiancé keeps trying to take nude photos of me without my consent!
Q. Okay, so we were on vacation and hot at it and my significant other (my fiancé) got up from the bed, then all of a sudden I saw a flash in the dark room and he took a picture of me nude and then he wanted to take closer pictures of my body parts. I ...
A. 30 July 2014: I don't blame you for being creeped out. Your story has "Ewww" written all over it. Try to make sure he doesn't have any photos of you lying around or hidden in files, ect. He could have easily been taking photos of you while you were ... (read in full...)
He put down the booze and picked up the anger!
Q. Last year I was seeing someone for over a year (we were friends for 3 years prior to dating) and we broke it off because he had some issues with alcohol. That issue has become a lot better. We started hanging out again in May and have been trying to ...
A. 29 July 2014: Alcoholics are horrible people to try to have a relationship with. It sounds like he used alcohol as a crutch and maybe he's quit drinking but it doesn't mean that the problems he had have gone away. Dry drunks can be extremely mean people. I ... (read in full...)
How do I get my 73 year old husband to wash every day?
Q. How can I get my husband of 73 to wash everyday? He gets upset when I pull away from him as even a kiss makes me feel sick...he never brushes his teeth, I change pillow cases every day as they are smelly and greasy! We have single beds now...I ...
A. 26 July 2014: This happened to my father in the last six months of his life. He got to where he didn't want to bathe, use deodorant, change his clothes and would even sometimes go to the bathroom in his pants. I live 2000 miles away and kept strongly ... (read in full...)
Why are some straight guys so scared to try something new?
Q. I got a question, i'm a gay guy and I love straight men, especially buff or frat guys. I can't get enough of them. Why are some straight guys so scared to try something new? ...
A. 26 July 2014: I'm like AuntyBimBim, I dongt really understand what you are asking. Perhaps I'm just dense but your question confuses me. Straight men aren't interested in gay sex, I don't think you can "convince them or turn them". I'd call that barking up the ... (read in full...)
Is it worth trying to make a LDR work?
Q. So I have been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now. She is now a senior in high school and I am going to be a freshman in college. Our relationahip is as amazing as it could be and I love her with all that I got. We have been having numerous talks ...
A. 24 July 2014: I can tell you what you want to hear, or what you need to hear. I'll go with what you need to hear. I am in my early 50's and have been in 3 long distance relationships. This is over the last 15 years. NONE of them survived. We had money so that ... (read in full...)
Would any man even be interested in a woman of only five feet if she is not extremely slim ?
Q. I'm recently back in the dating game after a long relationship but finding myself worried about my height . I only five feet tall and a little plump. I lost considerable weight through weight loss surgery and am happy with where I'm at now . I am ...
A. 22 July 2014: Don't worry about your height so much. Many men love a small woman. I am only 5 feet tall and have never once had to worry about if I wore high heels if I would be taller than the guy! All kidding aside, many men like shorter gals. They feel like ... (read in full...)
Husband has no interest in sex and has ED. Ten years of no sex. How can I address my need for sexual satisfaction?
Q. I'm so sad, I don't know what to do. Me and my husband can't have sex , due to his lack of libido, and inability to get an erection . I just don't know what to do. I'm in such a despair , about this. Time to time, I feel I can't go on like this. I ...
A. 19 July 2014: If I am not mistaken you have posted on this subject numerous times. I'm not trying to be unkind, but the fact is that none of us here are doctors. With that being said...has your husband been to a psychologist? psychiatrist? And going out on a ... (read in full...)
Married 50 years. What do I do now: start over or live the rest of my life like this?
Q. Well where do you start, I just reached my 50Th wedding anniversary, I said* reached( not celebrate) because my husband said if I take you somewhere you will just just start a argument, which is not true as I paid for a trip to Vegas and he didn't ...
A. 16 July 2014: Yes, I believe it is very common when you suspect that your partner is cheating on you that you keep checking up on them. The trust is gone. It isn't a good way to live though. Its making you so unhappy and consuming your life. And what is it ... (read in full...)
Married 50 years. What do I do now: start over or live the rest of my life like this?
Q. Well where do you start, I just reached my 50Th wedding anniversary, I said* reached( not celebrate) because my husband said if I take you somewhere you will just just start a argument, which is not true as I paid for a trip to Vegas and he didn't ...
A. 16 July 2014: My heart goes out to you. Your age isn't stated, but realistically you are at least 68 years old, correct? There are 2 questions that you need to ask yourself: 1. Do I love my husband enough to continue to put up with him? 2. Can I make it alone and ... (read in full...)
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