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My 18 year old son is dating someone my age!!

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 July 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 11 July 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My 18 year old son has started dating a 35 year old woman, which is my age, I am having alot of different feeings, from near break down to breaking her in half. I don't want to do the wrong thing and push him closer to her. I can't imagine dating someone my sons age. Help???@@@???

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010):

Thank you everyone for your advice. I am in a much better place now. My son and I seem to be communicating on a different level. He also seems to be very happy, and isn't that what all moms want for their sons and daughters? Thanks again to everyone who took time out of their day to respond.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

This must mean the 18yo boy is very mature for his age to want someone like her. It just goes to show that the 18yo girls his own age take much longer to mature, and this older woman is on his mental level. The fact that someone her age is attracted to him just goes to show how grown up boys really are at 18yo.

Isn't this what people would say if the genders were reversed?

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A male reader, The old Man? United States +, writes (8 July 2010):

The old Man? agony auntI agree with Karen,Bernard, anonymous, and Loraemoon.

He is 18 and an adult. Think back to when you were 18. Did you want mom & dad telling YOU what to do? Who you could or could not see? It's the same thing. Like it or not, you need to step away and let him do his thing.

I remember when I was that age, I chased older women also.In some cases, they chased me, but that's not the point I realize this is something you probably don't want to hear, but isn't reality and truthfulness why we are all here?

From this older woman he will learn things about women that he could otherwise play "guess and by golly" with girls his own age for years, and never come to a good understanding. Sexually, it will make him a better lover. She will be more apt to avoid pregnancy, where girls his age may not be so cautious. Everyone is in a hurry to grow up, and a baby just seems to "make that statement".

Will he get his heart broke? Yes! But the good news is, with the knowledge he brings away from this experience, he will meet up with a girl his own age, and she will see in him something that most the other "boys" don't have.

However, he may end up dating a few more older women before he settles in with one his own age.

Even though you don't like it, it will be good for him!

Try and look at it like some of those classes when you were in school. You hated it, you drug yourself into class everyday, you wanted NOTHING to do with being there, and insisted that you will NEVER need this knowledge in your adult life. Next thing you know, you're 35 years old, and low and behold, that useless information reared it's head, and you came shining through!

I know it will be hard, but bite your tongue, I'm not asking you to have lunch with the woman, but PLEASE, hold your snide comments to yourself, and let nature take it's course.

Take it from a guy who's been down the road he's walking. This will be good for him!

You will have a son who will know exactly what he wants in a relationship, and a very good skill of how to treat a woman.

Hope this helps....

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A female reader, canttoleratebs United States +, writes (7 July 2010):

As you may very well know, their relationship is based strickly on sex, he is just her boy toy until she finds something else to do. I really hope he does get hurt by this, hopefully this little game will get old soon. I'm the mother of a 17 year old boy, and I would be furious if my son dated a woman my age because I would know she was only using him for sex. I know its hard to calm down but if you could approach her without being hostile you may be able to reach her and get your point arcoss. Then maybe just maybe if she saw how much this effected you she would break if off with him. Wishful Thinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (7 July 2010):

TimmD agony auntAs "icky" as this may seem, it's becoming more and more common. Lots of guys are into older women, and reverse. There's no "cookie cutter" response to give to this, all I can say is such relationships don't work. Each of them is at a totally different stage of their lives. And again, this may sound icky, but passion is most likely driving their relationship now. Eventually that will die down and they will see how different they are.

What should you do? I suggest being firm in the fact that you do not, under and circumstances, approve of his relationship. Make that extremely clear to him. Otherwise, I wouldn't alienate him. As you said, that would only drive him closer to her. Also trust him that you raised him right and that he will, in the end, make the right decision. Unfortunately, he is an adult now, so some things have to be discovered on his own.

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A female reader, Chippy2 United States +, writes (7 July 2010):

How long have they been dating? How well do you know this woman and her situation? Does she have good values? Does your son? Have you ever seen the movie Harold and Maude?

The movie is about a young man dating a woman who is 79! Your son and this woman may feel they are comfortable and understand each other.

It may not last long. Does she have children? I would not say anything derogatory to him about her and you may try to understand the why of it.

If he is thinking she is a confidante and he cant come to you as his mother then open up more so he feels he can talk to you about everything.

If it is just a sexual relationship he is having - remind him of the importance of birth control and the long lasting consequences that would occur if she were to become pregnant.

If you think she is no good and find she is a cheat or worse, then find someway for someone else to help him see that - It cannot come from you!

Good Luck - get to me if you would like...

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A female reader, karen1989 United Kingdom +, writes (7 July 2010):

karen1989 agony auntYour son is 18 hes basically an adult! let him make his own decisions and his own MISTAKES (which YES he will learn from) hes experiencing life at the moment,trying new things-even if one of those things is dating a woman twice his age.

he is an adult now and most people at the age of 18 have usually reached some level of maturity however he is still technically a teenager and as i'm sure you know teenagers do not take so kindly to being told what to do and will usually do the opposite of what there told just to prove a point. If you start telling him he can't see this woman its just going to encourage him to go against what you've said and persue this potential relationship he has with her. Leave him to it, if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. OR you could even try and be supportive about it,maybe he really likes her...age is just a number. Think about it. Good luck :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010):

He's got to make his own mistakes. Say how you feel but tell him you won't interfere.

It probably won't last. Having a young bloke is probably a way of adding excitement and youth to her life.

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A female reader, loraemoon United Kingdom +, writes (7 July 2010):

loraemoon agony auntplease try and be calm about this, i know its hard for some people to cope with this but it is his choice, im 30 have 4 kids was married for 12 yrs i have now devorced and have met someone else he is only 23 the same age as my nephew when i look at it like that it sounds awfull, and when i look at it that he was only 10 or 11 when i gave birth to my first son it makes it sound even worse but its what he wants and what makes him happy, it may not be the right choice but let him decide and even though you wanna rip her head off try n be there for him,

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