A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have doubts.... my husband has lied to me a lot in the last 5 yrs. but the biggest ones just started last yr. he chose to take a job offer that had him leave for 11 months. he did not ask me if i was ok with it. he just signed up and told me he was going. the sad part is i was pegnant with our 3rd child when he did this.he was home for the birth but that just wast enough for me. other things happened since then.1 night he went out and i didnt hear from him until the next day. i tried to call him but he said he left his phone in the car. i later found out that he was totally drunk all night and i still dont believe him when he said nothing happened.at that time i was 8 months pregnant. now he calls me every day but he seems like he just dont want to. he spends a lot of money and i dont know what he is spending it on. i have asked him if he was having an affair and he says no.my concern is that he is.what do you think??
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (2 July 2010):
 I can't comment on whether or not he's having an affair because there just isn't enough information given to make an accurate assumption.
The biggest cause for concern is more basic, and that is the secrecy and lack of sharing. Let's say he's not having an affair, either way those the things he is doing (not discussing a new, life altering job; going out without telling you where he is) are not signs of a strong, healthy marriage.
Accusations are just going to create even more mistrust between the two of you. I'd focus less on the specific "cheating or not" aspect of things and focus more on conveying to him that you feel your marriage is too one sided and that you are not being treated as an equal. If he gets angry or insulted after discussing this, it's just another sign that he is less concerned about your feelings and more concerned about how he is perceived.
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