A
male
age
41-50,
*aronvon
writes:im 31 and met a girl of 23, she was with someone who she has 2 kids with, i never felt happy about seing her but she was very insistent as i felt guilty for what we was doing, it was a case for the first 2-3 weeks that we would meet every other night and go out of town, there was nothing to serious maybe the cuddle and kiss, she told me she had split with him before but fell back when there little girl was ill, Ipalyed it pretty cool and did ot gte attached as i felt guilty as i have kids of my own and did not feel happy about splitting a family, yet she assured me that she should have never got back with him and that is was over way before i came along, i went on holiday for 2 weeks hoping that it gave her and me a bit of distance but when i cam back she had finished with him and wanted to be with me, she confessed that she is crazy about me and that she loved me already, i slowley let my defences down and let her get close, we had a great time for the next couple of weeks and everything was fine, then i get the bombshell that she is going to give a go with her ex again for the kids sake, which i cant really argue with, i know she was skint and that she had to borrow money of him as she had no income due to being a kept mother which makes me think she is doing this till she can get a job and support herself, i called her and she was crying on the phone and saying that people have said things to her and that she is selfish for breaking up with him, she told me that breaking it off with me is breaking her heart and its all gone back to making others happy and not herself, she told me she has not lied to me and that she is still crazy about me.this has been 2 weeks now and i did not expect it to hit me so hard, i feel gutted as it took me a while to let my defences down, we still talk and text but i think i would rather be with her or cut ties...i do feel like a bit of a fool but i do believe she is telling the truth as her mum, and 2 best freinds new about us and were happy for her?some advice please as I dont want to let this do my head in!
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broke up, her ex, money, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 August 2010):
Tex this - "What we had is over. I am moving on. Good luck."
Then never take notice of her again.
A
male
reader, baronvon +, writes (6 August 2010):
baronvon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk i have done everything you guys/girls have advised, i broke contact, stopped talking to her, stopped texting her everything..
Sat night i get a text asking who i went to this open mic night thing with in the end as she was supposed to come with, i must admit i was quite drunk so i fell into talking to here again, i woke up in the morning and thought sod this i am gonna go back to not trying to not contact her!
then again sunday afternoon i get a how was your head text, i replyed later on in the evening saying it was ok, blah blah blah, well since then if i dont text her or call she contacts me, but when i do text back its freindly with her and it goes all distant,she text me at half 7 in the morning saying hello, i know she did this as she drove past me the night talking to a old friend in the street who happend to be a girl. she's asked me if i want her to take me to the dentist as she knows i am really scared of them and i said yes, i text her good luck in the morning for an interview and got no response so i just did my thing went detist on my own, last night i got a ?? text , obviously i asked what was up she replied , did you not need me then, i said i did, she said well i was waiting for atext or call, so i replied you got one in the morning you never replied so i assumed you was busy, why would she want to see me and take me dentist, i know she is playing silly little games and i do feel like a puppy dog, i wanna tell her to either get lost or get with cause you are doing my head in acting like this, then the other half of me knows the more i dont contact her the more she contacts me...
i am a nice bloke and i cant be mean as i feel guilty sometimes i wish i did have some more backbone with girls but its getting to the stage now where I am up or down..
would it be wrong for me to just tell it how it is or just leave it and take it on the chin?
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Sorry, I forgot you said the kids are with her at her Aunt & Uncles.
I think if you love her then you just need to give her some space. Pressuring her isn't going to help, in fact it may just make her feel worse. She has some things to work out for herself. Re-read the first answer I gave earlier this month. I suggested separating yourself from her. Since then, you've let yourself get pulled back into her "up and down" world, and therefor got your heart hurt. Until her life is fixed and calmed down, she will continue to do this to you. She doesn't mean to hurt you, but her desire for you is effecting her judgement. She needs to focus on her own life for now. You need to separate yourself from her. If she finally calls, tell her you love her but she needs to get her life in order before you two can continue. Otherwise this will just keep happening. She'll pull you in and then pull away over and over again...
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male
reader, baronvon +, writes (28 July 2010):
baronvon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks Timmd, i may not have explained this but she has the kids with her now and they are all living with her auntie and uncle and i wanted to be apart from her issues, she does have some serious issues agreed but why is she not talking to me i am very confused, shall i tell her that i understand her decision however ignoring me is jsut not fair?
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (28 July 2010):
This girl has some SERIOUS issues. Halfway through reading your latest post I was thinking to myself "This girl has too much stuff going on with kids, job, no house, you, the family - she just needs to take a break and simplify things in her life as much as she can...", so even though she has issues, it sounds like she's doing the right thing.
As much as she may love you and want to be with you, she's got other things do deal with right now. Contrary to what she might say, her ex isn't going away anytime soon. Things will be complicated for a while. He's got her kids. If she were to go from living with him to living with you, that would not help her it would just switch who she is dependent on. Odds are her family doesn't want that, which is why they are "against" you. The best thing for her is to be on her own two feet. That just means you are going to have to be patient. Let her get her life in order. After that, if she really loves you then she'll come back to you. By then her family may be more receptive of you and your relationship with her.
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A
male
reader, baronvon +, writes (28 July 2010):
baronvon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok so i cut ties with her, within a week she called and said she wanted to drop my top off, she came to mine and we had a chat and went for a drive, it was really hard for both of us and i could see it in her eyes, i told her that its best i keep my distance and let you give your family another shot witghout me involved( as you all stated i should do)..
a day or so passed and i got a text saying that she has made a silly mistake, things have not changed and she loves me and wanted me, it was so hard for me i could not resist, the next day she sent me a text saying that he has finished with her gave her 2 days to get out the house as he is not moving out this time and to leave the kids with him as she has no job (cause he would not let her have one) and no where to stay, it is now over for them perminantly, so as from the sunday i let her stay with me a couple of days, she was meant to stay with her friend who is pregnant but got rushed to hospital and had to stay in for 3 days, what could i do but let her stay ( and i wanted her to aswell) i told her it was short term and not to involve me with her issues but i am there is she needed to talk, we got on really well and it was fantastic, her auntie and uncle live about 2 mins away from mine and she went round there and explained everything (apart from me) and they said she can stay there with both kids until she gets on her feet, here auntie and uncle ahve 3 kids already so it is going to be tough, she applied for hundreds of jobs and been to see homeless people about housing, she left and moved in on the friday night before she spent the whole day cleaning my flat and putting pictures up of both of us cuddling and stuff all round my flaton sat she text me saying how much she is missing me over the past couple of days and that she cant wait to see me again, then on sunday i get teh text ,i love you but i cant do this i need to sort myself out, i thought i could deal with it but i cant, its not fair on me or you, i feel i am lying to everyone cause i cant tell anyone about you (yet her, mum, sister and 2 best freinds know), and that she has to do it all on her own for a while, that was it she has not replied to my texts or call's i knwo i should just leave it and let it be but i am so confused, she has some bits of hers at mine, do i let her know i am here if she needs me or just put her to the back of my mind, oh forgot tpo mention on a night out she told my mates that she was crazy about me and is in love with me?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 July 2010):
You need to end this now. She may see you as cruel. No one else will. But she dumped you for her ex, which is worse inn my opinion. You need to end it now, or you'll just be a lap dog to her and other women will pass you by.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (8 July 2010):
If this was the standard "on again, off again" relationship I would agree to cut ties. But this is a bit different. Unfortunately you are in a tough position anyway. And the only thing I can suggest is taking a step back and trying to separate yourself emotionally. Be there for her, and let her know you are there for her... but at the same time let her know that you are not happy with her decision. Let her see how much you care about her and that you are willing to stick with her and her decision. Be the one good thing in her life (in addition to her kids) and perhaps, in time, she will return to you.
But also, you must prepare for her NOT returning. This is where the detaching yourself emotionally part comes in. I know it's easier said than done... but try to prepare yourself for the worst while hoping for the best.
One thing is for sure, you cannot force her to come back. It will only add you to the list of complications and people working against her. If her relationship with her ex failed once, it will fail again. Just keep that in mind throughout all of this and if she is truly worth it, be patient.
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male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (8 July 2010):
Sometimes you have to let a woman go, even if you are still in love. I think there is too much baggage in this relationship.
I think someone else deserves your love. Time to move on. Good luck.
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male
reader, baronvon +, writes (8 July 2010):
baronvon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo you really think i should tell her that i am cutting ties with her as per your answer (rescuer) or just do it for a couple of weeks and pop her a message, i know at the moment she is not very happy as yesterday she had been told that her uncles cancer is back , i wanna let her know if she needs to chat im there but on the other hand i wanna cut ties, yet i feel out of order if i did right now?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 July 2010):
Cut ties. If she went back to this guy once, she'll do it again and again. You don't need someone with so many issues on her life. She clearly has a lot going on, and it's also pretty clear that for all her saying she's doing it for her kid's sake, she's still hoping that it will work out with her ex. You're putting yourself through far too much pain for nothing at all in return. The best thing you can do now is cut all ties with her and focus on your own life.
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