A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,Im a bit confused...basically i have been with my bf for 3 and a half years-in this time we have had an open honest relationship. he was my best friend for years when we were at school and since returning from uni we have been together for 3 and a half years. We have lived together for 1yr and a half and have been very happy.About 8 months ago my bf started going to church every weekend and often being quite sad.This week i arranged a viewing to look at a house as we were looking into getting a mortgage, after this my bf was unusually teary and distent, i questioned him on what was wrong and after a while he admitted that he had ''kind of cheated''i asked him how he could kind of cheat shocked and he then explained that 9 months ago when he was out with his friends he got drunk and when he went outside being sick on the floor some women aged 39ish was talking to him he said he couldnt tell what she was saying as he was being sick-when he had stopped throwing up this women came up behind him grabbed him and shoved her togue down his throat while doin this she grabbed his dick and tryed to push it in her...he said it took him bout 3 sec's to realise what was going on and he pushed her away as he did he fell on the floor and cut his arm back and face.He came home that night bleeding and in tears declaring he loved me i remember being worrid cuz he was wasted and bleeding. the next 2 weeks he wasnt his self but eventually became the same but with the addition of continious praying and going to church.I need help do you think this rape?And do you think this is forgivable as to me it sounds like rape, when i said that to my bf he seemed to think rape cant be used for men.i do beleive him as why tell half the truth...i just need advice on what to do....do i stay with him?hes worried i wont-he said he hasnt told me 1]cuz he felt dirty 2)cuz he was petrified he would lose me3)he feels less of a man!he said he wanted to tell me before we bourght a house together so i have the opputunity to leave before a massive commitment..HELP please
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female
reader, ruby buttons +, writes (8 July 2010):
 firstly yes men can be raped i agree with the rest of the aunts, i would stay with him its the past things like that happen when drunk, what kind of women goes after a man being sick yack she sounds like a dirty old ho and prob out her trolley! he was in the wrong place at the wrong time!
if he feels badly about this go to counselling he didnt want this to happen so talking about this will help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANKS SOOOO MUCH!!!
i do def beleive him 110% he has no reason to lie as he thourght i was going to leave anyway!!
He is distroyedd thinking were over but i needed the ditence to think....thanks for your help its made things alot clearer.
Thank you
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 I agree with the others. A man can be raped. And if his story is true (and it sounds like it probably is) than he was raped. If you look at the facts both before and after - before he was loving, your relationship was great; after he was distant , going to church, and obviously hurting - then his story is probably true.
I don't suggest leaving him if you love him. I don't think this is a form of cheating. Yes, he could be lying, but all of the pieces are adding up to him not at this point. Support him, show him how much you love him, and in the end this may bring you two even closer. If he STILL has trouble getting passed it and feels that he's less of a man, then he'll need to seek professional help because again, it is rape.
For the record, just remind him that when he is a drunk as he was.... an 8 year old could probably beat him up. So tell him not to feel as bad. And if he no longer wants to feel like he's "less of a man" tell him not to get so drunk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): I would stay with him hun, he sounds like a good man with his heart in the right place. It sounds as though his explanations and reasons for not telling you are genuine, can you forgive him for not telling you?
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (8 July 2010):
 If he's telling the truth, it definitely sounds like rape. Men CAN be raped, though it's uncommon, and is in no way a form of cheating.
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