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My father is the father of my baby... I'm falling into depression... help!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 June 2009) 19 Answers - (Newest, 27 December 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i dont really know how to put this, most of you

will probably be utterly digusted, and wont even be able to find the right words.. but i really need some advice.

about a month ago, my mom was out of town for a business trip. i am a only child now, since my brother went off to college. he was my best friend, so

ive kinda been i dont know searching to find my own indentity..

one night me and my father were watching movies, just laughing and having a couple beers, i left to go to the washroom, when he followed me in there and started to take off my clothes. and then we had sex.

i didnt really want too.. but in a way i did, me and my boyfriend had just broke up, and i felt so depressed and that i needed to be loved again..

now, today i found out im pregnant, and i'm pretty sure it's my fathers. i told my father but he said that i am not allowed to tell anybody, and i need to say its my ex boyfriends.. even though the dates won't add up..

i really dont know what to do, i can't eat or sleep, and i'm falling under a deep depression.

when nobodys looking my dad kisses me... and puts his hand on my leg.

!!!!!!!!

HELP

View related questions: best friend, broke up, depressed, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010):

Oh my im so sorry to hear u should tell your mom about it and report it to the police. What type of father is that he should be put away and never see road again.... DAMN I HATE THESE MEN dont worry leave everything in hands of lord.

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A female reader, mandimanson United States +, writes (5 September 2010):

Wow. I don't understand why people are on here telling you that its okay to have intercourse with your father. Its not okay to have a sexual relationship with your father or family members. He should be there for you hold your hand through hard times be a shoulder to lean on. I recommend you tell someone. If you have a close relationship with your mom tell her. And don't let him kiss you or put his hands on you. You need to get out of that situation. Whether you wanted to or not its still rape and molestation. Your not old enough to make that decision. Plus its against the law. I would recommend aborting the child because it is your fathers. I'm pro life but that baby was not meant to be made between and daughter and father. if you keep the child and need help me and my partner are here.we have a 14 month child already and have tons of love. [email address blocked]

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A female reader, Rob-x-x-x United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2010):

your dad is sick. you need to report him immediately ring the police or tell a family member - tell your mum infact.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009):

OMG, you need to tell your mother everything. The TRUTH that is. Do not lie about who the baby's father is.

Whether or not you realize it "your father molested you" and he is continueing to do so. He should be in jail and you need counseling.

Hopefully you will get an abortion. If you do not get an abortion how is your child going to feel if he/she ever finds out that his father is his grandfather. He/she will hate both of you!

What if you hide everything that has happened and your father molests your child. Afterall if it was ok to screw his daughter then isn't it ok to screw his grandchild?

And if you do not tell anyone then how long is he going to continue to do this to you. Will he try the same thing on your friends or your brother? Wake up! You father is a paedophile!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009):

I have had a very similar experience. First, get a pregnancy test. Second, if you are pregnant with your Dad's baby don't tell anyone unless you want to see you Dad in prison for a loooooong time.

If you have feelings for your Dad then you two need to talk about them. If it was a one-time thing then you both need to acknowledge it as such and move on.

There is no reason this can't bring you and your father closer together as long as there is openess and honesty.

Though it was a little difficult to sort out and get comfortable with, my Dad and I have never been closer and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

Best wishes.

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A female reader, Sarah Love United States +, writes (11 August 2009):

Hi,

When I was 30 years old, I went to visit my father. I was married at the time. Anyway one night, my father and I went out dancing and drinking.

As it turned out, we got home that night around 1a.m. So before we went to bed, we had a bottle of wine. It wasn't to long before we were flirting with each other. I got so horny, so I took my father to bed with me.

As it turned out, we had sex. We didn't use protection and I got pregnant by my father. I knew better than to have sex with him, but I did and at the time I wanted it very much. I didn't abort the child and I had a beautiful baby girl. So go with your heart and just relax and have the child.

Sarah Love

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A female reader, lovingheather United States +, writes (18 June 2009):

lovingheather agony auntSweetheart you need to tell someone about what happened to you trust me I know. I have been down the same road. Yes it is going to be hard on you but you are the only preson that can make things right. In the lomng run thing will get better for you. Your in my prays. Your friend loving

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A male reader, Tunsat United States +, writes (18 June 2009):

Tell someone. Tell your mom tell your best friend preferably both, get support from people. What your dad did was wrong even if you sent him mixed signals he should have set the boundary. The best way to deal with depression is to deal with the issues but by keeping this traumatic event a secret it can haunt you. Dealing with the issue can help your anxiety.

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A female reader, Olivia(Y). United Kingdom +, writes (18 June 2009):

Olivia(Y). agony auntBabe i know this is going to be hard for you but you need to tell either a family member, a teacher or your local preist what your father has done to you. What he did was against the law and he shouldn't of done it. You said you didn't really want to do it, that means he raped you.

You need to decide what you want to, with support, about the baby. You have a choice of a termination which will be very hard but its an option if you think you can't cope with knowing its your fathers child, keeping the child or giving it up for adoption.

You need to go see a doctor and please tell someone what you father did to you. It shouldn't of happened.

If you give birth to your child there is a higher chance it will be disabled because it was conseved via insest which is very much against the law.

Good luck babe

Livia

xoxox

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009):

hey i noe this is hard for u but maybe u should tell a friend and theycan take you and come with u to the doctor to abort the baby i think its the best thing u can do in this situation and get away from your creepo dad maybe u shud tell your mom that he touched u in all that but not that u r pregant from him and member there is always a posibility that u r not pregant and that th baby s not your dads good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009):

to the last poster who told the girl not to abort, do you know the consequences of a result of incest. fetal abnormalities why? bloodlines are too close.(and this is the very simple explanation). babies are born deformed - is this what you want. for her to have a baby knowing that this baby would not survive. who will look after it? who would want to look after it? please be realistic. having this baby and giving it up for adoption is not an option. this baby will be DEFORMED. i this what you want? how can anyone be so cruel to bring a baby into this world knowing the outcome.

2 injustices do not make it right. firstly, she (knowingly and perhaps consentually) had sex with her father. secondly, deciding not to abort. to give birth to this baby which resulted through incest is a far bigger sin. lets think of the baby for goodness sake. that child does not deserve half a life.

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A female reader, alexroliepolie United States +, writes (17 June 2009):

alexroliepolie agony auntHey honey. Don't listen to all the people telling you to abort the baby. You need to do what you feel you need to. I am all for choosing what you want, and you can choose abortion if that's what you want, but don't do it just because these people are telling you to. They don't know the full situation, so... You just need to figure it out with yourself and a professional. Whether that means a doctor of medicine, a therapist or anyone else who is trained to help in this type of situation. You can get through this. You are strong and beautiful. Believe in yourself and you REALLY CAN do ANYTHING!! Have faith. Be strong. Be happy. You're amazing.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

please do not lie anymore. you cannot lie and tell anyone that it is your ex's baby. you need to make a decision to abort this baby- why? defects, that is why. this child will be born with mulitple defects and will be an outcast. you need to face the facts here.

was this rape ? or misguided consentual sex bet you and your father? i suggest that you also seek psycological help to try to make you understand what happened bet you and your father. number 1, you need to realise that sex bet you and your father was WRONG. you and him betrayed your mother."......... but in a way i did, me and my boyfriend had just broke up, and i felt so depressed and that i needed to be loved again...."

2. this "baby" cannot be born. you need to abort it.

3. seek help to understand why you has sex with your father.

4. what excuses do your father have. you may have wanted to feel loved again but he also betrayed you.

5. whatever happens, please do not have sex with your father again. you should not be the other woman in your parents marriage. just think about your mother for goodness sake.

i do sympathise with you being pregnant but i question the circumstances and the result of the sexual act between you and your father. did your father rape you? then you need to report it. you may feel ashamed, troubled maybe but it needs to be dealt with. you need to understand this and know that this is not normal. your father was supposed to be your protector, not your abuser. and you were supposed to be his daughter, not his lover. WHY are you still allowing him to be sexual with you. the first time was a mistake, what is happening now? why are you still in his presense. you need to make every attempt not to be alone with him. it is like you are giving him the green light, is this what you want. by not saying anything you are actually contributing to his sexual abuse of you. why can you not confide in someone - a neighbour, teacher, friend, police. you need to sream loud and clear fo them to hear. your father may come up with an excuse to defend himself. plse, plse seek help.

i am hard in my approach but we need to look realistically at your situation. you are an adult if your age is really (18-21 yrs) and you need to realise that your actions have consequences. sex between father and daughter is A BIG NO.

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A female reader, -TotallyInLove- United Kingdom +, writes (15 June 2009):

omg also a *HUG* from me, i was raped by my step dad at the ago of 14 and went through a misscarraige alone! it was dreadfull, a heartbreaking thing to go through alone.

you DO need to tell someone as soon as you can, as posters have already said, with the genes been the same, it can cause disformation and dissablilties, so maybe (as heartbreaking as it sounds) an abortion wouldnt be the worst option here. i will admit i am totally against them, but there are times and exceptions.

this is such a terrible thing to have to go through, i do understand how your feeling though babe. i really do. i just hope that everything turns out okay for you.

go to the doctors as soon as you can, dont lie for him, dont lie to yourself.! Good Luckk, please message me if you need to talk! (hug) xxxxx

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A female reader, athenas United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

Wow! ummm Girl you need to ask for help i mean tell your mom about it its obvious he abusing from you because hes not letting you tell anyone and hes still trying to get at you, go to the doctors or do some research about what r the risks of having his child my friend has a baby from her brother and the baby came out really healthy i mean i was shocked cause i expected the baby to have problems but hes healthy and cute!

You need to tell him to stop what hes doing that your not comfortable in a good way though dont get all crazy cause then he might do something crazy! if he gets mad just be like ok im sorry and without letting him know ask for help and get out of the house you should tell your mom whats going on because trust me you wont be able to hide this and your only going to feel worst because your not letting your lie go away its still remaining in your life. Clear it out so that you can move on its going to be hard but your going to make it trust me. dont worry everything is goin to be ok. Get help ASAP PLEASE!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

Definitely not disgusted at you but disgusted and horrified at your father's behaviour. Report him for sexual abuse, because this wont be the last time he will want sex with you. You need to move to a safe house or away from him. You also need counselling to help you make a decision as to whether you want to keep the baby or not.

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A female reader, alishamarie08 United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

Wow sweetie I'm so thankful that you have turned here!!! First things first... You need to realize that you didn't want to have sex with your dad! I would weigh your options at plan parenthood! You need to find the risks of deformities that would be the first thing that a doctor will warning you about. I'm not trying to scare you just wanting to let you know. If your dad is telling you to lie he knows he did something wrong. You could get a restraining order and charge him with rape (that's just an option) There's a lot to process and I hope that you do go seek conseling! It would really benefit talking to someone to hear their opinions and there logic on the situation. Just to let you know it would be confidential too!!!

Best of luck sweetie!!!

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A female reader, QuirkLady United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

QuirkLady agony auntI'm so sorry that this happened to you. *hug* It's going to be all right.

I hate it say it but your father took advantage of you. You were in a bad mental state and it was wrong of him to put himself on you sexually. He should not take advantage of his daughter that way, ever!

Is there any way you could move out? I think it's important to get away from this situation and keep it from happening again. In the meantime you could take a trip to Planned Parenthood and discuss your options. You'll need to figure out if you want to have this child, giveit up for adoption or get an abortion. The decision is up to you.

Are you close to your mother? If so, I would tell her what happened. You might want to make sure you have your own place in case there is emotional fallout, but I do hope your mom will support you.

*hug* Again, I'm so sorry for what your father did. Good luck with everything and please keep us posted.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

Ok honey.. I don't know about the affects of inbreeding on infants and children, but i have heard that there are deformaties and serious issues. You may want to do some research and see if an aborption wouldn't be situationally fit. I've never suggested this to anyone, but I do support prochoice because i believe sometimes, there are really good reasons.. rare, but they're out there.

This is going to take some serious self forgiveness.. it's going to take a lot of effort to overcome and to be able to deal with in your future relationships.

I really am at a loss for words.. i don't know.. I don't even think you should tell your family, becuase it was both of you. Not just your father, and that would just rip it utterly to peices.

But your father needs to stop right now. This mistake has been made, and you seen to firmly instruct him that he is not to be touching you anymore, that it was amistake and you will never relive it.

And deinitely counseling, which is somethign i've also never suggested. I tend to believe that people can get through things themselves and become stronger while doing so..

but you need help forgiving yourself and becoming less disgusted with yourself, which i assume you are because of you assumption that OTHER people will be disgusted at you. You have to love yourself again..

Just.. counseling...

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