A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've never heard of anybody who has this problem. I am a man in my late 20's, who like most other men is desperate to have sex, yet at the same time I'm repulsed by it. The reason why is because I despise the human race, I view all emotions as weakness, all signs of affection I view as pathetic. For this very reason I've never had a girlfriend and I've only had sex once a few years back and I hated it because it made me feel weak like a human. It's a very complicated situation to be in, because on the one hand I sort of want relationships, yet on the other-hand I'm repulsed by humanity for being so weak. My hormones want me to have sex but my mind holds me back because of my revulsion towards the human race.This has made me very depressed, I feel trapped in invisible chains. Normally guys won't have sex because they have a small penis or they're confused about their sexuality, this is not the case with me. I never known of someone to be this way.
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female
reader, pebble +, writes (13 June 2009):
 What you need is most definately not sex or a relationship, it's a psychologist. Or is needing help admitting that you're weak and disgusting just like every other human out there?
That might be your opinion of people but you are nothing special yourself, nothing makes you exempt from everyone else just because you think they are ugly and weak. You are ugly and weak aswell my friend because you're just like everyone else in the world. No matter how much you think you are not.
Starting a relationship with the outlook you have would be the most irresponsible thing ever. You are not going find anyone who is going to put up with you thinking that emotion is weak and repulsive.
So you either live a long, boring, lonely life or you get the help that you so obviously need.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): I'm not a sociopath, sociopaths are highly sexual, they hate humans yet are still able to have sex with them. I despise humans so much I can't even do that.I cannot lie, I view all humans as ugly, repulsive and weak. For me to be in a relationship would also be weak, depending on others for happiness is nothing short of a disgrace.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (13 June 2009):
 Your heart and your mind seem at odds with each other. Your mind is going on about the weaknesses within humanity but your heart longs for closeness and understanding.
I think a good therapist will help you reconcile the differences inside you. I hope that you are able to find peace for yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Thanks for the replies.
I've never told anybody I loved them, to say that would make me cringe. I'd feel so weak and humiliated, I find it a mystery why others don't feel this way.
Sex disgusts me because it means being near someone, reminds me that I'm mortal, something I dislike intensely. I'm disgusted by the imperfections of humanity, if only I was asexual this wouldn't be a problem, unfortunately I'm a closet heterosexual (unusual).
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 June 2009):
I don't mean to freak you out, but those are kind of sociopathic qualities. Definitely seek professional help. I don't see it so much as being repulsed by sex, your repulsed by human beings in general. Although there's a lot of screwed up people out there, there's definitely an underlying problem when you're repulsed by others and view yourself as being other than a human.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009):
being ruled by hate and aversion to a detrimental extent is one of the biggest shows of weakness and fear i can think of, my friend. i'm a misanthrope who dates other misanthropes. the relationships don't last that long, but..come date me and we can pretend that we hate and are disgusted with other people and with each other for all of the qualities we are recognizing in ourselves, but are too uncomfortable to deal with directly...or, go get some therapy instead until you can find a "nice" (or not nice) person to be with...it's natural for some to detest all of the weaknesses in humanity, but it is a strength to transcend that disgust so that you can appreciate the more evolved aspects of humanity as well, and gain what enjoyment you can from being alive...also, maybe you should read Notes from Underground by Dostoyevsky... and try to find the french film 'Anatomy of Hell.' If you can get through that movie, you might further understand your condition as well.
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A
female
reader, alexroliepolie +, writes (13 June 2009):
 I know many posts have recommended this already, but I also HIGHLY recommend seeing a therapist/psychiatrist... Someone, ANYONE who will help you to realize that, even though some humans are repulsive, emotions are not. I think people who are not willing to show their emotions and say how they REALLY feel are the ones who are weak. I fear that maybe you have been through some traumatic experience with someone who was very close to you. Someone who perhaps wouldn't let you cry because you need to "be a man" or someone broke your heart and you felt weak and were upset by it... You need some professional help, friend. People here on Dear Cupid may be able to suggest, but you're not going to be able to solve your problem until you confront someone about it. This isn't just a matter of sex. It's a problem that's best to be worked out immediately. I hope all goes well and that you are able to resolve this block in your life. You're great, just be happy. :)
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A
female
reader, SJ_ninety +, writes (12 June 2009):
 "I've only had sex once a few years back and I hated it because it made me feel weak like a human."
Guess what? You ARE a human and no matter how hard it is accept this, you do show affection by, well, hating the human race... and apparently sex. Hate is an emotion. You should try channeling all that anger toward the human race into wondering WHY exactly you think emotions are a sign of weakness.
Other than that, I agree with kellyxxx. Get some help, for the sake of the people around you and your own sanity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Wow! This is a shocker. Showing emotion is NOT a sign of weakness, it is simply being human. I would say showing your (deep) emotions is a sign of braveness, especially if it's telling someone you love them. If our emotions are over ruling our common sense, then yes this can be seen as a sign of weakness to some people, as i'm sure you do, but as I said before, it's completely normal and human. We can't always control our emotions and they do get the better of us, but how we handle our emotions is important. I don't think bottling up your emotions is good as it'll make you very unhappy and unhealthy and one day you're just gonna explode with frustration! It's good to open up and talk about how we are feeling (for females, and i'm sure plenty of males aswell)If we were to never show or tell someone how we feel, how can we grow as a person? If we never experience love, trust, friendship and many other aspects of different relationships. By no means am I a physcologist, but this is my opinion on it. Is there any particular reason why you feel this way? Have you had a bad experience in the past with someone, regarding a relationship, friendship, or even the relationship between your family? All these are possibilities as to why you have grown to think like this.You may not have had any bad experiences in the past, perhaps you're OK with not being a people person and fine with the way things are in life, but obviously your hormones are over ruling you at the moment. I don't believe you're the only one to think like this, but it's probably very uncommon. Whatever you're reason for the outcome of your opinion, I think you should see a counsellor, or pshycologist, but as you see opening up as a sign of weakness, then that will be hard for you to do, but I don't think it'll be impossible. You did after all come here for advice ;)How ever if you don't want to change and you just want to know if you're not the only one out there, then my answer would be NO I don't think you are, how ever I think it's unhealthy to live like this.
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (12 June 2009):
 kellyxxx is right. this isnt normal amd no matter how much you hate emotional you will always show it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I agree with the first post, it seems that some psycho therapy would be very beneficial for you. Going to therapy doesn't mean that you are crazy though. It means that you have emotional or psychological problems that you want to address in order to move on with your life in a healthy way.Every person has emotions, and repulsion is a emotion and feeling as well. It seems that you have very negative ideas and feelings about allowing yourself to be vulernable and perhaps this is from some history of abusive relationships or negative experiences as a child. The good thing is that you realize that it is not normal to think this way. From here you can uncover what is really bothering you and what you can do to solve it.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, we-are-nowhere  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 see someone who can help you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Those feelings aren't normal. If you find yourself repulsed by any emotion, please visit a psychiatrist. Emotions are natural and unavoidable parts of being human. These feelings you described seem to be rooted to a much deeper problem. After you visit a psychiatrist, then you will be ready to begin a healthy relationship with someone.
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A
female
reader, softballplaya +, writes (12 June 2009):
 I agree with kelly. You act as if you are not human..Its normal to show affection, and feel emotions.
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A
male
reader, mytwocents +, writes (12 June 2009):
 You’re probably a pretty smart guy. Unfortunately, being smart can sometimes do more harm than good--making you feel isolated and repulsed by others. It’s not uncommon for smart people to become misanthropes, especially as they grow older. But it’s not a happy existence at this extreme. There’s nothing wrong with finding some people annoying and certain lifestyles ridiculous. But you’re a human--a naturally social, physical creature. You really need to soften your views otherwise they’re going make you more miserable than you probably already feel.I think that having an intimate, physical relationship with someone will help you put your dislikes into perspective. If your repulsions are too hard to push through temporarily on your own, I HIGHLY recommend seeing a therapist for a little while. You’d be surprised how much a quality, short-term series of session can help jumpstart your efforts toward improving yourself.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (12 June 2009):
 that is rreally odd i don't thinki know anyone who is repulsed by it.but why see it as sex?can't you see it as an act of love?something that two bodies get connected with ?like with someone you really like or even love and it's like your getting to know eachother better.you just keep saying sex.but why not think of it as making love.getting two bodies connecting with eachother learning about eachothers likes and dislikes of one anothers bodies.you just think its sex....not everyone thinks like thisalot of people do think of it as getting deeper into a relationshipand maybe that's what you need someone special that you can share this magical moment with rather than just sex.what im saying is just don't think of it as something dirty and sex think of it as a connection bond with someone you love making love connecting with eachother through bodies.Hope this helps.x x x x x x
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (12 June 2009):
 You need to see a psychologist.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): You need to find something about humanity that you like. Even if it's just the fact that we can have sex and it feels good.There must be something you find admirable about another person.Emotions are part of life. They're not a weakness. If someone is numb to life and emotions its because they can't confront it, and that's much more weak than experiencing things and getting hurt from time to time and having strength to get through it.You're wasting your time despising yourself.
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