A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have four kids under 5. My relationship with my husband has gotten cold and I feel extremely lonely. He has been looking online, as I found out not long ago for a companion, because he feels lonely too. He did not tell me anything about it. He fails to give me any emotional support and even if I manage to pick myself up, he will push me down again. He is a brilliant dad but not very good as a husband. Should I stay with him for my children's sake and because I think I'm a little bit scared of being on my own and not being able to have a new relationship in the future due to the fact I have four kids or should I leave him? I have been having these questions in my had for many years and I'm not sure anymore which way to go. please help with some advise Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): My parents apparently stayed together for the sake of me and my brother. i was 18 when they got divorced, and my brother was 14. i always wish they had got divorced when we were younger though, as then, we wouldnt have seen all the arguments they used to have. it can destroy your children psychologically if you stay together.i agree with the poster who says it is better to be starved of money than love.i would rather have had less money but been in a happy environment, than have had enough money but lived in an unhappy environment.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 I completely understand about your being afraid to leave. If you husband is committing adultery, physically abusive or your drugs / alcohol, I think at that point, you need to consider moving on, but until then, I think you need to give your marriage any possible shot that you can.Divorce is very tough on children and if / when each of you remarries, you'll have to deal with the fallout of another person raising your children (and possibly the effects of their children on yours). Not to mention, the children will always wonder if it is because of them that you split up.You do not identify the exact situation that you are in, but I think you need to sit down with your husband and explain that you want to make things work: you want to be happy with one another and you want the children to have a healthy environment to grow up in. You also need to identify the roadblocks that you are facing and what you BOTH can do to overcome them.You need to make a commitment to one another that you are going to give it a solid go before you call it quits. Let's face it, if you do end your marriage, that decision will effect your children from then on. You both really need to work at this together -- if it is just one party trying, it will likely fail -- and remind yourself, 3 other lives will be impacted by your actions.You may want to enlist a therapist or someone you can trust to help you sort through the issues that you are facing. If you have trouble communicating with your husband, you might want to consider writing a letter to him. Perhaps your situation can be salvaged, but I guarantee you, raising 4 children as a single parent is a lot tougher than you can imagine -- even with the best of child support and circumstances.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (16 May 2011):
It is always difficult to leave a reltionship when children are involved. It is difficult to leave relationships period. But sometimes we have to think outside of the box and decide if a move will bring about more happiness and peace than staying.It is not a good environment when a husband and wife have issues that keep them from being happy and compatible with each other. Of course, all marriages have ups and downs and getting past those ups and downs is what makes a marriage a strong one.You are worried about leaving and if you will be able to find a future lover. My peace of mind and happiness and a healthy environment for my children has always been a priority in my life. I left my first husband and had many of the same feelings that you are feeling but I had enough and it was way past the time for me to leave.I left and married a wonderful man who provided well for my children and me and he did not make me feel as though I was alone and was very supportive of me until he died in 1999 due to a massive heart attack.Now it is 12 years later after my husband passed away and I am without a boyfriend or husband and I am doing fine. I have my job in the casino that I love. I have my family and friends. I would love to have someone special in my life but that has not happen.I am happy without stress and feeling lonely in a failed relationship. Think hard, decide, and make the best of your decision.Good Luck!!
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A
male
reader, Steve_S +, writes (15 May 2011):
 Oh wow!
What a question - as a Father whom has just left his children due to my marriage failure I would say just to try to make it work initially.
The Children will suffer either way, as they see the emotional detachment between you two - or be financially starved.
Given a choice I would rather see my children starved of money, than love.
Any guy worth his salt would take on four kids with full responsibility - you have to protect and provide for your children.
Steve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): Staying in a bad relationships can be bad for the kids, to be honest. You could try marriage counseling or talking to eachother about this problem.
You both need to be happy, that's what will help the children more than being raised by parents that are in a bad relationship.
Just because you have four kids doesnt mean you won't find a new relationsihp if you were to look. You'd be surprised with how many men love children. Two of my brothers married women who already had 1-3 children of their own from previous relationships. They love these kids as if they were their own and I love my neices and nephews. Don't let that scare you into staying in a relationship where you're unhappy.
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