A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been with my husband for 30 years married 26 we have got 4 boys, just before christmas I found out he had an affair 8 years ago hes a builder and and a girl in a sandwich shop asked him and his partner to do a job for her she had been flirting every time they went in the shop they did the job and my husband ended up sleeping with her there and then I wasnt getting on very well with him at the time as my youngest son who was just 3 was very hyperactive and i was tired all the time plus i had 2 teenagers and a 6 year old to see to, he didnt see her for a while after that till they started a big job for her on a new house, she took him upstairs and gave him oral sex, she wanted him and new that would get him hence the start of a 2 year affair. He only saw her from then on in the back of her car for sex at tea time 0nce or 2 a month he never took her anywhere or bought her anything and was only gone about 15 to 30 mins she lives locally and they used to go to a quiet carpark, he told her that he loved me and his kids and never ever leave me for her or anyone he promises he never gave her oral sex as he dindnt no where she was going or been and always used a condom hes says it was just a jump extra sex cos he didnt think i cared about him he says its all his fault and never to blame myself he eventually went less and less till he just stopped going. Thing is he was begging me to be alright with him taking me out and to hotels on holiday but a just wernt bothered he always was telling me he loved me. He says he didnt love her or even care for her she was just a bit on the side. Am devestated dont no how to cope hes begging me for forgivness hes put 2 adds in local paper begging for forgivness. As my son got older and started sleeping better i got better a supose thats why he stopped seeing her. He says he will never ever hurt me again and will sign the house over to me to prove it, hes not left my side for 6 months i no hes truly sorry he carnt try any harder than he is he texes me all time saying he loves me and says he will do anything for me not to leave him. Please help me make my mind up a carnt stop thinking of him with her, we have been getting on brilliant when am not in a rage and sex is better than ever when am feeling up to it he took me abroad just us 2 and it was fantastic ,its just the hurt hurts so bad. None of our friends can beleive it as he always paid me so much attention .he never told a soul it was her that let cat out of bag its just that 30 years is a long time to throw away although its him thats done it..please help me make my mind up am so stuck and worry what people will say if a take him back some say stay we made for each other and others say to get rid .Im 48 and hes 50.
View related questions:
affair, cheated on me, christmas, condom, flirt, on holiday, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): Hi its me who was cheated on, we are going to counseling and no he hasn't had nothing to do with the other woman for 8 years, he swears he always used a condom because she did what she wanted plus it was 8 years since, and i have been tested anyway, thanks for your replies. He is so remorseful and says he cant bare what he has put me through he says he took me for granted, was just greedy he says he will go and tape a conversation with this girl to prove it meant nothing to either of them. This girl even told my friend that he told her he would never leave me for her or anyone as he loved me and his family. He tells me he loves me a hundred times a day hes done all the cooking and cleaning for the last 6 months, took me shopping, for meals out, anything he can do he says he will do anything.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 It sounds like you are step 1 of the healing process and what you are experiencing is normal for this stage.
You've invested significant time into this relationship and for him to cheat on you has to be devastating. Do accept my sympathies.
The important thing at this point is that you work on rebuilding the trust with your husband. Does he still see this woman? Is he still in contact with her? Has he fessed up 100% and is accountable for all of his actions? Has he apologized? If so, then I think you are on the road to recovery and in time the pain will diminish. I don't think it'll ever go away 100%, but many people have recovered from their spouse's indiscretions.
I think time and patience will help. You may want to seek our a counselor for yourself to express your grief and get over the hurt you are experiencing. A trip to the bookstore may also help. You may want to also explore with your husband why you drifted apart and work on your communication with one another.
Once again, what you are experiencing is normal and given time you'll recover and heal. Just be patient and work with your husband on the hurt you are feeling.
Best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Wow, I really feel for you. Noone can tell you what to do, it as to be your choice and only you will know weather you can forgive him. I recently split with my husband because he cheated on me and I always said that if he fought for me and our son then I would give him one chance. You never know what you will do until you are in that situation. Your husband does sound remorseful for his actions and I would say if you could find it in your heart give him a second chance but if you do decide to give him a chance you must not throw back at him what he as done. I always said I would never take him back if he cheated on me and te truth is until you are there and going through it then you never know. 30 years is a long time and alot to throw it away. It all depends on you and weather you can forgive or not. Maybe get away from him for a while, go on a little break or something, don't see him see if that helps you make your mind up. Either way your the one that as to live with your decision. I wish you all the lucck in the world, make sure that whatever deicision you do is for you and noone else. Again Goodluck and I hope you get the answers you want.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Hon, get you and your man off to a marriage counsellor for additional help - your man sounds like he is really sorry for causing you pain, but you need to address the problem as to why he had to have sex with this woman.
Go get yourself tested for STD's - very few men ever use a condom when they have sex with other women.
...............................
|
