A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a serious pickle and I'm afraid I've got myself into it.I was seeing a married man for a few years and broke up a few weeks back. He's been asking me to take him back since but I'm adamant to move on and make something of myself.Hoever I wasn't prepared for my married ex to up his game. My married ex turned up at my home justa few hours ago to show me a new tattoo- its my name in a very intimate place on his body.My problem is that I've moved on, I seriously want a man of my own. I'm in a completely different state of mind than when I was with him.I could never go back to being with a married man.He says this is proof of his loyalty and to show that he doesn't sleep with his wife, however the only proof to me would have been to leave her!! I feel angry that he won't let me go. Obviously he isn't getting any from wifey and is missing me giving him the privileges.
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broke up, married man, move on, tattoo Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MaryB  +, writes (14 June 2011):
I guess you have to give him E for effort as lame as it is but, in my opinion he gets an F for FAIL. He should of put the money he spent on that tatoo towards hiring a lawyer although, I hardly doubt he has any intentions of divorcing. If he did, he would of done it long ago. Move on as you intended...you deserve so much better!
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 All that proves is that he doesn't have sex with the light on.
What an ass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): That was a very weak attempt to impress you. He can go back to the tattooist and have a 'cover'. Lots of people do that when they change their minds about a tattoo. Your name can be covered up with something else very easily, so don't think he has 'branded' himself for all eternity because he hasn't. It is just a gimmick to try and 'wow' you.
As for loyalty....if he even knows what that means. Until he grows a set and talks to his wife, his loyalty such as it is, should be with her.
Well done for seeing the light and moving on! He was using you and wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (13 June 2011):
 If there were a show called "Stupid Man Tricks" he would win the prize.
Ignore him and leave him and his tat alone.
He has a sexless marriage that he plans to keep. He sees you as his sexual vending machine. Now, boo hoo, it is ACCESS DENIED!
You have moved on:) Congrats and Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (13 June 2011):
 The first thing you need to do, is convince yourself that you ARE NOT in a pickle. He is. You will be just fine, as you were, moving on.
He might actually have a very good reason for not wanting to end his marriage, and it might not have anything to do with love. But that isn't YOUR problem.
Your problem is that you want a fully available man, and he isn't fully available. End of story, right?
Finally - Seeing your name, ahem, 'in lights' shouldn't sway your decision one way or the other on this.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 He is hilarious though, isn't he?
I hope, for his sake, that it is a fake tattoo, one that can be washed away. He doesn't sound like he's completely stable. It's not like you owe him anything either, he wants you to come back as his toy without having to get a divorce...
Leave him to be with his tattoo. He was the one who was stupid enough to get it, then let him be the one who has to live with it. Maybe it'll serve as a reminder to him to never have an affair, or get a divorce...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 June 2011):
 Eww. If he was REALLY serious he would have left his wife, not just get a tattoo. The tattoo sounds like serious "emotional blackmail" on his behalf.
Don't feel bad for not wanting to get back together with him. Getting a tattoo was HIS CHOICE. Dumb one at that.
Keep moving on, living your life the way YOU want to and with someone who wants o be with you and only you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 June 2011):
 ugh he's got issues.
I'm proud of you for wanting to move on from a man that can't give you what you want.
His choice to get the tattoo was just that his choice.
he has to live with it.
and you are right his only proof of loyalty is to leave his wife....
best of luck to you
STAY STRONG!
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (13 June 2011):
 I agree with person12345. You should be flattered, but this guy went way overboard and you shouldn't feel guilty about turning him down.
I suspect this is all a ploy by him to "guilt" you into being with him. Guilting someone into a relationship never works in the long term and if he was serious about wanting to be 100% with you, he would've left his wife.
At this point, I think you have your priorities right and you need to maintain your faith that you made the correct decision in moving on with your life and not settling for second place. Besides, he can always remove the tattoo down the line, but I wouldn't feel bad about his predicament -- he did it to himself.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Clearly this guy has his priorities wrong. He wants his woman for companionship (his wife) and the woman he has sex with (you) at the same time. A sexless marriage isn't devotion to you. You have your head on straight, you know all this. Don't let his stupid impulse choice cloud your judgement. You're 100% right that if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with you. You deserve to find someone who is in love with you, someone not already taken. Tell him to take a hike and never contact you again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): You did the right thing to move on.
He is disturbed, seriously disturbed more likely than not.
Tell him that if he comes back you will call the police, and watch out for him, make sure that you are safe.
"the only proof to me would have been to leave her"
Right you are...that would have been the only proof.
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