A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here's my dilemma.. I have been with this girl for two years.. We net at our old job. She has been wonderful to me, and we were very much in love, to the point we had a child together who is now 9 months old. Just recently she broke it off with me, due to things I had not done in the relationship, which I can understand. However she assured me that it was just a "break" and we needed some time and space. She also assured me that she wasn't interested in anyone else, and that she wasn't on a jump into anything because she was still very much in love with me. Anyways, for the first 3 to 4 weeks she would go out until rediulous hours in the morning claiming she was just with her friend hanging out getting away from all of the negativity, and leaving me with our son night after night. of course her behavior rang "alarm bells" in my head because it was that of someone who is cheating. So I confronted her on it several times and she never admitted anything and put it down to me being paranoid. To cut a long story short I must have gotten through to her one day, because the following day she emailed me from work explaining she thinks she has "feelings" for an ex of hers, but yet still loves me. She has told me for weeks now shes still in love with me, and is not in love with him. She tells me she just really cares about him. She has told ms that the thought of me with Simone else and me moving in makes her feel sick to her stomach, and has literally cried like a baby in front of me when this has been discussed. Despite all of this she still goes out with his guy a couple is nights a week and cones in about 2am claiming all they do is sit in a parking lot and chat all night long, and have kissed a couple of times. She claims nothing more has come from it. Every day she is still intimate with me.. The cuddles, the kisses, and we even have made love a lot since all of this has been going on. Her opinion when I bring this up is "I'm not with him so I'm not obligated to tell him anything". Her own family on her fathers side thinks she's acting like a selfish slut and are afraid to tell her how they feel because they think she'll keep them from seeing their grand baby. They have all told me I should leave her and not be her doormat, but I still love her more than anything. There's a lot more I could say that would explain just how confusing and messed up this all really is but I think I've rambled on enough. So am I just wasting my time here? Or should I try and wait it out and stand by what she's telling me. "I want us to work out, I want more kids with you, it's just gonna take some time for me to heal and want to be with you again" I would love an unbiased opinion on this. I'm sorry for such a long winded post. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): She can't expect to leave you at home with baby night after night, while she goes out with this other guy. That is unfair of her and very unreasonable. You have no way of knowing what they are really doing, so expect the worst. Coming home and being intimate with you is probably her way of securing you while she 'shops around'. If you are willing to forgive her and you want to stay with her. Tell her that but don't allow her to carry on this affair right under your nose. It is an intolerable situation to place you in. If it were me, i would ask her to leave and go on a break from her. Certainly cease any intimate contact with her because at present you are enabling her to have the best of both worlds and that is not helping. She is behaving badly because she feels she has nothing to lose. You are still there, nothing is changing at home. Right? She needs a practical demonstration of what she has to lose! Show her by withdrawing yourself from this triangle.
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (29 May 2011):
 It definitely sounds like your girlfriend is playing games with you. I suspect she is on the fence with you and is keeping you in the loop by sleeping with you while potentially exploring other options out there. Then again, she could be struggling with the pain of having to break up with someone (either you, or her new found friend).
I think you need to explore what you caused this rift in the first place. Did she fall out of love with you? Is the thought of settling down and raising a family frightening her?
Sadly, there aren't very many good solutions here. You do have a child together and it is important for his/her sake that you are family. Children do so much better in life when they are raised by their biological parents. If I were you, I'd put my foot down and insist that she don't you and your child down. I'd also like to see you work as a united front in solving any differences that you may have and that you'll be there if she is frightened about commitment. If she needs space, then so be it, but she has to understand what she is putting you through when she is flirting with other guys.
Hopefully this will get resolved soon. Usually these types of situations don't work out in the long run unless she comes clean with her needs, fears and intentions.
Good luck.
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