| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I really want to stop fighting with my husband,but I can't, and soon I will have to end the marriage, or he will.We have some ongoing very stressful and painful issues, and we cant seem to deal with them.One,his family hates me, but he does not think I should care.The other, he has no sex drive, none..The third big problems with children.But he does not want to negotiate or compromiseAbout sex, he does nothing about his condition. About his family he says , i have no reason to get upset with his family as they live far, and he will take care of it. its not my worry.About the kids, he has no idea what to do , and he is sick and tired getting blamed and talk about them all the time.Now this are big problems I'm talking about.But ,still , he is not a bad man,I dont want to hate him,. and I dont know what else to do ,than stay with him.I dont have the energy to divorce.It will bring new problems. I don't work and I would hate to play the divore game all together. Is there a way I could stop bugging him? Because I promisse to myself I will, but than i can't , and we are back to the same spot again. It's like I lose my selfcontroll, on this issues even so ,I'm very strong person otherwise. I dont even care about the sex thing anymore,but I still get hurt over and over again. Please give me some advice. I want to be smart...
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 I think I see a bit of the problem here right off the bat:No where in your question do I see you list what he argues with you about. It sounds like you have a lot of resentments and issues that you've taken out on your (potentially poor) husband. Have you listened to what his responses are? He may be giving you valid reasons for his actions that you've discounted because you don't want to hear them. When people argue too much, it usually means they are talking too much and NOT listening enough. When you were dating and you came across an issue, I assumed you worked through the issue to find a mutual solution or one of you gave in and helped the other person. Have you done that lately for your husband? Has he?You can go to marriage counseling and vent your problems to him, but unless the two of you are both willing to work TOGETHER to solve your problems, you are only going to frustrate yourself and make each other angrier.While I am not privy to your personal life, I'd urge you to perhaps go away for a weekend with your husband. If finances are tough, how about a nice date. Just the two of you, to reconnect. My guess is you are flustered about what is going on and there is so much resentment and stress that it is hard to see that your loved one is on the other side. While I don't think it'll cure his sexual issues (he probably needs to see a doctor about that, as sexual dysfunctions can be an indicator of other, very serious problems) it will hopefully open a line of communication between the two of you.Please take the initiative on this one, for the sake of your children.Best wishes.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 Go to marriage councelling. It sounds to me like your marriage will not get fixed on its own, you will both keep having the same argument until it gets to much and one of you give up on the marriage. You need to get professional help so its time to book a appointment and hopefully it will help the both of you get back on track.
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