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Events of 30 years ago still hurt!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Family, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2018)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

my husband had an emotional affair with my mom, and this went on for four years, as she died in an auto

accident. He claims sure was fun to be with and that

all they did was kiss, no sex. #1 how could it last for

this long with non sex, # how can I deal with this.

we have be married now for almost 54 years, and this

all happened 30 years ago.

View related questions: affair

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI need to ask have you just found out about this recently? Or has it been torchering you all this time?

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (11 January 2018):

It seems a bit late to be worrying over this now. You lived with this vile event this long why dredge it up? Obviously you don’t plan to leave him the time to do that was 30 years ago when 24 years into your marriage he began fooling around with your mother. But as you didn’t I don’t see any point in digging it up.

If you can’t put it behind you find a counseling service perhaps a good therapist can help you.

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A female reader, 02DuszJ United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2018):

02DuszJ agony aunt99% of women would not be ok with their partner being incest.. are you sure you were ever ok with it? Were you just too blinded by love and locked it in a little box of denial in your mind? Have either of you seen a psychologist because seems like you need some kind of clarity and understanding in your mind why you would be ok with it! I hate to say it but most people wouldn't..

His incestuous behaviour with his mum must stem somewhere deep. Has he ever really explained any feelings behind it? I agree with Denizen that marriage counselling is a good way for you to both comes to terms with this together. In all honesty we don't know why you've been ok with this all these years and now you don't know you are.. where your realization has come from.. therapy is the way I think. Good luck

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2018):

Denizen agony auntI suggest you put it all back in the box as it was all so long ago and you have been coping with this for so many years. Do you really want to split up now?

if you want to talk through things with marriage guidance cousellor then that is one option. There is no guarantee with this though. It may hep you accept that it's in the past and there is nothing you can do about that.

Also ask yourself, why don't you believe your husband when he says there was no sex? You have known him for a lifetime. Have you only just found out about these shenanigans?

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