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I hate that my gay friends have been with girls before

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships, Sex, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 January 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 January 2018)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i feel weird cuz all my gay friends have been with girls before or some sorta connection. I feel dumb and alone. At dinner last week we were talking and all 4 of them had sex or girlfriends at some time except me. in lgbt movies its the same thing the gay guy always have good relationships and sex with girls. Girls chasing him or want him or girlfriends galore before noticing he's into guys. i dunno why i feel like this. i feel confused all the time. girls were not really interested in me in highschool so i neva had anything with them. im suppose to be gay and i know i don't have to get with chicks but why do i feel regret for not having anything with them. i don't get why im feeling this way.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2018):

It sounds to me like you just want to keep up with your peers, which I guess is okay. Keep in mind that probably a lot of your gay friends had sex with women either because they were unsure about their own sexuality or were living in an environment where it was dangerous to be out as gay. Be glad if this is one of your few problems!

If you want to be able to add to the conversation about what pussy feels like, maybe you should hire an escort so as not to break any female hearts?

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (2 January 2018):

YouWish agony auntI can speak as a girl who seriously dated a man who later in life (long after we broke up and moved several states away from each other) came out as gay. You're not missing anything that you haven't already taken part of. Human connection is the human condition.

I always characterized the man as my first love. He's done the same, and our relationship was extremely happy. I had zero idea that he was attracted to guys, unless being EXTREMELY romantic and thoughtful towards me was supposed to tip me off. We were friends before we started dating, and if anything, the friendship deepened exponentially while we were together. What split us was that he was a year older and had received a scholarship to a prestigious college across country. It was my idea that we not do the LDR thing, but rather if we found our way together in the future, then it was meant to be. The fact that he came out gay and I married another man meant that that was where it ended.

My point in telling you this is that the story is GENDERLESS. Finding connection or love has nothing to do with whether or not you dated girls in your path of sexuality. You can date girls anytime you want. There's nothing to regret. It's about human connection, and whether it's with a woman or a man or platonic or sexual, you have the capacity AND you're worthy of experiencing it.

If you really want to date a woman, don't let your label limit you. Love is love. But if you're not attracted to them, you're not missing out! Your journey is simply different than someone else's. Your regret might be someone else's badge of honor.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (1 January 2018):

We are conditioned from kids that boys are supposed to like girls. Then as we grow older, we are consistently reminded that we should be with females; because we are males and that's what we're supposed to do. Never-mind the possibility that we may not be attracted to females. So you feel an ingrained or inherent guilt.

That option is always open. Why feel bad about it?

You're gay and your attraction is towards other males. If you were really attracted to females; you would have been with one over some point in your life. You're 30 or older, and in all that time you never ventured to see what it's like. I'd say it was more by choice. Women have always been there, but you never showed any interest. Why bother if you're gay?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntIf you are gay why is "being with a woman" something you feel you SHOULD do?

Is it because you are afraid of missing out on an experience? Or is it because you compare yourself to your gay friends?

You know, women/men are not guinea pigs for men to "try". I say the same to those "straight" who would like that ONE male/male experience. But there are people out there who are FINE with casual hook ups, of any gender. The whole notion that you are afraid you missed out... at YOUR age, it's a little silly, you aren't 95! If you want a random hook up with a women, DO so. But to be upset that your FRIENDS have tried it and you haven't... well, that's silly.

Or you can accept that your PREFERENCE is men. Just because the Candy store offers many varieties doesn't mean you HAVE to try them all.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (1 January 2018):

Denizen agony auntYour gay friends may have that in common but I would not imagine it is a universal trend. What does it matter anyway? You know what your preference is. You were lucky enough to find out at an early age and didn't have to make any false starts. If on the other hand you are hankering to try making love to a woman there will be many who might want to try and convert you. Just put it out there.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (1 January 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI suppose it's because most of us put too much value on being like everyone else and going through things the most common way. However, it's up to you to learn to accept your journey as it is.

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