I seem to be stuck in a fantasy world. Am I going mad?
Q. I want to give a little background - I have an obsessive personality (my therapist) has stated this on top of bad anxiety. Lately due to the stress because of bills all I do is work and I have found that I get sick in this fantasy land of dreaming ...
A. 12 July 2017: If you are looking for constant validation you will always be vulnerable. It isn't what you think you are. It isn't even what they think you are. It is what you think, they think you are. It seems to me that if you have a counsellor or therapis... (read in full...)
Indian wedding problem- I was happy with the guy that my parents had seen for me but now they say our horoscopes don't match!
Q. Hi I met a guy arranged by my parents for matrimony.i ended up liking him a lot....everything was going on smoothly n we were about to plan our wedding but now my parents say that we can't go ahead because the horoscopes do not match and the ...
A. 11 July 2017: You are an adult, so in 2017 you can decide for yourself. If you family threaten to disinherit you then that might complicate your decision, particularly as it was they who chose him in the first place.
I think for you the important thing is to deci... (read in full...)
The love of my life just shamed my dressing style and said that I embarrassed him
Q. The man I thought was the love of my life just informed me that when I visited him in his home town I embarrassed him because of my outfit because, he says , it was way too short I feel totally embarrassed . I'm in my 40s and somewhat chubby ...
A. 11 July 2017: How long have you been with him? Surely he has had time enough to see you in most wardrobe configurations?
If I were you I would give him the cold shoulder. I mean, when did he become a paid-up member of the style police?
When you choose someone ... (read in full...)
How do I get out of loving the "other man" when I'm a married woman?
Q. 4 years ago I became colleagues with a man I met online. He knew I was married from the beginning and he was always platonic with me, or so I thought, Things soon started getting weird between us and he started acting jealous whenever I'd men...
A. 11 July 2017: Achy Breaky heart. Well at least you have been there and done it. You won't spend the rest of you life wondering what if. Now you know. Put it in a box and move on. It's life experience and we all carry our boxes until we decide to put them down and ... (read in full...)
How can I stop liking my married coworker?
Q. How can I stop thinking about my coworker? I have developed a crush on a new coworker in my new job - he is quite handsome but married. He is friendly but we have never been innapropriate - we on chat about silly things and we added each other on ...
A. 11 July 2017: It.s terrible when you have the hots for someone who is out of reach. It sounds as if you have it bad. When you attend to your loneliness by joining some activities outside work then your crush will fade and you might even find someone who can love ... (read in full...)
Are all men vain?
Q. Are guys really vain? I'm an insecure female and I have from what most men say and ideal face and body and I get complimented a lot- I don't share a lot of myself with the men I've been because it takes time - they also have been really bad men- my ...
A. 11 July 2017: Considering most women are NOT like lingerie models I think, as the human race continues to multiply, with consideration, you must draw the conclusion that men don't just go for looks.
Of course we always appreciate it if our partners look afte... (read in full...)
I'm always trying to please my husband so he won't get upset
Q. So I have been married a little over two years, he knew while we were dating that I did not like to cook and also lacked the gene for cooking. When I do try to cook for him, he is brutally honest and also criticizes me on what I could of done ...
A. 10 July 2017: I think you should tell him to accept you for the person he married or you will seek a divorce. At the same time you could take a few cookery lessons. And there are cook books that are nearly infallible, Delia's for one.
There is no cookery gene... (read in full...)
How to cope with abuse for mixed race relationship?
Q. Hello, I have been with my amazing boyfriend of 3 and a half years and we are more than happy. I am a black female and he is a white male and we constantly receive horrible comments and a few uncomfortable stares in restaurants, beaches, cinemas ...
A. 9 July 2017: If it is really too much to bear then you have to move to where you will be accepted. Any reaction to your abusers will only bring more insults.
If that is out of the question then being involved with your community softens attitudes. If there is a... (read in full...)
How can I get my emotional life in order?
Q. How does one start believe the positive affirmations - for example I'm reading a lot of self help books that say speak to the universe And it will give it back - it's logical if I say I would like to be successful and calm - or I would like to be ab...
A. 9 July 2017: There are several things you can be doing. And perhaps you should be doing more than one depending on you preferences. Meditation and Mindfulness are helpful for many people. There are also online options. Some only require a few minutes each day.
Y... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm a rebound and that he's not over his ex!
Q. My boyfriend broke up with his last ex girlfriend almost 2 years ago, I'm not very sure he is over her and I feel I'm just a rebound whenever I ask him questions about his past relationships he doesn't get frustrated about any of his exes except his ...
A. 8 July 2017: Yes just let the matter lie. It could take him a lot longer to finally get over it. Just steer clear of exs unless he brings up the subject.
He has been wounded at a deep level. It isn't going to go away quickly.
You have to face the fact too that... (read in full...)
Should I back of and give her time to deal with things?
Q. So for the past month or so I've been sleeping with this girl I know through mutual friends. We always have a lot of fun together when we hang out. She's just getting out of a seven year relationship and is currently in the process of moving out of ...
A. 7 July 2017: Yes, give her space. In this respect women can be like cats, you must let them come to you.
Tell her you respect her feelings and you would love to stay friends with her. Take the pressure off and when she is ready she will approach you if it seem... (read in full...)
How can I deal with bad female bosses
Q. A year ago I was working for a large publicly held company - when they hired a senior manager and let go my original manager that hired me. As soon as she started working no more than two months in the job she started criticizing my work- micro ...
A. 7 July 2017: If you aren't appreciated in you place of work you really only have one option.
Sorry, but for your own sanity it's time to start digging the tunnel.... (read in full...)
How do I deal with creepy older men?
Q. I live in a small rich town where there are a LOT of people in their 50s and 60s, I'm here because it's cheaper and nicer than the nearby city. I'm a female student in my 20s. I get hit on regularly by older guys (I'm talking the ones in the 50s ...
A. 7 July 2017: Could you tell us more fully please what you mean by being hit on? Are they being chatty or sexually explicit?
The reason I ask is because in the past there have been instances of women being offended by builders giving them wolf whistles and call... (read in full...)
Is it too soon to be calling it a relationship?
Q. i have been seeing someone for seven weeks and we see each other two/three times a week. i am in my forties and so it is not a young relationship. however i have begun to notice that he sometimes does not contact me for a day or two after he has ...
A. 6 July 2017: You have misunderstood. What the instruction means is not to write your whole question in capitals. Sorry to have shot you down over that.... (read in full...)
Who do I help, the one who relies on me or myself?
Q. I have a strained relationship with my girlfriend of five years. There's a lot of love and care there. She'll shower me with it, thank me and bless me. She has me on a pedestal and I shelter her from life. There's a lot of love but I feel trapped. ...
A. 6 July 2017: The advice you have been given is loud, clear and unanimous. You aren't helping her. You are making things worse. There has to be a line drawn in the sand and you are the only one to do it. At the moment it is you who is the weakling.... (read in full...)
How can anyone be so busy they cannot talk with their lover for 5 days in a row?
Q. its been 5 days since we saw each other.And will not able to see for another 6 months cuz she is nepal and me in india. we havent been able to talk or chat nicely. she is busy right now. goes clz 6am to 11am. and work from 12pm to 6pm. then she is i...
A. 6 July 2017: You've already realised she isn't that interested. Try not answering her for week. She might come back to try and keep you on the hook but you are smarter than that aren't you?... (read in full...)
Is it too soon to be calling it a relationship?
Q. i have been seeing someone for seven weeks and we see each other two/three times a week. i am in my forties and so it is not a young relationship. however i have begun to notice that he sometimes does not contact me for a day or two after he has ...
A. 6 July 2017: You put yourself as, please excuse me, middle aged, and yet you are worried about labels. That, and the fact that you haven't found the way to add capital letters to your sentences leads me to believe that you are a lot younger.
There is no hard... (read in full...)
I've forgotten how to meet people!
Q. Ok I need advice, I'm a widow of 7 yrs, I was married for 27. I have forgotten how to meet people. seems the ones I do just want sex, Im not saying sex is a bad thing. but I want a relationship. Can anyone refresh me on how to meet people. ...
A. 6 July 2017: Get involved in volunteering, evening classes, charities - things like that. The object is then something other than hooking up, if you excuse the phrase. Joining a choir is also a popular pursuit and they are of all different standards and vocal ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating with his ex?
Q. Is my partner cheating??????????? He says he needs 2 clear his head is he cheating with his ex and only talking 2 his daughter his smashed his phone up so no one can get hold off him but I think his stopping at his ex house cos he knows were not ...
A. 5 July 2017: Yes, he probably is. The tell tale is the line: "He wants to clear his head". You are being excluded. Time for some honesty.... (read in full...)
Why is everyone sceptical about a 'friends with benefits' arrangement?
Q. So a while back me and my friend had sex a couple of times. We actually live in a shared house with other people, although they don't know that anything happened between us. We had known each other for about a year before this happened, and had ...
A. 5 July 2017: It's an odd question: "Is a 'friends with benefits' scenario very rare or more common than people think?"
What is the point of it. If you are both happy with the arrangement then just get on with it. You don't need to be concerned about the freq... (read in full...)
Who do I help, the one who relies on me or myself?
Q. I have a strained relationship with my girlfriend of five years. There's a lot of love and care there. She'll shower me with it, thank me and bless me. She has me on a pedestal and I shelter her from life. There's a lot of love but I feel trapped. ...
A. 5 July 2017: It would be easy to give you the advice you expect. Yet I imagine the quandary you find yourself in, between being caring, yet pragmatic might lead you to expect something more from here.
First you have taught this little bird to feed from your hand... (read in full...)
I feel like I am a mistake and that everybody knows it!
Q. Am i stupid, or just living in the past. I am gay and i don't think i have ever said that before. i have always been scared and think of other peoples feelings rather then my own. I avoid social situations and even family stuff because everybody is ...
A. 3 July 2017: I think you need to examine what you are afraid of. Is it rejection? Could it be persecution? Ask yourse4lf what really is the worst that could happen about your coming out?
I take it that you haven't already because you say this is the first time... (read in full...)
My parents behave like they're not married to one another
Q. My parents are basically are just a (husband and wife) by name but they don't act like one. They had always been problems between both of them and especially my dad is physically and emotionally abusive. So they decided that both of them will not be ...
A. 2 July 2017: This must be very upsetting for you. You want your mum and dad to be OK but they have fallen out of love.
I think the best thing you can do is strike out on your own, if you haven't already, and leave them to get on with it.
Some parents stay tog... (read in full...)
Caught him watching porn
Q. I caught my husband watching father daughter porn twice now is this normal he denied it and got very upset....
A. 1 July 2017: I asked that people get things in proportion. Some clearly cannot accomplish this. In fact, Anonymous Female Reader is making up replies to arguments not made. Her blinkered responses ignore the valid and salient points that were previously put ... (read in full...)
What goes through a man's head when he sees his wife having sex with another man?
Q. To make it short my husband and I are into guys joining us for sex . But husband has always joined for sex until recently when at a party when a black guy paid attention to me more than normal. So at husbands request I invited him home for a ...
A. 1 July 2017: I think you posted this question just to broadcast your feeling of carnal freedom in the face of those with a more usual style of relationship.
It appears the question is incidental to you flaunting your uninhibited sexual lifestyle. To be cand... (read in full...)
Would you feel left out if your comments on social media were not commented on?
Q. Would you feel left out if work colleagues commented on on everyones social media posts but yours? Why/why not? I know it's stupid butsocial media is part of life now. Feel unwanted....
A. 1 July 2017: Yes it is stupid as N91 says. There may be many reasons why your posts don't get a comment. Perhaps they don't need one. Perhaps they are not wanted.
Try dropping out of social media and trying life without it. You say it is part of life now, but ... (read in full...)
Caught him watching porn
Q. I caught my husband watching father daughter porn twice now is this normal he denied it and got very upset....
A. 1 July 2017: Let’s make a few things clear before the poisonous side of the women’s movement condemns all men who have ever watched porn. First, like all things, in moderation it is not harmful.
The next thing of which I would like to remind the Sisters is that... (read in full...)
He lied to my face, only admitted it after I told him I had seen proof
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We broke up for about a month or so in between, in which he admitted to kissing a girl. That's it he says.I don't care about any of that, we were broken up. However, I found a condom in his backpack. We ...
A. 1 July 2017: I think there is a question in there somewhere. I am guessing it is should you stay with him? This is essentially a matter of trust. There is also the matter of his being able to cry to order which could be worrying. If he is a consummate liar that ... (read in full...)
New Flatmate Is Already Causing Trouble. How To Deal?
Q. I'm a working professional, returning to uni in October and as my previous flatmates were moving city I found a room for the summer. Basically there are three international students who usually live in this flat but two of them went back to their ...
A. 1 July 2017: Yes of course talk to your other flatmate. And to the one making the noise. You should also be prepared to leave if it doesn't improve.
Just tell the noisy one it isn't working out and he has a month to find somewhere else.
Sharing a flat has... (read in full...)
What is the point in just sending a message saying "good morning"?
Q. I have a male friend who I've been having frequent contact with lately, almost daily at all hours. Sometimes mundane conversation, other times he's talking to me about past relationships, perils of dating online etc). I'm a bit confused though ...
A. 1 July 2017: It is to let you know he is thinking about you. It's a good thing. He may be looking for an indication that you want to move the relationship to the next level - that you might like to date.
If you would then take your courage in your hands and ask ... (read in full...)
I was comfortable with him despite one or two disagreements again. Does that mean I still love him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend five years but have been apart for two as he was sent to work far away from home. We lived together for a few years before that happened but during those two years apart I feel like our relationship has been affected a ...
A. 30 June 2017: I think you have the basis for something. He has made positive moves and that is something you can build on. One thing for you both to realise is never, NEVER, take each other for granted.
Make your life fun. Build something together. I hope it w... (read in full...)
Have I lost my share of family property?
Q. We are a family of two brothers and widowed mother. I am the eldest son. I am married while my younger brother is single and takes care of my aged mother. My dad expired 10 years ago. My brother and mother do not stay with me. My dad made two houses ...
A. 29 June 2017: OK - be nice. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.... (read in full...)
He broke up with me but now is sending messages with hearts!
Q. Hey i need help, My boyfriend broke up with me recently because he thought we were drifting apart after we got out of school. He told me that we should just be friends and after that he stopped texting me. Now he is texting me a lot and putting ...
A. 29 June 2017: Gosh! There is a whole lot of learning to be gleaned about relationships, friendship, and indeed about oneself, at his age. It is a lesson that never ends. I'm still learning and so are the other regular contributors to this site.
At the moment he i... (read in full...)
Caught him watching porn
Q. I caught my husband watching father daughter porn twice now is this normal he denied it and got very upset....
A. 28 June 2017: If you watch Rambo First Blood on film it doesn't mean you are going go on the rampage. Let's get this in proportion.... (read in full...)
Should I warn her it's showing?
Q. My wife is currently 7 1/2 months pregnant with our 1st child. For the last few months as she has gotten bigger, she has relied on leggings and yoga pants as her go=to wardrobe. She hasn't noticed yet that these are becoming increasingly tighter and ...
A. 28 June 2017: Of course tell her that other people seem to be noticing. You can tell your spouse this sort of thing. It's like having a piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth. It's better to know than not know.
I don't understand why she feels self-conscious abou... (read in full...)
I'm taking care of an ill family member. I don't know how to stay calm, parents won't help
Q. I am caring for a family member who is here alone - she has fallen ill and I am the sole provider. I count the pennies because everything goes to paying for her to get better- my parents own to homes and in this moment of need they could help but I ...
A. 28 June 2017: Who is the family member? What is wrong with him? Why won't your parents help? What did you do before that keeps being thrown back at you in arguments?... (read in full...)
Have I lost my share of family property?
Q. We are a family of two brothers and widowed mother. I am the eldest son. I am married while my younger brother is single and takes care of my aged mother. My dad expired 10 years ago. My brother and mother do not stay with me. My dad made two houses ...
A. 28 June 2017: If you signed away your rights you are going to find it hard to legally recoup your loss. It could involve lengthy legal arguing and significant cost. What's more you could lose.
You really need to consult legal counsel. A barrister in UK will char... (read in full...)
Caught him watching porn
Q. I caught my husband watching father daughter porn twice now is this normal he denied it and got very upset....
A. 27 June 2017: Yes he denied it because he is embarrassed that you caught him. It is probably just some naughty fantasy he is exploring. However if he were to relate it to any real-life situation I hope he would find it repulsive.
So in answer to your ques... (read in full...)
Have I lost my share of family property?
Q. We are a family of two brothers and widowed mother. I am the eldest son. I am married while my younger brother is single and takes care of my aged mother. My dad expired 10 years ago. My brother and mother do not stay with me. My dad made two houses ...
A. 27 June 2017: Why don't you pay for some good legal advice? Find a competent solicitor, one who is tenacious, and pursue your claim. Clearly you haven't been able to get your share by asking for it. So you have to go the tough route. It will get messy with the ... (read in full...)
Am I being irrational for wanting my parents to be involved in my daughters life?
Q. I have a daughter and am expecting another child. And since she was born, my parents have not been very active in her life. The first three or 4 months, they'd come over almost every weekend and after that, it'd be every several months. They...
A. 27 June 2017: I can understand you might feel disappointed but there isn't much you can do about it. There may be many reasons they don't want to spend time with her. What have they told you?
Not all grandparents are doting. Some are glad to get the tiny chil... (read in full...)
Graduation dilemma - what should I do ?
Q. Hi there ! I have a " graduation " Dilemma . I had a messy divorce and lost my home and most of my possessions to my ex husband . My daughter has a University graduation in two weeks and gave her two allocated tickers for her graduation to her ...
A. 27 June 2017: Get over it. It is your daughter. Plan to take her and the grandparents somewhere special after the ceremony. Three hours to her special event...? Well that's not much compared to a lifetime is it?... (read in full...)
What goes through a man's head when he sees his wife having sex with another man?
Q. To make it short my husband and I are into guys joining us for sex . But husband has always joined for sex until recently when at a party when a black guy paid attention to me more than normal. So at husbands request I invited him home for a ...
A. 24 June 2017: So OP, to return to my original answer, 'Why don't you ask him'?... (read in full...)
What goes through a man's head when he sees his wife having sex with another man?
Q. To make it short my husband and I are into guys joining us for sex . But husband has always joined for sex until recently when at a party when a black guy paid attention to me more than normal. So at husbands request I invited him home for a ...
A. 17 June 2017: You are in a marriage where you and your husband are freely coupling with others. As you have reached this stage of trust, why oh why can you not ask your husband this question?... (read in full...)
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