Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 5 November 2017: If you lend a friend £20, and then they never contact you again, it's probably worth it.
I think, if you look at the replies you have had, you will realise that you are being told to write it off. By all means be generous in life, but don't be play... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 5 November 2017: If you lend a friend £20, and then they never contact you again, it's probably worth it.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend lost feelings for me - is it her depression?
Q. Hi there. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I will try and be informative but brief! Myself and my partner (now ex) couldn’t be more perfect for each other. We were together just under a year and our relationship was great. We rarely...
A. 29 October 2017: She isn't withholding it. She just doesn't want to deal with it. It is at the bottom of her list of priorities. If you want your stuff then go and get it.
Depression is a serious illness. If you knew she had breast cancer you wouldn't be accu... (read in full...)
Concerned about my mental state
Q. I have a big problem. My personality has changed a lot since I was a boy. I used to be a humble kid. But now when I get home after any kind of social interaction, and think about how I behaved and what people's reactions to were to things I said n ...
A. 29 October 2017: It may be an axiom that everyone is the way life has taught them to be. Perhaps you need to examine your past and decide what has brought you to this. Being on the sociopathic scale isn't something you catch, like a cold.
It can be a useful trai... (read in full...)
Girlfriend lost feelings for me - is it her depression?
Q. Hi there. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I will try and be informative but brief! Myself and my partner (now ex) couldn’t be more perfect for each other. We were together just under a year and our relationship was great. We rarely...
A. 29 October 2017: Yes to both your questions. And depression doesn't just hit the one person. It affects family, friends and lovers.
As far as how to handle this there is no one-stop fix. What you must know is that you can't fix her. She needs a health prof... (read in full...)
Fantasizing about older men. Is it normal?
Q. Hello. I just have a simple question. Is it wrong for me to fantasize (daydream, or think..) about dating an older guy? Like five to ten years older than me? I already am dating and my boyfriend is three years older than me. I am 21 years old. I ...
A. 28 October 2017: If you ever become free, then I don't think it would hurt to try an older man - providing you choose carefully. The older you get the less the age difference seems important. At your age five to ten years is a big portion of your life. At 40 the ... (read in full...)
Why did this woman pass such a comment on my 'almost' boyfriend?
Q. Hello. I'm a fitness model and I train at a studio with my friend who is also my trainer. We've just got involved together outside a business relationship. There's this other girl who he also trains. She's been with him almost as long as I hav...
A. 28 October 2017: When people are interested in each other it is often more obvious than they believe. I would guess that is all that was going on.... (read in full...)
Ex contacted me and we are in touch again
Q. My ex contacted me and we’re in touch again. It has been many years. The last couple of times I ignored him. This time he was grieving and I reached out. He says he’s alone and will never be in a romantic r again. It has been overwhelming hearing a ...
A. 28 October 2017: It seems to me that neither of you is the right one to support the other. You have been ill and not dated for years. He might be bipolar.
It may be that he just needs a shoulder to cry on, and for you, a man has conveniently come along when you need... (read in full...)
I have unresolved feelings about my wife cheating
Q. Like most guys I know, its not the easiest thing to talk about feelings. I have been struggling with this for a while and has grown more and more to bother me. Hate to divulge that my wife cheated about a year ago but its part of the thorn. S...
A. 28 October 2017: What you have to realise is that the relationship you had is over. Whether you can rebuild a new relationship with this person, who is now not the person you once believed in, is for you both to decide.
If you want to rebuild, then perhaps goin... (read in full...)
Where can I find someone who wants to date me?
Q. I am 22 and never been on a date because no man has ever asked me out and I don't know where to go to find men who want to date me. I don't frequent bars or clubs. I have tried doing some volunteering activities and in college I previously joine...
A. 26 October 2017: Most of us men carry a little conceit ('Little!' I hear the other female aunts scream). We like to think we are interesting. We like to be encouraged to expound on our favourite subject and have a woman sit at our feet as we drone on about some ... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 26 October 2017: OK I agree, Honeypie. I wouldn't read anyone's diary or go in their handbag without permission. I have picked up a ringing phone though and said, 'Hello this is xxxx's phone. They aren't here right now. Any message?' Just to be helpful. However to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend took small amounts of money from my purse! What should I do?
Q. I was dating a guy for 3 months, who I love, and knew was broke/unemployed. 2 weeks ago, $15.00 was missing from my wallet. I thought I miscounted, so the next time he came over I took a pic of my wallet, so I knew for sure. $20.00 went miss...
A. 26 October 2017: You caught him out. You revealed him as a small time thief. He's is embarrassed and ashamed of himself, and now he can't look you in the eye or even txt you. That is because not only is he a thief but he is gutless too.
Let's put it in prop... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 25 October 2017: I was just thinking of a phone - any phone. Is there a difference if you answer a landline in someone's house or a mobile? I sense that people think there is, but it is hard to pin down why.... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 24 October 2017: OK, so you wouldn't ever pick up your friend's phone. Would you pick up your colleague's phone at work?... (read in full...)
Should I tell my long distance crush my feelings for him?
Q. Hello, I've got a friend who I've been having crush on over a year and he had crush on me (he told me)... when we've been out few times, we made out (only kissing etc) and I've developed feelings for him...Unfortunately, he wanted just fun and no r...
A. 24 October 2017: It is terrible to want something you can't have. Particularly when you are of an age when marriage or a committed relationship must be on your mind.
Unless there is some way you can be together then you are just dreaming. Is it possible?
If it... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 23 October 2017: This brings up an interesting point though. If you were in a friend's house and the phone rang while they were in the garden, would you answer it? I think many people would.... (read in full...)
Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?
Q. Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...
A. 23 October 2017: No, do not try to contact him any more. You have gone the extra mile and that is enough. Because you help someone, it doesn't mean that you get to buy into their life.
For whatever reason he isn't available. You have tried to help him out, but now ... (read in full...)
There's a big age gap so how do I go about this relationship?
Q. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/would-counselling-and-therapy-help-after-all-this.html That is the link to the first question I asked. Now over a year later, I am now finally getting in a real relationship. Except the problem is that she is only...
A. 23 October 2017: You can only be yourself. No-one knows how long a relationship will last. You find someone who you think is right - and who thinks you are right - and you put your trust in them. You ask what would be able to discuss? Well, what do you discuss ... (read in full...)
Why would a man get distant when time together is limited?
Q. so i have been seeing someone for about 2 years now, we are both military and it is now the time for me to rotate to a new duty and he will not be able to come with me. We both love each other very much but the closer i get to leaving, the more ...
A. 23 October 2017: He is possibly trying to protect himself from the hurt by denying his feelings. It would be like ripping the sticking plaster off quickly instead of the slow gentle peeling away. He could also be trying to distract himself from the loss. He is ... (read in full...)
Why was he was so mad because I answered his phone?
Q. Hi. Last night my bf got so mad at me and left my place at 2 am. He fell asleep on the couch while I was watching a movie, around 130 am I noticed on his phone maybe like 10 phone calls then like 10 messages, his phone is always in silence so he ...
A. 22 October 2017: You have to understand the culture here. Middle Eastern men think their word is law and may not be questioned by a female. You are not allowed into anything personal of his. Not his phone or his top drawer; not where he was last night, or what money ... (read in full...)
Why did she keep that key ring for so long?
Q. I have a friend who flirts with me all the time.We used to have a great friendship until one day I heard her saying I'm annoyed.We had an argument and have each other cold shoulders.However,recently I wrote a letter to her saying that I really don't ...
A. 21 October 2017: I don't think this person has any strong feelings for you from what you said. Quite the opposite if I am honest. If you have feelings for someone you make an effort. This has not been the case, has it?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend revealed a secret and my question is how do I deal with what he told me?
Q. My new boyfriend of almost 5 month has been suffering from ptsd i knew this when we first got together , he decided to be open tonight and told me a shocking secret he had kept from me , he admitted he sometimes smokes weed to help him relax and ...
A. 20 October 2017: I wonder where you have been since the 60s. Sorry you aren't old enough to have passed through those years. I think your boyfriend is finding a way to cope with the ordeal he has been through. He probably is suffering because he did his duty for the ... (read in full...)
Is this a ploy to make me jealous?
Q. This guy and I decided to be friend with benefits before uni' but when we got to uni, it was quite different. The guy is in his late 20s and we go to each other's place to sleep over but we simply end up cuddling and kissing. We got into an argu...
A. 19 October 2017: Sweetheart you decided to try FWB. Doesn't that include no exclusivity? In my opinion you would be better off moving out and concentrating on your studies. If you happen to fall in love on the way then great but take it one ball at a time. Your ... (read in full...)
Being used by my boyfriend and I don't know how to get rid of him
Q. I will try to make it short as possible, I am 35 years old gay and I dated a guy few months ago, specifically in May and I really liked him, everything was great , although he is way younger than me 24 years old, but I felt that he loves me, he ...
A. 19 October 2017: I wonder if you feel you have any blame in this? You - you have let it all happen. The money, the treats, the trips, the credit card? And then by a stroke of extraordinary stupidity you rent a lovely flat and allow him to come and free-load 24/7.
O... (read in full...)
Was I out of line and is my boyfriend right in not trusting me?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. A few months ago I met a guy at work who I messaged after I left the job. He was quite flirty with me in this conversation but I didn't think it meant anything. About a month later he messaged...
A. 19 October 2017: It takes time to build trust. All you can do is admit mistakes and never let them happen again. You will also have to explain to him in a way he can accept - which, incidentally, you haven't done to me. On the good side, you didn't keep this lia... (read in full...)
I'm being taken for granted and wonder if I should marry him!
Q. I have been with my bf for 9 years now and we both dicided to get married, and we had registered. Just lately I have been very uncomfortable with my fiancee, i dont fee like i am being loved, i am only his comfort. It has been probably my faul...
A. 18 October 2017: I think you have answered your own question. This relationship has run out of steam - at least from his side. He isn't putting in the effort and you need that in a successful marriage. Like a garden, you have to keep a marriage tended. Sorry, but it ... (read in full...)
Why would my guy friend joke about marrying me? Does it mean anything?
Q. This isn't the first time this guy has joked about us and marriage, but this just happened recently. I was over a friend's house, it was 4 of us. 2 guys and 2 girls (myself included). I said to Guy A: Heyy you need to find me a Caribbean husban...
A. 18 October 2017: Why not ask him if he has thought about getting married, in a general way, and see where the conversation goes?... (read in full...)
Is masturbation gay?
Q. If you are not thinking of anything and just masturbating for pleasure is this homosexual?...
A. 18 October 2017: No.... (read in full...)
His online world has me worried
Q. Hi All My husband is addicted to Facebook, constantly checking his Facebook even when we are out shopping/socialising etc. I have had to accept this and we have had many arguments over it. He does not listen. Recently he has set up an Inst...
A. 16 October 2017: It appears that he is being unfaithful to you in all but deed. He is certainly disrespectful. You have to read him the riot act. Last chance. Tell him tidy up his act or he loses you. This is a one time offer.
His behaviour is outrageous!... (read in full...)
Torn between my man and my family
Q. I understand that this is a difficult topic for strangers to give me advice on, but worth a try. I came on holiday to Australia from England 4 years ago and met a man. Being only 25 at the time i took the 'go with the flow approach' and we have had...
A. 15 October 2017: I'm sorry you find yourself in this bind. My best suggestion is that you arrange to go home for six months and see how you feel about everything. A solid relationship can survive a six months break. A little time apart from him, and with your ... (read in full...)
Family problem has just got worse
Q. Hi, I posted previously about a fall out I had with my sister due to her not being able to take responsibility for a flat she shares with me and also that I didn't want her drug addict boyfriend round. Anyway she has taken it to extremes and I ...
A. 15 October 2017: I would say you are managing a difficult situation very well. I can't believe your family know the whole story yet still take your sister's side. Families shouldn't take sides.
I think the advice you got on your original question still stands. Get ... (read in full...)
Have I blown my dream job with a wrong answer?
Q. Hi I just applied for my dream job in an IT company and got invited for interview. Interview had 4 rounds and I cleared all of them. But after the rounds we had a small question answer round about the job. They asked me whether I'm okay with ni...
A. 15 October 2017: Some things just arn't meant to be. Sometimes if you aren't a good fit for the company any answer you gave would be a disqualifier.
Similarly if they really want you then you won't do much wrong even if you tried.
Pick yourself up and keep the... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with the father of my children
Q. Almost 50 and extremely horny. All I want is to have sex with the father of my children. We haven't been together for over 12 years. We broke up because he hooked up with best friend and things havent been the same. Getting back together isn...
A. 15 October 2017: Distraction and alternatives are all I can suggest. You clearly aren't going to be reunited with Mr Wonderful any time soon. Enjoy your hormone boost while it continues.... (read in full...)
My 'best friend' isn't much of a friend at all
Q. I have had a friend for about 30 years. We met as small children and have been "best friends" since. She has actually been fake and shady toward me since childhood. She would treat me differently depending on who was around. I was not strong ...
A. 15 October 2017: Well, your post is one long moan about your "friend". Actually it should be about you. You know what this person is like and yet you still allow her into your life.
If it troubles you as much as you say then do something - drop her.
If you can ... (read in full...)
I haven't had any luck dating. Should I give up on love?
Q. Is love not in the cards for me? I have tried online dating and after a couple of dates I realized the men in the sites aren't exactly the type of men that I want. I admit I have taken a year and a half to work on myself after a string of two bad ...
A. 11 October 2017: It isn't about your looks. Providing you are looking after yourself, which I'm sure you are, then it is more about meeting the right person in person. And to do that you have to be in the right place.
Personally I would give up on the on-line dati... (read in full...)
I overshared family information about my heritage with a professor and am now feeling very anxious
Q. I overshared information a week ago with my university tutor and have had severe anxiety since! I was showing my tutor some of my work for the class which included a reference to Aboriginal Australians. I then blurted out that my father is ...
A. 11 October 2017: Is it so bad being aboriginal, or even part aboriginal? I would have thought it was something to be proud of. You can call on deep roots. It embraces spirituality, environment, art, culture. You have a right to be there. You are not just an ... (read in full...)
The man I am dating doesn't believe in kissing and affection
Q. I am seeing a guy who when I asked says he doesn’t do kissing and affection. I was widowed 9 years ago and this is the first since. I really like this guy but not sure about not kissing although the sex is great. I told him I kind of fell ...
A. 11 October 2017: Help with good answers only? Really? If I were you I would want to know why he won't kiss. You need good answers from him don't you. Without understanding you cannot move past the block.... (read in full...)
I think my straight friends has feelings for me. What shall I do?
Q. my straight friend is giving weired signals and i am really confused regarding 6 months back i went to a shop where i met this guy for the 1st time and almost on my 2nd or 3rd visit we became friends. In another 1 months we became good frie...
A. 11 October 2017: It is difficult to know in your culture. I am told that in some parts of Africa men hold hands simply because they are friends. What is it like in your culture? Are you trying to read more into this than is there?
The obvious thing to do would be t... (read in full...)
I have been helplessley in love with someone for too long, what do I do?
Q. I am in love with someone. I have known him for years now. When I fell in love with im, it was slow, and so pure. He was my first love. I love him with all of my heart. Around the time I fell for him he had a girlfriend. And that hurt my heart, b...
A. 9 October 2017: Why don't you propose taking it to the next level? If you don't take the opportunity you will always regret it.... (read in full...)
My wife is another man's slave
Q. My wife is deeply into S and M and I am not. I discovered that she has become the slave of another man, but still professes she loves me. I have allowed her to spend 2 or 3 nights a week with her dom. I don't think I can find any way to give her...
A. 6 October 2017: I think I would tell this guy in no uncertain terms to leave her alone. You then become top dog.
If she still wants to play at being a slave then put her in the cupboard for a few hours. She could also do some naked dusting for you while you watc... (read in full...)
Is my Supervisor in the wrong for telling us about a colleague's mistake?
Q. The other day my supervisor told me and a colleague during a meeting a mistake a co-worker made. This mistake is something that did not affect me or my other colleague whatsoever. Was this appropriate? I just feel if he was attempting to tell us the ...
A. 6 October 2017: Play the long game. Things can change. Supervisors can come and go. Maybe you will be promoted. Who knows?
If it gets too bad to stand you might have to take your concerns further up the chain. ... (read in full...)
Should I move out?
Q. Hello, everyone! I am here to ask something and hear your opinions. I am a romanian girl which moved to Germany about 5 years ago. I am in school and to be honest, is going pretty well. But my problem has got nothing to do with my school. I turned ...
A. 6 October 2017: I think that taking a flat with another girl would be perfect for you. Your allowances for college should go into your bank account not your parents. I don't understand how that has been allowed to happen.
As you say you are an adult now and soon... (read in full...)
It seems like our relationship was a big lie!
Q. First, let me start by saying the past week with my boyfriend has been great. He's been affectionate and talking about marriage, which itself isn't new, and spending all his time with me at my house aside from work. We'll call him D Then out of n...
A. 6 October 2017: Even if you had set him up, which I don't think you did, he still went for it. And not just once!
You cannot trust this man. Get yourself free. Make it quick and sharp like pulling a sticking plaster off.
It is common for people to be angry wh... (read in full...)
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