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Help me find a way to choose

Tagged as: Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 January 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I don’t know whom I love, both men have an effect on me and both are way too complicated.

I really would love your insight so don’t read and run ??

I’m 30 years old woman, I am at this very moment torn between the love of my life and a man I barely know.

I’ve been deeply in love with one man since he was a boy and I a little girl. We grew up together and he was my everything for many many years, we ended up living together and also losing a baby together in our early twenties. Saying this, it has nothing to do for why we broke up. This is a long story that I won’t go into details but it’s important to note fate and destiny had a hand in separating us.

I left my home country shorty after the events that took us a part from each other.

I’ve lived like a high flier, travelled the world and lived my life to the fullest for years just to pretend I was happy. I suppose to be happy. But truth is , while the picture shows me living the life with big smile on my face. It’s all fake. All stubbornness, I’m just proving a living my life to the fullest and the best I can.

I’ve always kept in touch with my soulmate, I’ve seen him evertime I went back home. He like me, have proved a more valid point.

He is charming and living his life to the fullest too, he has became a womaniser and not a relationship man.

Finally, the things that prevented us from initially being together has resolved (our families were against us getting married,both our dads passed away) so we have been talking again and I’m going home to see him soon.

He has waited for me, and is now saying it clear we know each other most of our lives and wasted years apart and it’s time we finish this drama off by getting married and get back together for good.

All sound good ? I truly love him with my soul,my body, my mind, I love the fact that he exist on this earth. I love him so dearly and can never imagine growing old with anyone else.

But there is this other man m. Whom I met over a year ago, we never changed numbers even, we always keep meeting unplanned.

The 1st time we shared a hello in a coffee shop, that wa it? I straight away had a surge of “chemical” feelings, desire, purely sexual magnetic attraction. I saw him so delicious and yummy (I’ve never had this sexual desire other than with my soulmate)

I saw him again and 3 month on meeting randomly, we shared an unplanned kiss. We were not even friends. When we kissed I really fancied him. But he then said to me he can’t be with me, he can’t deal with “intense” feelings. We kept meeting again and avoiding meeting each other but lately - over two months now-I was driving once and he saw me and flashed me to stop.

Without talking, we kissed, a hungry kiss, the kind that wraps you up and makes your body melt. We made out and I cannot bit say I was sure we both were extremely just horny for each other.

Now this man is showing more in my life and demanding more, his kisses are possisive, I just feel so turned on to him sexually.

I defo know I don’t have emotions for him. My heart doesn’t bound for him. But I want him so much, it’s crazy how I desire him - we know each other now for about a year and haven’t had sex.

Now. This magnetic man wants to take things further, and I fancy him but I fancy my sweetheart and can’t wait to kiss him and be with him genuinely .

How can I love someone so deeply and be so sexually attracted to another at the same time .

View related questions: broke up, get back together, horny, soulmate, womaniser

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI am married yet there is this man who I am very attracted to. Yet I don't love him, yes I may have grown close to him but I would never cheat on or hurt my husband you just need to learn how to control your feelings.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 January 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntBeing in love with a person does not make us blind to the attractiveness of others. However, how we choose to deal with that attraction says everything about our morals and us as human beings.

You have chosen to play with fire by letting this man know how attracted you are to him. He is now testing you to see if you are prepared to get burned.

What you feel for him is LUST, pure and simple. Never underestimate the power of lust, as it is a very powerful emotion. However, it seldom if ever lasts. When you have to live with him, and pick up his dirty underpants off the floor, and watch him being a slob or being ill, the lust will march out of the door very quickly. Hopefully it will be replaced by something a lot better and more stable, but there is no guarantee.

It is probably no coincidence that, just at the time circumstances are right for you and your long term soulmate to be together, you are suddenly attracted to another man. Could it be that you are not sure now about whether you do actually want to tie yourself to the man you have dreamed about being with for all these years?

We all have choices to make in life. Most choices come with a price tag. If you let yourself be lured into a relationship with this "magnetic" man, you could lose your soulmate for ever. Would that be a price worth paying? That is only a question YOU can answer.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2018):

Denizen agony auntCan you have both? I don't know. Are you prepared to risk everything by being honest with them? To my mind it wouldn't work. I am not saying it can't. In France situations like this are more tolerated I am told.

The alternative is that you settle for one and lose the other. You can only ever have half the world.

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