Wife pushed for my promotion and now we're both miserable
Q. I work in a science/technology/research field and I like my job. I have been at the same organization for over 20 years with increasing leadership roles. My last was leading a team of engineers performing tasks I enjoyed. Salary was very good, ho...
A. 3 August 2017: Time to change jobs. Use an outplacement company to help you find what you really want to do next.
And stop working such long hours. It is essential that you, and your company, to get the work-life balance correct. You will be more effective when... (read in full...)
I'm worried about the problems I will face with my soon to be mother in law
Q. In the next couple weeks i will be marry to my longterm fiance. We had a weird and unique relationship. Everybody envy me because they think that he spoilted me too much. What others dont know is,our relationship is kinda odd because we keep ...
A. 3 August 2017: You have written a detailed account of your difficulties but one thing stood out to me. It was when you said: 'The main problem is, he is not financially stable yet and we need to live in the same place with his parent'.
You are accepting that as a... (read in full...)
Why has this man reappeared saying he's sorry things didn't work out
Q. I met a guy online a few months back. We got on well, there was chemistry and he only lived a 5 minute drive from me. Right from the start even though his profile said he was looking for a relationship I knew he was only after the physical side. ...
A. 3 August 2017: I think your suspicions are correct. You have let yourself be a source for uncomplicated sex. He wants to come back for more. It's not difficult to understand. It isn't even wrong if you both are playing by the same rules.
I believe that if you ... (read in full...)
I have a fear that if we have sex it will be the end of our relationship
Q. I have just started seeing this guy and things are going well. We have met a few times now and the dates have been going out for dinner, a walk along the beach and the last one was he made me dinner at his. Physically, things have happened but...
A. 1 August 2017: Well he has told you he is prepared to wait, so sex is not the only thing he is looking for. Anyway you have sex when you both want to. It isn't some perk you hand out if the rest of the arrangement is going well. Just try and relax and enjoy being ... (read in full...)
We met twice and now she says she wants space. Doesn't she like me?
Q. I met a girl online and we've met in person on two occasions. We seemed to just click from the beginning and she even said she didn't understand why I was still single. We've spoken on the telephone at length between meetings, however following our ...
A. 1 August 2017: I can't help you understand but what is clear is that you can forget about going any further with this one. I don't think she could have made it any clearer.
Who knows why? Perhaps an old friend got in from out of town and she intends seeing more... (read in full...)
If he keeps sending selfies does he like me as more than a friend?
Q. I have a guy friend who regularly sends me selfies of himself (nothing sexual or shirtless) just pictures from his shoulders up usually or a close up of his face. I don't ask for them. Last week he sent me a selfie of his new hairstyle, with the ...
A. 1 August 2017: It's hard to know really whether he likes you more than a friend. He could be sending out his pic to a hundred people. Perhaps he wants someone - anyone - but why should it be you? What would make you his ideal partner, or him yours?
Do you know... (read in full...)
I've told him how I feel but he says I am overthinking!
Q. Hello, I have been seeing a guy since April. I met him at university but now I have finished, I have moved back home, meaning we live 2 hours away from each other. I also went travelling for two months after seeing him for 2 months. We still...
A. 1 August 2017: You write: "He keeps telling me his gonna ask me to be his girlfriend soon".
That sounds juvenile. Too juvenile. Do people really do that - ask,"Please will you be my girlfriend"?
I think you should take your foot off the gas regarding him. If ... (read in full...)
I wonder should I tell him how I feel?
Q. So there's this guy. He was the president of a club I'm in, but this past may he graduated and he's going off to college in 2 weeks. We became really close. He would give me rides places and we would go on runs together. We went out to a formal ...
A. 1 August 2017: Sorry my love but you are too young for him. You may carry a torch for him but that is all it can be for now. He's going to college anyway so what can you hope for?
Sometimes you just have to be realistic. I have just about resigned myself to the ... (read in full...)
When are you supposed to be "over it" when your partner cheats?
Q. I have a question that I'm betting A LOT of people do that visit this website. If your in a relationship and you are madly deeply in love with the person your with. Time goes by and you find out that they have been lying to you many times and ...
A. 30 July 2017: Maybe you will never be over it, nor should you ever forget it. It is your experience. It will help you in the future. However that doesn't mean there won't come a time when it won't matter. How long that take varies but it can be several years. ... (read in full...)
Do tell her to put family before anything else?
Q. I am 19,n really want to give my sort of step mom some good advice caz shes been askin my opinion. You see we are like best friends, shes been there for me for 5 yrs.She married her 1st boyfriend right outa high school, is now devorised n has been ...
A. 28 July 2017: Listen but don't presume to advise. Having someone to talk to will help her sort things out in her head. But offering solutions won't help. She has to arrive at her own decisions by herself, but possibly with your help, by being a good listener, she ... (read in full...)
I'm hurting terribly after a break up. Any advice on how to feel better?
Q. Hi everyone, I was involved with a guy for about a year. It didn't work out because he couldn't commit to me and last week I found out he'd actually been in love with someone else when he met me. I made the decision last week to cut contac...
A. 28 July 2017: Fill your life with fun, friends and family. Know that you will get through it. You managed before him and you will afterwards.
Although you may not believe it there is someone better for you. You need to get this out of the way so that your fate... (read in full...)
I'm dating a guy who's rather pushy and doesn't want to compromise on even the smallest of things
Q. There's this guy I have been dating and he is overall wonderful. However, he's done things here and there that has shown me that maybe he can't really compromise. Once, we went dancing at a restaurant with a live band. We had a great time had s...
A. 28 July 2017: Sorry my dear, but I think you already know the answer to this one. He isn't going to change. It's his nature and nurture.
You know where the door is.... (read in full...)
Why won't he play with me and not himself
Q. Boyfriend of 1 year who is 33 and I am 29 . He masturbates in bed next to me when he thinks I am asleep or if I am awake he quickly goes to the bathroom. Once he does the deed, then he will say sweet things oh i miss you, oh i love you. We have sex ...
A. 28 July 2017: I imagine he believes you can't give him the quick release he needs. He doesn't want to go into full blown and lengthy sex with you. He just needs release. It is a characteristic of men.
You can do that for him but he might not feel able to ask you.... (read in full...)
He makes faces when I talk about men I have dated. Is he jealous?
Q. If I mention the names of men who I admire or have dated, my co-worker always makes this scrunched up face like he smelled a nasty poopie. I don't constantly talk about other guys. Does this mean he is jealous? He also stares at me when he thinks ...
A. 28 July 2017: No, I think he is just tired of hearing about your old dates. And he is probably looking at you to see if you are still watching him, and wondering why.
Honestly OP it can be really tiresome to have someone who shares the workplace constantly goin... (read in full...)
I have feelings for two guys, and they're best friends?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I am in a bit of a unique situation which is causing me a lot of stress. My ex, (let's call him M) and I broke up in March after he said he didn't really know what he wanted and he said, "this doesn't mean we can't get back ...
A. 28 July 2017: You could toss a coin if there is really nothing to choose between them. You could pick the one who is nearest to you. That would make dates easier to arrange. Or you could do as they did in the days of yore - set them a test and the one who wins ... (read in full...)
Tired of my freinds' boasting about their conquests
Q. My friends are all in relationships, all very serious, one just got engaged. I'm happy for all of them, really I am, but here's the thing, the last time I had any sort of relationship was when I was 15, and I clearly wasn't enough for him because he ...
A. 28 July 2017: Perhaps you should start building a new network of friends and stop seeing these, 'old married couples', who used to be your friends quite so often. They sound a bit insensitive to me.
You can stop living on social media so much. Then you won'... (read in full...)
Is it too late to contact my ex? I shouldn't have let him go
Q. Hi,just ended two year relationship, he was nice first but soon As he knew I fell in love, he changed became a jerk, I broke up with a guy, to be with him, a six month relationship, now he was so different, he treated me so special, I didn't know ...
A. 26 July 2017: He obviously wasn't what you wanted or you wouldn't have let him go, and in that manner too. There is no going back in my opinion. You have made your bed...
They say we keep getting the same lesson in life until we learn it. That is your task now ... (read in full...)
How is the best way to deal with social media and ex partners?
Q. My partner and i separated about 4 weeks ago. We had been together 4 years. The break up was horrible. He called me one day at work told me he cheated on me then dumped me...i was in shock because i had no idea anything was wrong.im still hurting. ...
A. 26 July 2017: I can't advise you on how to limit who you can see on Facebook. However, why not simply email your friends instead of talking to them on a public forum? In that way he won't see what you write and you won't see him.
There is also the telephone - I ... (read in full...)
First time sex was a disaster!
Q. I tried sex for the first time I really like the guy and I really did want it, but when it came to it, it didn't feel good. First he wouldn't fit into me, then he started touching me which I barely felt and when he was finally inside me I didn't f...
A. 26 July 2017: Sorry it wasn't great for you. It is quite common for the first time to be a bit of a disaster. The secret, if there is any, is for the man to take his time and give you lots of foreplay. Men come to the boil quite quickly, unless they are nervous. ... (read in full...)
Any suggestions on how to get someone that's been your best friend to see you as more?
Q. I'm 15 and I like a guy that's 17 and turning 18 in a few months. I am slightly concerned about the age difference. If we don't *do anything*, there wouldn't be anything from keeping us together, right? I've liked him for years now haha! Any ...
A. 26 July 2017: It is true that girls mature more quickly than boys so you may feel this boy's equal. However he will see you as being too young. His friends will call him a cradle-snatcher and he probably won't want to endure ridicule to be seen dating you as you ... (read in full...)
My friend just featured in my dream and I wonder if that means anything?
Q. Hi! So I once had a dream about watching sunset in the middle of the sea (it's really weird but all my dreams are like that) with a guy but he had no face, and in my dream I think we are in a relationship (because we are doing sweet acts with each ...
A. 26 July 2017: The thing about dreams is, does it mean something to you? Dreams are a way for the unconscious to speak to the conscious. You need to look more to what the feelings you experienced were in the dream, rather than the situation. Dreams tend to use ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being wise and protecting himself? Or is there more to the story?
Q. My boyfriend and I have a very happy relationship, we spend a lot of our time together, we go out, stay in, and we have a lot of sex and we're very affectionate towards one another. We are in the process of selling our houses separately and buying ...
A. 25 July 2017: Marriage would make it simpler for you. You are entitled to a half of your husband's wealth as I understand it, and he to yours.
The flaw in your boyfriend's logic regarding the house is that you both will be jointly paying a mortgage for the fore... (read in full...)
My married lover has been conflicted lately. What is next?
Q. Hi. I'm not looking to be judged. I am just looking for some good, sound advice as this situation is not one you can discuss openly. And as happy as it can be, it can also be difficult and very painful. I am not sure how to address this. I hope you ...
A. 25 July 2017: Your best option is an ultimatum to him - it's her or me. Of course he doesn't want to go through divorce - who would? It is the fairest thing for everyone concerned: the wife, you and him. If he can't summon up the courage to do it, or you are not ... (read in full...)
Should I end things with him? Or just go with the flow?
Q. Thank you for for your hellp. ... not sure what to do at this point regarding my situation but any suggestions will help. What happened is that I've known this guy at work for about 4 years and we've talked as co-workers/friends all this time in ...
A. 25 July 2017: It is starting to sound complicated. I would just not bother anymore. You don't have to make a big deal over it - just don't bother making contact.
If he tries to get you into bed again at some later date I think you should consider other opti... (read in full...)
I forgave him after his betrayal, but how can I warm this love up again?
Q. I am 27, yet still so naive in love. I will try to make this as short as possible. Both times when being betrayed, I never had a doubt because he was still treating me as good as we used to be. 6 months ago, my bf had feelings for a gir...
A. 24 July 2017: Sorry but there is no going back to what it was. It is a different relationship now. You have to decide if you can exist with person who you now know to be different to who you imagined him to be. Can it be mended? I'm not sure.... (read in full...)
We split up 5 years ago but I still have feelings for him
Q. Hi I split up with a ex 5 years ago I know it's a long time ago but the problem is I still have feelings for him and I don't know why the relationship was very intense we fell in love straight away but he suddenly started treating me horribly I ...
A. 24 July 2017: The reason you still have these feelings is because you keep revisiting it in your head. It is in the past like a day on the beach. You can revisit it in your head but it is gone. It isn't real anymore.
Look forward not back. Find things that are ... (read in full...)
Is this guy lying about his wifey situation?
Q. I met a guy online and started seeing him. Before I started seeing him he took down his profile as he said he found it demoralising. He told me he was separated, had been for 9 yrs. said he hadn't divorced because he wife had gotten a boyfrie...
A. 23 July 2017: There is too much baggage attached to this one. Whether he is telling the truth or making up porkies it should all be so much simpler than this for you.
I would draw a line under this for your own sanity. Otherwise you are going to be drawn into... (read in full...)
Friend will not take any ownership for problems in our friendship. What should I do?
Q. Good morning This is such a neat site and I get answers from around the world which is cool. My issue involves a ten year old friendship. I have had bumps in the road with this friendship in the past but we have worked it out but as of late the c...
A. 23 July 2017: Perhaps she was upset about not being included in the planning of the trip. She might have liked to be asked about the itinerary and route. It sounds like you did all the planning.
You need to think about whether this friendship is something you ... (read in full...)
Was he just being an ex, and was he using me?
Q. Hi thanks for reading guys I need advice. On wed me and my ex spend the night together, we went for a meal a few drinks and was best night we ever had, he was so loving told me he can't imagine his life without me. Was incredible met some of his ...
A. 23 July 2017: You need to ignore him. Whatever the reason you you shouldn't chase him. He was on a full-on night out with the boys after all. Depending on the level of excess he could be recovering for up to three days.
If his proclamation of love for you was ... (read in full...)
How do I help my boyfriend sort himself out?
Q. My boyfriend had a really bad relationship with this girl before me and left him with some mental scars and we were totally fine until he got drunk and texted some random girl stupid stuff but they weren't that bad. Now he's apologised loads and I ...
A. 19 July 2017: Using depression as an excuse is unacceptable. Real depression is paralysing. It sounds like he is just a moody teenager and not really ready for someone sympathetic, understanding and loving like you.
It's one thing to be really depressed. Then... (read in full...)
She makes up things I've said - then criticises me
Q. Hey guys, Need some advice here or just a way to avoid the unnecessary arguments altogether. In short, my girlfriend is continuously saying I've said things I've never said. It's driving me mad because if I defend myself about these things...
A. 19 July 2017: This is an insidious manoeuvre on her part. It works by keeping you permanently on the back foot. The aim is control.
The counter, the only one I know, is a rude rebuke or, in the event of a come-back, a series of them. Use a colourful and imag... (read in full...)
I don't want to panic in the future about oral sex performed on me, advice please?
Q. Hi I'm an 18 y/o girl and lost my virginity earlier this year. It was great, and the foreplay was even better, except as he was kissing his way down there I was pulling him back up. I told him I wasn't comfortable with him going down on me, like I ...
A. 19 July 2017: Don't worry about your natural odour. It is a turn on. Men are wired to respond to it. As previous Aunts said, as long as your hygiene is good then there is nothing to worry about. And if any man doesn't enjoy the experience he needn't go there. I... (read in full...)
Should I allow her more space in my arrangements?
Q. I am a lady who likes ladies. I have been toying with the idea of moving across the country to a particular city for awhile and have a good friend there. Through an online dating site, I have been speaking with a lady from this city who seems great, ...
A. 18 July 2017: Yes I think you should allow her space to meet you without necessarily having to give you lodgings. She has probably had second thoughts about her wave of generosity.
Book into a hotel or similar. That allows you both freedom to be with or with... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my husband because I feel sorry for him?
Q. Hi, I'm 49 and married second time for 5 years. He is 13 years older and adores me. But Iv never really been settled. Iv hankered after an ex for the first years of the marriage. Now Iv met and fallen madly in love with a guy I met . I'm so ...
A. 17 July 2017: You have to be fair to your husband. You do him no favours at all by staying. As it seems he is a good man then treat him well. Cut him loose and let him find someone who loves him fully. Could I suggest a period of time should elapse before y... (read in full...)
What signs should I look for?
Q. Is it normal to look for signs that point to more than friendship? I've had this sort of thing going on with a guy I really like and we do lots of things and spend lots of time together, and there are lots of signs that it is something more but we ...
A. 14 July 2017: Yes it's normal but what you offer isn't much to go on. Men just aren't that subtle to be frank.
What is your gut telling you? If you think it might be on then you have to help make it possible. That means taking a little risk. And if it's a 'no'... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a good guy but I'm not in love with him anymore. There's also a new man on the scene but he's in a relationship. I'm clueless about what to do
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles. I'm posting this here because I have always had good advice here before and I have no one I can speak to about this. I feel like such an awful person for what I am about to write but I can't go on keeping it in my head. It's ...
A. 14 July 2017: Thank you for your honesty. I sympathise with the bind you are in and I will try to give you a clear analysis as I see it.
First you say your boyfriend is quitting his job. This suggests he hasn't yet, and even if he has handed in notice there is t... (read in full...)
Is this happening too quickly?
Q. Preface: So, 11 weeks ago I posted a question on this website to seek help with an (almost) four-year-old relationship. Two wise people gave me the advice to end the relationship - advice I ignored until about a month ago when I finally made the...
A. 13 July 2017: Yes is the answer. It is happening too fast. However when you are in love it is hard to put the brakes on. I think you both need to think about moving somewhere new, somewhere not tainted by your previous relationship. Let that be you focus for the ... (read in full...)
How do I go back to being who I was while at Korea? I'm stuck in a weird slump
Q. Okay, I am a 20 year old guy who just returned to my middle of nowhere hometown after the most amazing year abroad in Seoul, South Korea studying at a University that I've always dreamed of attending and it finished, AN incredible, what i thought to ...
A. 13 July 2017: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get out there and engage with something. Shouldn't you be looking for a holiday job? Can you not volunteer some time to help others? Is there not something you can do with your time until uni'?
You have been on a hi... (read in full...)
I can't believe that after all his drama, HE dumped me! I need closure. What do I do?
Q. Hey guys! Just need a little advice at the moment! Hope you can help! I met a guy at my job that I started dating.. before anyone says "Don't date people you work with".. I usually don't, and I only made an acception because he works in anot...
A. 13 July 2017: It's hard to imagine how much more closure you could get. Sure, you need to get over it. You made a mistake picking this one, but you realise it. On the up side you have found out quite quickly what a mistake it was. So drop this toxic piece back in ... (read in full...)
Should I let the children meet?
Q. My question has a little bit of history behind it. So about eight years ago I was at the eight month mark dating a boyfriend when I was in my early twenties and he cheated on me with his best female friend so we broke up and a few weeks later I ...
A. 12 July 2017: Let me put the question back to you and perhaps then you will be nearer the right answer.
Why would you not want them to meet?
Can you come up with good reasons why they shouldn't meet? If so then you have your answer.... (read in full...)
I seem to be stuck in a fantasy world. Am I going mad?
Q. I want to give a little background - I have an obsessive personality (my therapist) has stated this on top of bad anxiety. Lately due to the stress because of bills all I do is work and I have found that I get sick in this fantasy land of dreaming ...
A. 12 July 2017: If you are looking for constant validation you will always be vulnerable. It isn't what you think you are. It isn't even what they think you are. It is what you think, they think you are. It seems to me that if you have a counsellor or therapis... (read in full...)
| *enizen's friends
These are mutual friends, so *enizen has
added them and they have added *enizen!
|
