Why do men go to men caves unannounced, go no contact, leaving women worrying?
Q. I posted an issue on the site a few days ago. The link is provided. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-are-soulmates-but-now-hes-ignoring-me.html If you are unable to access it through the link it is under the archive of August 19th and i...
A. 28 August 2013: Hi OP. It's not just a man thing. I recently did something similar and I'm not a man. After getting to know the ex better and realising I was getting into a toxic relationship, I walked away. I went silent. Not without huge amounts of guilt ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is disabled and does not feel respected by her mom.
Q. Well my girlfriend is upset cause her mom doesn't let her take shower without her mom around. She used to have bad seizures. But her seizures are under control with a nerve stimulater. My girlfriend has to wait until her mom is around even though ...
A. 28 August 2013: p.s. I agree with most of what the anon poster below me wrote about boundaries, perceived risk levels etc. but seizure alert dogs are a dubious concept. There is no scientific proof that a dog can predict when a seizure will occur (unfortunately). I ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is disabled and does not feel respected by her mom.
Q. Well my girlfriend is upset cause her mom doesn't let her take shower without her mom around. She used to have bad seizures. But her seizures are under control with a nerve stimulater. My girlfriend has to wait until her mom is around even though ...
A. 28 August 2013: OP, this is a tricky one. The mother has spent 33 years protecting her daughter from premature death - epilepsy is life threatening. However, the mother now has to take a step back - her daughter is an adult whose seizures are now, thankfully, well ... (read in full...)
I think I've lost my g/f and don't know what to do
Q. So my gf and I have been dating for just over 2 months. We recently moved in together and things have gotten bad. It seems as if everyday I do atleast 1 thing wrong, most days it's several things. It's almost as if she looks for things to complain ...
A. 27 August 2013: Two months! OP, you don't know each other. I'm not beating you up, only today a friend told me that her and her hubby moved in together after only 3-4 months, but I believe they're the exception rather than the rule.
This situation is causing ... (read in full...)
My g/f makes me wait hours between texts. I don't like her behavior!
Q. hi guys. a few nights ago, my girlfriend came home after spending the night with one of her friends. she texted me "heeey" with a smiley face to let me know she was back. and i replied in about 10 seconds or so. then she disappeared for ...
A. 27 August 2013: I agree with CindyCares. You cannot conduct a relationship or even a conversation through text messages (been there, done that). Take her at her word when she says she's busy. Though she may actually be avoidant of your over-use of text messaging as ... (read in full...)
LDR says I'm nicer than the other girls he's been with
Q. This year I went on holiday with my family and whilst I was away, I met a guy who lives in Wales and I'm from England, so we could make it work. The hitch is, he is 19 and has slept with 18 girls, including a threesome he told me about whilst he ...
A. 26 August 2013: OP, your post is all about how he feels about you. It's lovely that he says these words to you (but bear in mind, they are only words). But what do you feel about him?
How do you feel about his sexual history and the fact that he hasn't wanted t... (read in full...)
I have a girlfriend and a friend with benefits. What am I going to do?
Q. I think I'm in love with 2 girls. I have a girlfriend but lately I've been getting close with a friend of mines. Myself and my friend are what you could call friends with benefits. She doesn't know that i have a girlfriend though, and I'm starting ...
A. 23 August 2013: Yes it is wrong and it's not love if you're betraying with of them. It's infatuation. Don't be an arse. How would you feel if your girlfriend had another guy she was screwing ....? Exactly ... ... (read in full...)
I can rarely make my girfriend orgasm, she can do it by herself but doesn't let me share in the experience and it makes me feel hurt, rejected and excluded
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I am feeling pretty low in the relationship because of an issue which has been bothering me for nearly a year. I can only make her cum at most about 1x a month and we have an active sex life. She ma...
A. 22 August 2013: p.s. please don't think that she "refuses" - that's not what's happening here, from what I understand. It's more likely that she just can't, and knowing how much it means to you, it makes HER more anxious. Back to the vicious cycle. ... (read in full...)
I can rarely make my girfriend orgasm, she can do it by herself but doesn't let me share in the experience and it makes me feel hurt, rejected and excluded
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I am feeling pretty low in the relationship because of an issue which has been bothering me for nearly a year. I can only make her cum at most about 1x a month and we have an active sex life. She ma...
A. 22 August 2013: Dylan, I go back to what I said before about stage fright. I highly doubt she's unwilling to "share" her orgasms with you, but something is holding her back psychologically. She's not 100% comfortable. She's not withholding to punish or insult you ... (read in full...)
I feel a bit badly for dumping my FWB for a new boyfriend!
Q. Hey, Ok so I would love some guys points of views here as I have NO idea what to think. Ive been in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy for about 2 years now, its been great really, we are great friends and its not all just physical, I...
A. 22 August 2013: It sounds more like he has a bruised ego. He'll get over it.
It's his responsibility if he keeps allowing himself to be a "gateway" and get in to one FWB thing after another. It's not your responsibility. You were honest and open.
Hope it... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a person with depression to do this?
Q. Hi, Is it possible that someone suffering with depression would call it off with one person who she can only see at weekends then later start seeing a friend close by because it's easier to cope with with their illness?...
A. 22 August 2013: Hi,
If this is what has happened, then yes it's possible.
Depression is complicated, horrible for the sufferer and those around them (who also suffer).
The person might have called it off because of their depression, then "later"... (read in full...)
I want a new guy in my life to fill the emptiness I feel
Q. I currently live in an apartment complex where some of the people are disabled and elderly. Sometimes it can get a little depressing because some of them are not around my age. I am in my late forties and I like to be around younger people. I...
A. 21 August 2013: There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. It's normal. However, what's not normal is wanting to meet a man to be your saviour, to fill the void. If you feel that way, and start dating with that mentality, you might find yourself ... (read in full...)
Ex initiated contact. I thought I'm over him, but now I can't stick to my guns.
Q. This is my last post. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-i-still-feel-sad-miss-him.html So the last time I talked to my ex, he said he will marry me if I fly to him tomorrow. He said he's not over me. I asked why he didn't wish me happy bir...
A. 21 August 2013: Stop talking to him, birthday or no birthday. You have no reason to be in touch with your ex. Go back to no contact, block him in every way possible, and you will get back to where you were: doing fine without him, over him.
Good luck. You can ... (read in full...)
Ex acts like he wants me back, but says he wants nothing to do with me?
Q. Well, I left my boyfriend because he had a temper. He said some hurtful things and never seemed remorseful to me. After two weeks of no contact, he started talking to me again and things were going pretty good. We decided to organise a second meet ...
A. 21 August 2013: It is hard, OP. It's impossible to simply switch off feelings, it takes time. That's why the 4 month break is going to be good for you both.
Good luck, and be patient with yourself. When you have gooey moments of missing him, remind yourself... (read in full...)
Ex acts like he wants me back, but says he wants nothing to do with me?
Q. Well, I left my boyfriend because he had a temper. He said some hurtful things and never seemed remorseful to me. After two weeks of no contact, he started talking to me again and things were going pretty good. We decided to organise a second meet ...
A. 21 August 2013: Hi OP,
You dumped him because he has a temper (I think this was the right move, by the way), then told him you don't want to see him again after he was cranky with you (fair enough). But now you're talking about getting back together. Those ar... (read in full...)
I can rarely make my girfriend orgasm, she can do it by herself but doesn't let me share in the experience and it makes me feel hurt, rejected and excluded
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I am feeling pretty low in the relationship because of an issue which has been bothering me for nearly a year. I can only make her cum at most about 1x a month and we have an active sex life. She ma...
A. 21 August 2013: "Once a month isn't a good return in my eyes". Sigh. OP, it's not about that. That sounds like a horrible business transaction.
You need her orgasms to validate yourself, boost your ego?
I am sorry that your whole relationship and personal wel... (read in full...)
I'm in love with him but he won't give me any commitment
Q. Since March this year I have been in touch with a Korean man online. We met on a penpals website so I was not looking for a relationship. He's based in London on a two year student visa. When we first started talking it was very casual but after a ...
A. 20 August 2013: p.s. Red flags (as I see them)
1) you fell for him before you met him - that is fantasy, not reality. Not judging you, I've been down that road, just sharing my experience.
2) he deleted his FB account, suggesting to cynical old me that he has ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with him but he won't give me any commitment
Q. Since March this year I have been in touch with a Korean man online. We met on a penpals website so I was not looking for a relationship. He's based in London on a two year student visa. When we first started talking it was very casual but after a ...
A. 20 August 2013: Yeah I can see plenty of red flags here, OP, and I personally think you did the right thing in ending it. It sounds shifty. Fishy.
You say you are confused. Confusion generally means there is something wrong. Let me quote you something that hel... (read in full...)
I can rarely make my girfriend orgasm, she can do it by herself but doesn't let me share in the experience and it makes me feel hurt, rejected and excluded
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. I am feeling pretty low in the relationship because of an issue which has been bothering me for nearly a year. I can only make her cum at most about 1x a month and we have an active sex life. She ma...
A. 19 August 2013: I agree with the posts below. The other thing to consider is that some women get stage fright about having an orgasm in front of their partner. If you are pushing for her to 'share' this with you, and she literally can't, it will only increase her ... (read in full...)
I've just borken up with my girlfriend but I regretted it instantly
Q. I have just broken up with my girlfriend of 4 years. Properly upsetting for both of us. It was me who took the steps to breaking cause in the last few months we couldn't stop arguing. And we could only see each other at certain times cause we lived ...
A. 8 August 2013: Benito,
You've just lost your best friend of the past 4 years, so you're bound to feel regret even though the decision was probably right.
If it took months before you could make a decision to break up, then your decision was probably well th... (read in full...)
I called my partner out on his lies, he promised to stop but doesn't show me as much affection anymore.
Q. I met my partner a year ago. It was wonderful to begin with, then I discovered his lies. Started with hiding porn, then he was mailing women behind my back when I was at work, then one evening on his phone he had signed up to a swingers website ...
A. 8 August 2013: You are not doing anything wrong. You're just discovering what this man is really like.
Can I suggest you read this, and focus on the bit about dodgy sexual behaviour;
http://www.ba... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend and told him, when I suggested splitting up he cried and begged me to stay, but the thing is I am much more attracted to the other guy than to my boyfriend
Q. Guys, I need help, I think I'm going mad. I've been in this relationship now for around 9 years. We love each other, but many a time during the first few years I slipped and cheated on my excellent boyfriend. I told him and we managed to work ...
A. 7 August 2013: "He was quite harsh and even called me names ..." whereas anyone with a decent level of self respect or self esteem would simply have told you to eff off. He has issues, as do you.
OP, 9 years of his putting up with this outright crap does not... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend and told him, when I suggested splitting up he cried and begged me to stay, but the thing is I am much more attracted to the other guy than to my boyfriend
Q. Guys, I need help, I think I'm going mad. I've been in this relationship now for around 9 years. We love each other, but many a time during the first few years I slipped and cheated on my excellent boyfriend. I told him and we managed to work ...
A. 7 August 2013: Love, care, trust and respect are all key to a healthy relationship. Ask yourself what you and your partner have of these 4 key, core issues. You say you love him, but your actions suggest otherwise. The other 3 are already gone ...
Putti... (read in full...)
A female in denial of her feelings. Anyone dealt with that?
Q. Im curious. Has anyone ever dealt with a female who was in denial of her feelings? And if so, what did it take for her to get over it and come around?...
A. 7 August 2013: Hmm, just noticed your update with more info.
She's clearly backed off, for whatever reason. Sometimes people just change their minds as they get to know a person better. The things they said at the beginning are no longer true. It's sad but it h... (read in full...)
A female in denial of her feelings. Anyone dealt with that?
Q. Im curious. Has anyone ever dealt with a female who was in denial of her feelings? And if so, what did it take for her to get over it and come around?...
A. 7 August 2013: Tranced, I happened to read your response to the young man posting about whether he should contact a woman who told him that she's not interested in him romantically. Your response to him sheds some light on your very vague question.
I am assum... (read in full...)
Should I contact this girl or continue no contact?
Q. I need advice on whether or not I should contact this girl who I really like but who I closed off all contact after admitting she doesn't want to go further with me after our first date. I met her over a month ago on a dating site and I quickly es...
A. 7 August 2013: I can't put in any better than Staceily.
You had high expectations but it just didn't work out. It is very disappointing when that happens. It takes a while to accept, but you do have to accept it.
You must have met women who liked you and wa... (read in full...)
He won't let me near his stuff but expects to be allowed to go through mine. Help me!
Q. I am having problems trusting my boyfriend,but he says im crazy my boyfriend used to be very open with his email,his phone,his friends.He would not care if I was on his laptop and his email was open,and would share all his pics with me He wa...
A. 6 August 2013: OP, good luck with this weekend and whatever you decide is best for you. And keep us posted, if it helps you.
Personally I think you should have walked away after the phone snatching malarkey, but that's easy to say as an objective outsider... (read in full...)
He won't let me near his stuff but expects to be allowed to go through mine. Help me!
Q. I am having problems trusting my boyfriend,but he says im crazy my boyfriend used to be very open with his email,his phone,his friends.He would not care if I was on his laptop and his email was open,and would share all his pics with me He wa...
A. 5 August 2013: OP, all I can add is that none of this is normal in a happy relationship. I don't see the trust, love, care & respect that you should have for one another. Wishing you all the best X... (read in full...)
He won't let me near his stuff but expects to be allowed to go through mine. Help me!
Q. I am having problems trusting my boyfriend,but he says im crazy my boyfriend used to be very open with his email,his phone,his friends.He would not care if I was on his laptop and his email was open,and would share all his pics with me He wa...
A. 4 August 2013: OP, if he's anything like the guy I once snooped on, he will have been smart enough and deleted all incriminating evidence from his phone, so whatever you find or don't find, it won't prove a thing. Before the era of smart phones, the ex I 'caught ... (read in full...)
He won't let me near his stuff but expects to be allowed to go through mine. Help me!
Q. I am having problems trusting my boyfriend,but he says im crazy my boyfriend used to be very open with his email,his phone,his friends.He would not care if I was on his laptop and his email was open,and would share all his pics with me He wa...
A. 4 August 2013: I'm in total agreement with person12345.
Based on prior (unhappy, sad) experience, I see the red flags - the new female "friend" and the secretive behaviour are highly suspect.
No, you're not going crazy, OP. You are not the one that's chang... (read in full...)
Your Ex Is Sending Mixed Signals
Q. Many of us may be in recovery from a recent breakup, or you are several weeks into the no-contact period. You broke up months or years ago. There is this dull pain in the pit of your heart. You're going about your life. You relapse and cry ...
A. 4 August 2013: Thanks WiseowlE.
I described 2 different examples of breaking up. The older breakup I don't feel guilt about really because I handled it gently and so on. He won't let go. We had thr most communication after his father died - as a people pleaser,... (read in full...)
How do I move on quicker?
Q. Hi guys and girls. I've used this site in the past years from time to time and now I'm back at rock bottom I guess. I've been cheated on with my last 2 boyfriends in 2010 and 2011 and turned rather obsessive in the last one. Now I finally decide...
A. 4 August 2013: Meant to say *who cheat (not you cheat).... (read in full...)
How do I move on quicker?
Q. Hi guys and girls. I've used this site in the past years from time to time and now I'm back at rock bottom I guess. I've been cheated on with my last 2 boyfriends in 2010 and 2011 and turned rather obsessive in the last one. Now I finally decide...
A. 4 August 2013: Hi OP,
Have you already had the abortion? If yes, then you can move on by stopping all contact with him. So, no more giving him rides, no more anything. No more contact at all. Going no contact does help get things into perspective, and will hel... (read in full...)
Your Ex Is Sending Mixed Signals
Q. Many of us may be in recovery from a recent breakup, or you are several weeks into the no-contact period. You broke up months or years ago. There is this dull pain in the pit of your heart. You're going about your life. You relapse and cry ...
A. 3 August 2013: WiseOwlE, I really appreciate your articles and like the advise I've seen you write to posters.
I'd like to ask your opinion. I was never the dumper, always the dumped (in dysfunctional relationships that I couldn't let go on). Twice in the past... (read in full...)
At what point is it OK to buy lingerie for your girlfriend?
Q. Me and my gf have been seeing for a year and a half now . I’m thinking I would like to get a special gift. I’m thinking about lingerie. when is it ok to lingerie for your girlfriend? Any advice about getting lingerie for a girlfriend? Is that ...
A. 3 August 2013: I'm a bit unsure about buying men buying lingerie for their girlfriends. Maybe I'm a tad cynical, but I feel they are buying it more for themselves (to see their GF wearing it) than for their GF.
But if you know she loves nice lingerie, and you ... (read in full...)
Should I swallow? I always feel kind of sick afterwards
Q. When my boyfriend comes, I always swallow it. Is that bad for me? Is it unhealthy to ingest and can it make me sick? This only happens once or twice a week. Sometimes my stomach feels upset, but I'm not sure if swallowing is really upsetting my ...
A. 3 August 2013: I doubt it's upsetting your stomach, but if it's upsetting you then stop doing it. It's not obligatory x ... (read in full...)
Serious HELP! How do I keep a player interested in me?!!!!
Q. Met this guy who is very very wealthy, handsome and well connected yesterday. We swapped numbers and he has texted me asking me out. But he is saying stuff about how he wants me and wants me to go to his house etc. Obv he is a player and takes diff ...
A. 3 August 2013: OP, I don't think anyone here is attacking your principles, just saying how they see the situation as an objective observer.
There are some things in your original post that don't quite tally. Are you, on some level, interested romantic... (read in full...)
Your Ex Is Sending Mixed Signals
Q. Many of us may be in recovery from a recent breakup, or you are several weeks into the no-contact period. You broke up months or years ago. There is this dull pain in the pit of your heart. You're going about your life. You relapse and cry ...
A. 3 August 2013: Good article, and a perfect reminder of why we must maintain No Contact. Whether as the dumper or the dumped. Thanks. ... (read in full...)
Serious HELP! How do I keep a player interested in me?!!!!
Q. Met this guy who is very very wealthy, handsome and well connected yesterday. We swapped numbers and he has texted me asking me out. But he is saying stuff about how he wants me and wants me to go to his house etc. Obv he is a player and takes diff ...
A. 3 August 2013: So he wants to use you for casual sex, and you want to use him for his contacts. Doesn't sound very good, to be honest.... (read in full...)
What's more wrong? Checking your boyfriend's phone or your boyfriend betraying you?
Q. What is more wrong? Checking on your boyfriends phone or finding out he has betrayed you? Seemingly he said I would never of got hurt and I shouldn't have gone looking...
A. 3 August 2013: Scotlass, I remember your first post. I don't agree with snooping, but I've done it as a last resort when my gut was telling me something was not right (and I was correct).
Can I gently recommend that you read this article? Note numbers 3, 6, 26... (read in full...)
Girls, how long do you want your guys to last in bed?
Q. How long do you want your guys to last in bed, girls? How long have your guys lasted? What's the record? Tell us about it. How long is too long and how short is too short during sex??? ...
A. 2 August 2013: SageOldGuy made me chuckle.
It's not really about how long sex lasts (though to be honest, it's a big let down if it's 1-2 minutes, and very uncomfortable after half an hour or so).
It's about the build up, and mutual satisfaction. By... (read in full...)
| *aisy_Daisy's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aisy_Daisy has
added them and they have added *aisy_Daisy!
|
