A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Met this guy who is very very wealthy, handsome and well connected yesterday. We swapped numbers and he has texted me asking me out. But he is saying stuff about how he wants me and wants me to go to his house etc. Obv he is a player and takes diff hot girls home every night.I do not sleep around. So I have no interest in casual sex. He can however be some who can help me with my career as he knows important people who I get contacts for via him.My question is how can I keep a guy like this...who is so rich and so many women at his disposal interested in me (ie to meet up with me and have contact etc) minus the sex part?? He is defo someone I want in my life as his contacts can help me. I also find him quite interesting so I do enjoy his company. But at the same time I know if I tell him I am not gonna have sex may make him lose interest? But at the same time I want him to realise it may be a no go area with me. I mean I dunno? How can I play this? How do I keep a guy like this keen to see me/talk to me without the sex thing being involved ie perhaps him somehow realising I am not some easy lay like other girls out there? Not wanna use anything too direct or to say let us be friends thing. As I just met him dont wanna risk saying anything to put him off wanting to get to know me.Any tips or tactics???
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 What is your career? And what is his, besides being a player? Maybe he's just a middleman and you can cut him out by going straight for his contacts. Ignore him, get to know some of his girlfriends and use their knowledge to your advantage.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 August 2013):
 Don't "hang" out at his house - let him TAKE you out on "real" dates.
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (4 August 2013):
 when he asks you to come to his house, you should say:
"You know what, I would love it if you join me at ... (Pick a place where he would be interested in going).
And if he insists you come to his house again, say:
Thank you, but I'm really looking forward to being at.... I would love it if you come too.
If he goes, make sure you leave early, don't hang around until he is ready to leave. You have to leave first (making him feel like he didn't have enough)
It's very hard to play people like that because they are so used to people needing something from them or using them in some way or another that they sense it 200000 miles away.
The best thing you can do is play as if you don't need a thing from him, and you are doing him a favor for letting him be around you and follow you on things you want to do. If you do what he wants to do, he'll get what he wants, because he's been getting it since he was a baby, and leave you with nothing.
But remember that he may not want anything from you either, just an easy target like every other girl has been for him. so if you play hard to get he'll just walk away. And you can't blame him for that either. It's how his life works.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 August 2013):
Don't "hang" out at his house - let him TAKE you out on "real" dates.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (3 August 2013):
 I understand where you're coming from because there are some careers where you really can't get ahead, or even get your foot in the door without the right contacts. Is your field one that attracts a lot of guys like him, or are there also more down-to-earth men (and women) in this business? If there are, maybe you'd be better off befriending one of them instead, perhaps someone that you can actually call a friend and rely on.
I'm sure you're not the first woman he's met that has wanted to take advantage of his position. There's nothing wrong with networking, but he's likely to see through women and see them as wanting to use him. Because of his status, he is able to pick and choose and use women and girls as he wishes, but as someone else already pointed out, you may not be able to offer him anything if you can't give him sex so he may drop you when he realises he's not going to get that. That's why I would recommend trying to find someone a bit less player-ish.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 August 2013):
I've seen this exact same thing many times: a woman meets a wealthy, good looking guy and wants desperately to be more than a fling because, let's be honest, they want to use him.
Knowing that this is what's happening, the wealthy player is easily able to use the women by keeping them thinking that if they treat him like a king and do whatever he wants that he'll fall in love and spoil them.
Someday he may settle down, but it probably won't be with someone who just wants to be with him because it's good for their career.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (3 August 2013):
 OP, I don't think anyone here is attacking your principles, just saying how they see the situation as an objective observer.
There are some things in your original post that don't quite tally. Are you, on some level, interested romantically? Because you say you won't have sex with him but then say that it "may be a no-go area" (emphasis on the word may). I get the feeling that you are playing with fire here, to be honest. What with him being a charmer, a player, influential, handsome, etc.
I'm so glad I don't have to 'network' like this in the job I do, because I'm really trying to come up with a helpful answer for you and I can't find one. I thought that perhaps you could try to find a common interest (tennis, cycling, whatever) and build a platonic relationship with him that way. But as someone else pointed out, he's not really looking for platonic friends, and I doubt he'll stick around long enough to be of any benefit to your career once he realises sex is off the cards.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (3 August 2013):
 So, wait a minute. You're NOT asking how to keep this guy interested romantically, but rather how to network with him?That'll be tough. A good friend of mine was in a very similar situation, and she ended up getting pressured by the guy to get into bed with him. It didn't help her career at all. As a previous answerer said, a fox is a fox.Your best bet is to try your hardest to not flirt with him. Be as professional around him as possible, and don't encourage his advances. If you're lucky he'll understand where you're coming from, and he'll respect that and maybe come in handy as a reference (or whatever you need him for). If you're not so lucky, he'll shirk you once he realizes you won't get in bed with him.From the way you're fretting and all giddy I get the impression that you may have inadvertently already given him the idea that you're easily excitable, so you're going to have to work super hard to knock that behavior off. Otherwise, you're in an uphill battle. Professionalism is key here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): OP, there are other ways to make connections, but to play mind games with someone who can out play you is just silly. He IS in these circles, and you are not. He knows BETTER than you. He likes to get what he wants, and you don't want to give it to him. Plenty of women make connections by belonging to certain clubs, volunteering by doing good deeds for community, where no one is trying to get into your pants. It is hard to make connection, no one argues, but everything is not easy in this fast life. There are people out there who are rich and genuine at the same time, and who will help you. It also takes takes a certain personality to get forward in a corporate world, I ve been there, I know, and I left because it was not for me at the time. I am glad you are not that kind of girl, as to assume that by sleeping with someone who has connection and will help you is a mistake. It might happen if it's somewhat long term relationship, but if it's a fling a man will forget about you as soon as you step out of the door.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): Short answer- You can't. If he's really a player then there's nothing, besides sex, that you can offer him for his favors in return. Like you said, he has plenty of women at his disposal so why would he bother with one who doesn't put out? Even worse, one who wants something for nothing. The minute he realizes you're not open for sex, he'll drop you faster than you can say "Wait", and he'll move on to the next girl. I may not be wealthy, but being a player is a universal language. You're better off taking the long road instead of the shortcut.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (3 August 2013):
Dear OP,
It won't work the way you want it. Because you don't have anything else to offer to him - besides sex. You're not important for HIS business, so he won't see you as a business partner. Also, he doesn't sound like he's particularly looking for a new platonic friend. In sum, forget it. Find another way to contact important people. Even if you didn't sleep with him, all the people you are introduced to through him will think you did. They know his reputation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): How are you different from him? You want to use him for your career, he wants to use you for sex. Be sure he knows how people use him, especially women. He developed a certain attitude already. You know he is a player, and you still want to hang out only because he has connections. It takes a special woman to keep his attention without giving him what he wants: sex. He must be very much into you to play along. And you obviously don't know how to do it,otherwise you won't be writing here. I think your game is already lost. You have an option to just have sex with him , he is handsome after all, but "if you are not that kind of girl" then just leave the idea.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (3 August 2013):
So he wants to use you for casual sex, and you want to use him for his contacts. Doesn't sound very good, to be honest.
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A
female
reader, sexi suga +, writes (3 August 2013):
I was in this position a couple of year ago and the guy ended up falling in love with me.. we last 2 years and then he got bored and played around... it may be different with your fella but as the reader said once a fox always a fox..however if you still want to try it play really hard to get, don't be like all those other easy girls that he is used to taking home... don't tell him directly you're not going to have sex... just don't do it... keep him interested by being a tease, flirting with him and keeping him on his toes... don't always be readily available for him as I am sure that is what he is used to...when you do finally meet up, dress for the occasion, not with what he is used to but something sexy and sleek that is just enough to wet his appetite but you know nothing is going to happen.. its all about you having the control... most rich guys know they can have "any" woman so don't be any woman be different and don't show that his wealth or looks or whatever intimidates you... offer to pay on the date and be independent stating that you can look after yourself and not in it for the money.... if he really is still interested in you as a person rather then the sex it will be obvious and he will want more or he could get bored and be happy with having his own way with women and getting what he wants at the click of his fingers.. and if that is the case hes not worth it.. hope this helps :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): ++++++++++++I AM THE ORIGINAL POSTER+++++++++++++I am responding as I think my question was misunderstood after reading the last response!!!!I did not say I want to make this guy my bf or anything!! I do not care to change him or even date him. Defo sex will not happen. I am NOT that kind of girl!! Yes he may not refer me but in this business it is all who you know. Don't want to explain my whole life but I am trying to build a career in a specific area and it IS all down to who you know. Blind submitting my work will NOT work. In this field you MUST MUST MUST be referred by someone in order to have your work looked at. Trust me. No two ways around that!!! And yes I have tried for 2yrs to do it on my own or find a contact!Of course I intend to make it on my own hard work and I am not using anyone!! In no way does it devalue my morals or who I am. Please do not attack my principles because I want to try to "network". Everyone networks for work. It is part of the business world and how it works!Any useful tips much appreciated.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): "How can I get involved with a serial con artist without getting conned?"You don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): Hi there!
If I were you, just forget it because once a fox will always be a fox. So just forget it. you can make it on your own.
Playing with fire is not an option.
Your not even sure if he will really help you, after he gets what he wants from you, its BYE, BYE time.
Players can't be trusted. His rich, handsome and wealthy.
Most of all his a player. guys like that doesn't know the word love and consideration. Unless he enjoyed having FUN with you, and would like to have repeat monkey business with you. Maybe he will help you.
But remember.
All they have in their head is just FUn, FUn, fun...
They really don't care. So beware. You may take a chance and bet on him but get ready to lose. If you win good for you. if you don't, well i warned you.
darling, you can make it on your own. i love diamonds anything that will help me get to the top as well. But i have never ever taught of using other people or take advantage of other people just for me to get what I want.
You just have to be patient, work hard and pray to God.
Good Luck!
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