A big thank you to you all for your advice!
Q. I want to start off by saying THANK YOU, THANK YOU, AND THANK YOU again. All of your encouraging words and helpful advice has gotten me a long way. I do know I have a long long path still to recovery getting over a 19 year marriage. I fell to my ...
A. 23 February 2013: Thanks for the feedback! And good luck for your future :)... (read in full...)
Confused cousin: she's giving me mixed signals.
Q. My cousin makes me feel alot confused as she is giving me mixed signals. These range from prolonged eye contact when talking ( 3mins), preening, side glances when I'm not aware and etc. She even friend requested me on facebook and well that's a ...
A. 23 February 2013: OP I have several male cousins. We are good friends. We make eye contact when we talk. Sometimes I might touch my hair without noticing. But we are family and I know they see me as more of a sister than an available woman!
I am friends with them... (read in full...)
Why does he randomly contact me when we only met once over 2 years ago?
Q. I met this guy (I will refer to him as B) almost two years ago when I went to my best friend's beach house. B and I lived in the same city but we both happened to be at the beach at the same time. We really hit it off and we flirted back and forth ...
A. 23 February 2013: I agree with llifton, it's probably because he's bored and wants a bit of an ego stroke. It might be best to just put this fling firmly in the past. Yes you can keep your happy memories of it, but I wouldn't get too excited about anything happening ... (read in full...)
Am I the fall back girl?
Q. hello aunts and uncles, please bear with me as this is a long story.. I'm not sure where to begin with this, basically 7 years I ago I started talking to someone via an Internet site, at the time we had both come out of bad relationships bu...
A. 23 February 2013: OP, I don't know what's going on with this guy, what are the motives behind his behaviour, but advise you to read this article as I think it applies to You.
http:... (read in full...)
I haven't had sex in sex years and new guy is bigger. Will sex hurt like the first time again?
Q. I didn't have sex for 6 years after break out with my ex bf. Now ready to have sex with my current bf. He is lot bigger than my ex and I remember my vagina stretch painfully when I lost my virginity. I afraid this may happen to me again. Will I feel ...
A. 23 February 2013: I'm sure you'll feel a stretch but it should be pleasure not pain, nothing like losing your virginity.
You've mentioned a lot of foreplay and lube so it sounds like you're well prepared. And just ask him go as slow as you want.
Good luck ... (read in full...)
Would you pay? It was a change she required prior to the holiday. But then she expected to pay for part of her additional cost.
Q. Would you pay? I went on a trip with someone who I knew from work for quite a bit, but can't call her a friend. We bought air fare separately but hotel she booked. We had different flights and I arrived later to find out that hotel now costs twic...
A. 22 February 2013: I don't think you should pay her any of the cancelation fee. She pays for her own mistakes.
But I'm saying this based on the info you've provided: that she's not that great a friend and you don't really care if she's offended.
If this happe... (read in full...)
Why Did She Lose so Much Weight in Such a Short Time?
Q. Is this really something that can happen? My girlfriend has had the hardest week with a project that she was given by her company, i've never seen her that stressed before! But what was interesting is we live together and not once did I see her ea...
A. 21 February 2013: I'm surprised she had the energy to go to cardio classes on a totally empty stomach. Maybe she snacked during the day.
But yes, I've lost a lot of weight quickly when I've been very stressed (my stomach goes into a knot and I can only nibble) ... (read in full...)
My shyness is taking over my life! What can I do? Where to turn for advise?
Q. I'm sorry this is long but please read it, please! I feel like my shyness is taking over my life really rapidly, I don't know what to do. I am scared of: .Meeting new people .Being the center of attention .Being watched while doing something ...
A. 20 February 2013: Dear Franny
It sounds like you have social anxiety mixed in with/ causing your shyness.
If you can't approach your mum about this, is there anyone else in the family you can talk to? An aunt or uncle, or grandparents?
I don't know why the ... (read in full...)
I hurt my ex girlfriend when I finished the relationship. I know she's hurting. How can I help her?
Q. I had a 3 month relationship with this girl and we fell in love really quickly. We had some trust issues and I ended up breaking her heart. Since then she has been avoiding and ignoring me. The thing is, she is still emotionally dependent on me ...
A. 20 February 2013: If you still love each other, and you're concerned this much, I don't really understand why you're no longer a couple. However you must've had your reasons for breaking up.
But anyway: you chose to end the relationship. Do you want to be friends ... (read in full...)
I dig some digging and found out he's married. Do I tell his wife about us?
Q. I had a rough time last year, and vowed I'd spend 6 months without men, sorting my life out. In December a man chased me out of the pub and asked for my number. We went out and although I kept my distance, I fell in love with him totally. He told me ...
A. 20 February 2013: I can understand you wanting to see him for answers, but I don't think he'll give you any. I think him dumping you because of the pub quiz guys was an excuse - his way of getting out of affair that got out of hand.
I wouldn't be surprise... (read in full...)
What can I do to persuade my 21 year old daughter to put down the controller and pick up a boyfriend?
Q. I'm concerned about my daughter's social life or rather lack thereof. She's 21 and all she wants to do when she's not at work is play video games. She's never had a boyfriend, is not interested and getting one and is still a virgin. Geez I was ...
A. 20 February 2013: I don't think you should worry about your daughter unless she seems unhappy. She might be an introvert by nature, and playing video games is her way of recharging her batteries after a hard day at work. As long as she's happy and has some friends, I ... (read in full...)
I want to keep her and my man too!
Q. im bisexual and i met a girl who only dates girls. she doesnt hate guys but she gets turned off to the thought of a guy ever touching her in a sexual way or kissing her. shes made it known that she would never date a bisexual girl. i cant get her ...
A. 20 February 2013: You have to be honest about your situation, and then let her decide whether or not she can handle being in a non-monogamous relationship with you. It would be very unfair to reel her in and then tell her.
Think of the way you feel about other wo... (read in full...)
Our 16 year old being inundated with spamming/cyber bulling from companies on facebook?
Q. We have a 16-year-old daughter. A few weeks ago she joined Facebook; we allowed her to join it on the condition that her friends were people she knew only in the real world, and she's stuck to that - vigorously, I might add. In fact, when she does ...
A. 20 February 2013: She needs to go to her Privacy Settings How You Connect. Change the settings so that only friends can look her up, only friends of friends can contact her for friend requests, and only friends can message her. It should be quite simple, just takes ... (read in full...)
Agony Aunts/Uncles need to open their hearts and minds rather than judging
Q. I wrote in yesterday and got a lot of very negative and hurtful comments from so-called agony aunts on here who seemed to think they know all about my relationship when they have never met me or my girlfriend. I wrote back to defend myself but ...
A. 15 February 2013: Was this your question:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-get-her-to-open-her.html
If you post a follow up after getting replies, you should ideally do so with the code/ password provided (it's given after you submit your question), ... (read in full...)
I want to have anal sex but when the time really comes I chicken out!
Q. I keep wanting to have anal sex. Like me and my boyfriend are really up for it we both feel ready and trust each other enough. But when it actually comes down to it i stop him and tell him i'm too worried to carry on, i'm guessing this kind of ...
A. 15 February 2013: I don't understand why you want this so much? You know it hurts. It hurts for a reason (because the anus isn't designed for sex; it's an exit not an entrance).
Sorry I can't give any practical advise but I think you should consider why you want... (read in full...)
I'd like to get together with my physiotherapist
Q. I'm seeing a physiotherapist just after having surgery, she's about 23 years old, I'm definitely attracted to her physically and a bit emotionally, although I'm not good with emotions or love. My emotions are a bit messed up because I still have ...
A. 15 February 2013: First you were in love with one female caregiver (your teacher), and now you have developed strong feelings for another. I don't think that's a coincidence. And you still haven't got over your ex-teacher after 2 years. That's not really healthy.
... (read in full...)
Is it worth staying in a relationship when its difficult to get along?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for a solid 9 months. He is older than me. I am 18 and he is 27. HE is an illegal immigrant and he has a 1 year old daughter with his ex. I found out about his daughter and literatly unbalanced ex 2 months ...
A. 15 February 2013: Of course he's still a human being as an immigrant. Didn't mean to imply otherwise, but it's not exactly a plus point because he could be deported at any moment, he can't earn money legally, etc.
And him not learning English sort of suggests... (read in full...)
I pushed my boyfriend away with my insecurity and jealousy. I want him back!
Q. My boyfriend, of 2.5 years, has basically had enough of my drama and won't even reply to my texts now. I've been super jealous and insecure and am constantly accusing him of cheating on me without reason. 90% of things I think I'm right about he ...
A. 14 February 2013: I think you need to concentrate on yourself and why you behave like this. You know your behaviour is unreasonable, which is a good start, but what steps are you prepared to take to address your issues? Would you consider therapy?
I think your boy... (read in full...)
How do I let my wife know its ok for her to have a vibrator?
Q. I am a construction worker in Australia, which at the moment means working away from home. A lot. Recently i came home while my wife was out, and my curiosity got the better of me, and i looked in my wifes' bedside table top drawer where i found a ...
A. 14 February 2013: Some people are just very embarrassed about things like vibrators, even people who are very comfortable about sex in general.
A friend of mine refuses to buy one in case someone finds it after she dies, when the house is being cleared away. Sh... (read in full...)
Will my promiscuous past put off decent men?
Q. So I am 21, slept with 25ish guys (never counted properly because I am too scared to. I just know its less than 30 more than 15) Anyway. I started talking to boys in a more than friends type of way when I was 15 and since then I have spoken to about ...
A. 14 February 2013: OP, of course it's not unreasonable for you to have high standards, regardless of your past.
Lots of people do things they regret. You were young. You've discovered your self worth and good on you! That's really refreshing to read, because ... (read in full...)
What can I do to make sure I stay awake for Valentines Day?
Q. Here's my dilemna. I NEED TO STAY AWAKE FOR VALENTINES. I'm a nocturnal creature. I work the graveyard shift and sleep all day. My girlfriend is the complete opposite. She has a regular 9 to 5 and she's in bed by ten. For valentines I hav...
A. 13 February 2013: Will you get a chance to have a nap if you really feel like you're going to conk out? If so, just have a 15-20 minute nap (no longer or you'll go into deep sleep and wake up feeling worse) and some caffeine. ... (read in full...)
Guy at work who I really like. But we both have partners. Due to his actions should I change what I wear, so he does not get distracted?
Q. Hi well this is my first post on here so here it goes. There is this guy at work, whom I really like, but we are both with people. We have been flirting even though a friend has told me he's not worth it. Well today as I was walking out the o...
A. 12 February 2013: Hi Cheeky Madam,
You can help it die down by stopping the flirting. If he oversteps the boundaries, make it clear that it's not OK.
But to be honest it sounds as if you enjoy it and you're more concerned about office gossip than the fact yo... (read in full...)
Is it worth staying in a relationship when its difficult to get along?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for a solid 9 months. He is older than me. I am 18 and he is 27. HE is an illegal immigrant and he has a 1 year old daughter with his ex. I found out about his daughter and literatly unbalanced ex 2 months ...
A. 12 February 2013: OP this is a lot of drama!
- he's an illegal immigrant
- he doesn't speak much English nor does he have much of an interest in learning (he could have learnt a lot in the 9 months you've been together)
- he didn't tell you that he had a ba... (read in full...)
I wouldn't send my love interest an intimate photo so he broke up. Should we stay friends, as he is suggesting?
Q. I met a man on facebook about 5 months ago. We have never met in real life. But we are very close to each other. We have shared everything about our past--his ex's and my ex. I told him about my ex, who blackmails me with pics that he had taken of ...
A. 12 February 2013: You have every right to be coy, especially since your ex blackmailed you with the pics he took. Why be friends with him? Better to have a clean break. ... (read in full...)
I have a phobia of being left behind or abandoned. Nothing I've tried is helping, and I'm afraid it is going to tear my relationship apart.
Q. I have a phobia of being left behind or abandoned, and it immensely effects many of my relationship. My current girlfriend, was originally my best friend for three years and on the fourth year she asked me out. When she goes out with her family, ...
A. 12 February 2013: llifton has hit the nail on the head.
I totally relate to you, OP.
Do you still see the therapist? Have you told him/ her your current problems? There are lots of cognitive behavioural tools that you could use when you feel overwhelmed. The... (read in full...)
Will alcohol make you sick the first time you drink it even if it is just a small amount?
Q. My new boyfriend wants to bring over some champagne or wine for our romantic Valentine's dinner at my house. The problem is I have never drank alcohol in my life, just was never interested or associated with people who drink. Of course I would l...
A. 12 February 2013: Just to add to the other advice you've been given, maybe try having a small glass of wine this evening to see how you react. Hopefully you'll be fine, and then you'll know you don't need to worry during your Valentine's day date. ... (read in full...)
Should I allow him to "brand" me with a tattoo? He's 24. I know he will not take me back if I refuse.
Q. So, me and this guy have just been through a break up, our relationship was a little rough around the edges mainly because he's 24 and I'm 16. I know I know, forget about the age a second. I'm really desperate to get him back and he says I need to ...
A. 10 February 2013: No. If he won't take you back unless you have followed his orders, he doesn't love or respect you, does he? Why be with someone like that? Why have a permanent reminder of this idiot on your skin? Please don't do it. ... (read in full...)
Both 17. Trip to Movies, just the 2 of us. Is that a date? How to make it special?
Q. Both 17. A trip to the cinema alone. Is it a date? If it isn't how can I make it more of a date, or find out if she's interested in dating/being with me? ...
A. 9 February 2013: A trip to the cinema alone sounds like a date! You could ask her if she wants to meet for food/ drinks before or after the film since you can't do much talking at the cinema. Otherwise, wait until the end of the evening and ask her if she'd like to ... (read in full...)
My depressed Gf won't have sex with me. If I say I'm leaving she hurts herself. Should we breakup?
Q. Hello all, I have been with my girlfriend for one year and a half and we live together. The problem I have is she won't have sex with me. The last time we had sex was 7 months ago and I confessed to her that I am considering sleeping with other ...
A. 9 February 2013: I agree with Mandy that she may be on the wrong medication or the wrong dose, but also wanted to add that antidepressants don't kick in for 2-3 weeks and 'last month' was just over a week ago. Depression can also mess with libido so the right ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he tell me about this close female friend of his? Why has he saved hundreds of emails? And why is he buying this woman gifts that I don't even know about?
Q. I don't know if I'm overreacting or not... I hope someone can help me clear this up in my head. I have discovered that my husband of less than a year has a close female friend that until the other day, I did not know about. I found out when he left ...
A. 9 February 2013: Hello
Not you're not out of order at all. In fact I think you should do a bit more snooping and, as Janniepeg suggests, use it as evidence when you seek legal advice. I doubt you want to think about the marriage breaking up, but this sounds h... (read in full...)
Two weeks ago I asked my BF for a break, but he is pushing me to end the break. He's so controlling.
Q. If you were in my situation, what would you do? Long story short, I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 8 years. The first 2 years in our relationship were amazing, he was loving, caring and very sweet. We talked about moving in ...
A. 9 February 2013: How long is this break you've asked for, and have you told him what your time frame is? Do you know yourself? As controlling as he is, I doubt anyone enjoys being left dangling during an indeterminate break.
In all honesty I think you should b... (read in full...)
He wants Anal and I do not. Should I stay with him, or just consider us as not compatible as a couple and move on?
Q. hi, this is my query, i have been dating my new guy for 6 months now, things WERE going well, but know there are problems in paradise, ( i know some of you are gone think this is silly). But he likes anal sex, i have never tried it never had th...
A. 9 February 2013: I think asking once is enough. Your saying no should have closed the subject off. He asked again, no wonder it's affecting you because it starts to come off as coercion or even bullying/ blackmail.
All you can do is explain (if he brings i... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont get engaged to me unless I get her a 20 000 euro engagement ring
Q. Hi, I ve posted on this website before and I ve found the answere really helpful so I am hoping for some more advice please. I ve been agonizing over this for some time, would be really interested to hear what others think.. My girlfriend w...
A. 8 February 2013: Good luck, OP, but please don't sweep all the other advise under the carpet (re the relationship in general). Ten several breakups already ... the next one should be the last. ... (read in full...)
What are his intentions? ignores me for several weeks, then sends a text.
Q. I dated this very good looking man for about 6 weeks. He texted me as soon as he woke up every day and we saw each other once or twice a week. Then we had a fight because I got jealous over his female friends and he put me in my place by clarifying ...
A. 7 February 2013: I agree with CindyCares, he does "do better" than planning the occasional hand job with you. I'm sure he's dating several women.
Question is, why aren't you doing better than this guy? Good looks don't make up for silences of 4-6 weeks or the c... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont get engaged to me unless I get her a 20 000 euro engagement ring
Q. Hi, I ve posted on this website before and I ve found the answere really helpful so I am hoping for some more advice please. I ve been agonizing over this for some time, would be really interested to hear what others think.. My girlfriend w...
A. 5 February 2013: I wouldn't spend any money on an engagement ring in this situation. Why do you want to get engaged? Do you think it will stop the fights, the break ups? Do you truly envisage a long and happy marriage with this woman?
And what are her motives ... (read in full...)
I got drunk and missed my personal tranining session, how do I apologise to my trainer?
Q. What have I done? I've really hurt him:( how do I apologise? So I got drunk last night and I'm the kinda girl that never drinks. (I'm a good girl, i dont party or anything) But I was bored so I drank last night and woke up with the biggest...
A. 4 February 2013: You haven't hurt him but you should offer to pay for the missed session if you haven't already - he should have some sort of a cancellation policy (e.g. 48 hours notice). He would have every right to be annoyed with you if he has missed out on his ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 4 February 2013: Dating is nothing but pain, I agree. I'm only 5 years younger than you find the same thing happens: meet up with someone and for some reason, the second date doesn't materialise.
But are you sure it's because they don't find you attracti... (read in full...)
My BF and I had a fight a week ago and he hasn't called me since. What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf and myself had a fight, to be precise he fought with me saying that I'm bugging him when I asked him to spend some time with me also along with his friends. He hasn't called me for a week, what should I do now. I am scared tha...
A. 3 February 2013: Dear OP
15 minutes a day isn't unreasonable. No communication sounds like a wide idea.
Sorry it hasn't worked out with this guy. ... (read in full...)
Will my married lover ever leave his wife?
Q. I've being dating a married man for a year now and initially I thought he was single because he is a young guy. After 3 weeks of getting to know him and fallen for him, he told me he had a wife and they got married because the lady was a girlfrie...
A. 2 February 2013: So when you met, he was married with a baby and you had a boyfriend ... Not the best start. And now he's still married and you're his mistress. He has made up an arbitrary deadline for leaving his wife - why does he have to wait until the baby has ... (read in full...)
I was called a bad name by a stranger and it ruined my whole day. How do I stop caring about this kind of event?
Q. Hi guys, this may sound like a silly problem but it bothers me a lot, Basically while usually I'm a real tough cookie, sometimes small things people do or say bother me far more than they really should, I get really sad and insecure, For e...
A. 2 February 2013: It's not a childish problem, things like that upset most people! It would certainly piss me off.
He's got issues if he calls random women names like that. He's the one with a problem, not you.
If I were you, I'd definitely report him to hi... (read in full...)
My BF and I had a fight a week ago and he hasn't called me since. What should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf and myself had a fight, to be precise he fought with me saying that I'm bugging him when I asked him to spend some time with me also along with his friends. He hasn't called me for a week, what should I do now. I am scared tha...
A. 2 February 2013: If he doesn't want to spend much time with you, creates an argument about it and then doesn't call for a week he doesn't sound like he's in to the relationship at all.
But I don't know your relationship. Perhaps you expect to spend an unreason... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 19 October 2012: It sounds like you did the right thing. Good luck x... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 16 October 2012: I just wanted to share this with you. You can scroll down to the bit about sexuality (again, I'm not saying you should have to put up with any of this, but it might help make sense of things):
http:... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a sex pest?
Q. Is my boyfriend a sex pest or am I just uninterested? I am a 42 year old divorced mother of two kids. I've been told I look young for my age and I think I do too. I waited two years before I "let down my walls" and just jumped head first into a r...
A. 16 October 2012: Hello,
I read through this and the update about his head injury and I immediately thought that his impulsive sexual behaviour could well be a result of a traumatic brain injury. If his frontal lobes were involved it can change a persons personal... (read in full...)
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