A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guysim rather upset about this but just wanted some constructive feedback and others opinions on it.last night my girlfriend of 4 years went to her male friends house and just them two were drinking until they were completely wasted and her brother picked her up very early in the morning and he said she was really drunk. She knows she cant drink and it was just them two at his house drinking there. This guy is one of those friends that she spends alot of time with, i know him, and he usually hangs out with a few of her closest friends and isnt the most attractive guy she knows. But facts are the facts.What do yous think? How would yous react? Should she KNOW herself she shouldnt be doing that?* by the way; about 2 months ago a male friend of hers drove her home from clubbing when she was drunk and he kissed her and she admitted to having kissed him back. The week before that with the same male friend she was at his house until early in the morning and they were cuddling and he tried to kiss her but she pushed him away the first time. But she told me she was just at a friends and they were talking and only told me about the cuddling stuff AFTER the kiss on the friday when he drove her home from clubbing? Also, after they kissed on the friday she continued to text message him for another week after that as if nothing happened and they were talking normally like 'hey how was your day' etc.- i forgave her for the cuddling/kiss sort of but still been trying to rebuild the trust. What do yous think on both situations? Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 Hi
I am glad at the end of the day, you were strong enough to finally call it quits.
The fact that she was begging you to set HER the boundaries, means that she has no comprehension of right and wrong and you are not her parents or her teacher, you cannot be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have a clue.
You have made the right decision and you now know what you are not looking for. The one positive you can take out of this relationship is the fact that you can now detect the signs of what a NON RELATIONSHIP is and you won't make the same mistake twice.
You deserve a loving and wonderful woman and I wish you all the very best in finding her. Don't rush yourself though, you will need some time to re-adjust to being single again and you will miss her, there is no doubt in that, but just remember what hell she put you through and you will get through it.
When you are ready, the next relationship will happen and so enjoy it.
Take care.
Country Woman
A
male
reader, mulattoman  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 Smoking weed, snorting crack, drinking... any of that crap around the opposite sex leads to other things.
Whether or not something physical happened, it's just not proper for people to do that when they are in a relationship.
She is old enough to where she doesn't need boundaries set. She sould put herself in your shoes and ask herself "would I like it if my bf did those things behind my back?"
You made the right choice, and now you can find someone who knows how to act. I just left my fiance because things didn't feel right. It was a hard choice but I'm glad I made it... sometimes good decisions are the TOUGHEST ones to make. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys
was just talking with her and she said that a few months before she cheated she was at a guy friend of her house at night and they were smoking weed but swore nothing physical happened and they were just hanging out. she also said theres two guy friends whos house she has been to a few times at night to just hang out.
i just ended things for good. she was crying heaps and wouldnt let me leave her house and kept saying she needs boundaries and needed me to tell her before what she could and couldnt do and wanted to work things out. but im done
thanks for all the opinions.
by the way: wat do yous think about her smoking weed at another guys house? she said it was nothing if theyre only friends?
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (15 December 2009):
After reading everyone else's comments and yours as well, you have to ask yourself this "what am I getting out of this so called relationship", if it is occasional sex and not amazing sex, plus she is spending time with this other guy, cut your losses in my personal opinion.
I would not be able to trust someone like that and if she is so off her face when she may or may not get together with this guy, the last thing on either of their minds, is to take precautions and my friend you need to consider your own health in all of this, do you really want to share a woman with a guy who couldn't give two hoots about anyone else she is involved with so long as he can get sex on tap?
You sound like someone who wants to be with someone who is loyal and trustworthy, also maybe with a great body and who puts you first but seriously - you need to ask yourself what you want out of all of this and not put anyone else first, sometimes you have to be a little selfish and I think this is one of those times.
I think you could do a lot better in all honesty.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): This is cheating.Dump her and stop the suffering.Unless you like sharing your women with the multitudes.I guess you could pimp her out if you are into that.I would never put up with that.
I just read your other post about breaking it off, good move. My faith is restored in you.I now believe you have a backbone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice everyone. majority seem to think to end it and she cant be trusted?
i do think cuddling him on his bed suggests something alot deeper than her being upset and him comforting her or w/e they were up to :(
no other opinions or generally to end it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): well my friend if u do love her u think she ain't do nuthing stuppid so try to rebuild ur relationship don't let her go away cause u mind make a big mistake my friend believe me try to work it out that all u need
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (20 November 2009):
It sounds like your girl likes to party and makes bad decisions when she's been drinking. It's a good sign that she tells you... but not a great sign that she's getting so incapacitated she doesn't really know what she's doing. The hanging out with male friends sounds like she likes the attn... combined with the drinking it sounds like she has low self esteem.
If you aren't cool with this, then you need to sit your girl down, sober, and tell her that the decisions she makes when she's drinking are really starting to effect your relationship. So if she doesn't want to ruin things iwth you maybe she could think about dialing back on the drinking.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (20 November 2009):
OK so basically you have no proof that anything other than a kiss and a cuddle has happened? Is that right?
If you don't feel you can trust your gf, especially when she is around drink and especially when she is around this guy, you need to confront her and tell her that you just can't take this anymore.
If she spends a lot of time with this guy and they are only supposed to be friend's why is there any kissing involved at all as FRIENDS, should remain just that, FRIENDS and nothing further as it usually complicates things.
I wonder if other things have happened but have just not been admitted to.
Where are you when all of this is going on btw? How often do you see your gf and what do her friend's think of this guy, have you asked them?
A lot of people say that you can have male friend's with females and yes that is true but I wouldn't go around kissing and cuddling anyone I knew like that but there again I am not around your gf's age and I wonder if after 4 years if she is still trying out her wings as such.
You must have been quite young when you got together in the first place. Do you talk about loving one another or not?
Do you ever spend time with your gf and this guy at all? I just wonder as - in my opinion if everything is all innocent then there should be no problem with you all sitting around spending some time together, or if it is always just them and she spends more time with him than you, I would wonder what the attraction is as you normally spend more time with your guy than a FRIEND, don't you?
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, mulattoman +, writes (20 November 2009):
How would I react? I would leave her and find someone more devoted to me.She should have known better. Two people of the opposite sex and alcohol. Any IDIOT knows what will happen.Stop forgiving, she will walk all over you. People don't change. They get better at lying and hiding the fact.Sorry dude, I know it's hard to leave somebody you love... but love yourself first. Learn to respect yourself and get a woman you deserve, and a woman that deserves you. Easier said than done.... but the point is it can be done.
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