| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Our wish to adopt a child has provoked some negative reactions, how do we deal with them?
Q. My husband and I have decided to adopt. I was surprised by the negative reaction of some of our friends! I was prepared for the usual fears and prejudices (it's not your flesh and blood, you can never love him the way you would your own etc.) b...
A. 15 October 2016: My best friend when I was a kid, had a mother that was unfit to take care of her. My family became a support family for her, until her mother discovered it and tried to abduct her own daughter to get her away from us (guilt of not being able to care ... (read in full...)
Our wish to adopt a child has provoked some negative reactions, how do we deal with them?
Q. My husband and I have decided to adopt. I was surprised by the negative reaction of some of our friends! I was prepared for the usual fears and prejudices (it's not your flesh and blood, you can never love him the way you would your own etc.) b...
A. 14 October 2016: BTW, I personally think that people who describe children as "damaged goods" aren't fit to be parents. Children are humans, not an object you go shopping for in the store that is supposed to come "in perfect condition". If you want to be a parent, ... (read in full...)
Our wish to adopt a child has provoked some negative reactions, how do we deal with them?
Q. My husband and I have decided to adopt. I was surprised by the negative reaction of some of our friends! I was prepared for the usual fears and prejudices (it's not your flesh and blood, you can never love him the way you would your own etc.) b...
A. 14 October 2016: Omg, they sound like a pain in the ass. I would just stop being friends with these people. They sound angry and jealous, why else would they discourage you from adopting? It's none of their business, and in my experience the only reason why people ... (read in full...)
I'm having second thought about marriage
Q. My boyfriend has proposed to me, and even though I said yes, I'm now not sure whether I did the right thing. Last year my boyfriend admitted to sleeping with 3 other girls in the first year of our relationship. He told me that he wanted me to know ...
A. 14 October 2016: You are letting your friends decide this for you.
Imagine your friends were backing you up on this marriage, happy for you and thrilled, despite knowing about his cheating. Would that have made a difference to you?
Now, I don't think you ... (read in full...)
27 and still looking for the guy who wont pressure me for sex!
Q. Hi. I just ended a year long relationship with someone. One of the main issues was that we have different points of views on sex. He told me that it is very strange for someone my age (mid to late 20s) to be a virgin. I know that is true, but is it ...
A. 14 October 2016: I would hardly call waiting a year into a relationship with no sex, "pressuring". If you mean you want to wait with sex and then eventually have it, after gotten to know someone properly in a relationship, then you need to set a time-frame. If it's ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a girl but slept with another girl. Should I feel guilty?
Q. I've recently been dating this girl and things have gone well we've gone out about four times and we kissed for the first time yesterday. After she went I was going on a night out with my friends and friends of theirs. long story short I slept wi...
A. 13 October 2016: BTW, if she was to find out later on, as someone suggested she might, then you can have the conversation about it then. You have done nothing wrong, and you just have to own your actions on this one. If she finds out and then asks you about it, you ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a girl but slept with another girl. Should I feel guilty?
Q. I've recently been dating this girl and things have gone well we've gone out about four times and we kissed for the first time yesterday. After she went I was going on a night out with my friends and friends of theirs. long story short I slept wi...
A. 13 October 2016: No, don't tell her you slept with someone. You and her are not in a relationship yet and haven't had the talk. You didn't know where you were standing with her. The reason you feel guilty is because you want more with the girl you date, you like ... (read in full...)
Why should we wait when we want to married now?
Q. I met my girlfriend when we were both in grade 3. We have been. Friends every since and started dating when we were 16. I recently proposed to her and she said yes but we have gotten many mixed responses from family and friends. I did ask her ...
A. 13 October 2016: I think they want you to wait so that you will avoid getting married and divorced just a few years later. It's better then to wait until you are a bit older and more mature. That's what they mean. Because they think that if you marry each other now, ... (read in full...)
27 and still looking for the guy who wont pressure me for sex!
Q. Hi. I just ended a year long relationship with someone. One of the main issues was that we have different points of views on sex. He told me that it is very strange for someone my age (mid to late 20s) to be a virgin. I know that is true, but is it ...
A. 13 October 2016: Well, what exactly is it you believe in? No sex in a relationship? I would say yes, you will have a hard time finding that, because sex is an essential part of an adult relationship.
If it's no sex until marriage you want, then you should b... (read in full...)
Should I not bother meeting him?
Q. I met a man on Facebook and we're meeting up this week.The problem is he is French and lives in Quebec. He speaks broken English from what I've gathered through text messages. English and French isn't my first launguage either but I live in Canada ...
A. 13 October 2016: I wouldn't go. If he can't be bothered to keep his agreement on talking over the phone, and doesn't even respond to you when you asked to talk to him, then that to me says it all. I think he is just playing you and not being serious, and probably ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend thinks we should find other people because I last way too long in bed and she takes a minute to orgasm and then gets bored
Q. My girlfriend says she thinks we should find other people because I last way too long in bed and she takes a minute to "O" and then gets bored and wants me to just get it over with. We do foreplay and I am trying to teach her how to satisfy my wi...
A. 12 October 2016: I think you should accept and honor what your girlfriend has said. She wants out. Sorry, but you already lost her. You need to let this one go, there will be other girls out there more accepting of who you are and more willing to compromise. Not all ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to use a prostitute to gain experience?
Q. I am a male virgin who has never kissed a girl or been on a date. I've made up my mind recently on how I will be losing my virginity. I am currently saving up money to visit one of the legal brothels in Nevada. I feel like at my age, being a kis...
A. 11 October 2016: Trust me, women like it far better if a man is a virgin, than if a man has only had sexual contact with a prostitute. Luckily for you though, women aren't mind readers and will have no way of telling whether you are inexperienced or not. And, you ... (read in full...)
Should I send my ex boyfriend a Christmas card with a small gift?
Q. I have been single for about 4 months now after coming out of a 3 year relationship, I have recently been thinking of him again the relationship ended on bad terms. Its coming up to christmas and it will be weird without him should i send him a ...
A. 11 October 2016: If it was a messy breakup, then no, don't send him anything. It will just send the wrong message. Why would you send him anything, it's not customary, and if it was messy then I presume you are not on friendly terms either. It'd be okay if you were ... (read in full...)
He ended his relationship for me but I don't think I want to date, just want to be friends
Q. I befriended a guy at the gym I initially developed feelings for, but discovered he had a gf. My feelings for him eventually died down. However my friends think that he's interested in me. I flat out denied it. There was a rumor going around that we ...
A. 7 October 2016: Oh, sweetie, don't fool yourself into thinking this man is your friend. He has a romantic interest in you, that right there means there is no friendship coming from his side. And if you use him as a friend whilst KNOWING he wants more, then you are ... (read in full...)
How do you tell your partner you might have a STD ??
Q. I am recently divorced from a serial cheater. I'm ashamed to admit that a couple months ago I met my ex and in the heat of the moment, we slept together. I didn't really think anything of it beyond a stupid mistake, but after speaking with my ...
A. 6 October 2016: Oh jeez, what is it with girls pushing the cart before the horse?
No, you don't talk to him about the possibility of you having an STD. You go take the test and screenings! Then, AFTER YOU GOT THE RESULTS BACK, you talk to him about it.
As l... (read in full...)
The comments and attitudes of friends about us dating is really causing a strain on our relationship
Q. My life is hell. I am an older woman in a mixed culture relationship of contrasting complexions and when I first met my current partner he made it clear that he was broke depressed and lonely. We were so happy to have found each other at first bu...
A. 5 October 2016: People always comment of what is none of their business. You need to put them straight. They need to be told, point blank, that your relationship is for YOU, and not them, and that you are not interested in their opinion about it. Tell them you will ... (read in full...)
I'm not ready to see someone all the time but I think he is!
Q. I got out of on again, off again 1.5 year relationship about 5 months ago. I recently started to date someone and while I feel its going well and there is defiantly potential, I know I am not at the same pace as him. I want to go much slower, and ...
A. 2 October 2016: Now, don't confuse clingy with "want a serious relationship". This man is just clingy, that's all. I've met plenty of men who wanted a serious relationship, yet did not call everyday, and who would dread spending an entire weekend together. There ... (read in full...)
I miss my ex sometimes but am afraid to tell my girlfriend
Q. I miss my ex from time to time. We were together for 4 years. I have a gf and we are honest about everything. I feel bad for not telling her. We have been dating for 5 years. I never use to understand why people kept secrets between someone the...
A. 2 October 2016: Nothing. It's not a secret you hide from her, if she asked you could tell her about it. But this is the type of thing where you have to ask yourself what would the point of telling her be? And what would the end result be? Yes, you would be able to ... (read in full...)
Is becoming angry a normal reaction to being accused of cheating?
Q. If you accuse your boyfriend of cheating and he says he is remaining calm because if he doesn't he will become violent and walk out the door and never come back, would that raise a red flag? He said he doesn't like being called a cheater. Is t...
A. 29 September 2016: I think this is a perfectly normal reaction to such a horrid accusation. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend fails on work related questions
Q. Please help me understand his thoughts. I can't seem to be able to talk to my boyfriend about work related things. I'm senior management and when talking to my boyfriend about taking on new tasks or training/motivating my team, his one and only res...
A. 27 September 2016: He sounds annoying. My ex was also focused on money, and each time I had a job interview he always told me to ask for a high salary, and the number he told me to ask for was waaaaay above what I knew they would be offering. Yet he pestered me about ... (read in full...)
I told my chick friend who has kids that I won’t date women who have kids and she seems to have taken offense?
Q. A couple of months ago I moved to a bigger city along with my chick friend who has kids. We don't live together but since we don't know anybody in this town we occasionally hang out. We are both really close since we went through a big ordeal in our ...
A. 26 September 2016: I don't think she's got a crush on him. If she did she'd be upset that he went on a date with someone else, not that he didn't want to meet the other woman again....... (read in full...)
Is it possible that there actually isn't anyone out there for you?
Q. Is it possible that there actually isn't anyone out there for you? I can't imagine finding anyone who suits my needs, I rarely see anyone who I would like to date. There must come a time when you finally meet someone who is trustworthy and ...
A. 26 September 2016: I think it comes down to your own ability to love someone and feel connected to someone. There's no other way to explain it, some people fall in love fast, and some never do. Some commit easily, and some don't. This is all about the persons ability ... (read in full...)
I told my chick friend who has kids that I won’t date women who have kids and she seems to have taken offense?
Q. A couple of months ago I moved to a bigger city along with my chick friend who has kids. We don't live together but since we don't know anybody in this town we occasionally hang out. We are both really close since we went through a big ordeal in our ...
A. 26 September 2016: I don't think you did anything wrong either, you an entitled to not want to date women with kids if you want to. It's one of those perfectly normal things to either want or not want in a relationship. It's a whole lot different from dating a woman ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't like me wearing makeup and criticizes me
Q. My husband hates the fact that I wear makeup. When we first met I was into more of a "barefaced" look (meaning I only wore mascara). Once I started working again(after taking care of babies for a few years), I went back to my glam-girl ways and ...
A. 25 September 2016: Your husband sounds manipulative and controlling. You can't stop it, because a rational and sensible human being wouldn't be doing these things to begin with. He's doing it precisely to put you down and make you feel upset, that is his intention, ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy or is this gaslighting?
Q. Am I crazy? My husband has the habit of lying to me about little things. For example, he'll say he has nothing planned for the weekend and the weekend will roll around and he'll tell me that he has to go to work (and he does- I can verify that and ...
A. 25 September 2016: You are being lied to, it's not just a feeling you have. ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to dread sex because it takes my husband so long to finish
Q. Hello everyone.. I have a sexual problem with my husband.. It takes him too long to ejaculate, even if we have exquisite foreplay or so on.. Even if I do everything I can in the foreplay.. It has to end with him mostly taking a long time or masturba...
A. 23 September 2016: Then no problem, he finishes himself off when youve had your limit. Dont push yourself, its not a maraton. If he takes too long he will just have to live without always reaching orgasm. Its not like us women die without an orgasm each time we have ... (read in full...)
Would it be acceptable to ask if our family could go again to their vacation home?
Q. I have known a couple for a very long time and used to see them often, but for the last couple of years it seems like they only want to get together once a year. My family used to borrow their vacation house-- we haven't been in about 5 years. Do...
A. 23 September 2016: I would just ask. It might be what gets you talking and meeting again more often. But dont push it, if they give you no answer, take it as a no. ... (read in full...)
What to do? I'm dating a woman aged 30 and I can't handle her "sleeping around" in the past.
Q. I'm in my early 20s, not perfect but I met a woman who's 30 recently and we really hit it off. However shes has a LOT of bad things in her past. I'm not misogynist and I have obviously slept with girlfriends but she did a load of crazy stuff when...
A. 21 September 2016: If she has openly shared/bragged about this to you, then I dont think she takes you seriously, and is just looking to use you for sex. Dont committ. ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting after boyfriend canceled plans?
Q. I'm 42; my boyfriend is 64--but we have a lot in common: musical interests, nightlife, movies, books, politics, travel, etc. We get along pretty well and have been dating for about four years. However, I don't feel like a priority. I know the s...
A. 21 September 2016: Im sorry, but I find this ridiculous. Yes, kids come first, when they are KIDS. Not when they are grown ups. It's great to have a good relationship to ones children, but after they are grown up, if he doesn't treat them as adults by now, I think ... (read in full...)
He only has time to date once a week. Should I take it or leave it?
Q. Hello am a 48 year old woman, met a guy a couple of times from a dating site, we get along really good, we both want a relationship, our profile said, my guestion is he told me that he only has time for one day a week, we both work the same ours, ...
A. 21 September 2016: If you need more than once a week, trust me, there are going to be other guys out there who you also like a lot. If once a week is too little for you, it's better to let this man go, or else you will just end up miserable and single again in not too ... (read in full...)
Am I expecting too much for my friend to care?
Q. Is it wrong to want a friend to ask how you are if you've been in hospital? I always ask! Friend or colleague, family etc its nice to be asked, makes you feel like someone cares even a little If you got home from an over night hospital stay your...
A. 21 September 2016: I don't think it's too much to ask at all. I just think you need to give people time to remember, because not everyone remembers on the actual day. Maybe your friend remembers it tomorrow. But if the friend never asks at all? I'm not sure I would ... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for wanting a ring when everything is so perfect?
Q. Hi So I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years now (since we were 15) and I'm happier than Ive ever been in our relationship not because it was ever bad but it just keeps getting better. I can count our arguments on one hand and we get on like fri...
A. 21 September 2016: It's modern times. If you want to get engaged, all you have to do is ask him. Or wait for him to read your mind, if you think that's likely. ... (read in full...)
Would the average guy spend 1.5 hours in a store or was he lying?
Q. Is it possible for a guy - your boyfriend - to be in a store for 1.5 hours??? The same store??? He was out for awhile and I asked him about it and he said he was at an auto parts store for that long. He said he was browsing. That there were lots ...
A. 20 September 2016: Yes, it's possible.
But because you have to ask, I too agree that this relationship is over. There must be a reason for why you are so suspicious. Maybe he has given you other signs of being a cheater, or maybe you are unhappy in the relation... (read in full...)
I met up with someone from a dating site, didn't like her and don't know how to tell her
Q. There is no way to say this without sounding bad but here goes: I met this girl on a dating site and she said her profile that she was looking to 'casually date with possibility of more' she even said she wants to talk 'awhile' before meeting i...
A. 18 September 2016: Just tell her you didnt feel the chemistry. And/or that you aren't attracted to her. She's a grown up woman, she can take it.
Rejecting someone isn't easy, especially if you're not used to it. But there's no going around it when they are the type... (read in full...)
I'm feeling hurt after finding a photo of my Gf giving a kiss to an older guy at an outing with work colleagues. How do I get over this?
Q. i found a picture of my girlfriend kissing an older guy at a bar. My girlfriend an i have been dating for almost 6 years now and i always let her know that i do not mind her going out to hang with co-workers or friends. She never goes anywhere so...
A. 18 September 2016: Shit happens. It's life. You will get over it if you realize that this is an insignificant event. It might be made out to be a big deal, and everyone around you might think it's a big deal, but it's not. Not when you see the whole picture. If you ... (read in full...)
How does this plan look to you?
Q. So I have posted about a guy I met online. I managed to find cheap plane tickets to visit him, so I am going there in a little bit. We have been messaging for over a month and skyping/texting for over 2 weeks. I really like him and I just want to ...
A. 18 September 2016: Yeah, I think it sounds desperate/too much as well. You should make an excuse about traveling there because of another reason, and not him. Like, I would say that I was going there to meet family/on a work related issue, and would meet him while I ... (read in full...)
How does this plan look to you?
Q. So I have posted about a guy I met online. I managed to find cheap plane tickets to visit him, so I am going there in a little bit. We have been messaging for over a month and skyping/texting for over 2 weeks. I really like him and I just want to ...
A. 18 September 2016: Yeah, I think it sounds desperate/too much as well. You should make an excuse about traveling there because of another reason, and not him. Like, I would say that I was going there to meet family/on a work related issue, and would meet him while I ... (read in full...)
I can't fall in love again..why?
Q. Since coming out of a two year long toxic relationship way back in February, I've been finding it really difficult to fall in love with anyone else. I really loved the guy I was with and still believe I feel something for him as he was my first love ...
A. 16 September 2016: He was your first love, and that first pain and hurt kind of takes a bit longer to get over. Took me about 5 years to get over my first boyfriend, like 100% over him. I fell in love again sooner than that, yes, but it still took me ages to get him ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with all the guilt?
Q. Please don't judge me! Two years ago I got hired as a live in nanny for a family that I met at a gym. About 9 months after I started working there the father kissed me. There had been some flirting hit I didn't think anything of it until he kissed m...
A. 15 September 2016: How to get past it? Don't do it again. Also, put blame where it belongs. Yes, it wasn't right to have an affair with a married man, but after all he was the married party, you were single. You didn't cheat, he did. I think that it's the person in a ... (read in full...)
Is it really wrong to pay for sex
Q. I have reading the many posts on dearcupid from men who are contemplating paying for sex. I see that most people are against it, like it is the lowest a guy can go. I am at the lowest point in my life now and it will only get worse. I have Marfan ...
A. 14 September 2016: "Will I still respect myself and look at myself with dignity when I am on my death bed if I know that I paid for sex? "
Only you can answer that.
As for whether people will judge you, remember that only God can judge. Pray, and find your answer... (read in full...)
I get so emotional I cry about this crush almost every day! How should I tell this single man I have a crush on him?
Q. I have been thinking of leaving my job and returning to full time education to start my career, however, I have been having a big crush on my male colleague for almost three years now. I really like him and he is always on my mind. He is so handsome ...
A. 14 September 2016: No, don't tell him. ASK HIM OUT. ... (read in full...)
Why do I get this burning sensation during sex?
Q. I'm a 22 years old female and partially sexually active since i am in a LDR and i get to see my boyfriend 4 times a year, when he isn't around i still masturbate and all but whenever i use a sex toy or having an intercourse with him, i get this ...
A. 31 August 2016: *heal, autocorrect...
PS, buy lubricant. It really works.... (read in full...)
Why do I get this burning sensation during sex?
Q. I'm a 22 years old female and partially sexually active since i am in a LDR and i get to see my boyfriend 4 times a year, when he isn't around i still masturbate and all but whenever i use a sex toy or having an intercourse with him, i get this ...
A. 31 August 2016: *heal, autocorrect...
PS, buy lubricant. It really works.... (read in full...)
Why do I get this burning sensation during sex?
Q. I'm a 22 years old female and partially sexually active since i am in a LDR and i get to see my boyfriend 4 times a year, when he isn't around i still masturbate and all but whenever i use a sex toy or having an intercourse with him, i get this ...
A. 31 August 2016: Normal. If you go for long without sex, you kind of shrink in size. I had this happen too when in a ldr. You just need more foreplay and not full intercourse the first times if its been a while since you last had sex. Then you will stretch out again ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
