| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Do I tell my new boyfriend what happened to me?
Q. How do you tell your friend now boyfriend you was put in a bad position on a date and dont trust new men around you or talking to you? I had a really bad experience not that long ago and only told 1 person but i dont want to bug them with my probl...
A. 12 December 2016: You can tell him, eventually. It sounds like maybe you should wait a bit though, you seem unsure. And, it's a brand new relationship, you do run the risk of ruining a good start by coming forth with heavy problems. Then again I fully understand the ... (read in full...)
Dogs versus the Christmas with family? I'm so angry right now, what do I do? I'm 32.
Q. I'm so annoyed right now. I've invited my parents to my house for Christmas but they've declined because I won't allow them to bring their dogs. They have 3 huge dogs and I don't want them in my house. I cannot believe they would rather sit alon...
A. 12 December 2016: Well there you have it then. They're not trained to be home alone at all. Which I would agree isn't healthy for anyone involved, but again... we all have to respect that some people choose differently from us. Doesn't make them bad people who that ... (read in full...)
Is he a once in a lifetime find??
Q. Okay so I need some opinions. I was in an extremely verbally and emotionally abusive relationship ( he was the abuser) with my ex husband of almost 7 years. I finally realized what was happening and that he could not change so in July we made the...
A. 12 December 2016: I get what you mean by the two kinds of love, hot and mellow. It's good that it isn't burning too hot, but even so, love makes blind.
I would wait with moving. Stay as you are for at least 6 months. If he's serious, then the offer to live tog... (read in full...)
Dogs versus the Christmas with family? I'm so angry right now, what do I do? I'm 32.
Q. I'm so annoyed right now. I've invited my parents to my house for Christmas but they've declined because I won't allow them to bring their dogs. They have 3 huge dogs and I don't want them in my house. I cannot believe they would rather sit alon...
A. 12 December 2016: Another possible reason for them saying this could of course be that they are just pissed angry at you for even demanding no dogs in the house. That they do it out of revenge. Im not a vindictive person myself, but even I could be tempted to do this ... (read in full...)
Dogs versus the Christmas with family? I'm so angry right now, what do I do? I'm 32.
Q. I'm so annoyed right now. I've invited my parents to my house for Christmas but they've declined because I won't allow them to bring their dogs. They have 3 huge dogs and I don't want them in my house. I cannot believe they would rather sit alon...
A. 12 December 2016: PS. I read your up-date, but you have to think about that this is their life, and you don't actually know what is going on. You make a lot of assumptions, and that never leads to anywhere good. Maybe it's a long drive from their place to yours, and ... (read in full...)
Dogs versus the Christmas with family? I'm so angry right now, what do I do? I'm 32.
Q. I'm so annoyed right now. I've invited my parents to my house for Christmas but they've declined because I won't allow them to bring their dogs. They have 3 huge dogs and I don't want them in my house. I cannot believe they would rather sit alon...
A. 12 December 2016: Im a dog owner, so I am biased. But the thing is, you don't have dogs, so I don't think you're entitled to trash it. Dogs are family members, to the ones of us who own dogs. Yes, family members. And no one is trying to equate them to children, or ... (read in full...)
Am I a lousy lover for my wife?
Q. I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...
A. 11 December 2016: But how do you know that you can not please her as others could? That's what I don't understand. It sound like you do please her like others did, so I don't understand where you are getting this idea from.
Please explain why you think your wif... (read in full...)
Am I a lousy lover for my wife?
Q. I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...
A. 11 December 2016: But on what do you base this idea? This idea that your wife had better sex before? You base it on ideas funded in lies you tell yourself. Such as squirts matter more, or that orgasm through intercourse matters more, or that a larger penis matters ... (read in full...)
Think he used my coat to masturbate
Q. I recently baby sat for a 15 year old boy while his parents went out for the night. He was mainly up in his room. I came upstairs to see if he needed anything I poked my head around his door and noticed he was on his computer looking at porn. ...
A. 11 December 2016: Boys will be boys is the excuse I hate the most. No, there is no such thing as "boys will be boys". Boys will be what you teach them, and right now you taught him that is is okay to disrespect his baby sitter by jerking off on her coat.
Reall... (read in full...)
Am I a lousy lover for my wife?
Q. I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...
A. 11 December 2016: You know what? I think you enjoy feeling bad about yourself, and that's why you keep repeating these stupid "facts" to yourself. You're not a woman and there is no truth to any of your wild ideas. But they are ideas you need to believe in in order ... (read in full...)
Is my sexual wish too much to ask?
Q. Dear aunts, I have a gf who i love. I'm straight but a like girls to play with my arse. I just like the sensation. I'm afraid if i ask my gf to try a dildo or a strap on on me will make me less desirable for her. What do you think?...
A. 10 December 2016: I think it depends on how open and experimental your girlfriend is. If she's the judgemental type, then it could make you less attractive to her. If she's the open and embracing type, I think she might be ok with it. If she's the experimental type, ... (read in full...)
Love-bombing. How long does it last? Will he replicate his love bombing actions in any future relationships ?
Q. How long does love-bombing by a narcissist last for? My dad is a narcissist (I believe) and he cheated and left my mother for a younger woman. I've heard that there are three stages of a relationship with a narcissist - 1. 'love-bombing', 2....
A. 10 December 2016: I dont know how long it lasts, but I do know that he will put this poor woman through the exact same as he put your and your mother through. She doesn't know this, otherwise she'd never get involved with him.
Same as your mother, probably... (read in full...)
Am I a lousy lover for my wife?
Q. I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...
A. 10 December 2016: 5. You told us she did have orgasms with you. So why are you now saying she didn't ever have an orgasm with you?
2. Girth is much more significant than lenght, yes, but it isn't so that bigger is always better. The size of the vagina matters ... (read in full...)
Is he a once in a lifetime find??
Q. Okay so I need some opinions. I was in an extremely verbally and emotionally abusive relationship ( he was the abuser) with my ex husband of almost 7 years. I finally realized what was happening and that he could not change so in July we made the...
A. 10 December 2016: " J trusts me completely and doesn't have jealousy issues. He always gives me compliments and will stay up all night talking with me if I am having any kind of problems. "
Of course he does, he's just been dating you for two months. He's still on... (read in full...)
How can I keep safe on New Year's Eve when I will be alone?
Q. I am going to the heart of my city to see theater show on NYE, am catching a bus due to traffic.. is this safe as a single woman alone.? I am alone caching a bus home after the show at 10.30-11pm, before midnights events/fireworks etc.. there will...
A. 9 December 2016: Oh sorry, I misread, I thought you said NYC when I see now you wrote NYE. Well in that case, how well do you know your own city? This all comes down to how comfortable you are walking the streets alone at night. ... (read in full...)
How can I keep safe on New Year's Eve when I will be alone?
Q. I am going to the heart of my city to see theater show on NYE, am catching a bus due to traffic.. is this safe as a single woman alone.? I am alone caching a bus home after the show at 10.30-11pm, before midnights events/fireworks etc.. there will...
A. 9 December 2016: Are you familiar with NYC, or have lived in other large cities?
I think you will be as safe as any woman walking around anywhere else in the world. Which means, no, we're never safe, but the risk isn't that much higher than usual.
Don't d... (read in full...)
Am I a lousy lover for my wife?
Q. I am 48 y.I. married for 8 years. I met my wife when we both were 40. The only way that she can reach the orgasm with me is with oral sex. She always told me that she was unable to reach an orgasm troough intercourse. I know that she has had 28 p...
A. 9 December 2016: You're an insecure man, that's what you are. Not a lousy lover, not bad in bed, just really insecure.
What does it matter if a former lover made her squirt? Is squirting now some form of achievement level in terms of pleasure? You do know tha... (read in full...)
A threesome with my wife and another male was my fantasy. So why couldn't I get hard looking at my wife?
Q. How would you explain this? What I am about to say was totally MY idea, even though my wife was very into it once it got started...My wife and I were in a male friends house initiating a threesome with him...up to this point you could say it was ...
A. 7 December 2016: There is a difference between fantasy and reality. What might have been a hot fantasy wasn't really turning you on in real life.
That, or you were nervous. It happens plenty of times when a man has sex for the first time with someone new, tha... (read in full...)
I'm 16, girlfriend is 14 ... I am thinking of breaking up because we cant find anywhere private!
Q. Am a 16 year old teenager in High School. Am currently a junior dating my 14 year old freshman girlfriend. We've been together 2 months and its been working out. Me and her have kissed before a couple of times, but never making out. The reason being ...
A. 29 November 2016: I think it would help to know more about your situation. Why can you only see her at school? Why can't you and her meet up after classes, for example? Or go to each others houses? Or to a nearby shopping mall? I don't understand why you can't meet ... (read in full...)
Questions about dating and how women react if they don't want to date
Q. Ladies, this question is for you. You guys know when a guy is interested in you, right? I mean a guy whom you've know only for a short while. Do you get the feeling that he's about to ask you out before he does it? If you're not interested roman...
A. 27 November 2016: I don't always have a feeling he will ask me out, no. That really depends on how good that guy is at sending out signals. Women aren't mind readers, we only know what we are being shown and told. If I was asked out and said no, I would like the man ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said I was 'mushy'
Q. I have been with a new girl for a few months. Tonight we were drinking a little bit and I told her how much I enjoyed being with her. She asked me if I was getting mushy and I told her that I was and that she needed to cope with it. I did tel...
A. 27 November 2016: I find it odd that you call her your girlfriend, and at the same time you talk about how things were just physical between you and how you don't know if she has feelings for you. I mean, what happened to make you call her your girlfriend at all? Did ... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 23 November 2016: I think you need to work on yourself and figure out why this bothers you. Or, why you let it bother you. You choose who you want to be, dont blame you upbringing. You are more intelligent than so, youre not destined to be a man so overly concerned ... (read in full...)
She broke her virginity with my brother and friend
Q. Well this happened Saturday during her 18th Birthday celebration, after I left for the night. anyways she had a threesome with one of my best friends and my younger brother and lost her virginity as well. (they did it about four times that night), ...
A. 23 November 2016: I don't see the point in giving her another chance either. She cheated on you, with your friend and brother none the less. This is so far off into "I dont give a shit about you"-land, that I would just cut all contact and move on. ... (read in full...)
Why does my g/f want to go to planned parenthood to get checked out if she's a virgin?
Q. My girlfriend and me are both 15. She said she got her girl thing at 12 but she wants to go to planned parenthood to get looked at. Even her East Orthodox mama said no since she's a virgin and doesn't have to. I'm Pentecostal and I agree with her ...
A. 23 November 2016: Oh you mean her menstruation?
Look, you're allowed to use the proper word for the proper thing in here, saying things like menstruation, or vagina, or penis, are not bad words. They're the clinically correct terminology, and if we're going to... (read in full...)
Why does my g/f want to go to planned parenthood to get checked out if she's a virgin?
Q. My girlfriend and me are both 15. She said she got her girl thing at 12 but she wants to go to planned parenthood to get looked at. Even her East Orthodox mama said no since she's a virgin and doesn't have to. I'm Pentecostal and I agree with her ...
A. 22 November 2016: She got her "girl thing"? I don't know what this means. Can you explain what her "girl thing" is that she got at 12?
No, going to get checked is something that is responsible and a good thing to do. It does not mean you are lying about being a ... (read in full...)
Why does my g/f want to go to planned parenthood to get checked out if she's a virgin?
Q. My girlfriend and me are both 15. She said she got her girl thing at 12 but she wants to go to planned parenthood to get looked at. Even her East Orthodox mama said no since she's a virgin and doesn't have to. I'm Pentecostal and I agree with her ...
A. 22 November 2016: She got her "girl thing"? I don't know what this means. Can you explain what her "girl thing" is that she got at 12?
No, going to get checked is something that is responsible and a good thing to do. It does not mean you are lying about being a ... (read in full...)
Why would he? Potential date seems too much in a hurry to meet
Q. Hey all . Ive started online dating a month ago and been talking to a guy at the beginning he took his time getting to know me but suddenly he seems to want to meet fast like the world is going to end and he has to cram it in . Im careful and take...
A. 22 November 2016: It's online dating, girl. Men online usually want to meet up sooner rather than later. Same goes for women, you will get used to it. Because after experience with online dating, you soon discover that you are wasting your time just talking to one ... (read in full...)
Why do men sexualize women this way?
Q. Why are men so disgusting? I'm not trolling. From what I have seen of men, they are foul. They admit to looking at every woman as a sexual partner, imagining her naked... They think disgusting things. They use disgusting words when referrin...
A. 20 November 2016: They have standards, same as you. But the standard in today's society is that this is acceptable behaviour from men, in fact expected behaviour. And if they don't behave as expected, sexualizing women, they will be ostracized. As studies show, ... (read in full...)
Is it disrespectful of me to enjoy my wife wearing something revealing?
Q. my wife and i have been together for 16 years,we have always enjoyed doing things together. She is my best friend,my wife has always been out going something i enjoyed but had to get better at myself and with her help i did. Once in a while my wif...
A. 20 November 2016: Stop over analyzing things. It's just for fun and no harm is being done. If you feel uncomfortable (You, NOT anyone else) then you can stop. ... (read in full...)
Is it disrespectful of me to enjoy my wife wearing something revealing?
Q. my wife and i have been together for 16 years,we have always enjoyed doing things together. She is my best friend,my wife has always been out going something i enjoyed but had to get better at myself and with her help i did. Once in a while my wif...
A. 19 November 2016: I think you are over thinking this. And I am more curious about why you think so negatively of yourself, than anything else in your post.
No, of course you enjoying your wife to dress revealing is not disrespectful to her, all in moderati... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cheated on me but claims she was taken advantage of, what do I do?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been dating for about two months now, and it's been a semi long distance relationship with her going to a different college than me about 30 minutes away. We argue here and there about little things but at the end of the ...
A. 15 November 2016: It's impossible for us to say if she was raped or not. Lets use the proper word here, not sugar coat it with "taken advantage of". Either the sex was consensual (she cheated) or it was not consensual (she was raped).
I would not say it is weird... (read in full...)
How do I tell her I'll be there if she wants to be more than friends
Q. Hi all, I'll try to keep it as short as I can but, this might get quite lengthy. So, sorry about that. Let me preface this by telling you that my first serious relationship ended about a year and a half ago (it was my fault), though we still c...
A. 11 November 2016: Oh god, this was way too lengthy. Yes, she IS loosing interest in you, because you NEVER MAKE A MOVE.
Kiss her. That's the end of my advice. Get your head screwed on straight: if you like her, you show her. That doesn't mean telling her you are ... (read in full...)
Do I have cancer? I'm really scared!
Q. So it's been a long journey of worrying myself sick and feeling scared and alone. About a year ago I had sex for the first time. I'm not gunna go into to much detail but yes I did use a condom. Long story short.. I developed a little bump where my ...
A. 9 November 2016: Calm down. You are nervous, I understand, but what you describe to me does not sound serious. Hpv, yes you probably have it, because about 99% of all sexually active people on earth have some strain of hpv, but this is NOT something that means you ... (read in full...)
Best friend or girlfriend?
Q. So I've known my best friend since sixth grade,she moved to our hometown during the summer before sixth grade and every since then we've been inseparable. We've been there for each other during everything birth of her first born the birth of ...
A. 1 November 2016: Try to ask yourself, when you get these negative thoughts: is this reasonable, or is this irrational? Decide on what you think is most correct. Write it down if you need to. Write down all potential logic and reasoning your brain has come up with to ... (read in full...)
Best friend or girlfriend?
Q. So I've known my best friend since sixth grade,she moved to our hometown during the summer before sixth grade and every since then we've been inseparable. We've been there for each other during everything birth of her first born the birth of ...
A. 1 November 2016: Try to ask yourself, when you get these negative thoughts: is this reasonable, or is this irrational? Decide on what you think is most correct. Write it down if you need to. Write down all potential logic and reasoning your brain has come up with to ... (read in full...)
My whole world has revolved around finding a man and now at 32, I am desperate, hopeless and ashamed at how I've failed. Is there any hope for me?
Q. My whole world revolves around a man and finding a man can someone help me see there is more to life than this- ever since I was 16 I have idealized that finding a man would somehow magically make all my problems go away. This thinking (childlike) ...
A. 19 October 2016: There is always hope. But even if you don't get a man, if you want children you can adopt, be a foster mother, or if you've got the money you can do semen injection. It's been done before, if you feel up to the challenge of being a single mother.
... (read in full...)
My whole world has revolved around finding a man and now at 32, I am desperate, hopeless and ashamed at how I've failed. Is there any hope for me?
Q. My whole world revolves around a man and finding a man can someone help me see there is more to life than this- ever since I was 16 I have idealized that finding a man would somehow magically make all my problems go away. This thinking (childlike) ...
A. 19 October 2016: There is always hope. But even if you don't get a man, if you want children you can adopt, be a foster mother, or if you've got the money you can do semen injection. It's been done before, if you feel up to the challenge of being a single mother.
... (read in full...)
She'd rather masturbate than have sex with me. Is there a way to resolve this problem?
Q. A few months ago I bought house and decided to take the leap and move in with my girlfriend. Other than a few kinks things have been good but recently I've found out that she's been masterbsting on a regular basis instead of having sex with me....
A. 19 October 2016: Its a difference in sex drive, it has nothing to do with you or her being self conscious. I am sure you're a great lover, and that she cared for you a lot. She just isn't the type of person who wants sex more often than once a week. It's not ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 18 October 2016: I think it can swing both ways. On the one hand, it is a friendly gesture, it's been done for years, and the only reason she would stop would be because you said so. Which can be translated into "husband controls wife". If you get to decide this, ... (read in full...)
Our wish to adopt a child has provoked some negative reactions, how do we deal with them?
Q. My husband and I have decided to adopt. I was surprised by the negative reaction of some of our friends! I was prepared for the usual fears and prejudices (it's not your flesh and blood, you can never love him the way you would your own etc.) b...
A. 15 October 2016: My best friend when I was a kid, had a mother that was unfit to take care of her. My family became a support family for her, until her mother discovered it and tried to abduct her own daughter to get her away from us (guilt of not being able to care ... (read in full...)
Our wish to adopt a child has provoked some negative reactions, how do we deal with them?
Q. My husband and I have decided to adopt. I was surprised by the negative reaction of some of our friends! I was prepared for the usual fears and prejudices (it's not your flesh and blood, you can never love him the way you would your own etc.) b...
A. 14 October 2016: BTW, I personally think that people who describe children as "damaged goods" aren't fit to be parents. Children are humans, not an object you go shopping for in the store that is supposed to come "in perfect condition". If you want to be a parent, ... (read in full...)
Our wish to adopt a child has provoked some negative reactions, how do we deal with them?
Q. My husband and I have decided to adopt. I was surprised by the negative reaction of some of our friends! I was prepared for the usual fears and prejudices (it's not your flesh and blood, you can never love him the way you would your own etc.) b...
A. 14 October 2016: Omg, they sound like a pain in the ass. I would just stop being friends with these people. They sound angry and jealous, why else would they discourage you from adopting? It's none of their business, and in my experience the only reason why people ... (read in full...)
Best friend or girlfriend?
Q. So I've known my best friend since sixth grade,she moved to our hometown during the summer before sixth grade and every since then we've been inseparable. We've been there for each other during everything birth of her first born the birth of ...
A. 31 July 2016: .... Ruin the friendship? Girl, I hate to break it to you, but the moment you began to feel anything other than a platonic friendship for her, and she for you, the friendship was gone. There is no friendship here to "save". You have the choice right ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
